My Mom bought a Christmas present I know my son won't like!

[Pikester]

Actually, if I'm not mistaken...The BIRD is the word.

OMG! I saw that episode not long ago! Now I won't be able to get that song out of my head!


It's a small world after all. It's a small world after all.

Pay Back!

 

[luvsJack]

Why is everyone so against just telling her mom? I don't understand how telling her beforehand is wrong? I would certainly tell mine. She would rather know now than to never see dd use the gift.

Teaching your child to appreciate a gift is important and my child always shows appreciation no matter what the gift. But if someone buys her something that I know she will not like and if there is plenty of time to fix the situation, I would try to let them in know in a nice way.

For instance, my mil bought blankets for all her granddaughters one year. She told me that she bought dd one with Hannah Montana on it. I said, "oh, ok. she's doesn't really have anything with Hannah, she's more of a High School Musical girl but I bet she will like snuggling in it to watch tv" and I left it at that. When dd opened her gift, it was a HSM blanket. MIL got the message, wasn't bothered by it at all and did whatever she did to get dd something she would prefer. Dd loves the blanket and still has it on her bed rather than folded in a closet or thrown in the corner.

I really don't get what the problem with that is.

 

[Frye7127]

OP - your son my surprise you. My DS9 loves legos, K'Nex, magnetix, and loves building out of anything, toilet paper tubes, pieces of paper, etc. He literally will play with his Transformers for hours on end - literally - hours on end! Give him the benefit of the doubt...he may love it as long as you are neutral. They are pretty cool given that she bought one that can be transformed. He had a transformers birthday party and got a few. They are now some of his favorite toys, along with Bionicles, which he thought he hated until he got some for a present and discovered that indeed these are cool too!

If not, graciousness is certainly indicated, a teaching occassion if you will, and then he can take it back for something he likes afterwards without the knowledge of the giver.

 

[5lilfish]

Why is everyone so against just telling her mom? I don't understand how telling her beforehand is wrong? I would certainly tell mine. She would rather know now than to never see dd use the gift.

Teaching your child to appreciate a gift is important and my child always shows appreciation no matter what the gift. But if someone buys her something that I know she will not like and if there is plenty of time to fix the situation, I would try to let them in know in a nice way.

For instance, my mil bought blankets for all her granddaughters one year. She told me that she bought dd one with Hannah Montana on it. I said, "oh, ok. she's doesn't really have anything with Hannah, she's more of a High School Musical girl but I bet she will like snuggling in it to watch tv" and I left it at that. When dd opened her gift, it was a HSM blanket. MIL got the message, wasn't bothered by it at all and did whatever she did to get dd something she would prefer. Dd loves the blanket and still has it on her bed rather than folded in a closet or thrown in the corner.

I really don't get what the problem with that is.

If that works for you then it's fine. For me...I wouldn't be able to do it. If mom asked my opinion, then I'd have no problem being honest about it. If she did not ask, I would feel rude offering up an unsolicited opinion about a gift.

Jess

 

[rie'smom]

Why is everyone so against just telling her mom? I don't understand how telling her beforehand is wrong? I would certainly tell mine. She would rather know now than to never see dd use the gift.

Teaching your child to appreciate a gift is important and my child always shows appreciation no matter what the gift. But if someone buys her something that I know she will not like and if there is plenty of time to fix the situation, I would try to let them in know in a nice way.

For instance, my mil bought blankets for all her granddaughters one year. She told me that she bought dd one with Hannah Montana on it. I said, "oh, ok. she's doesn't really have anything with Hannah, she's more of a High School Musical girl but I bet she will like snuggling in it to watch tv" and I left it at that. When dd opened her gift, it was a HSM blanket. MIL got the message, wasn't bothered by it at all and did whatever she did to get dd something she would prefer. Dd loves the blanket and still has it on her bed rather than folded in a closet or thrown in the corner.

I really don't get what the problem with that is.

I guess for me it's that my kids need to be grateful for the fact that someone cared enough to choose a gift rather than the gift itself.

In the past, my kids have received things they didn't like. One year my MIL got the grand kids Christmas ornaments. My sons were in high school and college and thought this was so lame, however, my MIL never knew they felt this way. She gave my daughter and niece glorified paper dolls when they were 12- not something most 12 yo girls would pick for themselves. Again, MIL didn't know how they felt.
In each case, my kids were like "What was she thinking?" They discussed this with me though not with her. It was a little discussion, nothing major, they moved on without batting an eye and no one had hurt feelings.

 

[momrek06]

My son is 10 and will turn 11 right before Christmas. He has never liked action figures, never played with Batman, Power Rangers, etc. He liked magnetixs and legos, things to build and put together, airplanes and remote control cars.

So yesterday my Mom tells me that she asked my sister to take her to Walmart to get some toys for her great grandchildren and she bought my son a present too - a Transformer. Now I know my son will not like that. He will be disappointed and will ask me why Grandma got him that and will even suggest it was a mistake or ask if we can return it.

My Mom usually asks me for suggestions on what to get the kids, or I take her to the store or pick up an item or two for her. What possessed her to buy an action figure when all these years he has never liked them? What's he going to do with the thing?

Oh bother.



Well I am signing off for now...my bro is leaving for Afghanistan in a few...I think I will go give him a call.

 

[DVC Sadie]

Oh bother.



Well I am signing off for now...my bro is leaving for Afghanistan in a few...I think I will go give him a call.

I get what you're saying. My thoughts are with you and I will be keeping your brother in my thoughts now and in the upcoming Christmas season.

 

[DreaminDisney]

Oh bother.



Well I am signing off for now...my bro is leaving for Afghanistan in a few...I think I will go give him a call.

 

[luvsJack]

Oh bother.



Well I am signing off for now...my bro is leaving for Afghanistan in a few...I think I will go give him a call.

Tell him thank you for me. And thank you to all of your family for your sacrifices too.

 

[teacups]

At least she has bought a Christmas gift. Oh my... I havent bought one thing yet and Im usually done/almost done by now. I guess I will get to experience shopping with the crowds this year for a change.

 

[teacups]

Oh bother.



Well I am signing off for now...my bro is leaving for Afghanistan in a few...I think I will go give him a call.

 

[luvsJack]

I guess for me it's that my kids need to be grateful for the fact that someone cared enough to choose a gift rather than the gift itself.

In the past, my kids have received things they didn't like. One year my MIL got the grand kids Christmas ornaments. My sons were in high school and college and thought this was so lame, however, my MIL never knew they felt this way. She gave my daughter and niece glorified paper dolls when they were 12- not something most 12 yo girls would pick for themselves. Again, MIL didn't know how they felt.
In each case, my kids were like "What was she thinking?" They discussed this with me though not with her. It was a little discussion, nothing major, they moved on without batting an eye and no one had hurt feelings.

I agree, kids should be grateful for the people that care about them, not the gifts they are getting. And I have taught my children that over and over again. DD doesn't go to any gift exchange expecting ANY gift. She has gotten things from dh's sil that can only make you go "huh?" but she smiles, says thank you and hugs the gift giver. Actually she has told people that ask her what she wants from them for a gift that she would rather just be able to spend time with them.

But, if someone has gotten her something 2 months in advance and told me what they bought; rather than allowing them to waste their money (which I think is rude too) I would just say something in a nice way that gets the messge across.

 

[wdwfan16]

I agree, kids should be grateful for the people that care about them, not the gifts they are getting. And I have taught my children that over and over again. DD doesn't go to any gift exchange expecting ANY gift. She has gotten things from dh's sil that can only make you go "huh?" but she smiles, says thank you and hugs the gift giver. Actually she has told people that ask her what she wants from them for a gift that she would rather just be able to spend time with them.

But, if someone has gotten her something 2 months in advance and told me what they bought; rather than allowing them to waste their money (which I think is rude too) I would just say something in a nice way that gets the messge across.

BUT they did not ask your opinion on the gift so it would be rude to comment on their gift and tell them to take it back and get what you want her to get. If they asked your opininon then a diplomatic way of saying he was more into X would have been fine.

 

[luvsJack]

BUT they did not ask your opinion on the gift so it would be rude to comment on their gift and tell them to take it back and get what you want her to get. If they asked your opininon then a diplomatic way of saying he was more into X would have been fine.

I guess I would have to determine which I find more rude: saying something about my child not liking the gift or allowing ther gift giver to waste their money. I just don't think I could sit back and knowingly allow someone to waste their money like that.

BTW, I wouldn't tell them they should take it back nor would I tell them what to get instead, only that "she is not really into that, but maybe this will start a new thing with her" or "she may like that, she usually gets xxx instead". Taking it back or purchasing something else would be their decision.

 

[5lilfish]

I guess I would have to determine which I find more rude: saying something about my child not liking the gift or allowing ther gift giver to waste their money. I just don't think I could sit back and knowingly allow someone to waste their money like that.

BTW, I wouldn't tell them they should take it back nor would I tell them what to get instead, only that "she is not really into that, but maybe this will start a new thing with her" or "she may like that, she usually gets xxx instead". Taking it back or purchasing something else would be their decision.

See, for me, implying that ANY gift would be a waste of money is what I would find rude. I just couldn't do it...unless I was specifically asked for my opinion.

Jess

 

[SundaeAfternoon]

See, for me, implying that ANY gift would be a waste of money is what I would find rude. I just couldn't do it...unless I was specifically asked for my opinion.

Jess

I agree, and it isn't the OP's responsibility or place to worry about whether her mom is wasting her money, unless like you said, she asks for an opinion. But I doubt that would happen after the fact.

It's a gift. To do anything other than accepting it and saying thank you is incredibly rude, in my opinion!

 

[okeydokey]

I guess I don't understand the hurt feelings part. Who will get hurt feelings? If your son gets hurt feelings because the gift wasn't good enough for him, then that's his own business and I wouldn't worry about it. The only way your Mom will get hurt feelings is if you tell her what a horrible gift she bought your son.

 

[luvsJack]

I guess I will just be thankful that I have the kind of relationship with my mom and mil that means I can something without anyone getting bent out of shape or thinking its rude. I wouldn't say something if it couldn't be fixed, but if it can I just don't see the problem.

The OP knows her son does not like the toy. Its not a question of IF its a waste of money; if the child doesn't like it he is not going to play with it.

I wouldn't say "its a horrible gift"--that would be rude and may hurt some feelings. Just a gentle suggestion that he may actually prefer something else with the statement leaving it open to "he may like it".

 

[padams]

My MIL has rarely given my DSs, ages 11 and 13, anything that they like. She doesn't ask what their interests are; she just buys stuff. Usually all of her grandsons, ages 1 to 13, get the same gifts (cookie cutters and Christmas ornaments are some of her favorites). I tried when the boys were younger to give her wishlists from the boys well in advance of Christmas but she ignored them. After a while, I gave up. My DSs know they are to act pleased with their gifts and say thank you. Nonetheless, MIL gets upset that they don't adequately gush over their presents. DSs are polite but they probbably don't have much future in acting. I really want to tell MIL that they would gush if she would quit giving them cookie cutters but I keep my mouth shut.

On the other hand, my dad recently told me that he and my mom bought a Christmas present for my younger son. It is a game that he already has so I did tell them that he has it. I knew my parents had time to return it, and it was not an inexpensive gift.

 

[5lilfish]

I guess I will just be thankful that I have the kind of relationship with my mom and mil that means I can something without anyone getting bent out of shape or thinking its rude. I wouldn't say something if it couldn't be fixed, but if it can I just don't see the problem.

The OP knows her son does not like the toy. Its not a question of IF its a waste of money; if the child doesn't like it he is not going to play with it.

I wouldn't say "its a horrible gift"--that would be rude and may hurt some feelings. Just a gentle suggestion that he may actually prefer something else with the statement leaving it open to "he may like it".

Oh, I have that kind of relationship with my Mom (MIL passed away in 2002). I have always been able to talk to my Mom about anything and everything. I still would not say anything unless asked because, to me, I would feel rude. BUT, this problem would probably never happen with my Mom. Either Mom would have asked me what the kids wanted for Christmas or we would have been out shopping together. I see my Mom practically daily and we often go out Christmas shopping together.

Jess