My Mom bought a Christmas present I know my son won't like!

[MomNeedsVacay]

I concur with everyone else about this being a teachable moment... Plus, let's be honest; its only a TRansformer. I would definitely say something to the GRandma if it were a huge gift such as a guitar - and he hates music... or ballet lessons- and he's a ten year old boy. But a Transformer? meh...

 

[BelleWDW]

I cannot agree with you more. I don't know why people come to the DIS to let all their problems out.

People here love the cat fights. I believe I heard one person refer to the people who came into threads ATTACKING someone as "the heard". Once the heard sees something they don't like they stampede, and if you go against the heard you get trampled.

That's what happened in this thread, and it will continue to.

The word is HERD

 

[TupperMom7]

If it's a real transformer and not just an action figure I think he would like it because it's something that is very hands on, like Legos. It's not a simple action figure, it's like a puzzle, and if that's the case I think you should just let her give it to him. It could surprise you that he likes it, and if not you were right.

My grandma buys me things that are truly atrocious and fitting for me at all. She is the kind that latches onto one or two hobbies and goes with it for everything. Some gifes I really enjoy, but some are horrible. Either way I always "love" it, and graciously accept it. However, I do think there is a point where people need to say what they do and don't like.

People don't want to waste their money, and if you let this go there is a possibility that she could run with it and you get a collection of un liked toys. Let this one go, use it as a lesson for your son if he dosnt like it, but tell her afterward so she doesn't make the same mistake. Also seeing that this is a Christmas gift and it's still far off, you could drop hints if you go shopping with her.

One thing on the topic, I am shocked with some of the responses. I guess I get sick of the constant sarcasm that is ever present on the DIS. Can't people give their opinion without the insulting undertone? Do you people really have such a disconnect with your childhood where you forgot the feeling of opening up a gift that you really hate? Not everything needs to be a learning experience in life. Some people need to turn in the parenting books for common sense.

Thank you! I was beginning to wonder if I was the only one who remembered what that was like opening the box with the bright pink sweater in it when I was 10 and I loved blue, lol! Or getting a jigsaw puzzle when I wanted a barbie. Of course, we had manners when we were young too and said thank you, but I'm sure my Mom would be happier knowing she gave a gift he'd like.
As I said in my other response, I'm going to wait and see if she brings it up and then I'll let her know she might want to reconsider.

And yes, my son has gotten a transformer before - when he was five. He played with it for a few minutes and once he figured it out, he was done with it. Waste of $10 or $15 whatever they cost.

And for the poster who said I might have broken a record for complaining about a Christmas gift in October - well yes, I am I guess. Nothing wrong with planning ahead. Much easier to exchange gifts before Christmas than after.

I do wonder why people who read some of these posts comment if they have nothing constructive to say. To the ones who say this may be a teachable moment, yes I agree and appreciate your responses. But I also think it does not harm anything to try and prevent hurt feelings ahead of time for the people I love. My Mom and my son. And to those who don't see this as being a problem or an issue - why don't you just not read it then? Why comment? Have nothing more important to do?

 

[KAMKIM]

Thank you! I was beginning to wonder if I was the only one who remembered what that was like opening the box with the bright pink sweater in it when I was 10 and I loved blue, lol! Or getting a jigsaw puzzle when I wanted a barbie. Of course, we had manners when we were young too and said thank you, but I'm sure my Mom would be happier knowing she gave a gift he'd like.
As I said in my other response, I'm going to wait and see if she brings it up and then I'll let her know she might want to reconsider.

And yes, my son has gotten a transformer before - when he was five. He played with it for a few minutes and once he figured it out, he was done with it. Waste of $10 or $15 whatever they cost.

And for the poster who said I might have broken a record for complaining about a Christmas gift in October - well yes, I am I guess. Nothing wrong with planning ahead. Much easier to exchange gifts before Christmas than after.

I do wonder why people who read some of these posts comment if they have nothing constructive to say. To the ones who say this may be a teachable moment, yes I agree and appreciate your responses. But I also think it does not harm anything to try and prevent hurt feelings ahead of time for the people I love. My Mom and my son. And to those who don't see this as being a problem or an issue - why don't you just not read it then? Why comment? Have nothing more important to do?:headache:

Some of us try to build others up, that makes us feel good about maybe brightening someone else's day a little. Others try to knock as many down in a day as possible - that makes them feel better about themselves. I'm wondering how these people parent their children? When you find a person down on their luck or having a bad day or maybe even making a bad decision kick them as many times as possible.....

 

[ZephyrHawk]

A friend of my parents once bought me a Jem doll on behalf of her sons. I know it was her purchase because they would not have suggested such a horribly inappropriate (for me) gift. There's actually video of me opening it...giving it a quizzical look...and then specifically thanking her for the gift her sons had just delivered to me. What did I do with it? Well, we found that Jem made an excellent time bomb, as you could turn on her blinking earrings and throw her at your imaginary enemies. Also, she was put to excellent use dismembered during our annual basement haunted house. Jem turned out to be a great gift that I and her sons enjoyed for many years.

Your son will find a use for his transformer.

 

[lillygator]

isn't this what mom's do? well, MIL's mostly.

 

[eliza61]

What a perfect opportunity to teach your son about giving and receiving- and how to be gracious even if the gift is not exactly what he has hoped for.

Amen!!

here's your opportunity to teach him the real meaning of Christmas. Your mom was thinking of your son and cares enough about him to buy him some thing. Teach your son that, that is very special. To have people in his life that care about him.

Tell him to thank her graciously with hugs and kisses. I doubt it is the first toy your son had no interest in and probably won't be the last.

 

[Magic Mom]

. But I also think it does not harm anything to try and prevent hurt feelings ahead of time for the people I love. My Mom and my son. And to those who don't see this as being a problem or an issue - why don't you just not read it then? Why comment? Have nothing more important to do?

Why would it hurt your son's feeling if he got a gift he didn't like? DId you say he was 11? Sorry, I can't remember. By that age, I can't imagine his feeling getting hurt by a gift. Maybe you should have a talk with him about gifts and expectations, so as he gets older and you aren't there to run interference, he won't take a bad gift so personally.

 

[Wishing on a star]

I had stayed away from this until now....
But, in all honesty, I agree with what appears to be the majority...

"My Mom bought a gift I know my son won't like!"
Notice the exclamation point!!!!
OMG!!!
End of the world!
Whatever shall I do!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (is that enough exclamations?)

Seriously, an 80 year old woman gets a chance to go out Christmas shopping, and buys a gift..... And, the OP thinks that this is something to come here and vent about. Wow, just wow.

OP, take a deep breath and LET IT GO.

You can't CONTROL everything...
And, everything will not always be just perfect.

(Yes, I do see 'control' issues, and issues with everything being just perfect for her precious..... God forbid he receives something different that what he might have stomped his foot and demanded.)

 

[Wishing on a star]

Why would it hurt your son's feeling if he got a gift he didn't like? DId you say he was 11? Sorry, I can't remember. By that age, I can't imagine his feeling getting hurt by a gift. Maybe you should have a talk with him about gifts and expectations, so as he gets older and you aren't there to run interference, he won't take a bad gift so personally.

PS: My son is now 11. My sister has always been an 'artiste' and has loved drawing, etc... She saw some work my son had done at school, and immediately got the idea that he, too, was a big artist that needed fostered and encouraged. Now, keep in mind, that my son has a neurological condition/disability that affects coordination.... He can barely print legibly!!!! She bought him adult, 'real', art supplies instead of Monster Trucks or WWE wrestlers.... This was when he was 9 or 10 years old, and even at that age he knew better than to be anything other than a gracious receiver of gifts when he opened 'pencils and paper'. I never had to actively teach him this, either. (can you imagine a 10 year old boy opening pencils and paper!!!

 

[Mickey's Minion]

Thank you! I was beginning to wonder if I was the only one who remembered what that was like opening the box with the bright pink sweater in it when I was 10 and I loved blue, lol! Or getting a jigsaw puzzle when I wanted a barbie. Of course, we had manners when we were young too and said thank you, but I'm sure my Mom would be happier knowing she gave a gift he'd like.
As I said in my other response, I'm going to wait and see if she brings it up and then I'll let her know she might want to reconsider.

And yes, my son has gotten a transformer before - when he was five. He played with it for a few minutes and once he figured it out, he was done with it. Waste of $10 or $15 whatever they cost.

And for the poster who said I might have broken a record for complaining about a Christmas gift in October - well yes, I am I guess. Nothing wrong with planning ahead. Much easier to exchange gifts before Christmas than after.

I do wonder why people who read some of these posts comment if they have nothing constructive to say. To the ones who say this may be a teachable moment, yes I agree and appreciate your responses. But I also think it does not harm anything to try and prevent hurt feelings ahead of time for the people I love. My Mom and my son. And to those who don't see this as being a problem or an issue - why don't you just not read it then? Why comment? Have nothing more important to do?

Ahhh, but that is the paradox of the situation. That is the teachable moment.

A gift given in love should never create hurt feelings, no matter what it is, especially if it is something that is age and gender appropriate. As somebody said, it is not like the gift is totally off base and had no thought what so ever in it such as dish towels.

If one has their feelings hurt over the gift they receive because it is not on their must have list, then one really needs to be taught that the true meaning of a gift is the love of the person who is giving the gift. One needs to be taught that spoiled whining and feeling hurt over the material worth of a gift is not what gift giving is all about. That is just plain shallow. Learning to recognize the deeper meaning of gifts will bring joy rather than hurt feelings.

And the only way your Mother's feelings can be hurt is if you hurt them.

Good luck - adolescents are challenging if nothing else

 

[5lilfish]

I have to be honest and say that if my child did not like something for the past almost 11 years of his life it would tick me off a little that my childs grandmother could not pay attention enough to know that fact. I would be thinking to myself "Hey, the kid hasn't liked those things for all this time and you can't be bothered to know that!".

It makes me think when my DH took my kids out to get a little gift for my Birthday. The kids gave me a bar of dark chocolate. I HATE dark chocolate! My DH knows this and even if the kids picked it out themselves why didn't he suggest the milk chocolate. Why didn't he care enough to do that?

I sort of see your point. My MIL (who, unfortunately passed away in 2002), was the type of person that had to surprise everyone at Christmas. She absolutely did not want ideas. The only problem was that she also did not take any time to know what the kids tastes were. To make matters worse, she would be very upset if her gift wasn't adored. Keep in mind, that my kids were toddlers/preschoolers so they were a little young to hide disappointment (even though we were already working hard on saying thank you and being grateful). It was frustrating. Oh...and she cut tags off of everything so returns were darn near impossible.

BUT....The OP said her son has never been into action figures. Having a son, I can tell you that I would not classify a transformer as an action figure. They are 2 different toys...although I think both are a little 'young' for this child. Also, at the age of the OP's son, he is old enough to deal with the less than desired gift.

Jess

 

[MomNeedsVacay]

Ahhh, but that is the paradox of the situation. That is the teachable moment.

A gift given in love should never create hurt feelings, no matter what it is, especially if it is something that is age and gender appropriate. As somebody said, it is not like the gift is totally off base and had no thought what so ever in it such as dish towels.

If one has their feelings hurt over the gift they receive because it is not on their must have list, then one really needs to be taught that the true meaning of a gift is the love of the person who is giving the gift. One needs to be taught that spoiled whining and feeling hurt over the material worth of a gift is not what gift giving is all about. That is just plain shallow. Learning to recognize the deeper meaning of gifts will bring joy rather than hurt feelings.

And the only way your Mother's feelings can be hurt is if you hurt them.

Good luck - adolescents are challenging if nothing else

 

[Jennasis]

The word is HERD

Actually, if I'm not mistaken...The BIRD is the word.

 

[5lilfish]

I think it's enough to say to the OP to use this as a teachable moment. It is sometimes hard to see what is right in front of your face. Not sure why some people are being so vicious. A little kindness goes a long way.

I agree with this. I think that at the age of this child, he should be able to handle the situation gracefully....but I do not think people need to be mean about the OP. It's hard not to get caught up when dealing with your child's feelings and we don't know if there is any more to the story (for example...history of frustration with Mom, or maybe a favored cousin that always seems to get what he wants, etc). I'm not saying Christmas should be about getting the right gift, but people are human and Mom's are protective.

I also hate to see people use "life is full of disappointments....you should use this as a teachable moment," as an excuse. People should be allowed to decide for themselves what/when/how/why to teach their children. I have a SIL that wanted to pick names for nieces/nephews way back when my kids were toddlers. First of all, not to be extremely petty, but I had bought gifts for BOTH her kids for YEARS (they are 8 and 5 yrs older than my oldest). As soon as I had kids, they want to pick names (and nobody had money problems...it was an effort issue). Also, one of the other SIL's (3 SIL's in this story...1 who asked what the kid wants, one that made some effort and then this one with no effort), who would have been involved in this picking names, made ZERO effort to pick something the kids would like. One year she gave them each a solid set of bed sheets and a hershey bar. The kids were 2 and 3yrs old. I asked how I would explain to the 4 yr old, the following yr, why he got a bed sheet and his sister got a fisher price toy (at 4 and 3 yrs old)...if we picked names and 1 kid got one SIL and the other kid got the other SIL. She fed me the life is disappointing/not fair, they have to learn line. My response was, "Not at 4 yrs old, on Christmas day, from a Family member."

Anyway...I do agree with the vast majority: At 11/12 yrs old, I would expect my child to be grateful for any gift and say Thank you.

Jess

 

[luvsJack]

Oh, for heaven's sake. Yes, yes, its the thought that counts, its better to give than to receive, its a wonderfully teachable moment, blah, blah, blah. And if it was 12/24, I could see saying all of that.

Its October. Christmas is in December. Just tell your mom that you don't think he will like the transformer and offer to pick up a gift for her or to take her to get one or something. She can take the Transformer back and exchange it for something he likes or give it to another grandchild maybe. She was probably of the mind set that "all little boys like transformers" and bought it. I am sure she would rather he liked his gift. I would think it would hurt her feelings more if she found out you knew he wouldn't like the gift and you ddin't tell her.

 

[Disney Doll]

You know OP, I am going to be part of the heard, herd or bird on this one, to a degree.

If your Mom point blank says "Will Billy like a Transformer?", I'd probably say "Well, he generally doesn't like stuff like that...he's more into insert other desired gifts here". If she says "Well, should I return it and get him something else?" you could say "Well, I hate to see you waste money giving him something he may not play with. Would it be easier if I picked up this gift and returned it for you and bought him something I know he'd like for you to give him?".

My mother is 83, my father is 81 and I know that running around Christmas shopping gets tedious and, frankly, tiring for them...dealing with the crowds and the confusion and so forth. So, yes, it is possible that Mom, in an effort to get her Christmas shopping out of the way early before all the hysteria starts in full force, may have said "Well, this says ages 8 and up and he'll be 11, so he might like it" and may have been thinking "Plus, it's one more gift I can get out of the way early". I tend to try and give some leeway to 80 year olds in terms of these kinds of things.

I don't think every gift a child gets has to bring him/her unlimited joy. Even as adults there are some gifts I receive that I LOVE and some that I like but still appreciate that the giver thought of me, and some that are totally not appropriate but I still appreciate that the giver thought of me. It's also OK for a child to learn how to be a little disappointed...and in the grand scheme of Christmas, I am guessing that this one gift won't be the "make or break" of his whole holiday season. And yes, I do remeber at age 11 being disappointed about some gifts. I also remember getting over it fairly quickly.

I am quite sure you have attempted to teach your son about gracious receiving, but if this is happening:

"He will be disappointed and will ask me why Grandma got him that and will even suggest it was a mistake or ask if we can return it".

...then he needs a bit more guidance in this area. I think a parent's role is not to try and make sure a child is never disappointed...a parent's role is to make sure a child understands that sometimes they will be disappointed and how to handle that disappointment graciously. And no, age 11 is not too young to teach that lesson...especially in a situation such as this where he will get many gifts that will be just what he wants, so this one thing which may be "off" shouldn't be such a big deal...

 

[roliepolieoliefan]

Are you and your mom close? Just tell her. My son is the same age (11) and he would never play with a Transformer.

I know its a valuable lesson, as previous poster said blah blah blah, but why have grandma waste her money.

My inlaws are clueless when it comes to buying for my kids. or I'll tell them to get something the kids want and they wont buy it because its not "fun" to my inlaws. So the kids never play with it and 6 months later , it goes to the mission.

Just tell her. Mom I know you mean well but Johnny doesn't realy like Transformers but he did tell me he wanted....... I would be happy to get the heads up.

 

[Ember]

OP, to be completely blunt and honest, I think it's ridiculous to make an issue out of this. You don't want your son to be disappointed or to receive a toy he wouldn't want? Disappointment is a part of life. And it's a GIFT. He (and you) should be grateful that your mom is still around to give him gifts, regardless of whether or not he likes what he gets. Contrary to what our society believes, Christmas is NOT about what you get, it's about what you give. If your son doesn't like his gift, let him donate it to your local homeless shelter or a children's hospital. I am positive there would be a little boy at such a place who would be overjoyed to receive it. The unwanted toy would get a new home, and your son would learn a valuable lesson in giving. What a silly thing to fret over when there are so many in the world with nothing.

We did this is my house. We also used to go shopping every year for Santa's Anonymous and I would use my own saved money to buy presents for other children who would not otherwise have anything. We were rather poor when I was growing up, but my mum wanted me to understand that we were still very lucky.

There were only a few times I received gifts as a child that I didn't like, but I was still happy to get them because I knew we would donate them and that they would make someone happy.

 

[DreaminDisney]

Maybe he'll like it after all. Tell him to be grateful for whatever he gets.