My Mom bought a Christmas present I know my son won't like!

[BLTtinkerbell]

:

My mom buys stuff like that for my kids all the time. My son is almost 11 also and she still sends dinosaur stickers in the mail. I tell her they came in and thank you and the kids know to say the same and then they can do what they want with the stuff. I wish she wouldn't spend the money but she's trying to buy what she can and at the least she is sending them something.

This made me laugh! I was sending my nephews stickers in the mail for many years. One day it dawned on me that they were probably getting too old for this. I called my sister & she said while her sons did still like getting cards in the mail, they were giving the stickers to the little boy next door.

 

[TupperMom7]

I just wanted to say, I am coming from my perspective as far as talking to mom.

My mom would be sad if I knew that she was giving a gift that was totally off base. She would want me to say something.

As far as teaching my kids how to accept things graciously, they have that down to a science.

Well forgive me if I don't want my Mom's feelings to be hurt and my son to be disappointed. I guess it's because she's in her 80's and getting the shopping "done" is more important that buying a gift. She just did a bulk shopping trip and threw everybody in together. Maybe she bought all the boys in the family (she has two great-grandsons the same age as my ds) a transformer to make it easier on herself, I don't know.

I am not going to say anything to her unless she brings it up. If she asks me if I think ds will like it, I will tell her the truth. That he has never played with action figures and I will offer to either take her out to get something else (which she might like to do to get out of the house), or I can exchange it for her.

As far as accepting gifts they don't want graciously, all of my kids have done this numerous times at Christmas. One year my sister got my dd a Britney Spears purple alarm clock. For one thing, my dd was like 16 and never liked Britney Spears - but she said thank you and pretended to like it. My other dd has gotten dolls in the past and she never played with dolls, but she just says thank you. And yes, the ds I am talking about has gotten gifts he did not like, and I knew it the minute he opened the gift, but he was not rude he said thank you. But anybody can tell the difference between a polite thank you and a THANK YOU! that means it's something I really like. Don't you buy gifts for your family in hopes that they will like them - not just to have something to give?

My one sister starts in about August and tells us all that she doesn't know how much money she will have to spend on Christmas this year, yadda, yadda, yadda. I tell her, I don't care if she gives me anything or not, or how much or how little she spends. A bottle of shower gel will make me happy, a box of candy, whatever. I just don't want to hear about how much or little she has to spend - makes me feel guilty for taking any gift from her. We don't have money either, but we get gifts for people that we think they will like. If I see something for $10 and I think they will like it, I get that. If I see something for $30, and they will like it, I get that. Gift giving is supposed to make the giver and the receiver happy, right?

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Well forgive me if I don't want my Mom's feelings to be hurt and my son to be disappointed. I guess it's because she's in her 80's and getting the shopping "done" is more important that buying a gift. She just did a bulk shopping trip and threw everybody in together. Maybe she bought all the boys in the family (she has two great-grandsons the same age as my ds) a transformer to make it easier on herself, I don't know.

I am not going to say anything to her unless she brings it up. If she asks me if I think ds will like it, I will tell her the truth. That he has never played with action figures and I will offer to either take her out to get something else (which she might like to do to get out of the house), or I can exchange it for her.

As far as accepting gifts they don't want graciously, all of my kids have done this numerous times at Christmas. One year my sister got my dd a Britney Spears purple alarm clock. For one thing, my dd was like 16 and never liked Britney Spears - but she said thank you and pretended to like it. My other dd has gotten dolls in the past and she never played with dolls, but she just says thank you. And yes, the ds I am talking about has gotten gifts he did not like, and I knew it the minute he opened the gift, but he was not rude he said thank you. But anybody can tell the difference between a polite thank you and a THANK YOU! that means it's something I really like. Don't you buy gifts for your family in hopes that they will like them - not just to have something to give?

My one sister starts in about August and tells us all that she doesn't know how much money she will have to spend on Christmas this year, yadda, yadda, yadda. I tell her, I don't care if she gives me anything or not, or how much or how little she spends. A bottle of shower gel will make me happy, a box of candy, whatever. I just don't want to hear about how much or little she has to spend - makes me feel guilty for taking any gift from her. We don't have money either, but we get gifts for people that we think they will like. If I see something for $10 and I think they will like it, I get that. If I see something for $30, and they will like it, I get that. Gift giving is supposed to make the giver and the reciever happy, right?

I don't understand your reponse to me. I was speaking about my own mother.

 

[shortbun]

He should say 'thanks Grandma!" and then you can return it for an exchange later. What's the problem?

 

[C.Ann]

"Thank you, grandma.. This is really neat!"

 

[diznygirl]

I don't understand your reponse to me. I was speaking about my own mother.

I can only guess that she quoted the wrong poster. She actually agreed with your post!


OP - by all means say something to your mother if you have that kind of relationship. What do we know!

 

[LisaR]

Well forgive me if I don't want my Mom's feelings to be hurt and my son to be disappointed. I guess it's because she's in her 80's and getting the shopping "done" is more important that buying a gift. She just did a bulk shopping trip and threw everybody in together. Maybe she bought all the boys in the family (she has two great-grandsons the same age as my ds) a transformer to make it easier on herself, I don't know.

I am not going to say anything to her unless she brings it up. If she asks me if I think ds will like it, I will tell her the truth. That he has never played with action figures and I will offer to either take her out to get something else (which she might like to do to get out of the house), or I can exchange it for her.

As far as accepting gifts they don't want graciously, all of my kids have done this numerous times at Christmas. One year my sister got my dd a Britney Spears purple alarm clock. For one thing, my dd was like 16 and never liked Britney Spears - but she said thank you and pretended to like it. My other dd has gotten dolls in the past and she never played with dolls, but she just says thank you. And yes, the ds I am talking about has gotten gifts he did not like, and I knew it the minute he opened the gift, but he was not rude he said thank you. But anybody can tell the difference between a polite thank you and a THANK YOU! that means it's something I really like. Don't you buy gifts for your family in hopes that they will like them - not just to have something to give?

My one sister starts in about August and tells us all that she doesn't know how much money she will have to spend on Christmas this year, yadda, yadda, yadda. I tell her, I don't care if she gives me anything or not, or how much or how little she spends. A bottle of shower gel will make me happy, a box of candy, whatever. I just don't want to hear about how much or little she has to spend - makes me feel guilty for taking any gift from her. We don't have money either, but we get gifts for people that we think they will like. If I see something for $10 and I think they will like it, I get that. If I see something for $30, and they will like it, I get that. Gift giving is supposed to make the giver and the receiver happy, right?

How on earth is your mom going to have hurt feelings if your son says, "Thanks you so much Grandma! It looks so cool."

And if your son is really disappointed over a gift his grandma picked for him.....

 

[pilesoflaundry]

This made me laugh! I was sending my nephews stickers in the mail for many years. One day it dawned on me that they were probably getting too old for this. I called my sister & she said while her sons did still like getting cards in the mail, they were giving the stickers to the little boy next door.

He actually doesn't mind stickers once in awhile but he's over the dinosaurs . My girls are still at the ages to love stickers. He drew the line when nana sent him a coloring book though He passed that out to the boy next door.

 

[Sleestack]

What a perfect opportunity to teach your son about giving and receiving- and how to be gracious even if the gift is not exactly what he has hoped for.

 

[Pikester]

My son is 10 and will turn 11 right before Christmas. He has never liked action figures, never played with Batman, Power Rangers, etc. He liked magnetixs and legos, things to build and put together, airplanes and remote control cars.

So yesterday my Mom tells me that she asked my sister to take her to Walmart to get some toys for her great grandchildren and she bought my son a present too - a Transformer. Now I know my son will not like that. He will be disappointed and will ask me why Grandma got him that and will even suggest it was a mistake or ask if we can return it.

My Mom usually asks me for suggestions on what to get the kids, or I take her to the store or pick up an item or two for her. What possessed her to buy an action figure when all these years he has never liked them? What's he going to do with the thing?

I have to be honest and say that if my child did not like something for the past almost 11 years of his life it would tick me off a little that my childs grandmother could not pay attention enough to know that fact. I would be thinking to myself "Hey, the kid hasn't liked those things for all this time and you can't be bothered to know that!".

It makes me think when my DH took my kids out to get a little gift for my Birthday. The kids gave me a bar of dark chocolate. I HATE dark chocolate! My DH knows this and even if the kids picked it out themselves why didn't he suggest the milk chocolate. Why didn't he care enough to do that?

 

[CowboyCO]

My son is 10 and will turn 11 right before Christmas. He has never liked action figures, never played with Batman, Power Rangers, etc. He liked magnetixs and legos, things to build and put together, airplanes and remote control cars.

So yesterday my Mom tells me that she asked my sister to take her to Walmart to get some toys for her great grandchildren and she bought my son a present too - a Transformer. Now I know my son will not like that. He will be disappointed and will ask me why Grandma got him that and will even suggest it was a mistake or ask if we can return it.

My Mom usually asks me for suggestions on what to get the kids, or I take her to the store or pick up an item or two for her. What possessed her to buy an action figure when all these years he has never liked them? What's he going to do with the thing?

I guess I'm in the camp that this is a teachable moment. You said in your original post that your son would not accept it gratefully. Your mother bought your son a gift that is appropriate for his age, if not for his taste. It seems that your son is not the only one in the family that isn't very appreciative of the gift.

When I was 13, my grandmother bought me a guitar for Christmas. It was expensive, and I SOOO didn't want a guitar. But I walked over to Granny and gave her a big hug and a kiss and thanked her for it and told her how much fun it would be to learn to play it. It sat untouched in my room for 6 months. One day I picked it up, learned a few chords and today, 31 years later, that same guitar is in the corner of my living room and I am teaching my sons to play on it. I'm not suggesting that your son will still be playing with a Transformer when he's 44. But I am suggesting that teaching your children to accept all gifts graciously will cement a loving relationship between him and his Grandmother.

 

[KAMKIM]

I don't know--but every kid should learn how to accept the distasteful pink bunny suit for Christmas.

If your son asks why--use it as a moment to share the spirit of gift giving. This is a great grandmother we are talking about. He should accept the gift graciously.


That's my $.02.

 

[JessicaR]

He should say 'thanks Grandma!" and then you can return it for an exchange later. What's the problem?

I don't see why there is a problem either. Your Mom bought a gift she thought your child would like, your son accepts it graciously and says thanks I love it! Your son can then return it/exchange it and get something he would rather have.

She is 80 she shouldn't be told he doesn't like that nor should she be told to return it and get something else. This was her choice of gift. Sorry but I just don't see why anyone needs to have hurt feeling or disappointment over this scenario.

 

[KAMKIM]

OP I guess it depends on how close you and your mom are. My mom would expect my opinion on what she bought - she usually asks me first so we can get gifts that go together (I'll get the dollhouse, she'll get the furniture). So if you think it wont hurt her feelings, I'd call her and tell her. If you think her feelings will be hurt then I would just let your son know how to react if gets a present he doesn't like. He may surprise you though.

 

[perla75]

I guess I'm failing to see the big issue here

Your son has a lifetime of "it's the thought that counts" gifts to receive! This happens all the time, at all ages.

He should say thank you to his grandma for loving him enough to buy a gift for him & I'm sure he will get lots of other gifts he likes this Christmas.

If grandma asks in advance, be honest & if she feels hurt just remind her that childrens' interests change all the time.

I love the idea of donating the gift to Toys for Tots & having your son be a big part of it. What a great virtue to teach to your child! I hope we get some awful gifts this Christmas as well, because I'd love to do the same lesson!!!

ETA: I work for a poor urban school system full of kids who won't get much in the area of Christmas presents this year. OP: If you PM me, I will give you the address of our preschool or one of our elementary schools & you could send the gift there. We've got many kids here who love transformers & have likely never owned one. I'm not trying to be snarky & I'm completely serious. PM me if interested.

 

[Eeyores Butterfly]

About the comment about how the grandmother should know what kids like, etc. etc.:

I'm sure that most grandparents don't know every single like and dislike of every single grandchild or great grandchild. Heck, there are times my parents give me gifts that are totally not my taste- and I lived with them for 15 years! I don't know about your family, but my grandparents lived in Colorado while I lived in Missouri. I saw them once a year- twice if I was lucky. I would never expect them to know every little like or dislike of mine when gift shopping, and I was always grateful just to get a gift from them. And yes, there were times that I did not care for the gift itself.

Let's face it, when it comes to gift giving, even the closest of loved ones may get us that truly hideous gift even though we think they should know better. Just be thankful that they cared enough to take the time to find a gift they thought you would like.

 

[luvmy3]

My son is 10 and will turn 11 right before Christmas. He has never liked action figures, never played with Batman, Power Rangers, etc. He liked magnetixs and legos, things to build and put together, airplanes and remote control cars.

So yesterday my Mom tells me that she asked my sister to take her to Walmart to get some toys for her great grandchildren and she bought my son a present too - a Transformer. Now I know my son will not like that. He will be disappointed and will ask me why Grandma got him that and will even suggest it was a mistake or ask if we can return it.

My Mom usually asks me for suggestions on what to get the kids, or I take her to the store or pick up an item or two for her. What possessed her to buy an action figure when all these years he has never liked them? What's he going to do with the thing?

He'll get over it, but it sounds like you are the one that won't.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I don't get why you are having angst over a Christmas gift. It is IMO ridiculous. Nobody wants their kids to be disappointed but you really can't just graciously accept the gift? I as a mother would not even give this a second thought. At 11 your child should know better too. Heck I didn't want the home plaid t-shirt dress with matching fake hankerchief sewn to the pocket when I was about 11 but I thanked my aunt profusely for spending the time on it and for thinking of me. I never wore the thing and I crack up every time I think of it. Why make someone feel bad when they tried? You say your son never played with action figures? Maybe she thought his tastes had changed. Maybe she simply didn't remember. Maybe she thought he would like it and that you just never bought him stuff like that because you didn't want it because you couldn't build it together. Who knows? I still think it is sad that you are perseverating over a Christmas present.

 

[diznygirl]

By the way, is this a new DIS record - complaining on October 4th about a Christmas gift that hasn't even been received yet?

Just wondering.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

By the way, is this a new DIS record - complaining on October 4th about a Christmas gift that hasn't even been received yet?

Just wondering.

The Op needs to read Jeanfl's thread and then decide if she should complain.