My Mom bought a Christmas present I know my son won't like!

[Rora]

What a perfect opportunity to teach your son about giving and receiving- and how to be gracious even if the gift is not exactly what he has hoped for.

Agreed.

 

[bumbershoot]

I disagree completely. The OP didn't say her son would say this *in front of* Grandma.

I agree.

She fed me the life is disappointing/not fair, they have to learn line. My response was, "Not at 4 yrs old, on Christmas day, from a Family member."

Anyway...I do agree with the vast majority: At 11/12 yrs old, I would expect my child to be grateful for any gift and say Thank you.

Jess

I agree with both. Sure the kid knows to act grateful, but I hate the idea that he *has to* do that acting b/c of a family member.



I just can't stand people wasting money on a gift that's not going to be appreciated by the person it's meant for. That bothers me SO much. If people want to waste money on themselves, that's fine, but don't just by *anything* to have a present, and then expect the recipient to truly like it. And especially given 2 months before giving-time, it just seems logical and intelligent to keep that money from being wasted and keep the kid from having to *act*.


someone mentioned..."People don't want to waste their money, and if you let this go there is a possibility that she could run with it and you get a collection of un liked toys." YES!

My friend got a penguin gift as a teenager. This led to 10 years of penguin gifts "because you love penguins!" She finally had to break the news. Well, she never said that she wasn't ever really "into" penguins, she just finally told them that she was now 10 years older, and her tastes had changed. She's one of 4 sisters so sometimes the sisters will get her joke gifts with penguins, but at least they aren't thinking she's going to derive pleasure from the gift other than "ha, you got me".

Especially if someone is on a fixed income, you don't want them spending money that won't ultimately be enjoyed by the recipient. She isn't spending her money so a child in a shelter can be happy, she's spending the money so her grandson will be happy. It's kind *to her* to make sure she knows what would bring him happiness.

We're dealing with a related issue of my husband's family dynamics with a don't-question-her matriarch, where everyone just goes along with her instead of saying "no". DH felt he had to accept SO much furniture from his family rather than say no, so he lived in a place that wasn't his taste for years b/c of that. We still have so many Korean-bought blankets that just aren't our style, and don't work for us (most are bought to layer on a futon-style mattress on the floor), because he coudln't say no.

So recently we were trying to tell MIL that SHE should take cinnamon for her blood sugar, since DH has had such great luck. We cook with it, but she likely won't; since FIL died she doesn't cook American food anymore, and Korean food doesn't really go with cinnamon. Somehow she has taken that to mean that she buys some for herself, and she buys some for us, too. But her stuff has gelatin capsules, and we do NOT use those. So the cinnamon things she gave DH 2 months ago are still in the trunk. And I just found out last week that she had ordered MORE for DH. She had spent her precious money on those, because she thought she was doing something good for her son...but ultimately the money is wasted and it makes us so sad. I think DH has finally said something to her, which I'm sure was hurtful hearing it now; it should have been said BEFORE.


Unless your mom just doesn't care, she brought this up with you, and I think you should just tell her that he's not into Transformers, and it would be a better gift for someone else.

 

[Aisling]

I'd be honest with my mom. Why let her think her 11 year old grandson will play with something he doesn't like?

I wouldn't say "mom, he'll hate that toy, what were you thinking?"

I'd say it lighthearted like "uh oh, Houston we have a problem. Mom, can I help you pick out something he'd love?"

When I become a grandmother, I hope my kids are honest with me and not let me give my grandchildren Barbie dolls when they stopped playing with Barbies 2 years ago.

 

[mjkacmom]

I guess I don't understand the hurt feelings part. Who will get hurt feelings? If your son gets hurt feelings because the gift wasn't good enough for him, then that's his own business and I wouldn't worry about it. The only way your Mom will get hurt feelings is if you tell her what a horrible gift she bought your son.

Okay, this is what I think happened. The OP's mom usually asks her what to buy the kids, but didn't this year. I think the OP is hurt that her mom didn't make more of an effort to get him something he would really love. I think the 11 year old would be fine - it's the OP who feels her ds was slighted.

 

[Jeafl]

Not sure what else I could add here, but...

those of you that have been around for awhile are probably aware of my MIL's gift giving abilities. My kids have gotten such bizarre gifts over the years that it has become a yearly tradition to just post about them.

The one thing I have learned is that no matter how bad the gifts are, they are chosen/made with love and I would never hurt her feelings by telling her that they will never be used. They have provided us with so many memories over the years! I have found the easiest way to deal with it is to thank her from the heart and pass them on to Toys for Tots so that they can be used by someone more age appropriate. The ones that cannot be used or donated are kept until I figure out what to do with them.

My kids get SO many other things, one bad gift isn't going to kill them. Honestly, over the years my kids have looked forward to seeing what their grandmother comes up with. You can't put a price on that!

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Not sure what else I could add here, but...

those of you that have been around for awhile are probably aware of my MIL's gift giving abilities. My kids have gotten such bizarre gifts over the years that it has become a yearly tradition to just post about them.

The one thing I have learned is that no matter how bad the gifts are, they are chosen/made with love and I would never hurt her feelings by telling her that they will never be used. They have provided us with so many memories over the years! I have found the easiest way to deal with it is to thank her from the heart and pass them on to Toys for Tots so that they can be used by someone more age appropriate. The ones that cannot be used or donated are kept until I figure out what to do with them.

My kids get SO many other things, one bad gift isn't going to kill them. Honestly, over the years my kids have looked forward to seeing what their grandmother comes up with. You can't put a price on that!

I for one cannot wait for your Christmas thread! I think your MIL is on to something. She gives the gift that keeps on giving since we all enjoy it!

 

[DVC Sadie]

Not sure what else I could add here, but...

those of you that have been around for awhile are probably aware of my MIL's gift giving abilities. My kids have gotten such bizarre gifts over the years that it has become a yearly tradition to just post about them.

The one thing I have learned is that no matter how bad the gifts are, they are chosen/made with love and I would never hurt her feelings by telling her that they will never be used. They have provided us with so many memories over the years! I have found the easiest way to deal with it is to thank her from the heart and pass them on to Toys for Tots so that they can be used by someone more age appropriate. The ones that cannot be used or donated are kept until I figure out what to do with them.

My kids get SO many other things, one bad gift isn't going to kill them. Honestly, over the years my kids have looked forward to seeing what their grandmother comes up with. You can't put a price on that!

What a great attitude.

I think the best gift she gave your family is all the memories you'll be able to share both now and especially in the future. Plus she gave the gift of laughter, the gift of sharing and the gift of guessing (what will she do this year). How can any other gift ever compare?

 

[~Kik-Kik~]

I'm happy to see that people are not being nasty any more. It makes the topic much more enjoyable on all sides. It also allows you to make a FAR better point.

After really thinking about it, I would say to just let it go for the time being. I wouldn't bring it up to her. Let him get it. Ask your sister where she went shoping and return it on the day after Christmas. Most stores will allow you to do that, so don't worry. He can buy what he want's with the money.

 

[Eeyores Butterfly]

Several people have said that if they are close enough the mom told her, then she should say something...

If I remember the OP right, the mother did not tell her. The sister who was shopping with the mom told her. For all we know it is supposed to be as much of a surprise to the OP as it is the child. That is another reason I think the OP needs to let it go. I would be mortified if somebody called me and said they heard through the grapevine that I got a friend an unwanted gift.

 

[Jeafl]

What a great attitude.

I think the best gift she gave your family is all the memories you'll be able to share both now and especially in the future. Plus she gave the gift of laughter, the gift of sharing and the gift of guessing (what will she do this year). How can any other gift ever compare?

My oldest daughter has decided to make a scrapbook with pictures of them all opening the gifts from her over the years. We will never show it to my MIL, but I think years from now when my MIL has passed away, that scrapbook will keep her alive in their hearts.

 

[DVC Sadie]

My oldest daughter has decided to make a scrapbook with pictures of them all opening the gifts from her over the years. We will never show it to my MIL, but I think years from now when my MIL has passed away, that scrapbook will keep her alive in their hearts.

What a great idea!

I guess in the grand scheme of things I just wouldn't get all bent out of shape over a toy bought by a loving grandmother that possibly my son may not like, especially if this is the first time in his 11 years of life that this has occurred.

 

[teacups]

Maybe now would be a good time to have the son purchase a gift that grandma would love. Give him $10 and see what he comes up with. Let him see it aint so easy! Let him see grandma love whatever little piece of junk he comes up with when she unwraps it anyway.

 

[Stitchfans]

Didn't read all of the responses, but IMO the OP is being a bit ungrateful. Who knows? Maybe her son will enjoy the new toy? If he doesn't what is the big deal take it back and buy something he will enjoy and then be done with it. Either that, or donate it to some child who didn't get a gift, and buy him something small to replace it, but there's no need to hurt the grandmother's feelings since it wasn't necessarily a horrible gift. It's a nice one.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Hey OP- where did she get the Transformer? I am going to get them for everyone this year!
For my parents and inlaws- they can put it in their window as a security system. You know- Transformers- more than meets the eye!
For the Aunts and Uncles- They can use it to help around the house.
You know they are Robots in disguise. They can program them to clean and stuff.

For all the kids- They can either use them to keep their siblings out of their room, program them to clean up and do their homework, or the can take them apart, spread their pieces all over the house and laugh while I step on them and hurt my foot!

I think it is the perfect gift for all ages!

 

[Ciao Mickey]

People here read the first post, and that's the end of it. There is no critical THINKING on their behalf. I don't think we need over 45 people making 1 single post telling you that you are an awful parent. I think it's just wrong. Contribute something else or let it die. No need to beat something that's already dead, I mean really.

And then we have the self-righteous posters who can't wait to tell others how mean their posts are...

 

[sunnyday123]

And then we have the self-righteous posters who can't wait to tell others how mean their posts are...