My Dh Just Surrendered Our Cat

[crashbb]

never mind.

 

[wvjules]

Hard choice, but the right one to make..

You can't spend the time, money or effort and did what you had to do.

Don't let anyone get you down.

Time, effort and money? As far as I read the OP did none of the above.

 

[RitaE]

I'm just in shock that the OPs husband was able to find a no kill shelter with room for an 8 year old cat. Around here there are huge waiting lists for adult cats ... which have about a 2% adult adoption rate.

So yeah, if you can make a donation to that place it would be a good and kind thing to do since they'll probably be taking care of your cat for about the next 8 or 9 years.

 

[DisneyFan32WI]

OP here.
I really do want to thank you for your responses. Here are some answers to your questions:

1. We surrendered the peeing/pooping cat
2. We have purchased several new litter boxes, put them in new locations, etc. over the past couple of months. We also tried closing off certain areas of the house, made sure nothing changed in the environment, etc.
3. We found it is impossible to separate the cats in the house...
4. The "stray" cat has been with us for 2 years. It is just within the last few months where the girl has been pooping around the house (and now peeing). The "stray" is much more a part of our family because he socializes with us and is good buddies with the male cat. The girl cat never comes around unless she needs something. We hardly ever see her.
5. I spent $1200 on a surgery for the girl cat when she ate my daughter's belt-so I do take care of the cats and take them to the vet when they need care...even preventative care!
6. I was home with my husband when he made the decision. It wasn't an option in his mind. I bet he would've let her go outside if he didn't take her to the Humane Society.

We are now going to the furniture store to buy a new mattress...and then to Kohls to buy a new comforter set. The humane society said that she would have tests run by a vet to determine if there were any medical conditions. If there are any, we would receive a call and have the option of taking her back for a fee since they wouldn't put her up for adoption. I don't know what I would even do at that point if there was a medical condition and they called me......I'd love advice for that part!
Honestly, I really am trying my best not to breakdown here again. I am such a cat lover. I took in the stray 2 years ago, remember?

Please try not to kick me while I am down. I appreciate advice, support, similar story swapping, etc. I guess I should come to expect the flames though.,..we are a diverse bunch with many different opinions. Such is life. I respect that. Maybe it is because I am so emotional right now that I can't handle it. I haven't had a dry eye in hours.

Now, on to the cosmetic side of all this....Our house is only 3 years old. We have white carpeting, new furniture, etc. I work hard each day to pay for the things I have. To watch a cat pee and ruin everything you have worked so hard for causes so much stress. I watch hundreds and now thousands of dollars walking out the door.

I am sorry to have let any of you other cat lovers down by this heartbreaking action. I try to be the best person I know how to be.

 

[Scurvy]

OP Sorry about your cat. It's never easy to give up an animal, even if you do feel it's for the best.

And I'm also sorry you are getting so much grief about it here.

Lots of times it's easier to give up on an animal than it is to fix whatever the problem is. That's one reason shelters are so full of animals who need homes, and it's the reason so many animals are put to death every day.

The OP had a well adjusted, well behaved cat for years. She chose to add a new pet to her household and to allow that pet to torment the well behaved cat. Once the original cat started misbehaving, she washed her hands of it and gave it away. She gave no indication that they tried everything they could to rectify the problem. It sounds to me like she did take the easy way out. Now she posts on here, and some people will say she did what she had to and shouldn't feel bad. When others point out that she had other options, her defenders will call them "haters" and say the haters don't know what they're talking about. It happens all the time on here. The OP isn't new; she had to know what she was going to hear when she posted. She failed the cat. She gave up on her and allowed their new cat to stalk her to the point that she misbehaved. (Assuming that it really was behavioral and not a medical issue, that is.) The OP herself says the male cat didn't even leave her alone to pee. Of course she stopped using the litter box. She was stressed and her owners did nothing to help her, they just tossed her aside in favor of their new cat. I certainly hope they don't decide to collect any more animals, since their old pets will probably get abandoned if the new ones don't play well with them.

 

[RitaE]

okay you did what you did. Whatever.

But I have to say the whole melodramatic I'm sitting here shaking and crying and my heart is broken thing is just over the top imho. Please, if you were all that heartbroken about it then I have to think you probably would have been just a tad more willing to try with the cat even if you have white carpeting.

I really don't have a whole lot of interest in kicking you while you are down, but to be honest I also don't have a whole lot of interest in throwing out rows full of of little smiley guy hugs either.

So you know. Dry the tears. You after all still get to sleep at home tonight.

 

[Hannathy]

okay you did what you did. Whatever.

But I have to say the whole melodramatic I'm sitting here shaking and crying and my heart is broken thing is just over the top imho. Please, if you were all that heartbroken about it then I have to think you probably would have been just a tad more willing to try with the cat even if you have white carpeting.

I really don't have a whole lot of interest in kicking you while you are down, but to be honest I also don't have a whole lot of interest in throwing out rows full of of little smiley guy hugs either.

So you know. Dry the tears. You after all still get to sleep at home tonight.

exactly!!

If it actually bothered you as much as you say it does you WOULD NOT have been able to do it!!! And certainly wouldn't be able to just go out shopping.

I think it sucks what you did and I"m not sorry for saying it.

 

[DVCLiz]

Lots of times it's easier to give up on an animal than it is to fix whatever the problem is. That's one reason shelters are so full of animals who need homes, and it's the reason so many animals are put to death every day.

The OP had a well adjusted, well behaved cat for years. She chose to add a new pet to her household and to allow that pet to torment the well behaved cat. Once the original cat started misbehaving, she washed her hands of it and gave it away. She gave no indication that they tried everything they could to rectify the problem. It sounds to me like she did take the easy way out. Now she posts on here, and some people will say she did what she had to and shouldn't feel bad. When others point out that she had other options, her defenders will call them "haters" and say the haters don't know what they're talking about. It happens all the time on here. The OP isn't new; she had to know what she was going to hear when she posted. She failed the cat. She gave up on her and allowed their new cat to stalk her to the point that she misbehaved. (Assuming that it really was behavioral and not a medical issue, that is.) The OP herself says the male cat didn't even leave her alone to pee. Of course she stopped using the litter box. She was stressed and her owners did nothing to help her, they just tossed her aside in favor of their new cat. I certainly hope they don't decide to collect any more animals, since their old pets will probably get abandoned if the new ones don't play well with them.

And yet it's perfectly all right for Jennasis to have introduced a stray that stresses her cat and as long as it's not causing her any damage it's perfectly fine to bash away at the OP? That seems like a double standard to me. Not to mention the issue of making cats live exclusively outdoors.

It's not always neat and tidy. I remember threads where people have said if you have pets you should allow them to damage the furniture because it's only furniture and you can buy more. Sorry, I'm not letting my house be destroyed by a cat like that and if putting it in a no kill shelter or putting it to sleep is the way I choose to handle it so be it.

 

[Jennasis]

I'm curious, Jennasis, about how you will/are handling this situation. It seems similar to the OP's situation. Why are you letting another cat stress your pet? Why should she have to fight and become territorial to defend the space she has come to think of as hers? Are you just going to let the stray move in and take over to the detriment of your cat, as long as she doesn't pee in your house?

It just seems odd that you are so appalled by the OP's post and yet your own cat is also being somewhat bullied and it doesn't seem to bother you.

And yet it's perfectly all right for Jennasis to have introduced a stray that stresses her cat and as long as it's not causing her any damage it's perfectly fine to bash away at the OP? That seems like a double standard to me. Not to mention the issue of making cats live exclusively outdoors.
.

I'm glad you asked. But you are so far off base it's actually hilarious to me!

My female is not being bullied in the least. She is bullying the stray. The stray had the opportunity to move along, but decided for whatever reason to tough it out (likely because we provide food, water, shelter etc). None of their behavior has been destructive to any of my property, and so far no blood has been shed...but the sounds they make when they are having an argument...WOW!

Anywho...It's been about two months and while the female still doesn't "love" or even "like" the stray, she is tolerating him and seems to be allowing him to stick around. She has chased off her fair share of strays in the past. She's a tough cookie. She certainly has not given up her place at the top of the food chain for the stray or anyone else.

As far as having outdoor cats. May be not your thing, and I never thought it would be mine, but they are barn cats. They were born in the barn, raised in the barn and live in the barn. They catch mice and such and live the life of Reilly. In the summer they can go into my office in the barn where it is Air-conditioned and in the winter the office is insulated and they have warm and toasty beds (it's an interior room within the barn itself, though I very often find them sleeping tucked into the hay storage barn in the hay). They get vaccinated and dewormed regularly. They are spoiled rotten, and love to be pet and snuggled. I would absolutely let them live in the house if I weren't terribly allergic to them and we have two dogs who would love a chance to "play" with them (dogs stay in fenced yard). And the cats were here when we moved in...well, actually their mother was here and pregnant with them. So I "inherited" them with the farm when I bought it. Their mother has since passed on.

Anytime a new pet is introduced to an established group, there is stress.

So I will continue to deride anyone who dumps a loving pet after 8 years because it suddenly started being inconvenient, without taking a trip to the vet first.

That's just how I roll.

 

[DisneyFan32WI]

That's OK...no apologies or smiley faces necessary. I do feel like a bad person. I was hoping others have been in this type of situation before. I really just want her to have a home where she can be an only cat and not feel stress.

The stress she has felt over the past few months has never been this extreme before...I don't know what happened to make her act the way she has. Nothing new between them.....

I need to sleep tonight-that is why I have to shop. Trust me, I don't have the desire or the money to be doing this...but I do need a bed!

 

[crashbb]

For the sake of the cat, if they call you do not pick it up. She doesn't not deserve to be given up again if another problem comes up.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

don't even know what to say. My husband would have been in the doghouse.

I had a stepfather that was that....cavalier about pet ownership.

I don't object to doing what you need to do with a pet if all avenues fail...but unless someone is in danger, my husband nor I would get rid of a pet without consultation or agreement with one another.

I am most bothered by the lazy fix that your husband did.
And none of this was her fault.

I'm sorry about you, your dd, and the kitty.

 

[luvmy3]

That's OK...no apologies or smiley faces necessary. I do feel like a bad person. I was hoping others have been in this type of situation before. I really just want her to have a home where she can be an only cat and not feel stress.

The stress she has felt over the past few months has never been this extreme before...I don't know what happened to make her act the way she has. Nothing new between them.....

I need to sleep tonight-that is why I have to shop. Trust me, I don't have the desire or the money to be doing this...but I do need a bed!

Which is why many here don't understand your decision to just get rid of her without finding out if it was something that could be fixed.

 

[SpecialK]

No judgements here, OP. I haven't lived through what you have. Hope it all works out for the best for all of you.

 

[DVCLiz]

A stray showed up a few weeks ago (a male) and has made himself at home. My female HATES him and picks fights with him all the time. She's very territorial.

I'm glad you asked. But you are so far off base it's actually hilarious to me!

My female is not being bullied in the least. She is bullying the stray. The stray had the opportunity to move along, but decided for whatever reason to tough it out (likely because we provide food, water, shelter etc). None of their behavior has been destructive to any of my property, and so far no blood has been shed...but the sounds they make when they are having an argument...WOW!

Anywho...It's been about two months and while the female still doesn't "love" or even "like" the stray, she is tolerating him and seems to be allowing him to stick around. She has chased off her fair share of strays in the past. She's a tough cookie. She certainly has not given up her place at the top of the food chain for the stray or anyone else.

As far as having outdoor cats. May be not your thing, and I never thought it would be mine, but they are barn cats. They were born in the barn, raised in the barn and live in the barn. They catch mice and such and live the life of Reilly. In the summer they can go into my office in the barn where it is Air-conditioned and in the winter the office is insulated and they have warm and toasty beds (it's an interior room within the barn itself, though I very often find them sleeping tucked into the hay storage barn in the hay). They get vaccinated and dewormed regularly. They are spoiled rotten, and love to be pet and snuggled. I would absolutely let them live in the house if I weren't terribly allergic to them and we have two dogs who would love a chance to "play" with them (dogs stay in fenced yard). And the cats were here when we moved in...well, actually their mother was here and pregnant with them. So I "inherited" them with the farm when I bought it. Their mother has since passed on.

Anytime a new pet is introduced to an established group, there is stress.

So I will continue to deride anyone who dumps a loving pet after 8 years because it suddenly started being inconvenient, without taking a trip to the vet first.

That's just how I roll.

Your first post said "a few weeks" which I took to mean three. You didn't describe any behavior other than the fact that your established cat hated the stray and was fighting. That sounds stressful to me. You didn't describe the stray as a "new pet."

My point was that encouraging a stray to stay (by feeding it) ad causing the established pet to be stressed and need to fight and become territorial is fine, but the OP's way of handling a pet that had become destructive was the crime of the century. Just seems like a double standard to me.

 

[Imzadi]

OP here.
I really do want to thank you for your responses. Here are some answers to your questions:

1. We surrendered the peeing/pooping cat
2. We have purchased several new litter boxes, put them in new locations, etc. over the past couple of months. We also tried closing off certain areas of the house, made sure nothing changed in the environment, etc.
3. We found it is impossible to separate the cats in the house...
4. The "stray" cat has been with us for 2 years. It is just within the last few months where the girl has been pooping around the house (and now peeing). The "stray" is much more a part of our family because he socializes with us and is good buddies with the male cat. The girl cat never comes around unless she needs something. We hardly ever see her.
5. I spent $1200 on a surgery for the girl cat when she ate my daughter's belt-so I do take care of the cats and take them to the vet when they need care...even preventative care!
6. I was home with my husband when he made the decision. It wasn't an option in his mind. I bet he would've let her go outside if he didn't take her to the Humane Society.

We are now going to the furniture store to buy a new mattress...and then to Kohls to buy a new comforter set. The humane society said that she would have tests run by a vet to determine if there were any medical conditions. If there are any, we would receive a call and have the option of taking her back for a fee since they wouldn't put her up for adoption. I don't know what I would even do at that point if there was a medical condition and they called me......I'd love advice for that part!
Honestly, I really am trying my best not to breakdown here again. I am such a cat lover. I took in the stray 2 years ago, remember?

Please try not to kick me while I am down. I appreciate advice, support, similar story swapping, etc. I guess I should come to expect the flames though.,..we are a diverse bunch with many different opinions. Such is life. I respect that. Maybe it is because I am so emotional right now that I can't handle it. I haven't had a dry eye in hours.

Now, on to the cosmetic side of all this....Our house is only 3 years old. We have white carpeting, new furniture, etc. I work hard each day to pay for the things I have. To watch a cat pee and ruin everything you have worked so hard for causes so much stress. I watch hundreds and now thousands of dollars walking out the door.

I am sorry to have let any of you other cat lovers down by this heartbreaking action. I try to be the best person I know how to be.

New Rule - second post.

okay you did what you did. Whatever.

But I have to say the whole melodramatic I'm sitting here shaking and crying and my heart is broken thing is just over the top imho. Please, if you were all that heartbroken about it then I have to think you probably would have been just a tad more willing to try with the cat even if you have white carpeting.

I really don't have a whole lot of interest in kicking you while you are down, but to be honest I also don't have a whole lot of interest in throwing out rows full of of little smiley guy hugs either.

So you know. Dry the tears. You after all still get to sleep at home tonight.

The "stray" is much more a part of our family because he socializes with us and is good buddies with the male cat. The girl cat never comes around unless she needs something. We hardly ever see her.

6. I was home with my husband when he made the decision.

Yes, basically the OP says she & DH decided to keep the cat they liked better & the one that fit into the family better. They never saw the peeing cat anyways, so it's not like it's really going to be missed.

The boo-hooing melodrama is a bit much. The OP made a decision. She needs to pull up her big girl panties and live with the choice she agreed to.

I get it. I said myself I almost brought my own cat to the pound. If I had, I certainly wouldn't be crying on the DIS asking for sympathy for that decision.

We are now going to the furniture store to buy a new mattress...and then to Kohls to buy a new comforter set.

Make sure you get a waterproof mattress cover - so you won't have to get rid of a second cat, lest he does the same thing.

The humane society said that she would have tests run by a vet to determine if there were any medical conditions. If there are any, we would receive a call and have the option of taking her back for a fee since they wouldn't put her up for adoption. I don't know what I would even do at that point if there was a medical condition and they called me......I'd love advice for that part!

You really ARE pulling our leg aren't you?

You give up a cat you admit you didn't run tests on yourself. If you find it really does have a medical condition, you don't know what to do??? As in, get the condition fixed and bring the cat home??? . . .

Oh, yes, but of course: we are back to the first quote I pulled out, that the peeing cat really isn't a member of the family very much. "The "stray" is much more a part of our family because he socializes with us and is good buddies with the male cat. The girl cat never comes around unless she needs something. We hardly ever see her." You really don't want to get the medical issue taken care of and bring her back home. No need for advice here. If you really DID want the peeing cat, you'd know without needing advice on what to do. The advice is because deep down you really don't want the peeing girl cat.

 

[mickeysgal]

OP here.
I really do want to thank you for your responses. Here are some answers to your questions:

1. We surrendered the peeing/pooping cat
2. We have purchased several new litter boxes, put them in new locations, etc. over the past couple of months. We also tried closing off certain areas of the house, made sure nothing changed in the environment, etc.
3. We found it is impossible to separate the cats in the house...
4. The "stray" cat has been with us for 2 years. It is just within the last few months where the girl has been pooping around the house (and now peeing). The "stray" is much more a part of our family because he socializes with us and is good buddies with the male cat. The girl cat never comes around unless she needs something. We hardly ever see her.5. I spent $1200 on a surgery for the girl cat when she ate my daughter's belt-so I do take care of the cats and take them to the vet when they need care...even preventative care!
6. I was home with my husband when he made the decision. It wasn't an option in his mind. I bet he would've let her go outside if he didn't take her to the Humane Society.

We are now going to the furniture store to buy a new mattress...and then to Kohls to buy a new comforter set. The humane society said that she would have tests run by a vet to determine if there were any medical conditions. If there are any, we would receive a call and have the option of taking her back for a fee since they wouldn't put her up for adoption. I don't know what I would even do at that point if there was a medical condition and they called me......I'd love advice for that part!
Honestly, I really am trying my best not to breakdown here again. I am such a cat lover. I took in the stray 2 years ago, remember?

Please try not to kick me while I am down. I appreciate advice, support, similar story swapping, etc. I guess I should come to expect the flames though.,..we are a diverse bunch with many different opinions. Such is life. I respect that. Maybe it is because I am so emotional right now that I can't handle it. I haven't had a dry eye in hours.

Now, on to the cosmetic side of all this....Our house is only 3 years old. We have white carpeting, new furniture, etc. I work hard each day to pay for the things I have. To watch a cat pee and ruin everything you have worked so hard for causes so much stress. I watch hundreds and now thousands of dollars walking out the door.

I am sorry to have let any of you other cat lovers down by this heartbreaking action. I try to be the best person I know how to be.

So, the Humane Society, which are organizations which operate largely on donations, where every dollar counts, is going to do the right thing that should have been done in the beginning...find out if there is a medical problem. Guess it's ok for someone else to do it on their dime as long as it's not yours. You have to go to Kohls. Your working dollars are more valued to support your house/furniture than if directed toward properly getting a medical evaluation for your cat. And you still don't know what you'd do if it IS a medical condition? Seriously? What if it was something oh, so simple to fix?

Your husband would have just let it go outside if it weren't for you? Dumped outside...an inside cat? Ok...that's smart and kind. The cat really wasn't as much a part of the family as the other cats? After 8 years? Really? Sounds like you were looking for the perfect excuse to get rid of it.

The best person you can try to be? The best you both could be was to somehow not manage to get it the medical evaluation it needed? That's simple common sense.

I'm with the poster that thinks these type of posts are drop kicked into the DIS to stir it up. We've hit on mulitple hot topics all in one thread....giving up a pet, deliberately not getting a pet a proper medical evaluation before making a decision on giving it up, my house/furniture/working dollars vs. the pet's possible medical issues, potentially dumping a animal on the street, even if there is a medical issue, I'm not sure what I would do, and last but not least, the famous "please don't kick me when I'm down" while what is being posted is sure to create a negative frenzy.

Makes you go hmmmmm....

 

[Jennasis]

Your first post said "a few weeks" which I took to mean three. You didn't describe any behavior other than the fact that your established cat hated the stray and was fighting. That sounds stressful to me. You didn't describe the stray as a "new pet."

My point was that encouraging a stray to stay (by feeding it) ad causing the established pet to be stressed and need to fight and become territorial is fine, but the OP's way of handling a pet that had become destructive was the crime of the century. Just seems like a double standard to me.

I'm old...time starts to meld together. The cat has probably been around since June? So, AFAIC, it's still a few weeks.

I am sure the fighting was stressful. Mostly for the stray getting "the business" from a girl.

The stray wasn't a new pet (though he is now). My comment on that in my previous post was for the general universe, not about my situation. Adding a new pet is stressful to existing pets.

Meh...I don't draw any double standard connection but you go right ahead. Unlike the OP, I will sleep well tonight.

 

[CharliNye]

I understand you're upset, but I really wish you'd had the medical tests run before giving her away. I understand they cost a lot but I just feel bad for her right now. I never could have or would have done this to either of my cats, no matter how much hell they were causing in the house with the urinary/bowel issues.

 

[Indiana Rose Lee]

exactly!!

If it actually bothered you as much as you say it does you WOULD NOT have been able to do it!!! And certainly wouldn't be able to just go out shopping.

I think it sucks what you did and I"m not sorry for saying it.

Bull! Lots of decisions suck. I had to allow the plug to be pulled on my son. Do you think I wanted life to work that way?