My Dh Just Surrendered Our Cat

[Robindianne]

I think I am going to hell for what I did. Who just gives away their family member that they have had for 8 years?

Nevermind. If I can't say anything nice . . . . (as I sit here bottle feeding the kittens I'm fostering, after cleaning up poop, pee, etc)

 

[Mickey'snewestfan]

And why did he choose to get rid of her if you believe the adopted stray cat is the cause of her problems? Shoulnd't he have been the one to go?

I am confused by this. Are you saying the newer cat is less deserving because he came along later? Or because he's described as adopted (I'm pretty sure the other two are also not her biological offspring)?

I guess if I had 2 pets and was in the difficult situation of needing a new home for 1, I wouldn't take the length of time I'd had them or where I got them into account unless one was very new.

 

[Dax]

I am at a loss as to why people make posts like this on the DIS..It never turns out well...I am predicting this one gets locked like SOOO many before it...

As for cat thing...like OP, I have fighter cats...my one male loves to stare down my only female cat...her response, back into a corner, and growl hiss and spit. The male usually gets bored and walks away...this doesnt happen all the time.

My female is also a "big girl" She hasnt earned the nickname Fatme (fat may) for nothing..she has "issues" when it comes to the litter box...if it is not PERFECTLY clean, she deposits to the floor next to it...but that is not that often.

Now her brother...he is my skittish cat...Out of a 24hr day, I am lucky if I see him for 30min, unless he feels he needs affection, then he is out more..

But they are my family...I have 5 dogs and 4 cats...when I lost my job, I made sure I budgeted for them...I could not imagine going to the shelter and just dropping them off just because I lost a job...we made it through a tough year, happier on the end of it..

All of my cats are strays...2 were "road cats" and the brother/sister were given to me from an unwanted litter. They may fight and argue at times, but I have spied them in a happy kitty/doggie pile numerous times...such is the nature of pet ownership

 

[mickeysgal]

Bull! Lots of decisions suck. I had to allow the plug to be pulled on my son. Do you think I wanted life to work that way?

Oh my gosh, I am so sorry. So very, very sorry. And of course, you're right, lots of decisions suck. Yours being at the top of the list. I can't imagine.

What I think the other poster(s) was trying to convey is that there were common sense, humane, reasonable, options that weren't taken before jumping to this decision. There usually is a process that people step through before making the tough decision to give up a pet. Surrendering it before seeing if there was a treatable medical issue and then painting the decision as the hero alternative to her husband kicking it out the door on the street is what has been infuriating people here.

Again, I'm so very sorry for your loss.

 

[Hannathy]

Bull! Lots of decisions suck. I had to allow the plug to be pulled on my son. Do you think I wanted life to work that way?

I'm not sure why you are mad at me, and I'm not sure what that has to do with your son. I'm sure that was one of the worst things a parent can experience and I'm truly sorry you had to do that, but not sure how it came up when discussing someone abandoning a pet.

 

[si-am]

OP here.


Now, on to the cosmetic side of all this....Our house is only 3 years old. We have white carpeting, new furniture, etc. I work hard each day to pay for the things I have. To watch a cat pee and ruin everything you have worked so hard for causes so much stress. I watch hundreds and now thousands of dollars walking out the door.

Material possessions versus a beloved living, breathing, creature.

Perhaps I have a different perspective because my house burned down when I was 12. I learned early on that objects are really not all that important.

I had some sympathy for you before I read that paragraph.

 

[JessicaR]

Rough tough crowd. I'm sorry you hurt. I can't and won't judge your decisions. They are yours alone. Sorry you shared and were beat up for it.

 

[Indiana Rose Lee]

Oh my gosh, I am so sorry. So very, very sorry. And of course, you're right, lots of decisions suck. Yours being at the top of the list. I can't imagine.

What I think the other poster(s) was trying to convey is that there were common sense, humane, reasonable, options that weren't taken before jumping to this decision. There usually is a process that people step through before making the tough decision to give up a pet. Surrendering it before seeing if there was a treatable medical issue and then painting the decision as the hero alternative to her husband kicking it out the door on the street is what has been infuriating people here.

Again, I'm so very sorry for your loss.

Thanks. I know that I am sensitive to some ideas. It kind of freaked
me out because originally I was going to tell of having my last dog put down and how horrid it was. Then I thought of my poor little guy,

 

[Scurvy]

I am confused by this. Are you saying the newer cat is less deserving because he came along later? Or because he's described as adopted (I'm pretty sure the other two are also not her biological offspring)?

I guess if I had 2 pets and was in the difficult situation of needing a new home for 1, I wouldn't take the length of time I'd had them or where I got them into account unless one was very new.

I can't speak for wvjules but since I agreed with that post, I'll give you my reasoning. If I had two formerly well behaved cats, and brought in a new cat who terrorized one of them to the point that it developed behavioral issues, I'd feel an obligation to protect my original cats. Of course I wouldn't have allowed the new cat to torture the original cat for all those years, so it wouldn't be quite the same situation. The new cat is the cause for the original cat's issues. (Again, assuming it isn't a medical problem.) The newer cat doesn't have issues and presumably is younger. It would have a better chance of finding a new home than the poor original cat would. I wouldn't ruin my old cat by allowing it to be tortured for years and then toss it aside. I would keep it and work with it to resolve it's problems, and I would find a new home for the newer stray if I had to. I'd hate to give up either pet, but if they were simply not compatible I'd give up the one that was most likely to find a new home rather than condemning one to a life in a shelter.

I feel than when you take on a pet, you have the responsibility to give it a loving home and a good life for as long as humanly possible. I certainly wouldn't toss either cat away without first trying everything I possibly could to resolve the issues, and I definitely wouldn't worry more about my carpet than about the cat. It's a matter of priorities, and obviously the OP and her husband "had" to do what worked best with their priorities.

By the way OP, you said you needed advice about what to do if the cat does have a medical issue? Here's mine: Leave it alone. A responsible owner who was truly upset at the possibility of having to give up a beloved pet would have ruled out a medical issue before taking such a drastic step. If the cat only has a medical problem and not a behavioral one (and if the shelter is an actual "no-kill" shelter rather than the usual kind of "no-kill until we dump the pet somewhere else" shelter) it has a chance of getting adopted into a good forever home. Don't mess that up by taking it back into your home.

 

[C.Ann]

Rough tough crowd. I'm sorry you hurt. I can't and won't judge your decisions. They are yours alone. Sorry you shared and were beat up for it.

I'll second that..

Some of these responses are so.... Never mind..

 

[kirstenb1]

Rough tough crowd. I'm sorry you hurt. I can't and won't judge your decisions. They are yours alone. Sorry you shared and were beat up for it.

Me too. I swear pet threads bring out more passionate responses than any other topic!!

 

[Tiggeroo]

We rehomed a stray we took in and had kept for several years. We had a much older cat at the time. For the first year they got along great, slept together, etc. But then the younger cat became very dominant and aggressive. He would never leave the older cat alone. I had to take the older cat to the vet several times because he had awful abscesses where he had been scratched. I tried many ways to keep them separated. Nothing worked. The older cat was living in a bedroom. His health was suffering. We finally got rid of the kitten. I felt terrible too. But then I saw how it was affecting the older cat. It took several months for him to really come out of the bedroom. He would always look to see if the other cat was there and race out. He was skinny. He could never get any affection from us. We had him for at least 13 years before we got the kitten. He deserved to live out the end of his life in peace. It was the right decision. I would bet yours is too.

 

[Cooky]

To OP,

What's done is done.

I think if you do truly feel badly about surrendering your cat you can still make a positive out of it. I urge you to consider making regular donations to the shelter you left the cat at. It's not impossible, but it's a longshot that someone will adopt an 8-year old cat that has been so stressed out it now has behavioral issues.

And for your sake, and most importantly for the sake of the animals, please do not adopt any more pets. It is perfectly fine to want your furniture and belongings to be in nice condition, but if you feel that way, then do not bring anymore animals into your home.

And actually I think it is good that you posted your story. A few days ago a poster asked about getting her daughter a puppy. Some people told her don't worry just go get a puppy. Your post shows why people need to consider very carefully before they bring an animal into their home. For some people it is not the right choice.

As I write this, my little kitty is sitting next to me. She was a stray. She is now officially my best friend. Given where I found her, I suspect she was dumped.

As others have said, if you decided you did not want her anymore, then giving her to the shelter was the responsible thing to do.

Good luck and please do consider making donations to the shelter.

 

[minkydog]

No flames from me. It doesn't matter whether I agree or disagree, the situation is done. I'm sorry it didn't work out the way you had hoped. I know you feel bad and FWIW, I don't think you're going to hell for it. You're an adult. You're free to make whatever decisions you want,regardless of what any of us thinks. Try to go easy on yourself now and don't listen to the people who continue to bust your chops.

 

[Mary•Poppins]

Just want to say I am sorry for your loss and know how you feel ...

 

[lacrosse_lady72]

For the sake of the cat, if they call you do not pick it up. She doesn't not deserve to be given up again if another problem comes up.

We adopted a (then 2 year old cat) who was returned twice for her potty problem. Now, occasionally she'll pee in the house (when we leave plastic on the ground ) but we worked it out with her. Both times, she was given up because of her peeing problem. I don't know if I've ever seen a cat so sad looking than when we saw her at the PetSmart. Now, she's the happiest, most appreciative cat I've ever seen.

 

[Imzadi]

We adopted a (then 2 year old cat) who was returned twice for her potty problem. Now, occasionally she'll pee in the house (when we leave plastic on the ground )

I knew of a kitten that did that. The owners lined the kitty litter box with plastic liners. The kitten used to claw & pull at the plastic liners to cover after he went. It associated plastic liners with going to the bathroom. Whenever they happened to leave plastic grocery bags or dry cleaning bags around, etc., the cat would pee on them. Once they figured this out, they just were very careful about leaving plastic bags around.

 

[luvsJack]

OP, your husband made the best decision he could with the information he had at the time. The info he had? Cat is destroying everything in the house, you have to live in the house, you cannot afford to keep replacing things. With that info he made the decision to bascially find a new home for the cat. (you said it was a no kill shelter, correct?)

I understand your being upset about having to make that decision, but he did what he thought was best. Sometimes what is best for you and your family is very different from what is the popular choice.

I can relate to your feelings. I adopted a grown cat that was found where I work. She isn't a very affectionate cat and that's ok, but she poops in the bathtubs. We have tried everything, but nothing helps. For now we just make sure the bathroom doors are always closed so she can't get in there (she uses the litter as long as she cannot get in the tub), but I have been asking around at work if anyone wants to take her and fully plan to give her away--one of the security guards is talking to his wife about taking her.

 

[lisaviolet]

I have a wash in right now.

It's probably - hmmmm - the 20th time one of our cats peed on on a comforter. He's not allowed near it anymore but he sneaks in when I don't see him. I don't need to run to any store to buy another one. I have stain and smell remover and three times it will go through the cycle. (And yes I realize that cats pick up their own pee scent - but for this one it's a bed thing - he's gone on the couch but not over and over). I'm not trying to be sarcastic with the wash and such - I just want to put out that one of our cats has peed (and #2) on two beds (through to the mattress - which we still have), a couch, the bathtub, the shower, and pillows - he ADORES pillows. Just ADORES them. So I know how crazy it can make you OP. Honestly.

I'm a dog person. Had two cats. Brothers. We had no issues with them. I had no idea we were blessed.

One died suddenly and in an awful manner - acute kidney failure (and threw up on everything of course as he died) - at around eight. For six months his brother was in mourning (really) - cried in an awful way and we lived in 440 sq feet at the time so it was ENDLESS. Wouldn't come out of the closet. So I got him a buddy.

Buddy named Neville - never realizing that would rhyme with devil - is a behavioural peer.

My house does not smell like a litterbox. It doesn't. I used the spray above all the time. Never thrown anything out except about twenty pillows. (remember it's his great peeing love)

I'm lucky - he can go for months without this nonsense and then surprise.

OP - I am sorry you're in so much pain, I am, but pets take great sacrifice. The bedrooms are no longer open to Neville. And I HATE THAT. H-A-T-E I-T!!!! I love natural light and HATE to close doors. But I love him more. We used plastic for awhile but I hate the feel of plastic. So doors closed.

If anything - I guess this is a good thread for people thinking of getting pets. There is a good chance they will pee or poo on things repeatedly at some point in their lives. Because they're sick or some because they just have that way. If you're lucky - like I was with the brothers - it will never ever happen - not once. We were so incredibly lucky. But it can - and go the no pets route if you can't handle it.

 

[Scurvy]

I knew of a kitten that did that. The owners lined the kitty litter box with plastic liners. The kitten used to claw & pull at the plastic liners to cover after he went. It associated plastic liners with going to the bathroom. Whenever they happened to leave plastic grocery bags or dry cleaning bags around, etc., the cat would pee on them. Once they figured this out, they just were very careful about leaving plastic bags around.

There's another possibility also. One of my cats used to pee on plastic and we were at our wits' end trying to get him to stop, and we researched it as much as possible. It turns out lots of people have the same problem. Apparently some kinds of plastic smell like cat pheromones to some cats. They either really like it or they get territorial about it and so they pee on it. We found that we didn't have any problems if we just didn't leave plastic lying around. It was a fairly easy adjustment and was well worth it - he was a perfect cat other than that one thing!

I can relate to your feelings. I adopted a grown cat that was found where I work. She isn't a very affectionate cat and that's ok, but she poops in the bathtubs. We have tried everything, but nothing helps. For now we just make sure the bathroom doors are always closed so she can't get in there (she uses the litter as long as she cannot get in the tub), but I have been asking around at work if anyone wants to take her and fully plan to give her away--one of the security guards is talking to his wife about taking her.

I know you say you've tried everything, so you probably have already done this, but if you haven't you should try different kinds of litter and/or a new litterbox. Maybe she likes the tub better because it's smooth. She could associate the litterbox with pain for some reason (maybe she had a UTI at some point) and a different litter might help. I know some people who have solved similar issues by switching to pine shavings rather than traditional litter. There are also wood pellets that are more absorbant than the shavings which some cats prefer to the gravelly type litter.