My daughter was beaten up at school Another UPDATE PAGE 15

[PrincessKitty1]

Why are people in the US so quick to suggest a lawsuit. Why not punish the kids that attacked this poor girl. There has to be a better way of helping the schools deal with bullying than sueing them and being confrontational.

That was my suggestion, and instead of overgeneralizing about "people in the US," why don't you come up with some constructive ideas? I haven't seen any helpful suggestions from you.

 

[ducklite]

Why are people in the US so quick to suggest a lawsuit. Why not punish the kids that attacked this poor girl. There has to be a better way of helping the schools deal with bullying than sueing them and being confrontational.

I suggested seeking legal counsel, not a lawsuit. Lawyers do work other than suing people. And some lawsuits don't ask for monetary damages, but rather other, non-financial relief.

I believe I also addressed seeking out the DA to request that they consider charging her as an adult--that's a permanent black mark that isn't expunged when she turns 18.

In my case I sued the school district, but got nothing financial in my pocket, rather they were forced by court order to pay the tuition at a private school for LD kids for my son for five years, and provide transportation as well. Why is a "lawsuit" like that so wrong when a district doesn't do right by a child when given ample opportunity prior to a lawsuit?

Having spent four years trying to work out an equitable solution to our issue before taking them to trial, I wouldn't call my situation confrontational, rather I should never have put up with their nonsense as long as I did.

Anne

 

[hiwaygal]

Why are people in the US so quick to suggest a lawsuit. Why not punish the kids that attacked this poor girl. There has to be a better way of helping the schools deal with bullying than sueing them and being confrontational.

I think one of the biggest reasons you hear about lawsuits and going to the police is because after events like Columbine and many many (too many)others, we have become super aware of what "children" are capable of doing.

In a lot of folks minds, I suspect we are tired of the "old" methods of "punishment" that have proven NOT to work...something a little more effective needs to be done. And many parents are doing whatever it takes to "force" the schools to protect their children.

Unfortunately, schools have become too "afraid" to be as proactive as we would like. There are lots of not so great parents who feel that "it's just kids playing" and won't discipline their own children, nor allow anyone else to do it either. It puts the schools in a difficult position, on a very narrow ledge.

At least, that's my opinion...

 

[momrek06]

Those girls haven't received any home-trainin' (as my DH would say). This is the kinda crap you have to put up with in public schools. We chose a small private school for our DD. We gave public a chance for K and we hated it. DD liked it fine but we as parents thought it was severely lacking. Anyway, if it were MY DD, I would stick it to them as much as I could. Apology or not. Teach'em a lesson they won't forget in this lifetime...or the NEXT!

My DS is a Sophomore in College now (Providence College) he went to a private Catholic high school here in MA. In the 9th grade AFTER school was out, he was standing at his locker and two girls who had lockers on either side of his, started fighting. Headmaster and Principal BOTH came out of their offices and said STOP, NOW GET ALL YOUR BOOKS OUT OF YOUR LOCKER YOU ARE DONE HERE AT HOLY NAME. PERIOD!!!! My DS was like in shock of the entire event. The girls were GONE and never returned! EXPELLED and the school prides themselves on ZERO TOLERANCE. So kids do fight at private schools but unlike public they were removed immediately. I am aware in MA., public school students cannot be JUST thrown out like private schools BUT they need to be suspended IMMEDIATELY and some sort of mediation before they are allowed back to the school.
JENNY: I am so sorry for your DD! I am hoping and praying she will be ok. AND Yes, I agree with your DD, if she feels like going back tomorrow, she should WHILE HOLDING HER HEAD HIGH!!!!

 

[maryssasmom]

I am so sorry for your dd - sounds like she is being a trooper and doesn't deserve any of this. I hope the little criminal gets exactly what she deserves and don't back down.

 

[sweet angel]

Unfortunately, schools have become too "afraid" to be as proactive as we would like. There are lots of not so great parents who feel that "it's just kids playing" and won't discipline their own children, nor allow anyone else to do it either. It puts the schools in a difficult position, on a very narrow ledge.

At least, that's my opinion...

I totally agree.

Jenny, I'm glad your daughter is okay and I'm proud of her for wanting to go to school tomorrow. Thanks for clearing up about the 2 girls. I agree that the 2nd girl should be punished as well -- as an "accessory" perhaps.

 

[rbuzzotta]

My thoughts will be with your DD tomorrow as she holds her head high and goes to school!! 8th grade is such a tough age and then to have to deal with bullies!!!

My best wishes go out to you................please keep us updated!

 

[MrsKreamer]

Oh Jenni, I hope she feels better! I was beaten up daily in the 6th grade, NOTHING was done about it. The principal told my mother they she would not rearange the 6th grade, b/c two girls couldn't get along.

This was at a private school. Thankfully she failed 6th grade again(she was a year older) and had to switch schools.

I was also accosted(sp?) once in high school, another private school. I was standing in front of the main office and another girl picked a fight with me. She pushed me and a teacher saw the whole thing. (I saw the teacher too, that's why I did not retaliate...) The pricipal noted that I was pushed and did nothing to provoke the inncident and the other girl got written up. Her dad found out and was outraged that his little girl was being singled out and yanked her from our school.


Sorry for the tangent...I hope everything goes well tomorrow!

 

[declansdad]

That was my suggestion, and instead of overgeneralizing about "people in the US," why don't you come up with some constructive ideas? I haven't seen any helpful suggestions from you.

I don't think that I am overgeneralizing. The US is the most litigous country in the world and on a number of different boards there is always someone who suggests a lawsuit. I didn't say people in the US are terrible people just that there is a tendency to use lawyers and the courts system to solve problems.

I did encourage the op to press charges against the girls who attacked her daughter. IMO that sends a stronger message than sueing the school/school district. As parents I feel we need to work with our schools instead of blaming them for everything that is wrong.

Having spent four years trying to work out an equitable solution to our issue before taking them to trial, I wouldn't call my situation confrontational, rather I should never have put up with their nonsense as long as I did.

I'm glad you tried to work out a solution to your situation. The reason that I stated that it seemed confrontational is because the way in which you suggested things happen. For example, tell them that there would be a meeting tomorrow and demand certain people be there. If they are not, sit and wait until they arrive and not take no for an answer. It may be an old sales technique but you would not be selling anything to me using that technique.

Your lawsuit and others may not be asking for a financial settlement but there is still a cost involved. That is money that would need to be diverted in order to pay the costs of the lawyers and other peole involved. I don't have any first hand knowledge of your schools but in Canada every dollar than can be spent in the schools needs to be be spent there.

To those of you who disagree with me, I am not saying that you should never use the legal system, just that it doesn't always need to be the first resort. In ducklite's case, obviously it wasn't.

 

[luvthatduke]

Jenny, just caught up with the DIS tonight,
so sorry to hear about your DD!
I went through very similar situations routinely in school,
"back in the day" when I was told I was "too sensitive"
and should "toughen up."
You are being a great mom to your kids,
and your DD will appreciate you more & more as you support her!
Hope & pray it all works out well in the end.

 

[Sandcass]

Makes me sick. I'm sorry for your DD.

 

[TSM1993]

My ds' school has a bullying policy in place. Hopefully other school admins are on here reading this thread thinking maybe our policies need to change before something like this or worse happens. Bullied all my school life practically all because I was the only child. Started in 2nd grade and up until graduation. So i know how it feels and your daughter feels.Hopefully this wont continue for her and it is over since the girl is being charged. maybe she can enjoy school better now. Good luck and please keep us posted.

 

[kristen821]

So sorry this happened to your dd. Is it only the two girls she is having a problem with. Maybe you can put her in some kind of self defense class? I am glad you pressed charges.

 

[ducklite]

I'm glad you tried to work out a solution to your situation. The reason that I stated that it seemed confrontational is because the way in which you suggested things happen. For example, tell them that there would be a meeting tomorrow and demand certain people be there. If they are not, sit and wait until they arrive and not take no for an answer. It may be an old sales technique but you would not be selling anything to me using that technique.

Your lawsuit and others may not be asking for a financial settlement but there is still a cost involved. That is money that would need to be diverted in order to pay the costs of the lawyers and other peole involved. I don't have any first hand knowledge of your schools but in Canada every dollar than can be spent in the schools needs to be be spent there.

To those of you who disagree with me, I am not saying that you should never use the legal system, just that it doesn't always need to be the first resort. In ducklite's case, obviously it wasn't.

The problem with your very flawed logic is that most schools will simply try to avert taking any blame by ignoring the situation and letting the polioce deal with it. Unfortunately a parent needs to be quite assertive with most schools in order to get them to be proactive, such as setting up a plan to safeguard the child moving forward. The administration is overwhelmed or uncaring due to burn-out or both, and will try to push the meeting off onto a low level flnky. A felony offense has allegedly been committed, and the child is entitled to full participation by administration. The other reason it is important to have everyone I suggested attend the meeting is that often issues like this don't trickle up, and they need to. The superintendents office must be made aware, and dragging them into this meeting will do that. The school psycologist must be there in order to document the situation in both childrens records.

The issue is to not sell anything, it's to make sure that the parties who NEED to be at a meeting ARE at a meeting. It's called the best interest of the child. It's NOT confrontational, it's assertive, and I wish I had figured it out before I allowed my son to flounder and waste so many years of his education due to utterly inappropriate placements and ineffective beauracracy in the school systems. I now make it a mission to educate parents on the rights of their children, and how to manage school districts, rather than letting them manage you.

I've been there. I know how schools work and frankly, the politics are digusting. And until you understand how things work in THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA, I siggest you stop making accusatory and broad statements, because you are only making an idiot of yourself by showing just how ignorant on this type of issue you are.

Anne

 

[chris1gill]

The problem with your very flawed logic is that most schools will simply try to avert taking any blame by ignoring the situation and letting the polioce deal with it. Unfortunately a parent needs to be quite assertive with most schools in order to get them to be proactive, such as setting up a plan to safeguard the child moving forward. The administration is overwhelmed or uncaring due to burn-out or both, and will try to push the meeting off onto a low level flnky. A felony offense has allegedly been committed, and the child is entitled to full participation by administration. The other reason it is important to have everyone I suggested attend the meeting is that often issues like this don't trickle up, and they need to. The superintendents office must be made aware, and dragging them into this meeting will do that. The school psycologist must be there in order to document the situation in both childrens records.

The issue is to not sell anything, it's to make sure that the parties who NEED to be at a meeting ARE at a meeting. It's called the best interest of the child. It's NOT confrontational, it's assertive, and I wish I had figured it out before I allowed my son to flounder and waste so many years of his education due to utterly inappropriate placements and ineffective beauracracy in the school systems. I now make it a mission to educate parents on the rights of their children, and how to manage school districts, rather than letting them manage you.

I've been there. I know how schools work and frankly, the politics are digusting. And until you understand how things work in THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA, I siggest you stop making accusatory and broad statements, because you are only making an idiot of yourself by showing just how ignorant on this type of issue you are.

Anne

I have to agree with Anne here & I wish I'd had her suggestions years ago when our school district wouldn't provide our son with services that he needed, and then when he did start in our local school, he didn't learn, and they didn't keep him safe. The last straw was when the school bully held him up against a cement pillar by his neck, and none of the surrounding kids could get this kid to stop, he was too strong.... the school could not do a thing to control this kid. I wish to god I'd had Anne's advice... instead we put both kids in private school at a cost of more than we'd ever thought possible We pay that, not the school. We are paying for something because the school could not teach our children, and they could not take care of them to be safe....

School districts have to be held accountable for their lax policies....

 

[Mimi Q]

So sorry this happened to your daughter.

 

[Tantor]

My heart goes out to you Jenny.Keep us informed please.

 

[SeeDisney]

So so so so sorry for you and your daughter.

I don't know what to say but it angers me so much about bullying kids. I just want to shake them and smack some sense to them. Why why why are they so cruel??

Good for you for pressing charges and I would have done the same as well.

 

[Disney Doll]

Why are people in the US so quick to suggest a lawsuit. Why not punish the kids that attacked this poor girl. There has to be a better way of helping the schools deal with bullying than sueing them and being confrontational.

Because, sad to say, the way to really punish people most of the time is to hit them where it is important...in their pocketbook.

Think about it. These are kids who planned an attack. They brought a different pair of shoes in to wear during the attack, so they wouldn't ruin their "good" shoes? Do you honestly think a 5 day suspension is going to faze them? Do you honestly think they are going to care about a retsraining order?

Think again about what the OP posted. This has been an ongoing situation with her DD & these kids at school. The school, one would assume, is aware of it. And yet, still her daughter gets beat up to the point where she requires medical care. Sad to say, often in this country nothing gets accomplished until the words "I am going to call my attorney" have been said. Up until that point, many schools, employers, stores or whatever institution you are having a problem with will give you "lip service"...calling your attorney, especially if you have a situation that they know they should be handling better than they are handling it, gets results. It tends to spur them into actually doing what they know they should be doing. Many institutions "roll the dice" at first to see what your response will be, to see if they actually have to put a plan of action into place or make restitution, or if you, the wronged party, are going to let the matter drop.

That's why you call an attorney. In this case, the school is wrong. I am not one to jump to lawsuits. I generally prefer to avoid that at all costs, because I think attorneys are necessary evils. But this has been an ongoing situation that the school has not handled. And they should have.

 

[Disney Doll]

My DS is a Sophomore in College now (Providence College) he went to a private Catholic high school here in MA. In the 9th grade AFTER school was out, he was standing at his locker and two girls who had lockers on either side of his, started fighting. Headmaster and Principal BOTH came out of their offices and said STOP, NOW GET ALL YOUR BOOKS OUT OF YOUR LOCKER YOU ARE DONE HERE AT HOLY NAME. PERIOD!!!! My DS was like in shock of the entire event. The girls were GONE and never returned! EXPELLED and the school prides themselves on ZERO TOLERANCE. So kids do fight at private schools but unlike public they were removed immediately. I am aware in MA., public school students cannot be JUST thrown out like private schools BUT they need to be suspended IMMEDIATELY and some sort of mediation before they are allowed back to the school.
JENNY: I am so sorry for your DD! I am hoping and praying she will be ok. AND Yes, I agree with your DD, if she feels like going back tomorrow, she should WHILE HOLDING HER HEAD HIGH!!!!

That is the beauty of a good private school. It's not to say that bad stuff doesn't happen at private schools, because it does. But private schools have a lot more control over what they can do to students who break the rules.

I can recall when I started high school (barely, but I do have a faint memory ) at a private parochial school. The first day of school, the Dean of Discipline (yes, that was his actual title!!!!! ) stood in front of the entire student body and said "Your parents are paying a lot of money for you to be here. If you do not follow the rules, we are going to assume you don't want to be here, and we will assist your parents in saving their money and remove you from the school. There are 500 kids on a waiting list dying to come here". And he was quite serious. And there was a very long waiting list for the school. And it was a very effective speech. And he did not hesitate to make an example of the kids who tried to "test" him. It was very clear in the student handbook which offenses were punishable and to what degree. If you committed an "expel-able"offense, you were expelled. We had a couple of kids whose parents were big contributors to the school, so I guess they assumed they were "above" the disciplinary measures. They quickly found out that they weren't.

Meanwhile, there wasn't a lot of trouble at the school either. It was a nice learning environment, with pleasant, respectful people, you didn't always have to be watching your back.