My BIL died yesterday

[phred52]

I am sorry for your loss.

My family also does 'nothing' after a death. Thats how I grew up. My DH's family goes all out~ 3 days, DAYS ... of viewing, pot luck meals each day~looong line of cars...

When my Dad died, the in-laws were very vocal in their disapproval of how we did things. It really was none of their business. When MIL died a few months later, it was a full 3 day affair. I bit my tongue and was there every minute for my DH.

After it all was said and done, my DH told me he much preferred how we handled things with my Dad. He's told his family when he goes, it will be quietly and not to give me grief. I'm not going to hold my breath.

 

[disney1990]

of a massive stroke and brain hemmorhage. He leaves behind a wife, 3 children, an 88 yo mother, 5 brothers and sisters, and numerous nieces and nephews.

They are planning no funeral events at all (his choice made years ago). He is going to be cremated and that's it. No viewing, no service, nothing. My husband wants the same thing, and now that I'm living it, I don't know that I agree. I feel that at least a short viewing, even with coffin closed, would help provide closure, a way to say goodbye.

I understand that they are simply complying with his stated desires, but it's difficult. I feel bereft with no outlet for that grief. Of course I had no say in the decision (and of course no reason for anyone to consult with me).

If my husband goes before me, I don't know if I will be able to do the same thing.

Please pray for his entire family during this difficult time.

I am so sorry for your loss. But I don't believe in NOT following the wishes of somebody that has died. There is no way that I cannot following the instructions set forth by my DH. He has donated his body to a medical school -- there can be no viewing as the body has to go as soon as he dies. After one year, they will cremate the body and either bury the remains or return them to a family member.

 

[scrump]

I am so sorry for your loss.