My 9 year old DS is being picked on

[ohiomom28]

We just moved into a new house and this was his 2nd day of school. He comes home and says a kid started picking on him and cussing at him. He pushed past him and ran home. My question is..do we say something to the parents or see if anything else is done? My fear is that we say something and it makes it worse. My BF is ready to go to their house.

 

[downsouth]

The next time the kid cusses him have punch the kid in the nose and it will stop! Trust me from experience.

 

[disneynikon]

The next time the kid cusses him have punch the kid in the nose and it will stop! Trust me from experience.

Right, then your kid is the bully. Names can't hurt you. Hitting a kid, having him fall and hitting his head, dying that sends you to jail.

 

[AKL_Megs]

I was always taught not to fight, but you can bet your butt that I was told that if someone attacks me (cussing is a verbal attack) that I should defend myself.

Kids need to defend themselves, it's a part of life. If not, he will always be running to you whenever someone says something that bothers him.

Give that bully a taste of his own medicine. He is feeling your son out, don't let your son be a target. Tell him to defend himself!

And yes, saying something to the kids parents will make your son seem soft and a bigger target.

 

[disneynikon]

 

[downsouth]

Right, then your kid is the bully. Names can't hurt you. Hitting a kid, having him fall and hitting his head, dying that sends you to jail.

This isn't even worth responding too.

 

[jfoofj]

Is this happening on school grounds? My DS's school has a very strict "no bullying" rule and they really make a big deal about it. Maybe you could talk to the principal and/or teacher and let them be the "bad guy". I wouldn't tell your DS to hit this kid no matter what, a lot of schools also have a zero tolerance policy with violence.

If it isn't happening on school grounds I'd just tell your son to avoid the bully as best as he can and maybe STILL mention it to the school... I'm sure they have had issues w/ this kid in the past if he is such a bully. Maybe a call from the principal to the bully's mom would help. Especially if it is happening on the way home from school, but not still on school grounds....

Good luck, my DS is turning 9 and he is a real tenderheart, and if anyone was bullying him it would make me so mad... I'm glad your son told you about it so you can hopefully stop it soon.

 

[DisneyBlonde]

We just moved into a new house and this was his 2nd day of school. He comes home and says a kid started picking on him and cussing at him. He pushed past him and ran home. My question is..do we say something to the parents or see if anything else is done? My fear is that we say something and it makes it worse. My BF is ready to go to their house.

I'm so sorry. This happened to us when my DS was in 5th grade. He wasn't new, but he had been taking karate and was almost a black belt. The class punk was taunting DS in the restroom, saying he couldn't 'take' him. My DS was taught discipline in his karate classes, and he knows not to use karate to show off. He took the beating from punk and punk's friend. He came home with bruises all over his body.

I called the principal to ask what she intended to do about it, she said nothing, the boys were just playing and it got out of hand, they will apologize. This was a small Catholic school, and the punk's father was heavily involved in the athletic program as a volunteer. Not only would Principal not suspend the boys, they didn't even get reprimanded. I went to school the next day to get his records and left the principal a copy of the photos, told her the boys should consider themselves lucky that I didn't press charges. I got DS's records, which she didn't want to give me, told me i'd never find another parochial school with availability. I enrolled him in a Christian academy, which he started the following Monday. He had only missed one day of school in the conversion.

I can't say that this was the right thing to do, the best way to handle it...but it made me happy and DS did very well at the new school. He's 21 now and is still in contact with the kids he met there, even though he went to a different prep school after 8th grade.

 

[PebblesMK]

I'm going to have to disagree that if you approach the parents, your child will become a bigger target. Is it possible, yes. But generally speaking, I really don't believe that parents want their children to be bullies. Speaking from experience, my daughter was a bully (it happened because she was bullied by a boy who was not only 4 years older than her but also twice/thrice her size. Consequently she didn't know where to release her frustration and picked on somebody smaller)...it was brought to my attention by the school (which may be the way to approach the topic if that's where it happened). My daughter and I sat down and she told me that she wasn't sure why she did it and she was sorry because she had been in that position on a daily basis and it was wrong. She wrote apology notes to the kids she bullied, to their parents and also to the teachers for her behavior.
Unfortunately, being bullied is a hard thing for kids and I do believe that there should be some sort of intervention before it goes on too long. Make mention to the school who will in turn contact the parents. And if those parents are actually the type who would like to raise their child right (as opposed to the many parents in my community who let their 2/3 year olds run around the neighborhood on their own and expect others to watch their children and don't offer any rules or discipline), then they will for sure make sure that steps are taken to end it right then and there. If they are parents like the latter ones, then have the school intervene and they will take disciplinary action as long it's on school grounds...including the bus. I wish you good luck. It's horrible as a parent knowing your kiddo is getting picked on. Hugs to you.

 

[mjkacmom]

Well, if this is the first incident, I wouldn't call the parents. You need to teach your ds what to do if this happens again. My 2 older kids have been bullied, but stand up for themselves, and it hasn't been a major issue.

 

[ohiomom28]

We are going to talk to him tonight and see exactly what happened. My BF says we can't ignore it though..I don't know just what we will do yet.

My BF's says he is going to tell him to kick him between the legs..I am not sure I'm gonna go with that...lol and I'm not sure my son will do it. He is very sensitive and gets upset very easily.

 

[Darsa]

What I tell my daughter is "you need to be like a duck!" You know, how water slides off a ducks back? I'm afraid that parental intervention (at this point) might possibly make it worse. If he can show that it doesn't bother him the little snot might stop picking and find an easier target.

And hitting him is ridiculous; truly, saying the bully's gonna DIE because your kid pops him one is kind of overreacting, but it is WRONG to think it will stop if you follow that advice to have your kid HIT another kid for saying things. I can only hope that person was being facetious, but I'm thinking not

 

[mjkacmom]

We are going to talk to him tonight and see exactly what happened. My BF says we can't ignore it though..I don't know just what we will do yet.

My BF's says he is going to tell him to kick him between the legs..I am not sure I'm gonna go with that...lol and I'm not sure my son will do it. He is very sensitive and gets upset very easily.

I hate to say it, but kids pick on each other all of the time. I wouldn't think to interfere if my child told me that some other child called him a bad name. You don't want to make him a target. Did this other boy hit him? Push him? I don't tell my kids to be physical with other kids, but ds11 has pushed back when pushed.

 

[freckles and boo]

I would tread carefully until you have the whole story. And remember that this new enemy could be a new best friend in a week. I agree that kids need to learn how to stand up for themselves and how to negotiate the minefield of childhood. However, I would keep an close eye on things and get as much information as you can. Call the school if necessary. If this kid is a real menace then I would step in sooner rather than later, but I wouldn't encourage your kid be the first one to throw a punch or kick. That is a terrible way to start off a school year. I hope you figure it out.

 

[Youarehere]

Right, then your kid is the bully. Names can't hurt you. Hitting a kid, having him fall and hitting his head, dying that sends you to jail.

Holy hyperbole batman.

 

[IluvKingLouis]

When I was being picked on, in 4th and 5th grade, my parents had me take Judo lessons (later in life I took Tae Kwon Do and think that's also an excellent discipline).

Because it's self defense you can't use the moves you learn to attack another person. But the moves are highly effective if someone comes after you. I did throw (gently) two classmates over my shoulder in 5th grade because they rushed me. Never had any problems with bullying after that. In fact, I was considered "cool".

I was never EVER the aggressor. But being able to protect myself gave me a certain confidence that I think others were able to pick up on.

 

[java]

safety in numbers. Does your son have a friend yet? If not time to invite someone over. Bullies pick out the loners. They want an easy target.

I am sorry your son is going through this. Personally I would try to get him to stand up for himself. It'll put an end to it. But if it persists then chatting with the parents isn't a bad idea.

Where did this all happen? On the walk home? I found that 99% of bully issues occur on the BUS, In the BATHROOM or In the LOCKER ROOM. All places that they are not being supervised. Trick is to not be alone. My now 15 year old handled bullies a different way. He befriended them. He laughed at them when they tried to get him to cry. And quickly the "bully" was calling to come over. And this was when he was 9 too. Must be a tough time for boys.

 

[Disney Doll]

Holy hyperbole batman.

 

[Shelton123]

You should tell your DS to tell him "I have no time for your low class behavior."

 

[ohiomom28]

When we finally sat down with him last night he told us that he pushed the kid down and ran home. The kid stayed away from him today after school. So, I'm sure it may have scared him some. LOL