My 9 year old DS is being picked on

[downsouth]

When we finally sat down with him last night he told us that he pushed the kid down and ran home. The kid stayed away from him today after school. So, I'm sure it may have scared him some. LOL

Bullies prey on those who won't fight back! Good for him.

 

[disneyjunkie]

Good for your son. I bet the bully is busy looking for a new target.

Most likely a kid who has been taught not to fight back.

 

[locolala]

I agree with standing up for yourself when being bullied. I was bullied constantly throughout elementary school and middle school. Eventually, I confronted the kids, not with a fist or foul language, but by making them feel very stupid. Granted, I was always top of my class for intelligence so it wasn't hard to make them feel dumb, but man.. it was great turning their words around and making them feel horrible. Didn't get messed with much after that, except for one girl who decided to try to beat me up in the lunchroom. She ended up with a dislocated elbow, and I just had some bruises. No charges pressed against me and no discipline at school, as she started it and hit me 5 or 6 times before I spun her around. Martial arts classes paid off.

 

[Gagirl69]

You pull that kid aside and tell him if he bullies your child anymore you will come down on him like a Georgia thunderstorm. He will get the message.

 

[ginna74]

well am glad your son defended himself and I would keep an eye on it too. this is the age where kids really start the bullying. If more adults intervened I believe the major bullying would stop. Don't be affraid to go to the school and demand action!! you have to demand that your kids will be going into an envirnment that is safe where they can learn without fear of intimidation and attacks. Being known as the parents who defend your children is a whole lot better then having your kids live in fear of going to school. I wish I could have felt safe in school. And YES it started in grade school. Demanding your children's safety is a "good thing" in my book. This coming from a severely bullied person and a mom.

 

[Eeyores Butterfly]

Although I don't like the way he did it, I am glad your son stood up from himself.

I was bullied a lot when I was a kid. I was told every stupid cliche in the book by adults: "I'm rubber you're glue," "Sticks and stones," etc. Guess what? That did not make me ever feel one iota better. Words do hurt and there were times it escalated into physical violence. The only thing that made it better is when we finally went to the school with it. In 7th grade a boy in my homeroom stood up in the cafeteria and announced that the kids who committed the Jonesboro, AR shooting should come and shoot me (this took place the next day). This same kid had been hitting me over the head with books and drawing swastikas on my stuff. Once the school called his parents everything stopped.

In 9th grade two boys threatened to kill me two times within three days. This was the one year anniversary of Columbine and everyone was convinced there would be a copycat attack at our school. In this case the administration did nothing because they were jocks and I was not. This was despite the fact two teachers and a counselor believed me. Although the administration did nothing, my teachers looked out for me after that and it did stop. I just wish somebody would have stepped in elementary school, because I did try to stand up for myself but it never worked with the bullies that were coming after me. Sometimes it doesn't.

So please, don't use those tired old cliches with kids when they report bullying. It made me feel like nobody cared or that I was worth their effort. I didn't go to any adult for a long time when the physical bullying started because I thought that they wouldn't help me since they didn't help me when it was verbal. It did affect me a lot growing up- to the point that I skipped high school because I don't think I could have taken it anymore.

 

[Imzadi]

When we finally sat down with him last night he told us that he pushed the kid down and ran home. The kid stayed away from him today after school. So, I'm sure it may have scared him some. LOL

Bullies prey on those who won't fight back! Good for him.

Good for your son. I bet the bully is busy looking for a new target.

Most likely a kid who has been taught not to fight back.

Good for your son!

I grew up in an abusive home and was a victim. The kids at school spotted me easily as one. A reputation as a victim spreads around fast. I had it for all the 12 years of school and yes, I was picked on throughout the all those years. It made up my identity.

It wasn't until I was an adult when I learned martial arts & self defense that I was able to change my life and my identity. (I am even thinking of studying more. I found the school that teaches the official martial arts of the Israeli military. It's what our air marshals went to study after 9/11.) I can tell you no one messes with me now on the streets of NY. I carry myself differently and everyone knows it. If I'm in a bad mood and people see me coming, they literally have gotten out of my way. Muggers don't bother messing with me. They prefer easy targets.

Even late at night, I can go where I please now. I'm not stupid and take reckless chances. But, it's so different from being a victim and being afraid and letting other people dictate where I can and can't go. I even drove cross-country & back on my own.

If I had a chance to go back and talk to my childhood self again, I would have told her to push back or hit one of the bullies. It only takes one time and that reputation spreads. If I had the choice between a reputation of being a victim or a bully, I would pick bully. That doesn't mean I have to bully other people , just stand up for myself. Having a reputation of standing up for myself is preferable to being the victim, at the whim of others.

 

[disneymarie]

May never get the whole story from a 9 year old. The first story or the second one is the truth. Did the second one come out to please the BF?

I would say he must have displayed some kind of response that the child will avoid him. I would worry, that if he did push the child, did the other child get hurt and that is why he is out of school?
Kid too can only use enough force as what is used against them, words will not hurt them..kicking someone, shoving them, even as a reaction could harm a child unintentionally and cause a liabiligty headache and years of anymosity for a new family.

You need to talk to the parents and find out what is going on; the boys many never give either of you the right story.
BUT: STOP-NO-GO is the way you should deal with bullies,
You have the power to say; stop, no I won't let you bother me, and go away from the situation. Don't make a bad situation worse, nor let your child fell like a victim, empower them......

The child stood up for their self, told the person the actions were wrong, and left....Also, tell an adult.
The school has to start the year off by a bullying program. One that also helps kids that see others being bullied know what to do.
This is a very touchy situation and at 9 years old addressed properly or forever will affect the kids.

 

[metime]

As a peace loving individual I must admit telling a child to hit would never cross my mind. A child from a loving home probably will value themselves to much to tolerate a bully and may naturally come to this or some other conclusion.

My oldest has always had a height advantage (12 yo is 5'9") so I was always worried that she would figure out that other kids her age would be frightened of her should she become angry. One day another 2 year old kept pulling her little pigtails. She would scowl at him each time and I thought about saying something to the mom as this was at a playdate. after about a 1/2 hour and the 15th pull my daughter turns around,grabs a chunk of the other kids hair tugs and then pulls twice as hard as the kid did. She stopped and looked at him like "do you get it now!" He stopped.

She is the most patient person, even more so than I am. She has a lot of medical issues that require surgery and when she was 9 I was concerned that she would have trouble communicating her needs in the hospital. One time, when she was in an extreme amount of pain, she asked everyone just to be quite (you know how it is when you need to focus) this nurse would not shut-up after my daughter asked nicely for 15 minutes. Finally she turned to the nurse and yelled "When you talk it hurts more! stop talking! Your voice is hurting me!". I sat there silently while the nurse looked at me like "aren't you going to say anything" I simply stayed quiet and was secretly proud of her for demanding her needs be met.

Later on I told her she did exactly the right thing. I think those are the only times that I have seen her exert any sign of force but it is nice to know that she is a sweet heart with out being a doormat. Most of the time kids will make their own stand when the time comes and we have to give them reasonable space to do so.