My 13yo niece was crushed and publicly humilated

[daisax]

If they keep them together as a group, they could always have extra services that day so that if regular worshippers show up and find the place packed, they can leave and come back to a later service or can plan to attend a later service in the first place. Many churches already do this for high services such as Christmas and Easter.

In our Catholic church, the first communions are scheduled -- "regular worshipers" know when the first communions will be, so they won't just show up and find the place packed -- they'll make plans accordingly to be considerate and choose a different mass that day or take their chances on finding a seat. It's not a matter of being "excluded" but of a special mass for those kids and family members, and the congregation at large helping to ensure that those closest to the children are able to share that special event with them.

I think on May Day the girls wear their first communion dresses so the congregation at large can ooh and ahh. But it's been a few years so I can't recall.

 

[dcentity2000]

My sister called me yesterday morning to tell me what happened to my niece on Saturday.

She had been invited to her "friend's" Bat Mitsvah. She had been looking forward to going for weeks. My sister said ten minutes after she dropped her off, she gets a phone call from her asking to come and get her. She was asked to leave.

The girl's GRANDMOTHER told my niece in front of a room full of people that the girl did not like her, and she did not want her at her party. She was asked to leave. They allowed her to wait outside until my sister came.

As she was telling me this, I asked her if she went in and ripped the mother's face off. (That is what my sister would of done in the olden days, she doesn't take crap from anyone). She said my niece was really upset, so she dealt with her at the moment. When she got home, she typed out a letter informing this mother exactly what she thought. She then forwarded it to the school principle, the girls teacher and the girl's Rabbi. I guess one other girl from their Synagogue was asked to leave also.

I just can't imagine ANYONE allowing their child to do something like this, especially on a religious occasion. I feel so bad for my niece. My stomach has been in knots since yesterday just thinking about how she must of felt standing out there.

That's despicable. There is NO excuse for treating someone like that, least of all a child.



Rich::

 

[undercovermom]

Interestingly, my lder d and I were talking about the girls on her team and their mothers. She said: "I don't understand why 'G' is a witch, her mother is so nice, but 'A' is a mean girl and her mother is even worse." some times the mother is oblivious, and sometimes the daughter learned it from the mother.

 

[mickaholic4077]

I belong to a liberal-mainline protestant denomination, if that helps.

What is your specific liberal-mainline protestant denomination?

As for your questioning my post,yes,your post does give off the idea that you're right and we're wrong for limiting people at First Communion masses. You may not think so,but I definitely got the impression that from your perspective,you think it's wrong.(But then again,I'm American. )

 

[crossfamily]

I am so sorry for your neice. That is just so sad. Even if the grandmother was told a lie from the girl, I dont' understand how she could react the way she did. Please keep us udated when you find out what the outcome of those letters were. Glad your neice has a wonderful family.

 

[mytwotinks]

I think that there are usually at least a couple of these "mean moms" everywhere. In my opinion it usually happens when popularity is more important to them mom than the girl. My 10 year old has been dealing with one. This woman tries to embarass me in front of other parents because she feels like my dd takes her dd's friends. It is so silly. Her kid doesn't have friends because she acts ugly, period!

Anyway, I have worried that if she will treat me this way, she might do the same to my kid. I have told dd to stay away from this kid. I think it is just looking for trouble to be around people like this. Even when she is being nice we need to know what comes next.

This mom (of mean girl at party) should be ashamed, but I doubt she ever will. Some people are just born without a conscience.

 

[2girlsmom]

Have we had any updates??
OP, I sure hope that someone thought to discuss further with the family...

 

[OceanAnnie]

I was looking for an update too.

 

[EltonJohn]

While I sympathize with your niece things like this build character in a person. I speak from experience~growing up in school I was always the one that was picked on, the one with no friends, the one sitting by herself at lunch, etc., etc., etc. This will build character in your niece.

 

[Loverly]

Any update?

 

[JennyMominRI]

While I sympathize with your niece things like this build character in a person. I speak from experience~growing up in school I was always the one that was picked on, the one with no friends, the one sitting by herself at lunch, etc., etc., etc. This will build character in your niece.

It didn't build character in me..It made me shy, ackward in groups and very uncomfortable is social situations..It has taken me years to get more comfortable in these areas and I'm still not fully confident.

 

[MushyMushy]

It didn't build character in me..It made me shy, ackward in groups and very uncomfortable is social situations..It has taken me years to get more comfortable in these areas and I'm still not fully confident.

Same here, Jenny. The reason schools have spent so much money on anti-bullying campaigns is because that sort of behavior damages children -- not builds character.

 

[Carly_Roach]

While I sympathize with your niece things like this build character in a person. I speak from experience~growing up in school I was always the one that was picked on, the one with no friends, the one sitting by herself at lunch, etc., etc., etc. This will build character in your niece.

I agree with this. Look at any world leader in any field and you'll find they've had difficult childhoods that pales what happened to the neice here.

If she can learn from this, rise above it, and apply her learnings to other aspects of her life, she'll have have aquired a valuable skill about independence, taking control, and not allowing what other people think rule her life. It's a hard won lesson to be sure, but a good one.

 

[Cindy B]

I agree with it as well. I was teased and such and I used that to be the strongest person I could be.

Sure, it hurt at the time but I am a way stronger person because of it.

 

[RitaZ.]

I agree with this. Look at any world leader in any field and you'll find they've had difficult childhoods that pales what happened to the neice here.

If she can learn from this, rise above it, and apply her learnings to other aspects of her life, she'll have have aquired a valuable skill about independence, taking control, and not allowing what other people think rule her life. It's a hard won lesson to be sure, but a good one.

In a perfect world, we would all react and learn the same way. Unfortunately, that's not reality. There are moments/experiences in life that define who we become as adults. Not everyone will handle the same problem, the same way. I'm not saying that this is one of those defining moments for the OP's niece. Maybe it was, maybe it won't be. Children don't rationalize problems the way adults do. Children tend to internalize them. No one likes to be rejected or publicly humiliated, especially by those people that we think are our friends.

 

[Disney Doll]

We're all human, aren't we?

Actually, my grandmother's generation always felt that if a Jewish person misbehaved, he embarassed all of the Jews. So when teh serial killer or pedophile turns out to be Jewish, i's an embarassment to the entire Jewish community.

Yes we are all human. Most of the time people on the DIS seem to remember that when discussing most other religious affiliations besides Catholicism. When there is an "issue" with the Catholic Church, everybody jumps on the Catholic bashing bandwagon. There's not so much "leeway" for being human.

 

[Disney Doll]

It didn't build character in me..It made me shy, ackward in groups and very uncomfortable is social situations..It has taken me years to get more comfortable in these areas and I'm still not fully confident.

Oh Jenny, it most certainly did build character in you. I am not saying that it didn't do all the other things you speak of as well, but just based on what I see of your posts here, you are a person of extraordinary character.

Of course, we all would have preferred it if you had not been bullied, but character you have aplenty!

 

[Disney Doll]

In a perfect world, we would all react and learn the same way. Unfortunately, that's not reality. There are moments/experiences in life that define who we become as adults. Not everyone will handle the same problem, the same way. I'm not saying that this is one of those defining moments for the OP's niece. Maybe it was, maybe it won't be. Children don't rationalize problems the way adults do. Children tend to internalize them. No one likes to be rejected or publicly humiliated, especially by those people that we think are our friends.

But I think in the case of a child, that's where the parents come in, as far as helping the child handle a negative situaiton in such a way that it doesn't become all consuming for the child.

And by helping I mean discussing, teaching, guiding the child to relaize the hard lesson that there are always going to be crappy people in the world who are going to try and bring you down. And going to bat for the child when necessary.

I remember the day I learned that life wasn't "fair". My father sadi to me "Honey, life isn't always going to be fair".

 

[Camicar]

This will build character in your niece.

I could not disagree more. Why not wish cancer on the girl -- surely that suffering too will build character.

 

[Disney Ella]

It didn't build character in me..It made me shy, ackward in groups and very uncomfortable is social situations..It has taken me years to get more comfortable in these areas and I'm still not fully confident.

It didn't build character in me either. But it has saved me money! All those high school reunion invitations go right in the trash.