Money and Contentment

[crisi]

crisi mentioned? Thanks.
Trish

There are a couple - Mr. Money Moustache (our friend Mrs. Pete shows up there from time to time) - whose focus is early retirement on a reasonable income - Mr. Money Moustache himself has a three person family living off about $30k a year. Living Like No One Else - for Dave Ramsey followers - I know several people here spend time over there. Bogelheads was mentioned - has an investing focus, but they can get fairly cheap so they have more to invest similar to how we suggest to save money to be able to afford Chef Mickey's.

I actually don't participate in any - I'm here and one other general use board and that is it. I'll check out a few frugality blogs from time to time. You can do a search for them - I like to check Get Rich Slowly (which has forums, but I've never checked them out).

I will note that when you enter the realm of extreme frugality the people around here WILL seem like the spend like drunken sailors. And if you think this group can get judgmental on how other people spent their money, brace yourself. You might want to go into those places and not come right out an admit a Disney addiction that involves trips, snowglobes and every Disney movie ever released on VHS, DVD and now Blu Ray, plus digital copies purchased on Amazon so the kids can watch at Grandmas Most people on the really frugal end of the spectrum "just won't understand."

 

[lost*in*cyberspace]

That seems like an intensely personal question. Its possible that these kids were conceived without the benefits of father(s) - i.e. sperm donation. Or they could be adopted. At the age she seems to be (she's been a nurse for 20 years), that seems far more likely to me than what you are implying. But, it isn't any of your business how someone's children are conceived

I didn't ask about this. YOU brought it up, not me . I don't care how she got her kids, was just wondering if child support might be another source of help for them. And it was the OP who asked for advice. Perhaps you should let her defend herself if she is offended. Since she has posted they were adopted, she has answered my question.

 

[ellochka]

There are a couple - Mr. Money Moustache (our friend Mrs. Pete shows up there from time to time) - whose focus is early retirement on a reasonable income - Mr. Money Moustache himself has a three person family living off about $30k a year. Living Like No One Else - for Dave Ramsey followers - I know several people here spend time over there. Bogelheads was mentioned - has an investing focus, but they can get fairly cheap so they have more to invest similar to how we suggest to save money to be able to afford Chef Mickey's.

I actually don't participate in any - I'm here and one other general use board and that is it. I'll check out a few frugality blogs from time to time. You can do a search for them - I like to check Get Rich Slowly (which has forums, but I've never checked them out).

I will note that when you enter the realm of extreme frugality the people around here WILL seem like the spend like drunken sailors. And if you think this group can get judgmental on how other people spent their money, brace yourself. You might want to go into those places and not come right out an admit a Disney addiction that involves trips, snowglobes and every Disney movie ever released on VHS, DVD and now Blu Ray, plus digital copies purchased on Amazon so the kids can watch at Grandmas Most people on the really frugal end of the spectrum "just won't understand."

I will second that! I am not into extreme frugality (not at all ) but even I get uncomfortable with "help me pick out a brand new car that I will have to borrow for" posts, and those are received pretty well here. On the frugal boards you may get a good smackdown for the Disney DVDs, but you totally get ripped a new one for suggesting you borrow to buy a new car. Spending extra $5K on a brand new car vs a used one does buy a lot of DVDs...

 

[Bete]

First, I commend you for adopting two children. That is a huge commitment. God Bless you.

Bottom line is you either need to work more if you want more money or you have to spend less or you have to be content with the way you live; because, you don't want to change your way of life.

Frugal is in the eye of the beholder. If you shop for food at Aldi's then you are frugal. If you use coupons and reward programs you are frugal. If you don't use a credit card you are frugal or if you do use one then you pay it off completely each month. If you buy clothes at thrift shops then you are frugal.

If you own a smart phone you are not frugal. If you pay for apps you are not frugal. If you buy e-books you are not frugal. If you have very high speed Internet you are not frugal. If you have all the channels on cable you are not frugal. If you rent movies you are not frugal. If you have any club memberships like a fitness center then you are not frugal. If you pay full price on anything you are not frugal. If you buy brand name products you are not frugal.

If you won't give up on the dance lessons then I would even negotiate the cost of the dance lessons. It doesn't hurt to try. Maybe, there is another dance studio nearby that is cheaper and you could change. Maybe, you could find a different activity to do that is cheaper and drop the dancing. You should ask your children if they would like to do something else.

Join up with a friend or relative in one home and share expenses. You won't have complete privacy, but you will have more money. The same is true with finding a partner. If it would lead to marriage or a live in companion that should help costs, too.

Look at every cent you have to pay out and ask yourself if you could do better somewhere else. Get some quotes and find out for sure.

 

[barkley]

I always wonder the number crunching some of the extreme frugality proponents use. I mean, I'm into canning and while I enjoy the taste/health benefits; from a frugality basis driving several hundred miles to purchase produce that doesn't cost much less than I can get from a local store does not offset the cost of gas (and lids-which I don't care what any canner says-they are not meant to be resealed).

I feel the same way about couponing-know people who swear I'm losing money by not at least getting the sunday paper. I've seen the sunday paper-the coupons in the big store ads are the same ones at the front of the store that I can pick up and use-the 'value pack' ads have never reaped me the $3.50 the paper costs. running around to every store to get the best penny savings-maybe if all the stores are close by home/work-but it's a gallon of gas to my local stores (round trip), 3 gallons (round trip) to all the ones they run to. it would take me a heck a lotta 10cent savings on canned goods to justify spending a minimum of $8.00 in extra gas.

I watch my pennies (dollar store **** and span is the same as the $3 bottle at the grocery store, hanes clothing from walmart is of no lesser grade than at kohls or elsewhere...) but when it comes down to making my own laundry detergent out of shavings from bars of soap it's just not going to happen (doesn't this end up clogging up the works ala the soap scum that ends up in tubs and showers?), though I will confess to taking my own soap/shampoo etc. on vacations over the years and tossing the hotel supplied ones into the suitcase each night (dd will not have to buy body/face soap, lotion, shampoo, body wash or sewing kits for the first several years she's on her own-and many of the small containers she will use will reminder of when we were able to visit wdw more often than now).

 

[StitchBuddy]

OP- I have read through all these posts. You are doing an awesome job with what you have. Part of your being discontent could also be your age. I'm guessing you are in your 40's. I have read that is the time people are least content with their lives. I know it was that way for me. You think, gosh, I have worked for so long and so hard, seems it should be easier by now. Like you. we had our child later in life. That isn't a bad thing, it just is. I guess what I am trying say is this is a season of your life, try to enjoy your girls and the memories you make. I grew up with a single mom and quite often money was more than a little tight. It will get easier with time. I can tell you some of my fondest memories are pancakes and fried bologna for dinner. My mom got creative at the end of the month when there was no more money for food. I often think of all the things she must have done without, so I could have ice skating lessons, play in band, a nice Christmas, and a vacation every year on a secretaries salary. We would alternate our vacations. One year visit family, the next go somewhere. When you start to get discouraged look at your percious girls and remember you are making wonderful memories and they are loved and you are too!

 

[Colleen27]

I would type that out, print it, and post it everywhere in your house. Sounds like a great set of things to remind yourself of regularly. I would find great contentment just in that.

I second this advice. When your choices and achievements are outside of the norm sometimes just looking at the way "everyone else" is living is enough to breed a bit of discontent. We are, after all, a society that measures achievement in dollars and luxuries and in which "more" is often considered a goal in and of itself. It isn't always easy to buck those trends. No matter how strongly you feel about what you've accomplished, when you see friends heading off on vacation or going out with the girls a little envy is normal. The trick, in my experience, is reminding yourself often of the reasons for and rewards of your particular choices.

 

[ellochka]

I feel the same way about couponing-know people who swear I'm losing money by not at least getting the sunday paper. I've seen the sunday paper-the coupons in the big store ads are the same ones at the front of the store that I can pick up and use-the 'value pack' ads have never reaped me the $3.50 the paper costs. running around to every store to get the best penny savings-maybe if all the stores are close by home/work-but it's a gallon of gas to my local stores (round trip), 3 gallons (round trip) to all the ones they run to. it would take me a heck a lotta 10cent savings on canned goods to justify spending a minimum of $8.00 in extra gas.

I watch my pennies (dollar store **** and span is the same as the $3 bottle at the grocery store, hanes clothing from walmart is of no lesser grade than at kohls or elsewhere...) but when it comes down to making my own laundry detergent out of shavings from bars of soap it's just not going to happen (doesn't this end up clogging up the works ala the soap scum that ends up in tubs and showers?), though I will confess to taking my own soap/shampoo etc. on vacations over the years and tossing the hotel supplied ones into the suitcase each night (dd will not have to buy body/face soap, lotion, shampoo, body wash or sewing kits for the first several years she's on her own-and many of the small containers she will use will reminder of when we were able to visit wdw more often than now).

LOL, you hit on two things than never made sense to me - couponing and making your own cleaning products. Coupons are never for the things we buy, and even if they are, the savings are paltry ($5/mo). Cleaning products are my favorite pet peeve. They usually require trips to specialty stores, and so much fuss for an inferior product that costs only pennies less.

On the other side, there are certain things that people do they they don't even realize cost them thousands. Like, buying-selling houses every 2-5 years. That's really expensive - 6% commission plus the cost of moving, so at least $10K every time. The same with cars. Getting a new car every 3 years is expensive, and leasing is expensive, too. If you need to make your own detergent and bag your lunch every day to be able to get into new house, maybe it's smarter to stay put.

 

[Colleen27]

I always wonder the number crunching some of the extreme frugality proponents use. I mean, I'm into canning and while I enjoy the taste/health benefits; from a frugality basis driving several hundred miles to purchase produce that doesn't cost much less than I can get from a local store does not offset the cost of gas (and lids-which I don't care what any canner says-they are not meant to be resealed).

I feel the same way about couponing-know people who swear I'm losing money by not at least getting the sunday paper. I've seen the sunday paper-the coupons in the big store ads are the same ones at the front of the store that I can pick up and use-the 'value pack' ads have never reaped me the $3.50 the paper costs. running around to every store to get the best penny savings-maybe if all the stores are close by home/work-but it's a gallon of gas to my local stores (round trip), 3 gallons (round trip) to all the ones they run to. it would take me a heck a lotta 10cent savings on canned goods to justify spending a minimum of $8.00 in extra gas.

I watch my pennies (dollar store **** and span is the same as the $3 bottle at the grocery store, hanes clothing from walmart is of no lesser grade than at kohls or elsewhere...) but when it comes down to making my own laundry detergent out of shavings from bars of soap it's just not going to happen (doesn't this end up clogging up the works ala the soap scum that ends up in tubs and showers?), though I will confess to taking my own soap/shampoo etc. on vacations over the years and tossing the hotel supplied ones into the suitcase each night (dd will not have to buy body/face soap, lotion, shampoo, body wash or sewing kits for the first several years she's on her own-and many of the small containers she will use will reminder of when we were able to visit wdw more often than now).

I wonder about some of those things too. I can, but because I believe in buying local/eating in season. I do think it saves me money but only by a very selective math - comparing home-canned to natural or organic products on the basis of comparable quality. Store brand spaghetti sauce/salsa/peaches and out of season imported loss-leader produce would certainly be cheaper. My garden does save a bundle, though. I'm to the point where it runs on very little input, <$100/year, and turns out some pretty good harvests.

I'm a total failure at couponing - the inserts in our local paper are very processed food heavy and don't help with the things I buy, and no one around here doubles any more so unless I'm brand loyal the store brands usually offer better deals than the name brand with a coupon. I feel like couponing goes more or less hand in hand with embracing a more typically "busy American" diet than I want for my family, with great deals on Hot Pockets and Froot Loops but not so much if you shop the perimeter of the store and nothing at all if you prefer farmers markets, bakeries, and butchers shops over major chains. I'm also a failure at homemade laundry soap. Mine only worked well with warm water, which cuts into the savings, and I was never quite pleased with the results. I've been told I could do better if I used a food processor to get the shredded soap finer, but I went back to Arm & Hammer and cold water.

 

[Colleen27]

Cleaning products are my favorite pet peeve. They usually require trips to specialty stores, and so much fuss for an inferior product that costs only pennies less.

I suppose it depends on what you're making. I use quite a few homemade products that don't take anything special - mostly vinegar, lemon juice, and water, occasionally rubbing alcohol, olive oil, baking soda, etc. Nothing I don't routinely have on hand or can't get fairly cheaply from the grocery store. But that's another of those things I don't do for savings as much as because I simply prefer natural, gentle products and find it harder and harder to steer clear of the anti-microbial trend in commercial cleaning products. Saving a couple bucks is just a side effect.

 

[ellochka]

I suppose it depends on what you're making. I use quite a few homemade products that don't take anything special - mostly vinegar, lemon juice, and water, occasionally rubbing alcohol, olive oil, baking soda, etc. Nothing I don't routinely have on hand or can't get fairly cheaply from the grocery store. But that's another of those things I don't do for savings as much as because I simply prefer natural, gentle products and find it harder and harder to steer clear of the anti-microbial trend in commercial cleaning products. Saving a couple bucks is just a side effect.

I am talking about things like borax, ammonia, peroxide, and a couple of other things needed for homemade cleaning substitutes. I have tried the homemade stain removers, but only because the store-bought were not effective (and neither were the homemade, quite honestly), but when I read about shaving the soap, I realize that this is not for me. The money saved is certainly not worth the trouble.

 

[pigletto]

I am talking about things like borax, ammonia, peroxide, and a couple of other things needed for homemade cleaning substitutes. I have tried the homemade stain removers, but only because the store-bought were not effective (and neither were the homemade, quite honestly), but when I read about shaving the soap, I realize that this is not for me. The money saved is certainly not worth the trouble.

I would agree on stain removers except baking soda and peroxide. Nothing and I mean nothing gets underarm/deoderant discolouration out of white shirts like that combo. I tried it on a lark because I was getting ready to throw out and replace dd's white uniform shirts and it worked like a charm. They sparkle.

 

[crisi]

I am talking about things like borax, ammonia, peroxide, and a couple of other things needed for homemade cleaning substitutes. I have tried the homemade stain removers, but only because the store-bought were not effective (and neither were the homemade, quite honestly), but when I read about shaving the soap, I realize that this is not for me. The money saved is certainly not worth the trouble.

All that stuff is at my Target. The one I have to go out of my way for is washing soda, I have to get that at the grocery store across the parking lot from Target . (I used to have to drive about four miles to a different grocery store).

Grating soap - I throw two or three bars through the grater on the food processor and put it in a tupperware, that's grated soap for MONTHS of batches of soap. Of course, you need a food processor for that to work - they aren't cost effective for simply grating soap.

Its probably only $50 a year in savings, but its $50 a year. And eco friendly products are much more expensive (there are a few I do buy) that homemade eco friendly products make a lot of sense.

 

[lvillotta1]

I am so humbled by all of your nice comments after I posted a 2nd time. My greatest joy everyday are my girls and the beautiful life we have been blessed with. Thank you letting me see that in a different perspective about contentment. I agree with so many that I am 42 and financially these are just going to be hard years.

I would love to start a frugal DIS board. At to all the single moms that posted know that we are very special people and we all walk together everyday and do the best we can with what we have.

 

[havaneselover]

I am so humbled by all of your nice comments after I posted a 2nd time. My greatest joy everyday are my girls and the beautiful life we have been blessed with. Thank you letting me see that in a different perspective about contentment. I agree with so many that I am 42 and financially these are just going to be hard years.

I would love to start a frugal DIS board. At to all the single moms that posted know that we are very special people and we all walk together everyday and do the best we can with what we have.

Thank you! Your post really made me think about my challenges as a single mom and what's really important at the end of the day.

Sounds to me like you are accomplishing something extraordinary with your girls and they won't grow up thinking contentment comes from acquiring things.

 

[North of Mouse]

Thanks for all the comments. Just to answer some questions. I have been through FPU DaveRamsey's program and have also read his books. I am frugal to the core and have a budget. As far as activites go the only activity my kids do is dance and I will not take that away from them. Yes it is a sacrifice,but not a regret at all. As far as contentment goes I have my ups and downs with that word I guess. In some ways I am content,but there are times in life when I would like a few extra's. I do not think that is selfish at all. And to the OP who asked about child support you should have never posted such a comment. I adopted both of my girls from China a single mom by CHOICE!!!!! They were infants when they came home. I paid cash for 2 adoptions and have redone my house with no debt!!!! I doubt anyone on the DISBoards could have done what I chose to do without being in debt. I have accomplished more in my lifetime than most people will ever accomplish. I have chosen to be home with my girls as much as possible and yes money is not everything,but at the end of the day my girls know what family and love are.

Wow, if you are so proud to have accomplished so much without debt, and feel like you have done more in your lifetime than most will ever accomplish, then why in the world are you asking advice of those very same people that you think you are better off than??

Seems to be like you may have some 'attitude'.
I wanted to be understanding until you made this post, but I've known people like you, and they don't keep friends long when they give out the attitude they are so much better than others.

Most of us know what it's like to have struggled sometimes in life, but in our world doesn't seem like you qualify, going by the post I quoted.

 

[JanaDee]

Wow, if you are so proud to have accomplished so much without debt, and feel like you have done more in your lifetime than most will ever accomplish, then why in the world are you asking advice of those very same people that you think you are better off than??

Seems to be like you may have some 'attitude'.
I wanted to be understanding until you made this post, but I've known people like you, and they don't keep friends long when they give out the attitude they are so much better than others.

Most of us know what it's like to have struggled sometimes in life, but in our world doesn't seem like you qualify, going by the post I quoted.

I agree with you. Being a single mom is hard. I was raised by one, but then I got to this post and this is a deliberate choice the OP made...and now she's complaining it's hard and she doesn't have much money?

The simplest answer is you either need to make more or spend less.

 

[Dakota731]

I made a deliberate choice to stay home when my kids were little, so I knew we weren't going to have as much money as a two income family, but we sacrificed some material things and made it work. I shopped at yard sales, clipped coupons and sometimes only had $1 in my checking account! But I wouldn't change a thing and to tell you the truth, people usually end up spending what they earn anyway (buying a bigger house, newer cars, more vacations, etc). I think it's a vicious circle, so why not just be content and thankful for all your blessings or work more hours (it's usually for a nurse) if you really feel you need to.

 

[SEA333]

Wow, if you are so proud to have accomplished so much without debt, and feel like you have done more in your lifetime than most will ever accomplish, then why in the world are you asking advice of those very same people that you think you are better off than??

Seems to be like you may have some 'attitude'.
I wanted to be understanding until you made this post, but I've known people like you, and they don't keep friends long when they give out the attitude they are so much better than others.

Most of us know what it's like to have struggled sometimes in life, but in our world doesn't seem like you qualify, going by the post I quoted.

Taken alone, OP's post that you quoted may seem like "attitude", but she has been more than gracious in the rest of the thread and it sounded like, to me, that she was responding to some of the posts that were trying to cast her in a negative light or assuming things that were not true and she may have gotten just a tiny bit "defensive" in trying to defend herself.

OP, I still get it what you are trying to convey.

 

[Pigeon]

It sounds to me like you are doing pretty well. BTW, I've got two dds who were adopted from China as well.

If I were bothered by not saving, I would probably go through my budget with a scalpel, looking especially carefully at monthly expenses, to see if there's anything that could be trimmed. Can you do a cheaper cell phone, cut cable, shop at Aldi's, etc. Just finding a few more dollars to save every month makes me feel that at least I'm doing something. I also am a big fan of direct deposit. If I'm putting a little of the money in a savings account, I don't miss it.

But if you are frugal, you've probably done all this. Kids are expensive. I would only pull mine from dance and orchestra as a last resort because it means a great deal to them.