Mom's of girls, a question

[MELSMICE]

I cannot believe that you think this is funny. It was up to this mother to decide when she wanted to discuss this with her daughter and your daughter had no business telling her. Your daughter was obviously not mature enough to be told because she couldn't keep her big mouth shut. If your daughter really said "So and So didn't even know how babies are made so we filled her in on the playground" then she's nothing but a snotty little brat. I would be furious if I were this mother. I'm sure that plenty of you will flame me for my response but I couldn't care less. Parents with attitudes like this make me angry. This is a perfect example of irresponsible parenting.

Wow!

I could say more, but I'm afraid they'll ban me, so I'll keep my thoughts to myself right now!

 

[DVCLiz]

I cannot believe that you think this is funny. It was up to this mother to decide when she wanted to discuss this with her daughter and your daughter had no business telling her. Your daughter was obviously not mature enough to be told because she couldn't keep her big mouth shut. If your daughter really said "So and So didn't even know how babies are made so we filled her in on the playground" then she's nothing but a snotty little brat. I would be furious if I were this mother. I'm sure that plenty of you will flame me for my response but I couldn't care less. Parents with attitudes like this make me angry. This is a perfect example of irresponsible parenting.

Hmmmm, I thought of a few more things to say....

I do think it's funny that a parent tried so hard to keep this information "secret" and never realized that the girls were swapping information on the playground as soon as one of them got a new piece to share. I think this mom was extremely naive to assume every parent had the same timetable, and all children would keep such "juicy" info to themselves. Sorry, but that's just not the way real kids behave. And third grade is not too early to assume that most of the class will have had at least a basic discussion of the facts of life at home.

I don't think my daughter was not mature enough to learn the facts of life simply because she told another child. And she's not a snotty little brat, either, despite your rather charming assessment. And I'm not an irresponsible parent, just a realistic one. And I'm going to stop typing now before I say something I'll really regret...

And thanks to the other moms for their responses!

 

[Kimberly]

My mother actually gave me this one book actually, and it answered all of my questions. My mother knew I was shy, so this was probably the best approach for me.

 

[monsterkitty]

coolmom99,

It is only nine weeks into our school year and already I have had two sixth grade girls come back from the bathroom crying. When asked what was wrong they informed me they must be sick because they were bleeding.

This happens every year, parents who do not tell their daughters about the changes in their bodies and then the period starts and the girl is scared and confused. I have even had 7th graders who were shocked when their periods started for the first time in middle school.

Middle school is too late to talk about changes. My sister has two third graders in her class who have a stash of products in their desks. One of the little girls is only 8 years old. Thankfully the girls' mothers saw the writing on the wall and began the talks early.

 

[Marseeya]

coolmom99,

It is only nine weeks into our school year and already I have had two sixth grade girls come back from the bathroom crying. When asked what was wrong they informed me they must be sick because they were bleeding.

This happens every year, parents who do not tell their daughters about the changes in their bodies and then the period starts and the girl is scared and confused. I have even had 7th graders who were shocked when their periods started for the first time in middle school.

Middle school is too late to talk about changes. My sister has two third graders in her class who have a stash of products in their desks. One of the little girls is only 8 years old. Thankfully the girls' mothers saw the writing on the wall and began the talks early.

That sounds about like what happened with me. My mom threw a book at me, but even the book was very vague and I didn't know what to expect at all. Without being gross or overly descriptive, let's just say there was a few month buildup of the "real thing" and I thought I was really sick! (Why mom never saw the signs when she did laundry, I'll never know.) When the "real thing" came one day and the cramps were awful, she lost all patience with me and snapped, "Oh for crying out loud! You just started your period, so just get over it!"

Nice. Welcome to womanhood!

I can't believe parents in this day and age are letting their girls find out this way!

 

[DVCLiz]

That sounds about like what happened with me. My mom threw a book at me, but even the book was very vague and I didn't know what to expect at all. Without being gross or overly descriptive, let's just say there was a few month buildup of the "real thing" and I thought I was really sick! (Why mom never saw the signs when she did laundry, I'll never know.) When the "real thing" came one day and the cramps were awful, she lost all patience with me and snapped, "Oh for crying out loud! You just started your period, so just get over it!"

Nice. Welcome to womanhood!

I can't believe parents in this day and age are letting their girls find out this way!

Now don't you wish my daughter had found you on the playground one day????
BTW, how is school going? Weren't you taking children's literature??

 

[Marseeya]

Now don't you wish my daughter had found you on the playground one day????
BTW, how is school going? Weren't you taking children's literature??

Oh my yes! Actually, this is kind of a funny story that I want to tell without getting too graphic... remember back when sanitary napkins had belts? Well, when I was in the 5th grade there was a friend of mine who was extremely mature for her age and had already developed by that point. We were in the bathroom one day and she was upset because she said there was a rumor that she started her period. Well, I was just clueless! To make it worse, she pulled down the side of her pants to prove to me that she hadn't started. So for a while, I thought the period must have something to do with hips, and that we must bleed from the hips. It wasn't until years later that I realized she was showing me she didn't have one of those belts on!

School's okay, I'm just ready for a break! I hate fall semesters because we don't get a fall break until Thanksgiving. Thanks for asking.

 

[froglady]

Oh my yes! Actually, this is kind of a funny story that I want to tell without getting too graphic... remember back when sanitary napkins had belts? Well, when I was in the 5th grade there was a friend of mine who was extremely mature for her age and had already developed by that point. We were in the bathroom one day and she was upset because she said there was a rumor that she started her period. Well, I was just clueless! To make it worse, she pulled down the side of her pants to prove to me that she hadn't started. So for a while, I thought the period must have something to do with hips, and that we must bleed from the hips. It wasn't until years later that I realized she was showing me she didn't have one of those belts on!

School's okay, I'm just ready for a break! I hate fall semesters because we don't get a fall break until Thanksgiving. Thanks for asking.

Oh God, I remember those! If they "shifted" you were in trouble, as the metal hooks would dig in, and you could leak. Did anyone else have waterproof panties for "those days?" Female products have come a long way since then.

And wasn't it wonderful that she was "ashamed" of something so natural? Typical of the attitude of so many when I was a teen.

 

[Marseeya]

Oh God, I remember those! If they "shifted" you were in trouble, as the metal hooks would dig in, and you could leak. Did anyone else have waterproof panties for "those days?" Female products have come a long way since then.

And wasn't it wonderful that she was "ashamed" of something so natural? Typical of the attitude of so many when I was a teen.

I never actually got to wear one because either that year or the next, Stayfree came out with the ones with adhesive. *whew*!!!

 

[DVCLiz]

Oh my yes! Actually, this is kind of a funny story that I want to tell without getting too graphic... remember back when sanitary napkins had belts? Well, when I was in the 5th grade there was a friend of mine who was extremely mature for her age and had already developed by that point. We were in the bathroom one day and she was upset because she said there was a rumor that she started her period. Well, I was just clueless! To make it worse, she pulled down the side of her pants to prove to me that she hadn't started. So for a while, I thought the period must have something to do with hips, and that we must bleed from the hips. It wasn't until years later that I realized she was showing me she didn't have one of those belts on!

School's okay, I'm just ready for a break! I hate fall semesters because we don't get a fall break until Thanksgiving. Thanks for asking.

OMG, that's sooo funny! I almost spit Diet Coke on my screen!!!!

BTW, I asked DD about this incident in the car on the way to school. She doesn't really remember it, and trhinks it was another girl who actually spilled the beans, although she was there and added a few details. Oh, well, it made a good story....

 

[Disneyglobegirl]

What a great thread - glad I came across it. My DD just turned 9 and we have had many mini talks to date and I just ordered her the American Girls Book that everyone is recommending. Thanks to all for sharing ideas and info on this touchy subject.

Also a word of warning - please do not wait until middle school to have the talk about sex and protection. It can happen much earlier then we like and we need to inform our kids. My DS who is in 6th grade told me that there is a girl who is pregnant in his grade at his school - this is 11 /12 years old!!!! DS is very open with me and he tells me all the time that most the kids his age brag about sex even if they are not doing anything yet. It is scary that it happens so young now.

 

[holbear]

Thanks for the book recommendation! I have 2 dds.. 6 and 3. I'll have to be giving the talks before I know it.

 

[DVCLiz]

If you want a book that goes into more details about sex and reproduction, "It's Perfectly Normal" is one I liked a lot. It has a little cartoon bird and bee - one of them knows all the facts and the other is squeamish about the whole thing - it's very funny. The book goes into some detail (with cartoon drawings) and illustrates the human body in all its shapes and sizes. One of my daughter's favorite things to do was go to the page of naked people and make "couples" out of all the naked men and women. It used to crack me up!!!!

Now it does go into a little detail about abortion, homesexuality, and ************, so make sure you look through it first, and obviously if you don't agree with the way those subjects are presented, it won't be a good choice for your family. But I thought it was the best sex ed book I ever found. I think there might be a "light" version of it that doesn't go into as much detail, but I can't remember the title.

Have to go now, Marseeya, and check my hip....

 

[swanmom]

For those of you who have daughters who are approaching the age of mensturation or are showing signs that they are getting closer to starting, I HIGHLY recommend "The Period Book." Not as a substitute for sitting down and talking with your DD, but rather as a supplement. My DD and I had a great talk about periods, etc. but I also gave her the book as a 'back-up.' Anything she didn't get the first time around or anything that was unclear, she would refer back to that book. She still reads it from time to time - the information and the writing style are so good that she likes to reread it.

Here's a link:

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/t...002-3186211-1693641?v=glance&s=books&n=507846

 

[welovedisneyx4]

Thanks for all the responses here. DD is 9 1/2 and I have been avoiding "the talk" I think just b/c I don't know what to say and don't want to say the wrong things. She does know what BC pills are for b/c she asked what they were when I picked them up one day. We just told her they were to keep me from having any more babies. She then asked why I didn't take them before I had her brother!!! (She really does like him-I promise!)

I got "the talk" in 4th grade. I was reading a Young Miss magazine in the kitchen before dinner and there was a quiz that asked the question "Have you started menstrating yet?" and I asked mom "What does menstrating mean?" and her and dad both just kind of stopped what they were doing and froze for a minute! Luckily, they regained their composure shortly and mom said "We'll talk after dinner". I still laugh when I think of that! I know they so weren't expecting that question at that time!!

After reading this thread, I am going to go buy the AG book and start looking for a time to talk about this. I know the time is here and I wouldn't have waited until middle school. I think I just don't realize DD is growing up so much!!

 

[DisneyPhD]

coolmom99,
This happens every year, parents who do not tell their daughters about the changes in their bodies and then the period starts and the girl is scared and confused. I have even had 7th graders who were shocked when their periods started for the first time in middle school.

Middle school is too late to talk about changes. My sister has two third graders in her class who have a stash of products in their desks. One of the little girls is only 8 years old. Thankfully the girls' mothers saw the writing on the wall and began the talks early.

When I was in grad school getting my masters in social work I was placed in a school for the deaf (this was my speciality.) I can't tell you how many talks with young girls in sign lanuage I had to have about this topic. Not only was their reading skills not great, but most families did not know ASL so communication at home was very poor. The 1st ones I had to wing it with drawings and such, but after a while I got prepared and some books and pictures with me as tools. (when the topic came up) We also had a talk with the teachers who do a class presentation, but later in the year. However the girls liked to have a female adult to talk about this in private.

Think of how hard it it so discribe this in English and they just try to imagine having the talk in sign language, a very visual language!

 

[DVCLiz]

When I was in grad school getting my masters in social work I was placed in a school for the deaf (this was my speciality.) I can't tell you how many talks with young girls in sign lanuage I had to have about this topic. Not only was their reading skills not great, but most families did not know ASL so communication at home was very poor. The 1st ones I had to wing it with drawings and such, but after a while I got prepared and some books and pictures with me as tools. (when the topic came up) We also had a talk with the teachers who do a class presentation, but later in the year. However the girls liked to have a female adult to talk about this in private.

Think of how hard it it so discribe this in English and they just try to imagine having the talk in sign language, a very visual language!

Wow, I can't imagine how hard this must have been, but what a great thing for you to do!!!!! I had enough trouble trying to talk through the bathroom door to my daughter, who kept asking, "Where is the small of my back?" (Remember, the illustration that comes with a box of tampons that describes how you should aim for the small of your back?? We always used to crack up when anyone mentioned it!!!)

 

[MELSMICE]

Also a word of warning - please do not wait until middle school to have the talk about sex and protection. It can happen much earlier then we like and we need to inform our kids. My DS who is in 6th grade told me that there is a girl who is pregnant in his grade at his school - this is 11 /12 years old!!!! DS is very open with me and he tells me all the time that most the kids his age brag about sex even if they are not doing anything yet. It is scary that it happens so young now.

Yes, DO NOT wait until middle school. My twins DD's are in 8th grade & "going out" is popular at this age (going out in their middle school means walking to classes together, sitting on the bus together, IMing).

Anyway, they both came home a few weeks ago & were each "going out" with someone. Fast foward about 1 week later & one DD comes home to say she dumped her boyfriend. When asked why she said it was because he was asking around if anyone thought she was the type of girl that "would give him a job!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" She told him she wouldn't go out with someone that doesn't respect her. ( )

After almost falling over I composed myself & asked if she knew what that meant. Let's just say, uh, yeah, she did. I know she new about oral s*x because we have talked about it, but I wasn't sure if I told my DD's the slang words for it! Guess either I did or someone else did.

So, if you wait until middle school to tell them - you're too late!

 

[froglady]

Don't worry about your DD giving some boy a "job" Don't you remember, it's not really sex.

 

[MELSMICE]

Don't worry about your DD giving some boy a "job" Don't you remember, it's not really sex.

Oh yeah, that's right, how could forget that they recently changed that!