Mom's of girls, a question

[MELSMICE]

Can I ask a question to those who waited until they were older than 8 or 9? Why was it so difficult? Why not earlier? Shouldn't kids know everything about their own bodies?

I also told my DD's what they wanted to know whenever they asked from the time they could talk. As they got older though I did get them a few books (one being The Care & Keeping of You) so they could actually reference something.

My DD's have never been afraid to talk to me & I have never been afraid to say anything to them. We talk about some things that make some people hide (like my DH).

I don't think it's every to early to begin answering any questions they have, I think about 8-9 yrs. old is a good time to get a book of some sort. Some kids really can start to stink & have a lot of body hair even at that age & some also develop very early.

 

[ElizaB39]

Cute story

A friend was telling her 11 yr old DS about "it" and he fell off his chair he was laughing so hard - he thought it was "gross", then he said, "now I know why dad doesn't want to have another baby, cuz he doesn't want to do that anymore!" We have gotten a lot of mileage out of that story.

 

[we3disneygo]

my dd is 11 soon to be 12....last year we went to a health center for education ....to have see a program, we watched some movie, had question time, no one from her school bothered to go I think it helped her be more open about it all.......... she also has the keeping of me book and journal. a couple of the boys at her new school have crushes on her but she's not interested yet. she will come and ask me anything and that's how I planned it......now if we make it thru 12-16 years ...............

 

[BkrsLoveDis!]

You know - come to think of it - Hannah was about 4 when I was pregnant with her little brother and that really brought up a lot of questions. Like some other posters here, when she asked, I would answer. She watched some of the "baby birthing" shows on TV with me and was very matter of fact when she asked me if I was going to push Joshua out or was the doctor going to cut him out of my tummy. It didn't phase her, she just wanted to know. She obviously had many many questions during recovery too so it was a nice foundation of "openness" for all of us.

We'll see how I do once Joshua starts growing up and asking the same questions!!

Cyn

 

[froglady]

My children have known "the facts of life" from a very early age, with more explicit information added as they got older. I also had DS when DD was 10, so that raised any unanswered questions. I've never gone into super explicit explanations as far as positions and techniques, and won't unless she asks, which I doubt.

DD was a late bloomer. She started going to sleep away camp when she was 10, and every year I sent her with supplies. After the third time, she wondered if I was overreacting. After all, what were the chances that she'd get her first period while at camp? Well, mother knows best and she was glad that I insisted the 4th summer.

 

[RUDisney]

I've been open with my DD about a lot of things, but we didn't discuss periods too early on because I didn't want to burden her with information that she wouldn't need for many years. Then it happened! We were in the kitchen. She was 8 and she said, "Mom, remember when we were in DisneyWorld last year and I bumped down here and it bled a little?" I told her that I remembered. She said, "well I don't think it healed yet." She showed me and I sat her down at the kitchen table and told her that I was about to tell her a secret about being a girl that I didn't think I'd have to tell her yet. I told her that it would be the biggest nuisence in her life for many years to com. We talked and laughed and she was amazed at how many women already knew this secret. She hasn't gotten it since and she's 9.5 now, but she's prepared with pads in her bedroom just in case she needs them.

My DS, 10.5, OTOH, told me that he and his friends were talking about the game of sex the other day. I asked him if he really knew what that was and he didn't other than it being a game. We went into our home office and I drew pictures of a woman and a man and we talked about all of the parts inside of each. He kept saying, "this is just too confusing, Mom." But, at least he knows the truth now and that it isn't just a game... not that many men don't consider it as such, anyway.

 

[DVCLiz]

Can I ask a question to those who waited until they were older than 8 or 9? Why was it so difficult? Why not earlier? Shouldn't kids know everything about their own bodies?

So you can probably guess by my questions that I told my DD very early in life. There was no one time I ever just sat her down and told her. It's been a part of our lives since she was a little tot. She has absolutely no fear of it and is ready for all the changes her body is going through (she's 10). When her time comes, I'm going to help her celebrate it with a girls' day out, maybe get her a manicure or something very special.

I love being mom to a girl.

This is exactly what I've done, too, except that I went "whole hog" and told my daughters about sex and reproduction at the same time. It was a big talk!!! And I didn't wait until they asked - I told my older daughter when she was five and I was pregnant with her sister, and I told younger DD at about the same age (and older sister has helped fill in some gaps, I am sure!!) Boy, am I glad I did it this way - both daughters have a great relationship with me and can freely talk about things their friends would NEVER discuss with parents.

Why is it so hard to tell a preschooler, "Here's the way babies are made" and why do so many parents feel it should wait for puberty??? I wouldn't have waited until my daughters were ten to tell them about puberty OR sex.

 

[ceecee]

The American Girl book is the greatest. DD has read it many times and then asked questions about it. She is almost 10 and I got her the book last year.
She always thought pads were for incontinence problems! She did open a tampon once at a restuarant (free samples if needed) and said it was broken! I asked why and she said it didn't stick.
I was 12 and I think 10 is so young but girls are developing younger these days, probably all the hormones injected into our chicken, meat and milk!

 

[catherine]

We've been talking about it since DD has been quite little. She's 9 now and has known all about how her body will change not just through puberty but throughout her life for a long, long time. I would suggest that this not be just "a" talk...it should be a dialog that runs for her whole life. I took this approach with DD and I'm so glad I did. We can talk about anything and everything and each feel very comfortable about it. Our conversations are as natural as the natural process that happens to her as she grows up.

It's never to late to start

ITA!
Our DD's are now 11 and 8 and because we have always had open communication, they are never embarassed to ask any type of question regarding puberty, their bodies, etc.

 

[ReadingBelle]

My mom never really had "the talk" with me, but I had access to many books about puberty, sex, etc. I don't remember asking many questions, and by the time I was a teenager I knew more about sex than she did (though not from experience!). I would say waiting until 10 is a bad idea. I hit puberty when I was 10, and if hadn't had any idea what was going on I would have been very freaked out.

I don't have kids now, but I plan to start talking about this stuff at an early age. It is easy enough to answer questions as they come up. I don't want to freak them out, but I always feel like it is better to know.

 

[jlaspoq]

Our school system covers the body changes for boys and for girls in 4th grade, so I made sure we covered things before that (both genders learn the basics about themselves and each other - what happens in puberty).

I agree about the American Girl book - it is excellent. By 5th grade, I wasn't sure what else they'd cover (missed the meeting!) so I sat my oldest DD down and told her about babies and how they get started - she was appropriately disgusted, but I told her I didnt' want her to hear it first at school. She came home the next day even more disgusted - "And Mom, they didn't talk about ANY of THAT!" Oh well, at least she heard it from me!

She needs to hear about it "periodically" (no pun intended) because she definitley does NOT want to know and blocks it out! She bloomed a bit late though, and I find she's much more amenable to these types of discussions now that they're a little more pertinent!

My youngest is 10 - has heard the basics, didn't want to know, will get a chance to hear more as soon as the next opportunity arises.

They show a remarkable lack of curiosity!

 

[jlaspoq]

Forgot to say - My oldest had a kindergarten teacher who was pregnant with twins. She asked, so I told her about how the babies were born with enough info for a 5 year old. Of course, she shared her knowledge with the class! The teacher told me about it - I had to ask - "Was she at least correct?" and the teacher said "Yep, pretty much!" LOL!

 

[imsayin]

I told DD11, when she was 8. We used the book "It's So Amazing! A Book About Eggs, Sperm, Birth, Babies, and Families ". This goes over reproduction, body parts, etc. for male & female. When she was 10, I gave her the AG "Care & Keeping of You". The AG book is great, but it doesn't really cover the birds & the bees. It does great with changes a girl's body will go through & how to deal with them.

 

[minkydog]

I don't think I've ever had "the TALK" but it's come up in conversation ever since she discovered her modesty. At 8yo she decided she "needed" a bra, so I used that opportunity to talk casually about breasts and hair and looking nice. Later it was shaving the legs--sitting on the side of the tub, talking about boys, hair, self-respect. When she was around 10 I began giving her more details about her period(a subject she did NOT want to talk about!), showed where the supplies are, how to take care of herself, and the fact that starting her period marked the time of her life when she could become pregnant.

I've never shyed away from a frank discussion with my kids, whether it's about sex, religion or racial issues. Nothing is off-limits. You just don't want to give too much info too soon--a 5yo doesn't need to know about periods and a 12yo doesn't need explicit info about birth control (i hope )We found a book published by American Girl, "The Care & Keeping of You" which became a springboard for a whole lot of interesting conversations.

Cathy--mom to Eleni,12("MOM! Don't tell them stuff!")

 

[mommaU4]

I told DD11, when she was 8. We used the book "It's So Amazing! A Book About Eggs, Sperm, Birth, Babies, and Families ". This goes over reproduction, body parts, etc. for male & female. When she was 10, I gave her the AG "Care & Keeping of You". The AG book is great, but it doesn't really cover the birds & the bees. It does great with changes a girl's body will go through & how to deal with them.

I also used the It's So Amazing book and it was wonderful. We rented it from the library but I am going to buy one to keep around the house for a reference book. The thing is I used it with my DS not my DD who is only 8 and I haven't talked with her yet. But my son knows everything! About men and women. There was nothing we didn't talk about and he was very interested and matter-of-fact about it all.

At one point I said something about when a person "goes pee" and he said "mom, will you please use the word urinate?" Ooookay... Of course my son is 10 going on 40!

One word of advice though. I told my son that he should keep whatever he learns to himself as this can be a sensitive topic in some households and most parents want their kids to learn this stuff from them, not their friends. He understood.

 

[mudnuri]

She's 9, and it's not that she doesnt know anything, we've had discussions on different things. When she shaved for the first time, she asked about her armpits, because she knows i shave mine, and was told about different hair growth then.

I was pregnant with her sister from 8-15 months of her life, so she doesnt remember that.

When she asks me something I will answer her, she has asked why so and so smells after gym class, and i explain the sweating thing etc... she knows about deoderant, and has some if she choses to use it. Most of her questions thus far have been "in passing" and I will answer them with correct terms etc. but they seem to be just one question, with answer then she moves on to some totally different topic

SHe has "bras" and we'ved talked about how they will soon be growing (hopefuly not like mine)...

I started my "." on my 13th birthday at a friends house, I'm glad her mom was open because to be honest, I dont think my mom knew until I was about 15 and wanted to use tampons....I certainly dont want to do that to DD...

I know her 2 cousins- 1 started at 10, the other is almost 10, and has started developing a lot more than she has. I just want her to be prepared, but not overprepared if thats the correct word.

Thanks to everyone for your advice! Its appreciated

Brandy

 

[jlaspoq]

One word of advice though. I told my son that he should keep whatever he learns to himself as this can be a sensitive topic in some households and most parents want their kids to learn this stuff from them, not their friends. He understood.

Oh, Yes! I'm so glad you said this! My friend was so upset when her daughter was "educated" at a sleepover in third grade - not because of what she was told, but because she had already planned her conversation for that same general time period and wanted her daughter to know she recognized that she was growing up - not just that Mom was playing catch up to the girlfriend's info ! The girlfriend had the same book that she had planned to give her and everything. (They were busy passing around the AG book at the sleepover! Yikes!) Really backfired on her plans.

 

[DVCLiz]

I've never shyed away from a frank discussion with my kids, whether it's about sex, religion or racial issues. Nothing is off-limits. You just don't want to give too much info too soon--a 5yo doesn't need to know about periods and a 12yo doesn't need explicit info about birth control (i hope )We found a book published by American Girl, "The Care & Keeping of You" which became a springboard for a whole lot of interesting conversations.

Cathy--mom to Eleni,12("MOM! Don't tell them stuff!")

Minkydog, I absolutely respect your choices, but I have a question. Why do you feel that 5 year olds don't need to know about periods and twelve year olds don't need explicit info about birth control?? What I mean is, my five year old certainly saw me keeping and using feminine products, and she knew the basics of that function at that age. It wasn't anything I would (or could - have you ever been able to keep your girls out of the bathroom the minute you went in?? ) have kept from her. And my younger daughter will be twelve in December - and I'm sure she knows about condoms and the birth control pill. No, she doesn't "need" that information in the sense of needing to remember to take her pill (!!), but it's not something I think she should be shielded from either. If she and I are discussing puberty (which we are doing a lot these days because she is beginning to develop) why wouldn't it be the most natural thing in the world to say, "When you are old enough to begin a sexual relationship, there are ways to help you stay safe and to keep a baby from starting. These are called birth control and most women use one or more of them most of the time." That doesn't strike me as shocking or age inappropriate.

I guess I'm just curious - there seems to be a big divide between the ones of us who tell all and the ones of us weho keep it under wraps for as long as possible.

 

[froglady]

. She hasn't gotten it since and she's 9.5 now, but she's prepared with pads in her bedroom just in case she needs them.

QUOTE]

That statement brought back some bad memories of how my mother handled it. I have four brothers, and I had to keep my pads in my room so they wouldn't accidentally see them, rather than in the VERY large towel cabinet in the batroom. Very inconvenient, as the bathroom was downstairs. My mother's attitude made me think that this was some sort of shameful secret; since living away from home, I've never tried to hide my supplies, nor does DD. Mine were in a basket on top of the toilet in the MBR; DD's were in a cabinet under the sink in the bathroom she shared with DS.

I hope that this isn't the reason your DD has them ONLY in her room, but rather it is a space issue.

 

[mudnuri]

Minkydog, I absolutely respect your choices, but I have a question. Why do you feel that 5 year olds don't need to know about periods and twelve year olds don't need explicit info about birth control?? What I mean is, my five year old certainly saw me keeping and using feminine products, and she knew the basics of that function at that age. It wasn't anything I would (or could - have you ever been able to keep your girls out of the bathroom the minute you went in?? ) have kept from her. And my younger daughter will be twelve in December - and I'm sure she knows about condoms and the birth control pill. No, she doesn't "need" that information in the sense of needing to remember to take her pill (!!), but it's not something I think she should be shielded from either. If she and I are discussing puberty (which we are doing a lot these days because she is beginning to develop) why wouldn't it be the most natural thing in the world to say, "When you are old enough to begin a sexual relationship, there are ways to help you stay safe and to keep a baby from starting. These are called birth control and most women use one or more of them most of the time." That doesn't strike me as shocking or age inappropriate.

I guess I'm just curious - there seems to be a big divide between the ones of us who tell all and the ones of us weho keep it under wraps for as long as possible.

DD's know the shot I get prevents me from getting pregant, they also know it hurts, and I get it in the butt.... They've gone with me before to the docs to get it.....they dont know HOW you get pregnant, but they know it takes something from a man, but are unaware of the actual sexual act. I'm not sure if at 8 and 9 they need to hear that?

Brandy