"Mom Threats" (silly, funny-nonsensical ones)

[barkley]

anyone have standard ones with no basis in reality that just seem to pop out during certain situations? some of mine are-

(when the kids rooms are a mess) "that's it-i'm calling in the e.p.a. and getting this place formaly designated a toxic waste site",

(when the kids are bouncing and driving me nuts) "i'm selling you to the 'monkey boys'"

"next time around i'm having puppies instead of kids!" (general all purpose)

and (when i'm tired and frustrated with everyone)-"i'm outta here-forward my mail to 'tierra del fuego' in the name of 'paco' who will be my pool boy and man servant"

please share yours-i could use a good laugh (and maybe some more ammo to toss at 'them' ).

 

[TheOtherVillainess]

When DS is acting up, I threaten to sell him to the gypsies.

TOV

 

[KerriSue]

Moms off duty

Im leaving

Moms not home

Im gonna beat ya and enjoy doing it

 

[WatchinCaptKangaroo]

When I was a kid my mom would tell me if I didn't start using my inside voice she was going to turn the volume off and break off the knob.

 

[TheOtherVillainess]

WCK--

 

[N&B'smom]

When growing up my aunt would never actually do anything when my cousins acted up but she would yell 'Do you want to see your teeth in the corner???' It always cracked us up.

Shelby

 

[barkley]

When DS is acting up, I threaten to sell him to the gypsies.

TOV

when i was little my older brothers used to tell me my tried to do this with me but after a couple of days the gypsies brought me back, refunded the money and even paid mom extra

 

[The Mystery Machine]

When we are eating dessert and the kids are being good & we are feeling pretty happy, I tell them they are getting "punished" I like to say ..."you are going to eat that dessert and you're going to like it."

It is from some show....they think it is silly.

 

[PirateKitty]

When I was growing up, my brothers used to have a habit of fighting and biting each other. My dad's rule was the 3 B's. Bite. Belt. Bed. Enough said.

When my little sister wouldn't listen to my mother, she would refuse to budge from her little recliner chair I dubbed her royal throne. I used to say "sit on your throne now princess, it ain't gonna last forver!"

 

[paigevz]

I tell them "I'm gonna pinch your head off and throw it at you!" Got it from a teacher I had.

I use the Bs, too, but that's at school for tattling: "If it's not blood, broken bones, or barfing, I don't want to hear about it." We recently added bullying to the B list.

 

[pfishgirl]

this really isn't the same thing.. but it always makes me giggle...

when i was younger and asked my mom.. how do spell (insert any word here) she would reply.. go look it up in a dictionary.. and i would reply.. how can i look it up if i don't know how to spell it ?


when my DS (16) was growing up and he would leave a mess of toys.. if i asked him to clean it and he still didn't... OUT came the Big Old Black Garbage Bag and my famous.. So do you Really want ME to clean them up??
but at least it worked... he'd stop what he was doing and start cleaning..

 

[joshsmom]

When DS10 was younger and at times, a stinker at the store, I would say loud enough for those around me to hear "If you don't stop that right now, I'm going to start kissing you in front of all these people!" He would stop what he was doing and burst out laughing. Just FYI, it REALLY works now!!!! My dear sweet boy (read: sarcasm) who is begging for the latest, greatest video game stops really quickly when I threaten to kiss him!!! THE HORROR of being kissed by your mom in front of ALL THOSE PEOPLE!!!

 

[Glynis]

When DS10 was younger and at times, a stinker at the store, I would say loud enough for those around me to hear "If you don't stop that right now, I'm going to start kissing you in front of all these people!" He would stop what he was doing and burst out laughing. Just FYI, it REALLY works now!!!! My dear sweet boy (read: sarcasm) who is begging for the latest, greatest video game stops really quickly when I threaten to kiss him!!! THE HORROR of being kissed by your mom in front of ALL THOSE PEOPLE!!!

Just don't forget to bring out your tube of bright red lipstick and apply it while you are saying the above.

 

[Lanshark]

You're grounded until you're dead

 

[ElizaB39]

I'm telling! (me telling onthe kids to DH/dad).

 

[mamacatnv]

"Whats for Dinner?"
"Dinner, you already ate once this week".
This gets my DD every time whose day is timed on the number of meals. They could be an hour apart but there must be 3 and she keeps track. Brunch really messes her up!


"I'm going to my happy place" assuming partial yoga position.

Dad to kids - Where's Mom?
Kids to Dad - With Juan (the Pool boy)

Dad to Mom - wheres the kids?
Mom - what kids?

 

[MomofKatie]

My Dad's favorite one was (yelled at the top of his lungs): THIS IS NOT A GYMNASIUM!!!! when my brother and I would jump around the house.

My Mom's famous saying was, "I'm standing on my head eating a peach." She always said this when we'd ask the really obvious "Hey Mom! What are you doing?", usually while she was cooking, vaccuuming, or doing something else really obvious.

Whenever I get in the car without DD, she asks where I'm going- I tell her I'm running away from home and never coming back .

 

[Samandmom]

Two weeks ago driving to the airport, I was telling my DD that she can't yell and scream and be bad on the plane. I then told her if she was bad at all then I would turn the plane around all by myself!!

 

[kaw1218]

My aunt used to tell us that she was going to rip our arm off and beat us with it....to this day we remind her of that(she doesn't remember )

I tell my kids that I will take them out somewhere to beat them..... that public beatings are for all parents to enjoy!(they still aren't sure whether to believe me or not!!)

My mom used to tell us to go find her something to beat us with(my brother always did )
My Dh's favorite: don't make me send you to granny's!!! or worse....don't make me send you to aunt colleen's(even HE won't go there!!!)

 

[camreesmom]

My aunt used to tell us that she was going to rip our arm off and beat us with it....to this day we remind her of that(she doesn't remember )

Are you really from Texas??? DH's aunt used to tell them this and I had never heard it before. The first time he said this to our kids, I freaked out!