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[littleblackegg]

Co-dependency is a witch.

And my patience with it is notoriously bad.

 

[Goofy_Disney_Dad]

And my patience with it is notoriously bad.

Mine as well.

 

[Hrhpd]

And my patience with it is notoriously bad.

Mine too. Especially when the poster almost seems to be enjoying the attention. Daily updates on the amount of fighting/abuse she sustained that day, not only on this thread, but her others under various usernames, does indicate more of a willing co-dependant relationship rather than somebody who really wants to make changes. I desperately hope this is not true and she is finally willing to make the break.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Yes, I figured out a long time ago that she seems to be exactly where she wants to be and is choosing to be.

 

[littleblackegg]

Mine too. Especially when the poster almost seems to be enjoying the attention. Daily updates on the amount of fighting/abuse she sustained that day, not only on this thread, but her others under various usernames, does indicate more of a willing co-dependant relationship rather than somebody who really wants to make changes. I desperately hope this is not true and she is finally willing to make the break.

Sometimes this is related to their own pathology. People like this seem to find each other. I can assure you that there is a case manager, a psychiatrist, a regular internist and likely an out-patient physical therapist working with this family. Also, section 8 housing also requires case management. So, there are plenty of professionals working with them. So don't sweat it.

 

[kimblebee]

In OPs defense, a lot of things are easier said than done. She knows deep down what she has to do. She does. It's a lot harder to actually do it though.

OP.. we're here for you. Do what you know you have to do. You say his family won't help? They will if you aren't around. They don't because they know you are. It's as simple as that. It's a case of nmfp... until it is.

 

[Hrhpd]

Sometimes this is related to their own pathology. People like this seem to find each other. I can assure you that there is a case manager, a psychiatrist, a regular internist and likely an out-patient physical therapist working with this family. Also, section 8 housing also requires case management. So, there are plenty of professionals working with them. So don't sweat it.

Oh, I agree. As I said earlier, I have a family member that is almost identical and said that the first person she needs to work on is herself before she works on her husband.

 

[Goofy_Disney_Dad]

In OPs defense, a lot of things are easier said than done. She knows deep down what she has to do. She does. It's a lot harder to actually do it though.

OP.. we're here for you. Do what you know you have to do. You say his family won't help? They will if you aren't around. They don't because they know you are. It's as simple as that. It's a case of nmfp... until it is.

And even if his family didn't step up, there are professionals involved that would.

 

[FairestOfThemAll37]

In OPs defense, a lot of things are easier said than done. She knows deep down what she has to do. She does. It's a lot harder to actually do it though.

OP.. we're here for you. Do what you know you have to do. You say his family won't help? They will if you aren't around. They don't because they know you are. It's as simple as that. It's a case of nmfp... until it is.

This.

If this were a friend I had off the web, I would totally be in the camp of tough love. But that's because I could also offer real support. You need a ride? Somebody to go with you to a lawyer? A place to say while you get yourself in order? Yep. But no enabling blah blah.

Unfortunately, for a stranger via the web, there is no support other than emotional and kind words of advice.

 

[Frozen72]

delete

 

[Goofy_Disney_Dad]

Update:

To clear up the questions I am seeing...

Why I was not IN the dr's appointment today... This was a skin graft procedure to fix a diabetic ulcer he had on his leg. I had to go to Walmart and buy him some new pants and underwear because of what he did in the van. That was for spite because we had just passed a bathroom at one place and he didn't ask to stop. We get 2 miles down the road he "cant hold it anymore". Thankfully I had garbage bag, and a towel on my seat in case something like this happened. I spent the rest of the time in the waiting room and outside wandering around and talking on the phone.

Why will he not wear an adult diaper? Because he doesn't want to.

Who pays the rent? I do.
Who buys groceries? I do.

We have always kept our finances separate, I was the one who always did the bill paying on my stuff and he paid on his own stuff. I made sure the rent/mortgage (when we owned a house), utilities etc... got paid. He would give me some money to put into my account either check or cash so I could keep that stuff going. If he missed a payment, I covered whatever the cost was and that was just it. He took the rest of his money and spent it on his own stuff. He had his own car payment, insurance etc... I don't know where the rest of his money was going. I didn't ask, and if I did, I would certainly be told it was none of my business.

The handing him the cup thing happened today... not last week.
Tomorrow, with this primary care physician, believe me I will be there and I am going to tell him everything that has been going on.

I did talk to my dad while I was waiting on his prescriptions to be filled. He is going to help look for me an apartment in another town.

How will you pay for that apartment?

 

[Frozen72]

How will you pay for that apartment?

I am going to have to get my behind and gear and do some substitute teaching. I have enough in reserves to float me on the short-term until I can gain some footing.

 

[Goofy_Disney_Dad]

I am going to have to get my behind and gear and do some substitute teaching. I have enough in reserves to float me on the short-term until I can gain some footing.

Sounds like a plan. Good luck.

 

[Wishing on a star]

OP, again, I am sorry, but you are still, exactly, right where you want and are choosing to be.
TODAY, with what happened, was the absolute, godsend, perfect chance for you to have the proof, validation, and example you needed to have medical intervention to get him into care (other than yourself). You went to Walmart.

I am not trying to be hard, or mean.
I know how impossible your situation must feel.
I have sent you many, many, hugs.

But, in the end, hugs and support are not enough.

I continue to hope that you begin to see the reality here, and gain some clarity.
Until that happens, it just is a matter of fact that one cannot help one who refuses to help themselves.
That applies globally...
It applies to your husband.
It applies to you, as well.

 

[Frozen72]

delete

 

[Wishing on a star]

Yes, get in line for some substitute teaching.
And that means that you will not have to turn down opportunities 'because my husband needs my care'.

Again, our thoughts and prayers are with you.
Even if you are feeling some 'tough love'!

 

[Hrhpd]

Update:

To clear up the questions I am seeing...

Why I was not IN the dr's appointment today... This was a skin graft procedure to fix a diabetic ulcer he had on his leg. I had to go to Walmart and buy him some new pants and underwear because of what he did in the van. That was for spite because we had just passed a bathroom at one place and he didn't ask to stop. We get 2 miles down the road he "cant hold it anymore". Thankfully I had garbage bag, and a towel on my seat in case something like this happened. I spent the rest of the time in the waiting room and outside wandering around and talking on the phone.

So, you went and got him clean clothes at Wal-Mart while he was in his appointment. What did the doctor say when he showed up for his appointment in soiled clothes? Did you take the opportunity to explain what happened and to see if there was some help available?

 

[Pamlur]

Would they do a skin graft on a patient that had waste all over him?

 

[Frozen72]

delete

 

[LisaR]

Why are you posting right now? You said you were in your room packing. LEAVE! Grab your bag and simply leave! You said you could stay with your dad for a little. Do so. While there, search for your own place. I have never been in your situation, thankfully, so it is very difficult for me to relate, but I am just sitting here scratching my head trying to understand why you won't just walk out that door??