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[Goofy_Disney_Dad]

OK Goofy Disney Dad... yes it is a sounding board, yes I plan to do something. I started this thread because I was desperate. I was never even clear to myself what I hoped to accomplish, maybe getting some of this off my chest, some way to gain permission and approval for ending my marriage.

What if YOU were in a situation where you felt hopeless? You didn't know who to talk to? Loved ones give you conflicting advice. The people you turned to for help completely abandoned you and you find out they have been doing some horrible things. Just curious, where would YOU turn?

I can tell you that the Community Board on the DIS would be unbelievably low on the list of places I'd turn for advice for this type of thing.

 

[Skywalker]

I keep rereading it and I've come up with 3 different scenarios

1. Guy really did just soil himself and then undergo a completely humiliating experience at the Doctor's office just "get" his wife.
2. Guy has for whatever reason lost bowel control, but wife has decided the feces is being created just to "get her" and she's getting angrier and angrier about it.
3. It's all fake. Or it's mostly fake and it is feeding some need for attention.

That is where I think the OP is way out in left field...to accuse him of doing it purposefully to get her. After all, what grown man in their right mind would really want to exert control by crapping their pants and leaving "messes" all over the place? In the house, in their vehicle, in public? Not many I bet. Most would be humiliated. But the OP wants it to be purposeful because then she is a victim. She wants his illness to be all about her.

Then, she is packing to leave but spends the night on the Disboards instead? Ok.

I think the OP is a highly manipulative person, so all I can say is good luck to the husband.

 

[Frozen72]

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[Hrhpd]

Sorry if it is offensive or annoying. If you met me out (w/o him around) you would think I am a perfectly normal person. I am a regular poster on here and I did not use my own ID because it is embarrassing. It helps to talk about it. I really does help. If anything to document my descent into madness. I used to sit and just write this stuff out on legal pads, page after page. I can't even go back and read it myself. But I know it is there and that gives me some kind of comfort or something. I don't know how to describe it. I am not trying some experiment. This IS my life for good or bad, it is my reality. It just helps to air some of this.



...and yes I am quite serious about this move, I just want to have my ducks in a row. Yes I suppose if I cannot get everything in my vehicle, I can send for the rest of it later. I do not always think clearly.

In my mind, I have this hope that with this doctors appointment tomorrow there will be some avenue to have him removed from the house. If I cannot get him taken away, I will have to step up for myself and follow through with this. I can do it.

Why didn't you take the perfect opportunity to tell the doctors today when you had the proof, a soiled husband?

I am in the camp that you need to see a doctor first for yourself before you make any major decision. Unless it is option #3 listed above.

 

[Goofy_Disney_Dad]

Any suggestions?

I have talked to friends and family, I either get the "I don't believe in divorce" song and dance or "get out and don't look back". Yes I am conflicted, however even rats know when to abandon a sinking ship (or so I have heard).

You've written out exactly how you should, and wish to move forward from this situation. Writing it over and over and over again isn't going to make it happen. You already know what you want to do. You already have a plan in place. You just simply will not act upon that desire and that plan. I'm not sure what else anyone can tell you or advice they can give you. You've already figured it all out, so it's time to move forward. It doesn't seem like you need another suggestion as to where to go. You just have to decide to take a step. Until then, none of these words make any difference at all.

 

[Frozen72]

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[littleblackegg]

Any suggestions?

I have talked to friends and family, I either get the "I don't believe in divorce" song and dance or "get out and don't look back". Yes I am conflicted, however even rats know when to abandon a sinking ship (or so I have heard).

How about his case manager?

 

[kimblebee]

I happen to believe that there are so mean that they would do anything to make someone else's life a lot harder, including messing themselves. My ex would be a perfect example. No, I was never in the ops position but I wouldn't put it past him for a minute. Just this weekend he used my MS as a reason why I'm such a horrible mother. Yet he's the one who's $10000 behind in child support.. Some people are just mean to the core.

 

[phorsenuf]

Makes me think of Munchausen syndrome by proxy. I can think of a couple posters who fit the bill. I'm not saying I know who the poster is, I'm just saying she certainly isn't the only one that runs here.

 

[Frozen72]

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[LisaR]

Any suggestions?

I have talked to friends and family, I either get the "I don't believe in divorce" song and dance or "get out and don't look back". Yes I am conflicted, however even rats know when to abandon a sinking ship (or so I have heard).

Forget those friends and family members. If what you say is true, get out of there. You say you can afford an apartment so go. You don't need those friends or family members for this. Get out, get settled elsewhere, get back to work, and find some new friends. If you can't afford an apartment or you need a few weeks to get one, go to a shelter.

I can't figure out how you are conflicted if what you write is the truth? If your husband is screaming at you all day long, that's abuse. LEAVE! Friends and family aren't there living through this. Only you are. But you have to want this and I don't think you do.

 

[sunshinehighway]

OK Goofy Disney Dad... yes it is a sounding board, yes I plan to do something. I started this thread because I was desperate. I was never even clear to myself what I hoped to accomplish, maybe getting some of this off my chest, some way to gain permission and approval for ending my marriage.

What if YOU were in a situation where you felt hopeless? You didn't know who to talk to? Loved ones give you conflicting advice. The people you turned to for help completely abandoned you and you find out they have been doing some horrible things. Just curious, where would YOU turn?

This co dependent mess you are in is most likely driving away anyone who wants to be there for you. The frustration you feel with your husband not doing anything to help himself is probably similar to the frustration your loved ones feel with you not doing anything to change your situation and help yourself.
You seem to want someone to complain and hope someone takes care of the problem for you, just like your husband does to you.

 

[littleblackegg]

Oh yes, his case manager... "We only treat physical rehabilitation, he CAN do the things listed on the report so he has finished the program and is ready to return home. We do not offer mental health services".

So, his case is closed? He no longer has a case manager managing his services?

 

[Goofy_Disney_Dad]

Oh yes, his case manager... "We only treat physical rehabilitation, he CAN do the things listed on the report so he has finished the program and is ready to return home. We do not offer mental health services".

If you walk away either his family or support services will have no choice but to step in. Just leave like you wish. Stop using the potential lack of care as an excuse. It's just not based on what will happen in reality.

 

[Frozen72]

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[Goofy_Disney_Dad]

You depend on these people to help and they won't.

"This facility doesn't release somebody until they and the family are comfortable"... His sister, brother in-law and I all protested. In fact he himself said he needed more time in rehab.

They released him anyway.

Okay, then you're stuck. Sorry, you have no choice but to endure.

 

[Frozen72]

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[hegsag]

Am I the only one reading this and scratching my head wondering if this is for real? So many people have offered OP wonderful advice yet I can't seem to get myself invested in the OP.

 

[Goofy_Disney_Dad]

The whole rehab thing seemed to be a joke to me. He can walk 50 steps on the prosthetic leg with a walker, somebody holding the belt thing and somebody else following with a wheelchair. They are celebrating this and calling it a resounding success. Earlier in the summer, in the skilled nursing facility he could do 100 steps. Without somebody holding the belt. In his defense, this was before he almost lost his other leg.

It just astounds me that he can do half of what he did before and they deem him ready to go out into the world. He was doing twice that much in the other place and they didn't release him?

None of this matters because you want a divorce and have plans to leave. You have no desire to care for him and dislike it a great deal based on what you've written here. You don't need to be invested in any of his care at all. Why do you continue to spend time discussing this when it makes no difference at all? You want to leave. Leave. You have a plan and are still just spending time complaining about poor care, lack of care, or his inability to care for himself. None of it matters anymore. Go.

 

[FairestOfThemAll37]

The whole rehab thing seemed to be a joke to me. He can walk 50 steps on the prosthetic leg with a walker, somebody holding the belt thing and somebody else following with a wheelchair. They are celebrating this and calling it a resounding success. Earlier in the summer, in the skilled nursing facility he could do 100 steps. Without somebody holding the belt. In his defense, this was before he almost lost his other leg.

It just astounds me that he can do half of what he did before and they deem him ready to go out into the world. He was doing twice that much in the other place and they didn't release him?

Forget what he can or cannot do. You cannot change him. If he is as spiteful and controlling as you say and pooped himself to punish you then just forget it. No amount of rehab will help him as he wont help himself when he eventually gets out! He'll do what he needs to do to be released because the rehab workers won't let him manipulate or abuse them.

So he'll be out and in your care because you won't leave.

So what is it that you're going to do? I get it's scary but you only have two options--walk away and slowly rebuild your life or stay and put up with with his ****, literally until one of you dies.

No amount of wishing and wanting will change your situation. A PP was right in that your close family and friends will in a likelihood help you as they can if you leave, but I have no doubt they feel immense frustration listening to you recount every daily horror and do nothing.

It's no different from your husband refusing to help himself!