Mini vent - Family forgot husband's birthday yet again - (They called pg2)

[Hillbeans]

Every single year, my husband's birthday falls on the same day, September 15th, and not one person in my family nor his family sent a card, sent an e-mail or called to wish him a happy birthday (I lie - I did send my brother an e-mail today to remind him to send DH a Birthday e-mail. DH things he did it on his own).

Generally i've got a good relationship with my extended family and my family as well, but you'd think one stinkin' year someone would give a darn and actually remember his birthday ON his birthday. We (DH, myself and DS4) went out for dinner and I got DH a few gifts, baked a cake and had balloons, but DH is a low key kind of guy and perhaps this is why no one ever remembers, because he makes no mention of it to anyone.

If he says he "doesn't care" but I care and it bothers me, should I even bother being upset about it? I just think it's wrong when your own parents don't care enough to call and wish you a Happy Birthday. It's kind of a running joke, but DH and I are not the "spoiled family favorite child" in either family.

I know it's just a birthday, but i'm miffed and i'm about ready to say something to my family - but I thought it best to vent here first to see if i'm way off base here.

 

[LoveWDW]

I'd recommend reminding everyone and not hoping they'll remember on their own. It would be best not to make an issue of it. You don't want to shame or coerce them to remember.

 

[Madaboutthemouse]

I am going through a similar situation right now, except my DH's birthday was August 11th. His family all acknowledged...sent cards, gave presents, etc. Both sets of my grandparents gave early gifts (about 2 weeks) since we saw them then and we live 7 hours away. But my parents? Absolutely nothing. My Mom says that she e-mailed on his birthday, but he didn't receive so she e-mailed again about 2 weeks later. She still hasn't sent the card and gift she said she was sending to him. My Dad has done nothing whatsoever. It's not like DH wants anything, but I know that he feels like he isn't part of the family when they don't acknowledge it. His family always sends me stuff so that makes me feel awful too.

 

[Texan Mouseketeer]

My DH's family never remembers mine. My mom and dad remember my DH's, but none of my siblings. So I have started to 'forget' theirs, too. I thought at first it was payback for me getting a divorce and stubbornly not liking the new guy, but its been just about 5 years now that we've been married, get over it!!!
The way we look at it is this...as long as everyone remembers the kids (even if they need reminders) then that is what is important. There's too much other stuff to stress about for the adults to worry about who forgets.

 

[mommytotwo]

How about having a surprise birthday party next year for your husband and inviting family and friends. Then you can send them an invitiation and they will remember, but your husband will also have his loved ones with him for once maybe on his special day.
My side of the family remembers our special days, but my DH's side of the family only remembers Christmas. I hope as my DD grows up, she doesn't think that her paternal grandparents have anything against her because of it and not remembering her during her birthday.

 

[Hillbeans]

Thanks everyone - I see i'm not the only one who goes through this.

I guess part of it stems from the fact that i'm a "card sending phone calling on birthdays" kind of girl.....My own father forgot my birthday this year, and his parents called me 3 days after mine - so it's not just him.

What gets me though is that we need to hear weeks in advance about other family member's birthdays and frankly that stinks. I do agree though that birthdays really are for kids however i'd never forget my son's birthday no matter how busy I was.

 

[KatelynnsAuntie]

His own parents didn't even remember? Now that's just wrong.

 

[CA Disney Fans]

I'm sorry to hear that. My DH's father and stepmother are that way too. But they'll remember everything in LSU football history.

 

[4nana]

I hear you and would be hurt too . From what I've seen some people are just not BD people. Sadly, it is just another day that goes unrecognized. However, I would consider the source, holding it against them would just cause you more grief and add fuel to the fire. Your DH is so lucky he has you to help celebrate his BD, making him feel loved and special.

For our family, the day you were born is very special and we always celebrate, no matter the age - be it for Gma, our adult children, SIL's, DIL, grands, etc., by having a family gathering for dinner, or a cookout, maybe even dining out....yep - cake, presents, cards and balloons are all a part of it! In return, when it's DH or my BD, we can count on a celebration from our kids. Matter of fact, we just had a cookout for DH's 69th and make a lot of special memories.

 

[aprilgail2]

I never send cards to my siblings husbands/wives for their birthdays...in fact I have no clue when they are! I send my own family cards but that is it, no inlaws get cards...even at the holidays we just exchange gifts to siblings, no spouses...

 

[epcotfan]

His own parents didn't even remember? Now that's just wrong.

I was going to say the same thing. *shakes head*

 

[Michie]

I am sorry you are upset. I am not a bday person. I don't like anybody to mention mine. I remember the Dh and the kids birthdays, but we have always kept them low key.The Dh, his side of the family expects everybody to remember each others birthday. My MIL gives the Dh a bday list, and of course he loses it in 5 minutes.

 

[Keli]

Neither my dh's family nor my family do much about birthdays. My mom and dad send out cards to adults and presents to grandkids but we don't send cards or presents to our siblings or neices or nephews unless they are having a bd party that we are invited to attend. I think it's because our family is so large, it's just too hard to keep up with (I have 7 siblings and 13 nieces and nephews).

My inlaws don't do anything to remember our bd's or our dd's. I don't know if they acknowledge any of their other children/grandchildren's bd's or not but to my knowledge they don't. And the siblings don't do anything for each other or their nieces or nephews either unless there is a party. Dh's family is very large too (he also has 7 siblings and 15 nieces and nephews) so it's just too much to keep up with on that side of the family also.

I think that everyone in both families remember the parent's bd's though with cards and small gifts.

 

[Amberle3]

Every single year, my husband's birthday falls on the same day, September 15th, and not one person in my family nor his family sent a card, sent an e-mail or called to wish him a happy birthday.

Are we related by marriage by any chance? DH's family is the same way. His parents will usually call sometime around his birthday at least, but no one seems to care about the actual day. I've never had even a call from his parents for my birthday. I'm pretty sure they know that I have one but also sure that they have no idea when it is.

 

[motherhen17404]

His own parents didn't even remember? Now that's just wrong.

This happens to me every year. The year I turned 40 I thought that they would remember because they could tease me about getting older. Nope, nothing! But, my brother who is the favorite gets dinner out, gifts and money. Oh well, you can't pick your family!

 

[Miss Jasmine]

eh, we aren't really a phone call/card exchange kind of family (except for my sweet hubby and my MIL (but the MIL card comes with a price, believe me)). I'll be lucky if I get a phone call from my mom today. I really don't care, it's just another day to me. I actually should be thanking my mom.

 

[NMAmy]

I used to get really upset when my mom would forget my birthday--she knew what day our birthdays were but she never knew what TODAY was--until my younger sister gave me a little hint. She told me that she would call my mom and leave a message on the answering machine saying, "Hi. This is S. 7 more shopping days until my birthday!" Which is why Mom always remembered my sister's birthday but not mine. After that, I'd let my parents know and began receiving good wishes on my b-day.

Now that Mom is retired, she remembers every birthday and gets stuff mailed out beforehand. I, on the other hand, now that I work full-time and have a kid of my own--am well known within my extended family for NEVER getting stuff to folks on time. My nephew & niece and their spouses actually like it--they say that it spreads their birthday out longer. Boy, do I have them trained or what?

 

[chrissyk]

My family is not thoughtful about birthdays. Sometimes I'm just happy if they even remember mine I've chalked it up to just the way that they are. The best is when my mother "reminds" me to send a card to someone (my grandmother, my great-aunt, whoever) for her birthday, though Now, I always send cards at least, and I always send them early. My mother must think that she's getting some "thoughtful points" to remind the ONE person in the family who doesn't need the reminder

As for my DH's birthday, I just call or email my mother to remind her that it is coming up.

 

[golfgal]

Not everyone sends cards/etc for birthdays. DH's family always sends cards for the kids, but never for us. We all pretty much figure that we are past the birthday party stage and heading toward the "I don't want another birthday" that no one really cares. DH will call his parents on their birthday and they will call us, that is about it.

 

[Pooh93]

What a coincidence this thread popped up! Today is dh's birthday and although it is very early in the day, I will lay odds with you that dh's mother will not acknowledge his birthday (rarely does), but will be the first one to call him and want to know when he's going to come fix her leaky faucet, backdoor hinge or whatever little house project that she wants done! However, she always seems to remember his sister's birthday...the one that mil is raising the child because her dd (not dear) abandoned the child. Can you feel the sarcasm oozing out of me?????

Of course this is from the same family that never gave us a wedding present and I had to watch my husband go through the gifts with the "I just know it's here somewhere" attitude and watch him be deflated at every gift opening. But that is another topic for another day!!