Message to MY Daughter in Law: UPDATE!!

[Scurvy]

I mean no disrespect to your MIL, but I thought that said, "My MIL & I get along fine (since she's passed away).

I did, too! I had to read it 3 times before I saw what it really said.

 

[RadioNate]

Want to be my MIL?! I'd love for my MIL to want me included. She tolerates me better than the other DIL but makes comments about how she would like a "family" picture with HER kids and her, you know the boys and HER daughter. She has 2 DILs and only one DD so clearly we aren't the ones she wants in the photo!

Funny thing is, I go to more family functions without DH than he will go on his own. She just doesn't want me there!

She has NEVER refered to me as her daughter or ever asked me to call her mom. She signs cards finally with her first name. FIL (they are now divorced) used to say "call me firstname or Dad but not Mr!" she said "not me". I called her Mrs until about 2 years after we were married. We dated 5 years.

She has told me she wants her son back home. I think she should take him and try it for a month!

OP, not trying to argue with you. You should like a very loving person. Maybe DIL feels uncomfortable because she knows how well the first wife fit with the family and isn't sure how to fit in now. I'm sure you will win her over. if not, my offer stands!

My inlaws actually had one of those giant painting made from a photograph. It is a 'portrait' from our wedding. Guess who ISN'T in the photo! It is DH, SIL, FIL and MIL. Their little foursome.

We've been married 10 years and the way MIL throws out 20 year old inside jokes that only they get still annoys the crap out of me.

But alas, I am the evil lowly girl who forced their beloved son into marriage. I just "wasn't the type of girl they thought he would marry" and all that implies. Too bad I'm the one who picks out their birthday cards and Christmas gifts because if I didn't it wouldn't happen. Yep, I encourage calls and emails from the kids (who they never respond to) but I'm the evil one who tore him away.

 

[Amy&Dan]

My MIL is straight up crazy. DH finally had it upto "here" with her after she picked a fight with him over nonsense on Christmas Eve last month. The fight culminated with her telling him he should "just kill himself.".

She can rot. The relationship with her as far as I am concerned is at best, forever changed (and not in a good way) or worst, DEAD.

She seems to think that I am the mastermind behind his every move. She's out of her mind.

We have the same mil I think. Shortly before our wedding, dh told his mom "either be happy for me and let me live my life or don't come" and that was the last time they spoke. Not only did she not come to the wedding, she would never speak to him again. She told many people when they would ask her "hey how's Dan" that he had died. One mutual friend was so happy to see him one day since she had heard he was dead. A mother that does that, well she can blame me all she wants but she's her own worst enemy.

Any mother that tells her child to kill himself is sick beyond words. She should talk to someone who has lost a child to suicide and see how that really feels.

Too bad our mil's can't get together and just sit around and blame us dil's for all their misery! It would be a beautiful friendship I am sure.

 

[RitaZ.]

We have the same mil I think. Shortly before our wedding, dh told his mom "either be happy for me and let me live my life or don't come" and that was the last time they spoke. Not only did she not come to the wedding, she would never speak to him again. She told many people when they would ask her "hey how's Dan" that he had died. One mutual friend was so happy to see him one day since she had heard he was dead. A mother that does that, well she can blame me all she wants but she's her own worst enemy.

Any mother that tells her child to kill himself is sick beyond words. She should talk to someone who has lost a child to suicide and see how that really feels.

Too bad our mil's can't get together and just sit around and blame us dil's for all their misery! It would be a beautiful friendship I am sure.

WOW! That is completely insane! Her need to be right was stronger than her love for her son. Very sad.

 

[Amy&Dan]

WOW! That is completely insane! Her need to be right was stronger than her love for her son. Very sad.

That's exactly right. She's still right as she sits alone in her house convinced dh will crawl back one day and tell her how right she was. In spite of what she's done, I really worry about her and wish she'd get help.

My fil (they were divorced) was heartbroken by this whole thing and tried so hard for many years to make her understand their son did nothing wrong by getting married. So did her sister. But to no avail.

On the flip side, she was a dil from hell to my grandmother in law. She didn't allow this very wonderful woman to know her grandkids very much. She hated her until my grandmother in law died. So my mil has been both the dysfunctional, evil dil and mil. She's got it all covered!

 

[ladycollector]

I really hope I end up with a mother in law like you, OP. I've not had good experiences with those sort of relationships, even though I try so hard, and love being with my SO's family!

Anyway, Hopefully she's just immature and shy, and will come around in time. Hugs!

 

[Piglet4Ever]

Sorry about your DIL troubles. I have to say I really lucked out with my MIL. I love her, in fact most of my friends are jealous of me because she is so great. Dh and I often joke that she likes me better than him.. haha....

 

[padams]

I have 2 MILs. I get along great with my stepMIL. MIL- not so much, but I do take notes for the future so I know how to treat DSs' wives someday.

 

[merryweather20]

And your dh has let this go? No freaking way. I would have locks changed or make him go home to mommy or something before I would take that.

I love my mil, she's better than most but she has her moments and it ruins the visit. I just hope when I get old I don't get cranky

Haha! You id is pilesoflaundry!

I thought nothing of the in-laws having a key, because I've always given my Dad a key to my apartment etc. for emergencies. He's never used it.

I just bought a separate laundry hamper for my stuff I don't mind her coming in the house so much, its picking through the laundry that freaks me out. Its not worth the battle, and I have someone to commiserate with because DH is a twin, and she gives his wife the same treatment.

 

[jrmasm]

Men aren't stupid and i think we do them a disservice when we assume they are, think they are or make an excuse for them.

If a man is not contacting his mother enough, it is not because he has his head up his butt or anything else...it is because he is choosing not to contact his mother. He ought to have the decency to tell her why.

No he contacts her. Probably not enough. But it's a case of you reap what you sow. I don't think he needs to tell her anything about the choices that he makes.

I think men have their head up their butts about tension sometimes. They're not aware that their mothers are upset. Or that their mothers blame their wives.

 

[java]

I don't know your situation. I can say that it isn't always the DIL. Often it's the husband.
I know my mom believes that my brother wants to visit and it's my mean sil keeping him from her. But in actuality it's my brother that doesn't want to go.
He never corrects her when she assumes it's his wife as it's easier for him.

Just try to have an open mind on this visit.
I am blessed to have a fantastic MIL.

 

[Princess_Nikki]

I LOOOOVE my MIL. She is great with the boys, is always kind, is always happy to see us, and she barely speaks a lick of English.

 

[Disney Doll]

Just wanted to step in here and say that this is not about my son not wanting a relationship with me or his family.

He and I have always been very close. There was a period of time in my sons' lives that it was just me and them. We became a team back then and have always been there for each other since. I have never tried to interfere with either of my sons and their relationships. I have accepted and tried to be friends with every girl either of them ever dated.

He and I talk in some form or fashion every day that he is home from work (he works on an oil rig). He always wants to know what is going on with his siblings and the rest of the family.

Well then he needs to man up and tell his wife where to get off.

 

[wdwfan16]

Just wanted to step in here and say that this is not about my son not wanting a relationship with me or his family.

He and I have always been very close. There was a period of time in my sons' lives that it was just me and them. We became a team back then and have always been there for each other since. I have never tried to interfere with either of my sons and their relationships. I have accepted and tried to be friends with every girl either of them ever dated.

He and I talk in some form or fashion every day that he is home from work (he works on an oil rig). He always wants to know what is going on with his siblings and the rest of the family.

Is the oil rig out to sea where he is not home for weeks or months at a time? If so, then maybe she wants more time with her DH and she feels that is easier at her family than at his family.

 

[C.Ann]

I guess I was very lucky.. Married twice and never had any problems with my IL's.. They also got along very well with my parents - which was kind of surprising because their worlds were so different..

 

[A4Disney]

His second wife, wonderful for him but acts like a spoiled brat about everything! Always has to have her way and if she doesn't get it she makes things impossible for everyone else.



The above line I don't get..How is him being married to a spoiled brat wonderful for him in any way?

 

[Aristocath]

My inlaws actually had one of those giant painting made from a photograph. It is a 'portrait' from our wedding. Guess who ISN'T in the photo! It is DH, SIL, FIL and MIL. Their little foursome.

That is incredible!

My MIL is actually pretty good but she has her moments. I try to be understanding because I have three sons and one day...I could have three DILs.

 

[AKL_Megs]

I don't think my MIL "wants" my DH back, but she sure wants to control every aspect of our ("his") life.

I am almost 27, and she still feels the need to ask me if I know how to bake a potato. (Among many, many other things...)

 

[wdwfan16]

I don't think my MIL "wants" my DH back, but she sure wants to control every aspect of our ("his") life.

I am almost 27, and she still feels the need to ask me if I know how to bake a potato. (Among many, many other things...)

Do you?

 

[AKL_Megs]

Do you?

That, AND I know how to boil water AND bake brownies! (She has asked me those things as well! )