With apologies to all you guys...
> > 1. "I can't find it"
> > MEANS: It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so
> > I am completely clueless.
> >
> > 2. "That's women's work"
> > MEANS: it's difficult, dirty, and thankless.
> >
> > 3. "Will you Marry me?"
> > MEANS: both of my roommates have moved out, I
> > can't find the washer, and there's no peanut butter left.
> >
> >
> > 4. "It's a guy thing . "
> > MEANS: there's no rational thought pattern
> > connected with it, and you have no chance at all of
> > making it logical.
> >
> >
> > 5. "Can I help with dinner?"
> > MEANS: why isn't it already on the table?
> >
> > 6. "It would take too long to explain"
> > MEANS: I have no idea how it works.
> >
> > 7. "I'm getting more exercise lately"
> > MEANS: the batteries in the remote are dead.
> >
> > 8. "We're going to be late."
> > MEANS: I have a legitimate reason for driving like
> > a maniac.
> >
> > 9. "Take a break, honey, you're working too hard."
> > MEANS: I can't hear the game over the vacuum
> > cleaner.
> >
> > 10. "That's interesting dear."
> > MEANS: are you still talking?
> >
> > 11. "Honey, we don't need material things to prove
> > our love."
> > MEANS: I forgot our anniversary again.
> >
> > 12. "You expect too much from me."
> > MEANS: You expect me to stay awake?
> >
> > 13. "It's really a good movie."
> > MEANS: It's got guns, knives, fast cars, and naked
> > women.
> >
> > 14. "You know how bad my memory is."
> > MEANS: I remember the words to the theme song of
> > F-Troop, the address of the first girl I kissed,
> > and the vehicle identification number of every car
> > I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday.
> >
> >
> > 15. "I was just thinking about you, and got you these
> > roses."
> > MEANS: the girl selling them on the corner was a
> > real babe, and was wearing a bikini thong.
> >
> > 16. "Oh, don't fuss, I just cut myself, it's no big
> > deal."
> > MEANS: I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed
> > to death before I admit I'm hurt.
> >
> > 17. "Hey, I've got reasons for what I'm doing."
> > MEANS: what did you catch me at?
> >
> > 18. "She's one of those rabid feminists."
> > MEANS: she refused to make my coffee.
> >
> > 19. "I heard you."
> > MEANS: I haven't the foggiest clue what you just
> > said, and hope I can fake it well enough, so that you
> > don't spend the next three days yelling at me.
> >
> > 20. "You know I could never love anyone else."
> > MEANS: I am used to the way YOU yell at me, and
> > realize it could be worse.
> >
> > 21. "You really look terrific in that outfit."
> > MEANS: Please don't try on one more outfit, I'm
> > starving.
> >
> > 22. "I brought you a present."
> > MEANS: It was free ice scraper night at the
> > ball/hockey game.
> >
> > 23. "I missed you."
> > MEANS: I can't find my sock drawer, the kids are
> > hungry, and we're out of toilet paper.
> >
> > 24. "I'm not lost, I know exactly where we are."
> > MEANS: No one will ever see us alive again.
> >
> > 25. "This relationship is getting too serious."
> > MEANS: I like you almost as much as I like my truck.
> >
> > 26. "I don't need to read the instructions."
> > MEANS: I am perfectly capable of screwing it up
> > without anyone's help.
> > 1. "I can't find it"
> > MEANS: It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so
> > I am completely clueless.
> >
> > 2. "That's women's work"
> > MEANS: it's difficult, dirty, and thankless.
> >
> > 3. "Will you Marry me?"
> > MEANS: both of my roommates have moved out, I
> > can't find the washer, and there's no peanut butter left.
> >
> >
> > 4. "It's a guy thing . "
> > MEANS: there's no rational thought pattern
> > connected with it, and you have no chance at all of
> > making it logical.
> >
> >
> > 5. "Can I help with dinner?"
> > MEANS: why isn't it already on the table?
> >
> > 6. "It would take too long to explain"
> > MEANS: I have no idea how it works.
> >
> > 7. "I'm getting more exercise lately"
> > MEANS: the batteries in the remote are dead.
> >
> > 8. "We're going to be late."
> > MEANS: I have a legitimate reason for driving like
> > a maniac.
> >
> > 9. "Take a break, honey, you're working too hard."
> > MEANS: I can't hear the game over the vacuum
> > cleaner.
> >
> > 10. "That's interesting dear."
> > MEANS: are you still talking?
> >
> > 11. "Honey, we don't need material things to prove
> > our love."
> > MEANS: I forgot our anniversary again.
> >
> > 12. "You expect too much from me."
> > MEANS: You expect me to stay awake?
> >
> > 13. "It's really a good movie."
> > MEANS: It's got guns, knives, fast cars, and naked
> > women.
> >
> > 14. "You know how bad my memory is."
> > MEANS: I remember the words to the theme song of
> > F-Troop, the address of the first girl I kissed,
> > and the vehicle identification number of every car
> > I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday.
> >
> >
> > 15. "I was just thinking about you, and got you these
> > roses."
> > MEANS: the girl selling them on the corner was a
> > real babe, and was wearing a bikini thong.
> >
> > 16. "Oh, don't fuss, I just cut myself, it's no big
> > deal."
> > MEANS: I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed
> > to death before I admit I'm hurt.
> >
> > 17. "Hey, I've got reasons for what I'm doing."
> > MEANS: what did you catch me at?
> >
> > 18. "She's one of those rabid feminists."
> > MEANS: she refused to make my coffee.
> >
> > 19. "I heard you."
> > MEANS: I haven't the foggiest clue what you just
> > said, and hope I can fake it well enough, so that you
> > don't spend the next three days yelling at me.
> >
> > 20. "You know I could never love anyone else."
> > MEANS: I am used to the way YOU yell at me, and
> > realize it could be worse.
> >
> > 21. "You really look terrific in that outfit."
> > MEANS: Please don't try on one more outfit, I'm
> > starving.
> >
> > 22. "I brought you a present."
> > MEANS: It was free ice scraper night at the
> > ball/hockey game.
> >
> > 23. "I missed you."
> > MEANS: I can't find my sock drawer, the kids are
> > hungry, and we're out of toilet paper.
> >
> > 24. "I'm not lost, I know exactly where we are."
> > MEANS: No one will ever see us alive again.
> >
> > 25. "This relationship is getting too serious."
> > MEANS: I like you almost as much as I like my truck.
> >
> > 26. "I don't need to read the instructions."
> > MEANS: I am perfectly capable of screwing it up
> > without anyone's help.
