Maybe because I only have one girl but...

[hentob]

Not if they were raised from day one to understand that they each have their own friends and that just because the other is invited to something doesn't mean they both are.

 

[hentob]

It breaks my heart that she is trying to befriend these other children and get shut out because she is too little.

That is the thing--She is too little.

No offense, but why should a young child get to play with older ones? What do they have in common? Why should she be allowed into somebody's home with the older children

 

[Freyja]

No, you weren´t rude. But that being said, I would have let both of them come when they asked. But that´s just because I never put any restrictions on how many friends my kids can invite over. Yesterday we had 11 kids playing here, and I thought it was great

 

[OceanAnnie]

No. I don't think you were rude at all. I think the way the other mother handled it was rude! She can have all the rules she wants, but she should've been the one to tell you so you could've told her yourself. She put the kids in a weird position.

 

[disneygals]

My thoughts...I have 3 girls 2 years apart. When they were very young up to early elem they used to play with my next door neighbors 3 kids (2 boys and 1 girl). The other mother and I set it up that all played together. It worked great. The kids were best friends and got along VERY well.

Another neighbor had 2 girls oldest same age as my middle. My girls would be playing happily until the neighbor's daughter used to call and just invite the middle. It used to annoy the heck out of me and I felt put on the spot. I finally asked the mother to call me first and I would handle it as I felt bad telling her child no. Sometimes I let just the one go and other times just said no. We also had other issues with these kids.

If my kids were invited to a real playdate with a school friend, I would never consider it to include a sibling. Also, as they got older I taught them that it's life, you're not always invited.

 

[DeluxePrincess]

It breaks my heart that she is trying to befriend these other children and get shut out because she is too little.

My neighbor's kids are all older than DD, but they used to play with her if there was nothing else to do. She is almost 10 now and they are all aged 12-14. When it came time for birthday parties, they never invited DD. They invited girls their own age from their class, rightfully so. DD questioned this to me once and I explained how most older girls don't want younger girls around at their parties. It didn't mean they don't like you. You are just too young. She got it. There was no nervous breakdown or scar for life. God knows when I was in school, I did not want my friend's younger siblings hanging around. Friends don't come with a 3 for 1 special. Nobody wants to see their child upset, but they won't learn how to handle such situations if we shield them from all things upsetting.

 

[Docwoods]

Gads.I have two sisters.Brrrrrrr.Three gals is a nightmare waiting to happpen...

 

[Mrs.Toad]

I have three daughters. The two older girls are very social and we have an apartment building across the field in front of our house (We actually lived there for a little while). It bugs me to no end when my middle daughter comes home crying because they were all playing outside and decided to go inside, but the mom wouldn't let her come inside too.

It breaks my heart that she is trying to befriend these other children and get shut out because she is too little.

I have come to the point of not letting them go over there to play because its too painful to pick up the pieces and I am not about to tell someone who to let in their house.

Now if someone calls and asks if one of them can come over or spend the night, I would never say... well you gotta take em both!

I see this as a different situation than the OP. When a group of kids is already playing, it's rude to suddenly decide to exclude one.

It would be like if I was outside talking to 2 neighbor moms, then I turned directly to one of them and invited her in for coffee, and we went in and left the other alone outside. That's just rude, no matter the age of person excluded.

Calling someone up and inviting them over to play is different. My girls are 5 years apart, so have very different interests, but the younger one, of course, still wants to play with the older one and her friends. I tell her, sorry, no, you can invite your own friend over. Often one has a friend over and the other does not, but they have learned that it all evens out, and once in a while they even play together.

 

[Katy Belle]

Good for you OP!!! I think its fine to invite just one. Hopefully the mom will think about it and change her rule.

My kids have neighbors that they all play with, all in and out of each others houses all the time. BUT I realize that some kids are better friends, or more compatible, with one of my boys. So I let them all come, or let all mine go to the neighbors, but I make sure that the two kids that are closer friends get some alone time. I will let DS14 go over to the neighbors house 45 min. before his brothers come, or have the friend to our house while my other 2 go play with the sister at the other house. It all works out and I NEVER consider anyone rude for inviting just one of my children!

 

[bananda]

i think its fine not to invite both. my little sisters are twins and share friends, but sometimes one will get invited somewhere and the other won't. they are completely ok with that. although, they are 15...

 

[gina2000]

This is why I hate the demise of neighborhood playing. When I was little, everyone of all ages was outside playing. We all learned how to play together, all ages, all sizes, both genders. We learned from each other, learned to socialize, and accepted everyone. Sure there were skirmishes. But for the most part, kids learned tolerance and acceptance. Kids learned how to play with everyone. Little ones learned from big ones, big ones learned how to be caring and considerate. And yes, sometimes it went awry but overall, I believe the experience was a positive one.

Fast forward to today. Because we've decided that kids shouldn't play outside unsupervised, they no longer practice group interaction. They no longer learn how to operate in a group setting unless it is supervised and coordinated. As a result, parents host play dates that exclude and I'm going to add that it's their right to do so because someone will quote that phrase out of context and jump all over me.

Don't get me wrong. I love the control play dates provide. But I also see the downside. And unfortunately, exclusion is one aspect that is regrettable.

So while it is totally, completely, and absolutely within you and your child's right to pick and choose, I think we've lost an important facet of childhood. JMHO.

 

[aprilgail2]

I agree that 3 girls can be a nightmare. BUT, I can kinda see the other Mom's point too....the girl who didn't get invited would probably be home, in tears, that she was left out. I would NEVER have told your DD it was rude to just invite one though, that is just RUDE, if you ask me!

So the child cries---all part of life....you can't always be included, can't always have what you want. At that point the mother should have had her call a friend and have her over to her house! The only reason parents do the "all or none" rule is so they get all their kids out of their hair at one time and can have the day free to themselves-just laziness! My daughter has been friends with triplets since preschool and their mom always said "just because you invite one over or for a party it does not mean you have to invite all three- each is their own person with their own friends"....its worked out great. At time 2 of the 3 are out at slepovers and only one is home and such is life- maybe the next weekend she will be out at a sleepover and the others will be home....

 

[BellePrincessBelle]

Why?

Because they prefer it that way. As I said they are BFF's. They do socialize on their own but generally share the same friends and prefer to go out together. I don't force it & actually don't even encourage it but thats how they've always been.

 

[Disney Doll]

I think it's just one more example of what I begun to call the "Special Snowflake" syndrome.

Our children cannot be hurt, disappointed or upset in any way. Everybody gets a prize, everybody makes the team. It's ridiculous. Then they grow up and when "real life" hits them with disappointment, they can't deal with it.

As far as this particular mother is concerned, I find it rude for her to try and dictate what you will do at your house and I agree that I would have said "Well, sorry, I wanted your older daughter not your younger one". I also agree with some of the PPs who said that she was probably looking for teh afternoon "off" a few days before Christmas, to get some stuff done.

As an aside, my DH has twin sisters...one is wonderful and one is a nasty nutcase....I call them the Good Witch and the Bad Witch...and my late DMIL always insisted that they be invited everywhere together. What ended up happeneing is because no one wanted the Bad Witch around, the Good Witch didn't get invited too many places. And I will tell you, she is resentful of it to this day.

 

[threecrazykids]

This is why I hate the demise of neighborhood playing. When I was little, everyone of all ages was outside playing. We all learned how to play together, all ages, all sizes, both genders. We learned from each other, learned to socialize, and accepted everyone. Sure there were skirmishes. But for the most part, kids learned tolerance and acceptance. Kids learned how to play with everyone. Little ones learned from big ones, big ones learned how to be caring and considerate. And yes, sometimes it went awry but overall, I believe the experience was a positive one.

Fast forward to today. Because we've decided that kids shouldn't play outside unsupervised, they no longer practice group interaction. They no longer learn how to operate in a group setting unless it is supervised and coordinated. As a result, parents host play dates that exclude and I'm going to add that it's their right to do so because someone will quote that phrase out of context and jump all over me.

Don't get me wrong. I love the control play dates provide. But I also see the downside. And unfortunately, exclusion is one aspect that is regrettable.

So while it is totally, completely, and absolutely within you and your child's right to pick and choose, I think we've lost an important facet of childhood. JMHO.

I'm the OP and I agree with you 100% on this one, however,when the weather is -30 degrees with rain and sleet my kids aren't outside so did allow them to invite a friend in. I grew up on a dead end street with almost the same # of kids as we have now and we VERY RARELY were inside so I feel the same way about "GET YOUR BUTT OUTSIDE AND PLAY!" LOL

I'm in tiny town Iowa and we still let our kids play outside, and no I don't supervise them 100% of the time. Their siblings watch out for them and OOOH boy have we had some knock down drag outs in the neighboor hood with kids...but that's life, they'll learn to work it out.

But I agree with you, kids don't spend enough time outside in most cases. But I do have to defend our neighborhood and say for the most part these kids ARE outside playing and learning to socialize with kids of all ages.

 

[threecrazykids]

I think it's just one more example of what I begun to call the "Special Snowflake" syndrome.

Our children cannot be hurt, disappointed or upset in any way. Everybody gets a prize, everybody makes the team. It's ridiculous. Then they grow up and when "real life" hits them with disappointment, they can't deal with it.

AMEN! This drives me absolutely INSANE! I know it may sound mean, but when my kids cry or are upset about something similar to this situation I know they are learning a lesson...and ya know what...that's a good thing!

 

[ElizK]

As an aside, my DH has twin sisters...one is wonderful and one is a nasty nutcase....I call them the Good Witch and the Bad Witch...and my late DMIL always insisted that they be invited everywhere together. What ended up happeneing is because no one wanted the Bad Witch around, the Good Witch didn't get invited too many places. And I will tell you, she is resentful of it to this day.

While we weren't usually a package deal, my mother often insisted I take my younger brother (2 years younger) when I went out to play. Can't tell you how much I resented that. And I didn't get over that resentment until I moved out of the house when I was 18.

 

[dogluva]

This is why I hate the demise of neighborhood playing. When I was little, everyone of all ages was outside playing. We all learned how to play together, all ages, all sizes, both genders. We learned from each other, learned to socialize, and accepted everyone. Sure there were skirmishes. But for the most part, kids learned tolerance and acceptance. Kids learned how to play with everyone. Little ones learned from big ones, big ones learned how to be caring and considerate. And yes, sometimes it went awry but overall, I believe the experience was a positive one.

Fast forward to today. Because we've decided that kids shouldn't play outside unsupervised, they no longer practice group interaction. They no longer learn how to operate in a group setting unless it is supervised and coordinated. As a result, parents host play dates that exclude and I'm going to add that it's their right to do so because someone will quote that phrase out of context and jump all over me.

Don't get me wrong. I love the control play dates provide. But I also see the downside. And unfortunately, exclusion is one aspect that is regrettable.

So while it is totally, completely, and absolutely within you and your child's right to pick and choose, I think we've lost an important facet of childhood. JMHO.

Maybe my neighborhood is the exception. The kids in this one are always outside-unsupervised. My boys play outside with a whole gang from the minute they come home until I drag them in to do homework. The little ones hang out as well if the big sisters/brothers are there. Are we the only neighborhood left? My boys play in the woods. Yesterday they were all outside in the snow. This is why I rarely sign them up for anthing, they just want to play.

I hate the term "playdate". Not so bad for the young ones but give me a break-does a 12 year old really need to refer to it as that term? This is a relatively new concept-when my oldest three (21, 17, 15) they just played. Now kids have to get invited and make a date.

 

[kidshop]

I'm not sure what ages the OP is talking about, but I often have to deal with a 4 y/o sent over with his 7 y/o brother. My ds is 7 as well. Having a 4 y/o over is BABYSITTING! I can't leave them alone as I would the 2 older ones. he is into stuff and I have thrown him out before! Young kids need to be closely supervised, and I do resent having to do it so my ds can play with his friend.

 

[threecrazykids]

Maybe my neighborhood is the exception. The kids in this one are always outside-unsupervised. My boys play outside with a whole gang from the minute they come home until I drag them in to do homework. The little ones hang out as well if the big sisters/brothers are there. Are we the only neighborhood left? My boys play in the woods. Yesterday they were all outside in the snow. This is why I rarely sign them up for anthing, they just want to play.

I hate the term "playdate". Not so bad for the young ones but give me a break-does a 12 year old really need to refer to it as that term? This is a relatively new concept-when my oldest three (21, 17, 15) they just played. Now kids have to get invited and make a date.

My neighborhood is the same way...we just boot em' all outside until the street lights come on...they love it that way! The less time they spend inside the house (cuz dang it I'll put em' to work) the happier they are.