Maybe because I only have one girl but...

[dispor]

I agree that 3 girls can be a nightmare. BUT, I can kinda see the other Mom's point too....the girl who didn't get invited would probably be home, in tears, that she was left out. I would NEVER have told your DD it was rude to just invite one though, that is just RUDE, if you ask me!

... at which point the mom could have allowed that daughter to have a friend of her own over. The mom just wanted both girls out of her hair. OP, you did nothing wrong!

 

[bumbershoot]

Even though I only had a brother when I was a kid, for some reason his friends' moms would often invite me. But that's mainly b/c his friends had older sibs in my class. BUT those sibs were boys. So I was still very left out, even though I did get to go bowling or swimming with them.

Anyway, when I think about it now, that was lovely of the moms to invite me.

But I'm not sure I would do the same (I think I got invited b/c my brother was almost exclusively friends with very wealthy kids, and we were definitely on the "poorest kids at the school" side, and I think they just wanted me to have the fun opportunities like swimming that my brother was having) with DS's future friends...then again, we don't have a pool, either!


And I can't imagine being like that mom, not allowing just one kid (should having more than one kid be part of my life). Seems a nice opportunity to have one-on-one time!

 

[KAMLEM]

I agree that 3 girls can be a nightmare. BUT, I can kinda see the other Mom's point too....the girl who didn't get invited would probably be home, in tears, that she was left out.

And the problem with that is what? She needs to learn that she can't always do what her sister does, that's life.

 

[DeluxePrincess]

I agree that 3 girls can be a nightmare. BUT, I can kinda see the other Mom's point too....the girl who didn't get invited would probably be home, in tears, that she was left out.

See, I will never understand this. Getting excluded from things at times is all a part of growing up. You are not always going to be invited. Sure, she might be upset for a little while, but she'll get over it. I had older siblings who were not forced to drag me with them everywhere they went. I learned to make my own friends.

 

[Duchie]

I agree that 3 girls can be a nightmare. BUT, I can kinda see the other Mom's point too....the girl who didn't get invited would probably be home, in tears, that she was left out. I would NEVER have told your DD it was rude to just invite one though, that is just RUDE, if you ask me!

Sure, the other little girl would be disappointed, but that's just how life goes sometimes.

... at which point the mom could have allowed that daughter to have a friend of her own over. The mom just wanted both girls out of her hair. OP, you did nothing wrong!

See, this is what I think too. Let the other little girl have a friend over, or watch something special on TV or something else. Teach her now how to deal with this little disappointment so she's not floored later when a whopper hits.

I've had this guilt trip laid on me by another parent time and time again. This family has a daughter the same age as my DD and then twin girls who are 1 year younger. For a while every time we'd invite the older one to come over, the younger 2 would come as well (uninvited). Once we invited the older girl over one day after school and I told the other mom that her daughter could just walk home with my DD. Imagine my surprise when they got home and her two younger sisters were with her. When I started being very specific about it being just their oldest, the parents started bringing the younger 2 with them when the dropped off the older girl. They would just stand there looking very sad, but I held my ground. When my DD goes over to their house, she and the older girl aren't ever allowed to play alone - the twins must always be included. My DD finally decided she doesn't like playing with this little girl any more because of it.

 

[lemondog]

I agree that 3 girls can be a nightmare. BUT, I can kinda see the other Mom's point too....the girl who didn't get invited would probably be home, in tears, that she was left out.

No way. I am the mom of twins and this is reality. The other child has to learn that sometimes she will be excluded, just like sometimes she'll get to do things and her sister will be excluded. Sheltering her from it now is not doing that little girl any favors.

OP, you did nothing wrong and that other child was way out of line calling you, and the other mom was BEYOND rude for even having her call and say that to you.

 

[marlynnp]

Maybe I'm not understanding.

We have a neighbor who have sisters who are very close in age. Because the weather is really cruddy here today she invited the little girl (who is in her grade) over to play inside. The little girl called back and said that her mom said that if BOTH girls can't come play inside then neither of them could because it was mean to just invite 1 and not both. Each one of my boys also invited 1 neighborhood friend each and they do happen to be brothers but are not as close in age. However, I told them they could each invite 1 friend. If both of the sisters come in there just seems to be issues so I told her that if their mother says "both or none" then I'm sorry, but then neither could come.

Am I really in the wrong to do that? I know it's just one more child, no big deal...which isn't my point. I guess I just feel kind of put off in the sense that I'm sure if she's invited to stay over at a friends house of someone who is NOT a neighbor they surely don't make that rule of "both or neither".

Maybe I'm just not understanding because I only have 1 girl and not 2 that are just a year apart, but I really don't think this is right. Yet this little girl told my daughter that I was being really RUDE to not invite both, only one.

I feel bad now, but I really just wanted 1 friend per kid.

Don't feel bad! Unless it's for your daughter, lol.

Do you like this neighbor??

I'd call back and speak with the mother. I'd tell her what her exactly what her child said and confirm that that was the case.

I'd then nicely remind her that you have two other children who each get to invite one friend over and that you are not up to having more than 6 kids in the house at one time. Then I'd mention that it is exceptionally rude to make the comment that YOU are somehow the one being rude and way over the top to then have a child repeat that to your child.

And if I didn't like them, I'd end with a, "we won't make the mistake of inviting your children over again."

 

[mjkacmom]

My dd6 and dd8 are 22 months apart, and are BEST friends. However, I would never expect both to be invited (unless all of the kids were already outside playing, and one was invited in, and one was left outside with no one now to play with). However, my gf across the street has girls 1 year apart, and I always invite them both, because they play well together, and the 5 year old happens to play very well with ds6!

I admit, sometimes it makes things tough for me if ds6 isn't around, because then I have to find something for the other to do (having 5 kids close in age means they are never bored!).

 

[minkydog]

Why would it make a difference whether it was boys or girls? Your neighbor is being a bully. Is this someone you consider a good friend? I'm thinking, since the weather is cruddy, she's sick of her kids being underfoot and you just provided her with the possibility of free babysitting for the afternoon. Tell the mom that each of your kids are allowed to have only one friend over, period. See what she says. If she says no, let your daughter call another friend. Don't give in to her demand or you're going to be doing it over and over and over.

Incidently, I come from a family of 5 kids in 8 years. Stair steps. I don't ever remember my mother demanding that someone take a sibling to play at someone else's house. I never demanded it of anyone else, either. I just don't get that.

 

[monkey68]

My sister and I are 2 years apart, and even though we were often in the same extra curriculars, we had our own friends growing up. Even though the 2 of us are best friends, we are very very different people. I was always more sporty, more rational, more adventurous, whereas my sister is more cautious, more girly girl. And our friends reflected that, my friends and I would build obstacle courses in the basement, while my sister and her friends played Barbie.

I don;t think you did anything wrong, OP. Siblings need to grow apart. Usually if my sister got invited to a party that I didn't, my mom would do something special with me while my sister was out, and I loved those times. I think the mom just didn't want to deal with the headache of entertaining only 1 kid on a lousy day.

 

[threecrazykids]

I'm glad I'm getting support on this. I feel the same way...that sometimes life just isn't fair. I have no problems having the other sister over next time if that is who my daughter chooses to have over, but in the same regard...the other sister won't be invited to tag along. Hopefully the mother at some point realizes that the girls are really the ones who are missing out in the end.

Merry Christmas Everyone!

 

[suzannen]

My sister and I were one year apart and shared a room, so we loved it when we were able to separate and play with our own set of friends. The only time we went together was when we were invited by another family who also had a girl in my sister's class and one in mine, so the two of us would go together - and then usually split up to play with our classmate. And, when we didn't get an invite and one of us was left home, my mom always had special toys, puzzles, and surprises that she'd pull out of the closet for the one at home. It often became the best one-on-one time with my mom - a lot of baking cookies and such. No one was left sitting crying.

 

[AlternateEgo]

I have three daughters. The two older girls are very social and we have an apartment building across the field in front of our house (We actually lived there for a little while). It bugs me to no end when my middle daughter comes home crying because they were all playing outside and decided to go inside, but the mom wouldn't let her come inside too.

It breaks my heart that she is trying to befriend these other children and get shut out because she is too little.

I have come to the point of not letting them go over there to play because its too painful to pick up the pieces and I am not about to tell someone who to let in their house.

Now if someone calls and asks if one of them can come over or spend the night, I would never say... well you gotta take em both!

 

[dispor]

I agree that 3 girls can be a nightmare. BUT, I can kinda see the other Mom's point too....the girl who didn't get invited would probably be home, in tears, that she was left out. I would NEVER have told your DD it was rude to just invite one though, that is just RUDE, if you ask me!

... at which point the mom could have allowed that daughter to have a friend of her own over. The mom just wanted both girls out of her hair. OP, you did nothing wrong!

 

[The Orchid]

I agree that 3 girls can be a nightmare. BUT, I can kinda see the other Mom's point too....the girl who didn't get invited would probably be home, in tears, that she was left out. I would NEVER have told your DD it was rude to just invite one though, that is just RUDE, if you ask me!

Not if they were raised from day one to understand that they each have their own friends and that just because the other is invited to something doesn't mean they both are.

I stopped having birthday parties for my daughter when she was 9 because so many fools had that rule. The final year she had a party, I had three times as many kids that were invited. They all brought siblings and one of them brought an infant (with no parent to tend to it)! I had small children screaming because there were not enough goody bags to go around and I had older kids harassing the younger ones. What a freaking mess. I suffered through being a day care provider that last day and then never had another party. I sent my daughter and two friends of her choice to the water slides for the day for all birthdays after that.

I cannot stand people with the all or none rule. They need to teach their kids that life won't always include them. Life can hurt at times and everybody survives it. The mentality that children aren't allowed to ever feel sad or lonely is just crazy in my opinion. Good grief. And I totally agree with those who say that the parents just want to be free of their kids for a while.

 

[3prettyprincesses]

I have three daughters. The two older girls are very social and we have an apartment building across the field in front of our house (We actually lived there for a little while). It bugs me to no end when my middle daughter comes home crying because they were all playing outside and decided to go inside, but the mom wouldn't let her come inside too.

It breaks my heart that she is trying to befriend these other children and get shut out because she is too little.

I have come to the point of not letting them go over there to play because its too painful to pick up the pieces and I am not about to tell someone who to let in their house.

Now if someone calls and asks if one of them can come over or spend the night, I would never say... well you gotta take em both!

I agree with this. I too have 3 daughters. In our neighborhood there are lots of girls, which of course means lots of drama. Anyhow, they were all outside playing one day and then their friend decided to invite just my oldest and middle daughter over. To me, that was rude since they were all playing together and then the friend decides she only wants to play with 2 of them. So I politely said sorry, not this time.

We've run into the same thing with b-day parties...all 3 of my daughters play with a neighborhood friend and then said friend only invites 2 out of the 3 of them to the party. It is hard for younger ones to understand, especially when they normally all play with these neighborhood friends.

Having said that, I would never demand that all 3 of mine be invited either. If this girls mom called me and said can 2 of your girls come over to play, I'd say sure. Then I'd explain to my 3rd daughter that only her sisters were invited. Yes, that's hard for her to hear since she's the youngest but we work through it.

 

[PaulaSue]

LOL, I bet she does that to everyone. I hear of it all the time.

 

[englishteacha]

I was friends with 3 sisters as a child. I'd take turns playing with them. They, in turn, had a cousin with 6 siblings. They would want to do things with this cousin, who was about their age, and the cousin's mom said that the only way M could come play was if ALL of the kids came to play. Can you imagine inviting 1 child and 7 coming? I understand that in this case, they were family, but this cousin's younger siblings were much younger than she was. I always thought that was unfair. I'm the youngest of 8 kids...never would my parents expect someone to include all 8 of us. My next youngest brother and sister are twins and my parents made it clear that they were individual people and were not a package deal. Separate birthday cakes, separate sets of friends, separate gifts.

 

[kristilew]

My DD is an only child and HATES this aspect of many of her friends' families. The general rule around here seems to be "include the siblings or don't play," whether it is inviting them over here or DD going over there. And of course the siblings always end up fighting and DD is coming home thanking us for not having more kids.

I don't see how it helps the left out child learn to make her own friends if the mom is always demanding she be included with her sister.

 

[hentob]

My DD is an only child and HATES this aspect of many of her friends' families. The general rule around here seems to be "include the siblings or don't play,"

I am with your daughter

As a mother of twins, I am amazed at how many people FORCE extra siblings into playdates.

My children are NOT a package deal. They go to play by themselves with friends all of the time. How rude to think a host would want all of your children.

How LAZY not to teach the child that wasn't invited to play that the world doesn't revolve around them.