As to thinking of money at a time like this; I don't blame them. It's always the very first thing I think of as soon as we are in the ER; mostly because other than checking for a heart attack, it's also the first thing the hospital thinks of. I've also got a so-called "Cadillac plan", but I make darn sure to dot the I's and cross the T's before the bills start mounting up, because I won't need any ugly financial surprises on top of dealing with serious illness.
I don't know about y'all, but I've never arrived at an ER via ambulance; I've always been driven there or driven someone else, because we've been lucky enough to dodge the ambulance bullet (talk about bills!) Coming in via the ambulance bay is different, of course, but if you walk in via the waiting room door, IME the drill is always the same; if you're not bleeding badly, then the nurses take a heart reading on the patient, and the clerks immediately ask for the insurance paperwork from whomever came with that person. (If you're alone, they do the cardiac check first, and if it's OK, then you deal with the billing clerk while you wait your turn to be taken back to be examined.) Normal wait to be taken in for examination here is usually about 90 minutes, so you usually have plenty of time to get the paperwork done.
I'm not a medical professional. When I take someone to the hospital, I put on my "dealing with the insurance company" hardhat the moment that the nurses take over the patient; because my job there is to deal with the hospital bureaucracy and make sure that the non-medical issues are addressed. The biggy for me is always the "admission" issue; I will always ask the treating physician if and when the patient will be admitted, because sometimes you can be there 3 days, but if no one formally admitted you during that time, you might be considered to be an outpatient "under observation", in which case many insurance companies will refuse to pay at the inpatient rate. Any time a doctor tells me that we'll be there overnight, I request formal admission, because it makes a huge difference in how much will be owed OOP.
I've pretty much never had the luck to not have to appeal *something* in the coverage. The most classic one was a month of 3X daily inpatient bloodwork when I was admitted for acute pancreatitis; the insurance company claimed the pathologist was OON, and wanted me to pay the higher rate for 90 tests. So here is how it went:
Me: Is Hospital Z in-network?
IC: Yes, it is.
Me: Does the pathologist actually work for Hospital Z?
IC: No, he works for a Practice X, which is not part of our network.
Me (asking Practice X): Does Dr. Y work *in* any other hospital for you?
PX: No, all of our employees work at Hospital Z. We're a wholly-owned subsidiary of the hospital's parent corporation; we just handle the HR aspect.
Me, to IC: If the doctor works only for Hospital Z, and Hospital Z is in-network, then I'm not paying OON pathology fees on bloodwork done when I was an inpatient.
IC, reconsidering: OK, we've decided these tests count as in-network.
Notice who had to call Practice X to determine if the pathologist was assigned to Hospital Z full-time? If I hadn't done that, I'd have been on the hook for $8600. If you're an American, NEVER just assume that the insurance company is doing everything they are supposed to do; look at every EOB yourself and double-check anything that isn't being paid for.
PS: My guess is that MLR's daughters have never read an EOB in their lives, and they had no clue how much ICU fees are.