MARTHA STEWART BAKES HERSELF INSIDE GIANT CAKE
Desperate Attempt to Flee Feds Foiled as Dessert Is Heard Berating Employee
In a desperate attempt to prevent federal law enforcement officers from apprehending her in a so-called perp walk, domestic diva Martha Stewart attempted to flee the country yesterday baked inside an enormous pineapple upside-down cake.
The cake, measuring seven feet in diameter, was being shepherded through security at JFK International Airport by two employees of Martha Stewart Omnimedia when security personnel noticed something unusual.
The cake was talking, real *****y-like, one security employee said.
Within minutes, the security staff realized that it was not the cake itself that was talking but rather Ms. Stewart, baked inside the cake and angrily berating an employee on her cell phone.
I told you to puree those phone logs and whisk them into the chestnut gravy, you moron! Ms. Stewart could be heard shouting from inside the pineapple dessert.
After security sliced open the cake and revealed Ms. Stewart inside, a representative for the homemaking mogul said the pineapple upside-down cake incident was entirely proper and had been blown out of proportion.
Ms. Stewart had pre-arranged several months ago to travel out of the country encased in a giant cake, Ms. Stewarts spokesman said.
While SEC officials refused to comment on Ms. Stewarts explanation of the cake affair, they were said to be keeping a close eye on Ms. Stewarts Connecticut home, where the creation of a scented pomander measuring seven feet in diameter appeared to be underway
***Borowitz Reports******
Desperate Attempt to Flee Feds Foiled as Dessert Is Heard Berating Employee
In a desperate attempt to prevent federal law enforcement officers from apprehending her in a so-called perp walk, domestic diva Martha Stewart attempted to flee the country yesterday baked inside an enormous pineapple upside-down cake.
The cake, measuring seven feet in diameter, was being shepherded through security at JFK International Airport by two employees of Martha Stewart Omnimedia when security personnel noticed something unusual.
The cake was talking, real *****y-like, one security employee said.
Within minutes, the security staff realized that it was not the cake itself that was talking but rather Ms. Stewart, baked inside the cake and angrily berating an employee on her cell phone.
I told you to puree those phone logs and whisk them into the chestnut gravy, you moron! Ms. Stewart could be heard shouting from inside the pineapple dessert.
After security sliced open the cake and revealed Ms. Stewart inside, a representative for the homemaking mogul said the pineapple upside-down cake incident was entirely proper and had been blown out of proportion.
Ms. Stewart had pre-arranged several months ago to travel out of the country encased in a giant cake, Ms. Stewarts spokesman said.
While SEC officials refused to comment on Ms. Stewarts explanation of the cake affair, they were said to be keeping a close eye on Ms. Stewarts Connecticut home, where the creation of a scented pomander measuring seven feet in diameter appeared to be underway
***Borowitz Reports******
