Marrieds choosing not to have kids

[Hixski]

Hey, What happened to everyone that was posting. I hope the mean people that think we should all have children did not scare everyone off.

 

[maddhatir]

Hey, What happened to everyone that was posting. I hope the mean people that think we should all have children did not scare everyone off.

OK I will post something- yesterday I was out running errands- DH didnt care about dinner and I had NOTHING or NO ONE to worry about depending on me to be home or to do anything for them, I stopped at Starbucks and strolled out to the car with no worries...and I sucked in the moment and realized how lucky I was not to have any "attachments"!

What kind of little moments does everyone else savour!!???

 

[PhotobearSam]

I have one...

This is a "What is the World Coming to..." type of situation.

Yesterday at our motel, a man walked in with his 2 kids. You could tell that they were very well off, nice car (BMW) and very nice clothes. He asked what I had for a week and I told him about our 2 bedroom cottages that have full kitchen, washer/dryer and dishwasher as well as private phone and wireless internet. We are the only cottages in this resort town to offer all those amenities and we are also the newest cottages at only 4 yrs old.

He was very impressed and when I told him the price, he was even more interested. So off he goes with the KEY to take a look. After 5 minutes, he comes back and tell me how much he loved the cottage but that the kids were not in love with it and they are the "BOSS" and they would go see if they found something the kids would like better...

WHat the H-E double hockey sticks is this world coming to???The kids seemed pleased as punch that they were in charge...When did this become the norm? I have had this happen 3 times this summer...

WHEN DID THE GROWN UPS GIVE UP THE POWER?

I tried to imagine myself at their age and getting to make the decision on where and when my parents would part with their hard earned cash...It would never fly.

I would never have even thought about saying anything. The world has lost it's mind...

To all the parents out there..Take back the power!!!



I will never understand what has possesed some parents to let their children run their lives. Some Parents seem more concerned with being their child's friend than their parent.

Rant over...

And then I remembered that my cats don't get a say...and they love me anyway...

Thank GOD, we decided to not have kids. I could never put up with the "Well Becky's Mom let her decide where they are going to stay, eat, sleep, drive etc..."

I love my freedom. I love that we just added 4 more days in Florida without a care in the world...The cat sitter loves the extra cash...

 

[Hixski]

OK I will post something- yesterday I was out running errands- DH didnt care about dinner and I had NOTHING or NO ONE to worry about depending on me to be home or to do anything for them, I stopped at Starbucks and strolled out to the car with no worries...and I sucked in the moment and realized how lucky I was not to have any "attachments"!

What kind of little moments does everyone else savour!!???

The freedom to do things on the spur of the moment. Well....okay, we still have to let the dog out before we go but....

The extra money that comes with being DINKS.

Being able to vacation more than once a year or worse every few years.

I am sure I could think of more.....

Oh and PhotobearSam: Could you imagine when you were a child thinking you ran things? I know my parents were definately the parents when I was growing up. I think that is why you see sooooo many kids whining about everything today. They have the POWER and at that moment they are not getting everything they want. Oh, sorry folks....ranting...

 

[KRIS10420]

The things I enjoy about being a DINK:
- the peace an quiet.
- sleeping through the night & napping when I want to.
- being spontaneous and doing whatever I want, when I want.
- my paycheque is all for me and not half of it going to daycare and the other half towards the care of children. My children (two cats) cost me no more than $50 a month.
- I like that I am not obligated to prepare three meals a day and pack lunches.
- I like to eat ice cream for breakfast if I want to.
- I like to indulge, on occasion, without worrying about the influence on children.
- I like to go skiing, camping, travelling or whatever as much as I want.
Ahh, the freedom. Can you smell it?

 

[momomonster]

PhotobearSam, I hear you on parents today giving up their power to the kiddies. I wonder what will happen when these children get their first jobs and realize they can't start as CEO.

I think the best thing about being childfree has been the time and energy I'm able to devote to improving myself. I'm 35, and in the last five years I've been able to go back to school and earn a masters while working full time, I've lost a bunch of weight from implimenting a daily exercise routine, and I've learned at least three time-consuming hobbies (knitting, pottery, and cake decorating). I couldn't have done these things if I had to care for small children.

I still have more self-improvement work ahead of me and I'm very happy to have the time, energy, and funds to follow my bliss.

 

[maddhatir]

I think I know why parents give some kids the power-- It is for the parents own sanity! It is easier than telling them NO! and Listening to them whine! It keeps the peace.

My SIL has her 23 months old son attached to her leg constantly! One of her friend's has actually renamed him "the tumor"!

Her 4 yr old daughter is complete opposite, and always has been- she will stay with any of us (friends or family) for a few days (DH and I took her to Disney for 5 days) shes a cool little chick! but him forget it- she told me it is easier to pick him up than to hear him whine

I love the kid to death- he is my nephew, but I can't take it- I dont know how SHE does. Sometimes when me and my 2 SILs are together we like to have a few drinks "etc" but it seems she can never relax b/c he always demands attention. ( OMG! actually this is all about me-- b/c I can't have a good time when he does this! )

And I notice when I make a comment about the situation (never a rude comment- b/c I know never get between a mom and her kid!) she seems to make a lame excuse but you can tell deep down-- she knows exactly what you mean....and feels helpless about this stiuation b/c she created it! I LOVE her to death too- but I just wish that she could just be able to chill with me and my other SIL!

rant over-- for now!

Love being a Carefree DINK!

 

[maddhatir]

OH and PS! I forgot this story!

Just tongiht DH and I were having a conversation about going down the shore Friday night. He said, so do you want to do the beach on Saturday- I said sure. It just kind of sucks that we can't relax b/c the kids will be with us (along with their mommy- SIL)

(quick history!- a few weeks back we went to the beach with the kiddies and their mom and/or someone had to get up every 5 minutes, which one wanted to go in the water- which one didnt want mom to leave his stie to go to the bathroom etc. except ME of course, I put down my towel and stayed put the whole time! HEY-- I gotta catch my rays!) history over.

OK- I am back-- DH said- "ahhhh, what are YOU talking about- YOU relaxed, you didnt get up!" ME: "Well, I know but with all the activity going on AROUND me it was not very relaxing!"

 

[momrek06]

I have a cousin. She is the sweetest person in the world. She knew she did not want any kids. At age 20yo she went and had her tubes tied and was not even dating anyone in particular. 5 years later she meets and marries a fabulous fellow. He totally agrees with her. NO kids! They are on the same page. 5 years later they are 30yo and my cousin NOW wants kids. She is so beside herself that she had her tubes tied. 5 years later, cousin is 35yo now and every single year she has a foreign exchange student from the likes of Europe/France/Australia spend an entire year with them, while they attend the local high school in her town. And her summers are spent traveling overseas with her DH to have little reunions with her exchange students. She says I can never have my very own BUT this is the next best thing to that, they both feel. Her Xmas card every year has her, her DH and the student from that year!!!

Just thought I would share a story of someone that was sorry she acted a little fast in her surgerical procedure.

 

[PlutoLuvr]

Time and -- how shall I say? -- whoopie

Time is wonderful. I see my friends and family with kids; they have barely any time to themselves. It used to be that when the kids got home from school, they'd go outside and play with their friends. Mom and/or Dad would have some time to unwind from their day, as well. Not so anymore. Evidently, the new trend is to keep your kid in as many activities as humanly possible so they have no time to ever try drugs. My best friend has two little girls; yesterday, my BF worked all day in court (court reporter), raced to two schools to pick up her kids, then blasted them over to dance, then blasted home for mountains of homework (kindergarten and first grade...mountains of homework). Where is there any time for Mom in this day?

I should add nutrition in there. The folks with kids I know have no -- and I mean ZERO -- time to cook a healthy meal for their families. It's always food in a box, food in a bag, take-out, pizza delivery. No wonder our country is getting more obese by the second! How are the children today learning about proper nutrition, as well as precious family recipes from previous generations?

Well, the "private" time with my hubby is great. If we want to run around the house naked at 5:15 in the afternoon and "play," there is nothing stopping us

 

[momomonster]

Just thought I would share a story of someone that was sorry she acted a little fast in her surgerical procedure.

My answer to this is always "Better to regret NOT having a child than to regret the child once it's here".

Actually, research I've read says mothers who get their tubes tied are MUCH more likely to regret the procedure than childfree women. My DH got "fixed" last year (because the procedure has fewer risks) and we couldn't be happier.

Momrek06, the story of your cousin doesn't strike me as sad or disappointing in the least. Since cousin's childfree status allows her to make a HUGE difference in the lives of people already here on this planet, this story is positive and encouraging. It sounds like her mild regret in not having kids is greatly overshadowed by her contributions, her ability to travel, and the close connections she's made with all those students. How wonderful!!!

 

[kennancat]

Just thought I would share a story of someone that was sorry she acted a little fast in her surgerical procedure.

We all make the best decisions that we can at the time and with the information we have at that time. After that, it's a question of attitude. Sometimes I wish I'd majored in a different field in college, done study abroad, tried out different cities, etc. As we get older, every choice we make seems to eliminate other choices in the future. You can either get upset about that fact or do the best you can and make the conscious choice that you will find happiness in your life, regardless of your circumstances. Anybody who looks for things to be unhappy about in his/her life will find them, regardless of how rich, successful, loved, or attractive they are. If your cousin has now decided that she wants a child and that she'll never be happy unless she has one, then she's right, she won't be. If she looks back and says, "oh well, in retrospect it wasn't the right decision, but now it's done and I need to either adopt or adapt" then I see no reason why she can't have a perfectly happy life.

Having said all that, I do think 20 is a bit young to take a step that drastic. DH and I would not commit to anything that permanent until we're at least 37 or 38. I like leaving my options open

 

[momrek06]

Having said all that, I do think 20 is a bit young to take a step that drastic. DH and I would not commit to anything that permanent until we're at least 37 or 38. I like leaving my options open

Thank you all for the replies. I have enjoyed reading them all. Yes, and as far as cousin goes...her family (mom & dad) were to say the least "blown away" by her decision. AND she did not tell them UNTIL her surgery was done. She was 20yo she did not need their permission. What I think lead her down this "I think I want kids after-all" path was that her DH was pretty well off so she quit her job and went back to college full-time and became an Elementary School teacher. She got her first job and LOVED being with her students day after day. She still teachs and loves having her exchange students which she calls with all her love "her kids" or "my kids"! Funny how different life events happen to all of us!

 

[momomonster]

Thank you all for the replies. I have enjoyed reading them all. Yes, and as far as cousin goes...her family (mom & dad) were to say the least "blown away" by her decision. AND she did not tell them UNTIL her surgery was done. She was 20yo she did not need their permission. What I think lead her down this "I think I want kids after-all" path was that her DH was pretty well off so she quit her job and went back to college full-time and became an Elementary School teacher. She got her first job and LOVED being with her students day after day. She still teachs and loves having her exchange students which she calls with all her love "her kids" or "my kids"! Funny how different life events happen to all of us!

I will agree that 20 years old is too young to make any permanent decision, be it marriage, tattoos, or *having children*. If 20 is too young to decide not to have children, it's also too young to decide to take on such an incredible commitment for the rest of their (her and the child) lives. I agree with that 100%.

(Sorta off topic) I have a close relative who decided to cover his entire body (including hands) with tattoos and he's only 20. I immediately thought, "OMG, this kid is making a huge decision about the rest of his life." I mean, a lot of people are going to treat him differently. Whether it's "fair" or not is irrelevant, but there aren't a lot of fields that accept extremely visible tattoos. He's just completely limited his options for the rest of his life.

Thanks for the story about your cousin. She really does sound like a great gal, even if she did burn her bridge a little too soon. She seems like a wonderful asset to the community and that's a side to being CF I'd like to see in these discussions more!

 

[kennancat]

momomonster -

Totally off-topic, but when I first read your screen name, I thought it was mom 'o monster. My first thought was, well, at least she's honest with herself about what kind of kid she's got!

 

[NeverlandClub23]

momomonster -

Totally off-topic, but when I first read your screen name, I thought it was mom 'o monster. My first thought was, well, at least she's honest with herself about what kind of kid she's got!

I haven't posted here in awhile but I read over the new posts from time to time. I totally agree with you! It wasn't until I read the signature that I got what the name meant. But that is funny!

 

[momomonster]

momomonster -

Totally off-topic, but when I first read your screen name, I thought it was mom 'o monster. My first thought was, well, at least she's honest with herself about what kind of kid she's got!

That didn't occur to me until months after I'd created the screen name. That should tell you how "non-mom" I am!

I really need to put more thought into screen names before creating them. . .

 

[Rozzie]

hello fellow Dinks!

haven't posted here in a long while (Hey Samantha!) and wanted to say how happy I was to see this thread still going. It is so great to meet other DINKS by choice!

 

[maddhatir]

ahhhhh- just sat down at the DIS boards after taking the day off from work and shopping way too much with mom-
waited for DH to get home and did some errands on the Harley---
got home had -several- glasses of wine while listening to the SIRIUS blues station and preparing marinade for the ribs and pork loin we are bringing down the Jersey shore this weekend.......life doesnt get much better!!

I bought this great saying by Mr Ben Franklin today, in a nice frame, while shopping today........
it says "Trouble knocked on the door, but hearing laughter, hurried away"

I love being a drinking DINK!

 

[PhotobearSam]

Hey Rozzie...Are you going back to WDW anytime soon?

Just wanted to add...We are looking at going for another 3 weeks over X-mas to see my folks and then head to WDW for another week...Gotta love the extra time, energy and $$$$ we have thanks to our child-free status.

Friends of ours have had their first child this year. He is a very cute 10 month old. He is darling. BUT, they used to go on expensive trips like 3 weeks in Greece, etc...Now they say they can't see going anywhere for quite a while...not till he's older. and they are planning a second child...Looks like they will not go anywhere for a least a few years...

I'll think of them when I'm on a beach in January.