Marrieds choosing not to have kids

[3DisneyKids]

Hi--I can share our experience with you. When my DH got his VAS, we were done with kids (we have 3) and he was 36. And even with that, we had a REALLY hard time getting the procedure done...and get this...the doc was a family friend! Ans he still thought that we were too young to make the decision.

As this was a friend, we entered into the discussion of "how young is too young?" with him. Basically, he said that there isn't a doc worth beans who would do the procedure on a male before the age of 30 (without the male having some sort of related medical issue). He further said that if you found a doc willing to do the procedure on someone that young, then RUN AWAY b/c it means the doc isn't worth squat. Again, this is what our doc said...YMMV.

I know that this isn't the news you wanted to hear, but I thought you might appreciate it so that you can at least be prepared for this response.

I understand that you hate the birth control that you are on now...have tried methods other than hormones? You have definitely been on the pill long enough! Yuck! How about an IUD? Depo Provera shot? (this is hormone-based, but not nearly as hard core as others out there...I was on this for years and loved it.) There are LOTS of alternatives out there other tahn condoms and the pill.

Also, since you are older, you might have a better shot of having your tubes tied. Yes, it is more invasive than what a man goes through with a vasectomy, but it is another avenue for you to pursue.

 

[Hixski]

I'm not sure too many of us have gone this route yet. DH and I are pushing 50 so we don't have to worry so much. ( I hope ) I think there might be a couple of people who can help but I'm not sure. Good luck!!!

 

[maddhatir]

Madd,

I'm a little late catching up... but an impromptu trip to WDW?!! How did you manage it. I thought your DH needed a break? Whatever you did, it worked! Good Job!!!

Liisa

He did. I had planned a trip for BIL, SIL and their 2 kids for Nov 28/Dec 2- I was going to tag along without DH- but then I decided not to.

About a week before their trip I started talking about it and he said "we'll see" WELL! That is ALL you have to say to ME! "Well see" is like a BIG OLD YES to me! He has been so stressed with the addition and I was sick and tired of looking at the house.

We talked about it and he have me an option. If we go to Disney- he gets a bigger sailboat He JUST got his first one this past summer- I think it is 20'- he did not get a chance to get it into the water b/c he was busy with the addition. I asked him why he even bought it. He did not know b/c he said that it is not even the one he wanted- it was a spur of the moment purchase. It was only 600.00 how can you plass that up.

So he will fix it up and sell it.

So it was kind of a tit for tat thing

 

[maddhatir]

So question for the thread. Anybody thinking of getting their "plumbing" out? For my 35th (32 now), my Doc has already agreed to it, as there are some medical issues too that help my argument. Not to be too terribly nosy, just wondering if anyone is going this route a little earlier than usual. (Yep, my doc won't do it till' I'm 35, each appt, asks, "changed your mind yet?" )

Believe it or not! DH had his done when he was only 26 or 27! It has been so long I cannot remember! It may have been 1992???

The doctor did not have a problem doing it- We have never regretted the decision- ever!

I was going to have surgery but DH said there was no way he would want me to go through unnecessary anesthesia and a hospital stay when it would be much easier for him to go through the procedure!

We went on vacation a few days later

 

[pfalcioni]

"Believe it or not! DH had his done when he was only 26 or 27! It has been so long I cannot remember! It may have been 1992??? "

Ours was the same. My DH was about 27 I think. I had minor health problems with the pill and was soooooo happy to not have to take it any longer.

We had no questions or problem having the procedure done. Of course, we both knew we absolutely would not ever want kids.

However, if you have any ideas about 'if we decide later we want kids, we'll adopt' then I don't think it's a smart choice to have the VAS done yet.

Adoption is difficult - getting a baby is near-impossible these days, and extremely costly. If you think you might get a child from another country, or an older child, it's a wonderful thing, but you may end up with a child who has health and emotional issues.

There are other bc options that are more reversible and very secure.

Even if you do decide to go the VAS route - I'd say don't mention to the doc or nurse about the adoption option - just say that you both have never wanted children, even when you were single and not a 'couple', this was a decision you both made before you got together.

This was the truth for us, and seemed to be the ticket for our doc.

Don't think I'm against adoption - I'm adopted myself! It's just that I've seen what it takes to go through adoption - pregnancy usually is easier, cheaper, and takes less time

 

[kennancat]

We just want to make sure we have a successful meeting with the doc and no problems getting the procedure okayed. I'm afraid because I've read that people are denied for young age. We are married and have decided that we don't want children.

<snip>

It would just be embarrassing/frustrating/hurtful to be denied in January and there aren't many providers in our rural area (particularly those skilled in the no scalpel procedure) so despite his age we want to make a good impression on the doctor.

If you are denied, I would suggest you find a good doctor in Orlando willing to do it and combine it with your next Disney trip!

 

[druidia]

Hey Friends!
After several years of discussion and a little more than 6 mos marriage...
DH and I made the VAS appt today.
...
It would just be embarrassing/frustrating/hurtful to be denied in January and there aren't many providers in our rural area (particularly those skilled in the no scalpel procedure) so despite his age we want to make a good impression on the doctor.

Anything I'm missing? We have a bit over a month til the appt so please give any and all advice/questions/etc on the board or in a PM if desired.

TIA,
PoohNTuck

Sent you a PM.

 

[PoohNTuck]

In response to

I understand that you hate the birth control that you are on now...have tried methods other than hormones? You have definitely been on the pill long enough! Yuck! How about an IUD? Depo Provera shot? (this is hormone-based, but not nearly as hard core as others out there...I was on this for years and loved it.) There are LOTS of alternatives out there other tahn condoms and the pill.

I had depo for about 6 months this spring and bled for 4 of the months (after approx 4 weeks I would bleed until the next shot. Also, I haven't tried an IUD but I'm really uncomfortable going that route. Really, when you eliminate hormonal methods- the condom, vasectomy, and tubal (6 weeks off work in my first year here- not going to happen) are about what's left.

It's extremely frustrating that I see so many young couples bringing sick NICU babies to me everyday with NO REGULATION on their birth control methods but my husband and I are going to encounter such difficulty in our choice to not have children. Very frustrating. I can't believe taxpayers aren't more outraged at how difficult it is to get a vasectomy... I never imagined so many stories of opposition but that's all I've found online...

 

[zima-cheryl]

Really, when you eliminate hormonal methods- the condom, vasectomy, and tubal (6 weeks off work in my first year here- not going to happen) are about what's left.

Actually ask your OBGYN about the Essure. It is permanent, non-hormonal, and is an outpatient procedure. I missed work the day of the procedure and DH took the day off to drive me there/home and pamper me after. I was back at work the next day.

http://www.essure.com

Trying not to get into too much detail - basically they block your tubes. Much easier than the tubal. I won't say it is a walk in the park, but a few days of discomfort are worth the end result.

We have been very pleased w/our decision to go this route & now that I'm off the pill and we don't have to worry about an "oops" we have both been feeling much more frisky lately

 

[3DisneyKids]

In response to

I understand that you hate the birth control that you are on now...have tried methods other than hormones? You have definitely been on the pill long enough! Yuck! How about an IUD? Depo Provera shot? (this is hormone-based, but not nearly as hard core as others out there...I was on this for years and loved it.) There are LOTS of alternatives out there other tahn condoms and the pill.

I had depo for about 6 months this spring and bled for 4 of the months (after approx 4 weeks I would bleed until the next shot. Also, I haven't tried an IUD but I'm really uncomfortable going that route. Really, when you eliminate hormonal methods- the condom, vasectomy, and tubal (6 weeks off work in my first year here- not going to happen) are about what's left.

It's extremely frustrating that I see so many young couples bringing sick NICU babies to me everyday with NO REGULATION on their birth control methods but my husband and I are going to encounter such difficulty in our choice to not have children. Very frustrating. I can't believe taxpayers aren't more outraged at how difficult it is to get a vasectomy... I never imagined so many stories of opposition but that's all I've found online...

Not that I am trying to talk you into tubal...lol...but you would not be out of work for 6 weeks. Maybe 3-5 days at the most. 6 weeks is considered the recovery time for a C-section. And while many women opt to have their tubes tied "as long as the docs are in there for the c-section anyway," if you were having JUST a tubal without also delivering a baby via c-section, then it is a different incision entirely. The tubal-only procedure is done laparoscopically. Still, both the essure and a VAS are easier procedures with a shorter recovery. From WebMD:

After a laparoscopic tubal ligation, the recovery process is generally very straight-forward. You typically stay in the recovery area for 2-4 hours, where you remain under observation. Once you have recovered sufficiently, you may go home. This almost always occurs on the same day as the procedure.

After the procedure, you may experience any, all, or none of the following

--Feeling sleepy or groggy from the anesthetic - this usually passes by the next morning.
--Shoulder pain, bloated feeling - this is caused by the gas, and typically passes within 1-2 days.
--Incisional pain - this usually subsides within 2-4 days after the procedure.
--Pelvic cramps - these usually pass within 1 or 2 days after the procedure, and usually aren't that bad.
--******l bleeding - this is usually light, and may last up to 1 to 2 weeks after the procedure.
--Watery ******l discharge - if we have checked your fallopian tubes to see if they are open. This usually stops within 1-2 days after the procedure.

After a laparoscopy, you should avoid lifting anything heavier than a gallon of milk (approximately 10 pounds) for at least 2 weeks.

 

[TKDisneylover]

We came back from our WDW trip last Saturday. We had a great time, the weather was wonderful, and oh boy, did we see lots of parents needing "lessons in parenting"!

We stayed at the Animal Kingdom Lodge, what a beautiful resort! We will definitely be staying there again!

One afternoon DH & I were walking down a quiet hallway admiring the photos & items on display from Africa. All of a sudden two children about the ages of 7 & 9 came running down the hallway, no parents in sight. I quietly whispered to my DH that I felt sorry for anyone who may be taking an afternoon nap as these kids were yelling and banging on doors while they were running down the hall. Around the corner came the parents, and the father says (somewhat sarcastically) to us, "you should really discipline those kids for acting that way," and they walked on by kind of snickering. Now these were definitely the kids parents, I'm sure of it, why the heck is he telling us we should be disciplining them? Obviously it was a joke to them by "their" actions, but why say something like that to us to begin with?

There were also two moms who had just gotten off a bus the same time we had at the resort bus stop that were arguing. At first we did not pay much attention to them but when they started swearing (definitely not appropriate for little ears!) at each other and calling each other unfit mothers I paid a little more attention. One woman actually was going to grab the other woman by the throat, but the other said "you better not touch me or I will kick your a**!" All this as others are walking by and their small children crying and saying "no mommy, no mommy!" I almost considered mentioning this to security but by the time we reached the main entrance they appeared to have calmed down.

I will have to say that I will not return to WDW during the holiday season as there appeared to be a lot of families with very small children, lots of crying babies! I think we will stick with visiting during February & October as we did not encounter that during our visits at those particular times of the year. And many parents appeared to be exhausted and snapping at their children, or there were the others that completely ignored the "running wild" behaviors of their little ones.

 

[ChisJo]

I too found last week to be full of children....I didn't think it would be that bad, considering it's supposed to be the "slow season". We saw SO many kids freakin out and acting innapropriately without any discipline from their parents. Everyday, we went to the parks, we had a bet as to when we would see the first child freaking out....it was usually before 10! We actually kept laughing whenever we saw "stroller alley" - thinking how crazy it was that there were so many strollers there! We meant to get a pic of one of the areas because literally, the area had about 250 strollers (kid you not!) and not a person in sight of the strollers...it was eerily quiet! Well, for 20 minutes anyways.
I heard so many people getting mad at their kids for crying because they "paid alot of money to come down there and didn't want to hear them cry!" I HATE those comments....obviously if your kid is complaining about being tired, then maybe it's time to leave!
Anyways, I posted a trip report on the Canadian planning board....here's the link:http://www.disboards.com/showthread.php?t=1659151. It's kind of long - just to warn you!

Now, as for the ? about birth control...I hated the depo (I know I've posted that on here before). THe problem with the depo is that once you get it injected, it's in you for 3 months. There is no antidote for it! I am currently on the merina iud and like it - it stays in place for 5 years, and the hormone release is extremely minimal - I have had no side effects from it at all. Some people completely stop their menstrual cycles on this after about 6 months...I have not, but the amount I menstruate has significantly decreased! I have tried to convince BF to get the VAS, but he is refusing....says it's too permanent, and maybe we can talk about it in a couple of years.

 

[maddhatir]

Around the corner came the parents, and the father says (somewhat sarcastically) to us, "you should really discipline those kids for acting that way," and they walked on by kind of snickering. Now these were definitely the kids parents, I'm sure of it, why the heck is he telling us we should be disciplining them? Obviously it was a joke to them by "their" actions, but why say something like that to us to begin with?

Ewwww- I wonder if maybe they overheard you make the comment???

I was there 2 weeks ago and I did not notice too many kids throwing tantrums-- oh, yeah! That is b/c I was with my niece and nephew throwing their own!- No, believe it or not they were surprisingly well behaved.

One night- DH and I offered to take them out (they are 3 and 5) to give the units some time to themselves I was SCARED TO DEATH my 3 yr old nephew would act up- god forbid he does not see MOMMMMMMMY around he will go BONKERS! But nope, we were SO lucky they were angels the whole night! OK- well when we told him we had to leave the MK (b/c the xmas party was going to start- he screamed his head off on Main Street! DH calmed him down by talking to him and by the time we reached the exit- he was fine!) Thank goodness. I kind of felt bad for him- all he kept saying was "I wanna see the blue castle" We were eating and all I heard was "I wanna see the blue castle" We walked him around the darn thing, right up to it! and stopped every 5 feet- I kept saying- "suck in the sight kid, cuz we gotta leave"

We had them out until 1:30am! We found out Epcot was having their evening EHM when we got there -we all were having a blast! They were wide awake until they hit the bus!

Get this- all I kept thinking was, people are going to think I am a bad parent b/c my nephew REFUSED to put on his jacket- it was CHILLY! He had shorts and a button up shirt on! I am worried that people are going to think I was a bad parent- AND I AM NOT EVEN A PARENT!!!

Of course I just HAD to take this pic of them when we got off the bus- they were unconscious after a night with us! And no- we did not put my nephew in the stroller like this- he just "ended up this way"

 

[maddhatir]

Sooooo- did any of you hear, once again, about the little monsters @ Pop Warner???

Do you expect anything less from kids and the parents.....

Lawsuit?........

http://www.cfnews13.com/News/Local/2007/12/9/pop_warner_teams_thrown_out_of_disney.html

Here is the DIS thread...
http://www.disboards.com/showthread.php?t=1658406

 

[MapleGirl]

Sooooo- did any of you hear, once again, about the little monsters @ Pop Warner???

Do you expect anything less from kids and the parents.....

Lawsuit?........

http://www.cfnews13.com/News/Local/2007/12/9/pop_warner_teams_thrown_out_of_disney.html

Here is the DIS thread...
http://www.disboards.com/showthread.php?t=1658406

Just sick. Kids behaving like brats and parents not taking responsibility for their spawn. I'm glad Disney kicked them out at night. Maybe they (the kids and parents) learned something! I wish Disney would have a 'child-free' week where only people over 18 are allowed.

Let's see if I get flamed for this!

 

[maddhatir]

Just sick. Kids behaving like brats and parents not taking responsibility for their spawn. I'm glad Disney kicked them out at night. Maybe they (the kids and parents) learned something! I wish Disney would have a 'child-free' week where only people over 18 are allowed.

Let's see if I get flamed for this!

Don't expect any flames from US!

 

[TKDisneylover]

Ewwww- I wonder if maybe they overheard you make the comment???

Honestly I don't think so. I whispered it and they hadn't even come around the corner yet. Hey, maybe it was their own guilt realizing how rude their kids were and that was the first thing that came to his mind, kind of like, "I" should be discipling them? Had I thought fast enough I would have said, you brought them into this world, it's your job! Unfortunately all I could say was, No way! I'm just not very quick that way.

 

[Mrs.Reese]

Just sick. Kids behaving like brats and parents not taking responsibility for their spawn. I'm glad Disney kicked them out at night. Maybe they (the kids and parents) learned something! I wish Disney would have a 'child-free' week where only people over 18 are allowed.

Let's see if I get flamed for this!

You won't getting any flames from me!! I have a 12 year old in my 3rd grade class. He is absolutely terrible!! Dad comes into observe and just couldn't contain himself. The kid did his normal "look at me! look at me!" attention seeking behaviors and then when its time to do his work he starts in on the "nobody likes me" excuse. It is his FOURTH time in third grade since he can't pass the state test (which you only have to get 50% right on to pass). Of course, Dad thinks its all our fault. He hates how I teach. He thinks kids should sit still in rows, teacher does all talking, kids absorb and kids take no initiative. Dad also is yet to respond to my 12 phone calls this year and don't even get me started on how many notes home I have sent. Thank goodness he is only with me for math!

I could write a novel on how parents don't accept responsibility for their kids. It's always the TEACHER'S fault. Kudos to Disney for their enforcement

 

[Rozzie]

Now, as for the ? about birth control...I hated the depo (I know I've posted that on here before). THe problem with the depo is that once you get it injected, it's in you for 3 months. There is no antidote for it! I am currently on the merina iud and like it - it stays in place for 5 years, and the hormone release is extremely minimal - I have had no side effects from it at all. .

Thanks for posting this. I keep seeing the commercial, but haven't found anyone with first hand experience. I think I might look into this.

Don't get me started on ill behaved children in WDW. OMG, it's like fright night.

Speaking of kids, ya'll please remind me never to use the term "breeders" on the CB. Good grief, some people have no sense of humor.

 

[maddhatir]

Speaking of kids, ya'll please remind me never to use the term "breeders" on the CB. Good grief, some people have no sense of humor.

You should have come and got us- we would have helped you out a bit! Everyone is way TOO sensitive anymore.

Breeders...that IS a funny word though!