MAN DO I NEED YOUR HELP!-update post 273

[kgle]

Not that it makes a difference, and I am definitely not condoning nor standing up for her, the girl is 17 not 16

 

[maggiew]

Not that it makes a difference, and I am definitely not condoning nor standing up for her, the girl is 17 not 16

I think the point is that she was 16 when he moved in with her in her parents house!!!

Maggie

 

[chisnpeke]

He's in for hell if he stays with that spoiled child. I couldn't imagine acting that way.

 

[BellyBaby]

WOW! Miss a few days on the boards and all hell breaks loose!

So this "Princess" won't work, do dishes, or clean, huh? So let me guess, she must be great in the sack, since that's all that's left. A hooker would be a lot cheaper! (sorry, I had to tease, others were thinking it!)

Marriages have what, a 50% success rate? Add to that all the things that are against them: inexperience, unestablished career, wacko in-laws who don't teach their daughter to gain marketable skills to fend for herself when her husband can't stand her whining and hissy fits anymore.

Please, Lord, let your son wake up and smell the smart, mature, capable women in this world.

 

[singjenn]

Hello! I didn't read all of the other replies yet so I hope I don't repeat anything else someone said.

First off, I'm not sure where you are from but where I live we don't do things like you are explaining...

Tradition is that the bride's family/side pays for the wedding and anything involved for THAT DAY, and the groom's family/side pays for the rehearsal dinner. It should not be the responsibility of the groom's family/side to pay for the reception when that is usually the biggest chunk of the wedding day. Of course if you offered, then that is a totally different situation. If this is their only daughter they should be able to do a little more, or the bride and groom need to pick another location of their liking.

With all due respect, why would you get to pick where your son gets married, the band, the caterer etc? Shouldn't he and his bride be able to choose those things as long as the budget will allow? I have to say that if I was the FMIL and the grooms mother called me to tell me how things would be, I would be a little ticked. If you have a family member who is willing to do things for free or a discount I would bring that up, but I wouldn't demand that be the only option.

Like someone said, give them a check for what you can do and then let that be the end of it. Don't let the wedding day start an argument that will last forever! I really wish y'all the best and hope this turns out a way that everyone is happy. I reeeeeeeeally hope they keep don't try to take advantage of you.

And for the princess...I think someone needs to hang her upside down by her toenails and slap some sense into her! WOW!! What an attitude!

I'm a wedding photographer...I'll do it for free if transportation, lodging, and food are paid for...by the bride's family!!

 

[Stacerita]

Do not go in debt to help pay for "her" wedding. I am willing to be spoiled princess won't be happy no matter what. Give what you can give, or what you feel comfortable to give, but do not get in debt for this.

 

[kgle]

I think the point is that she was 16 when he moved in with her in her parents house!!!

Maggie

True, true. I completely spaced that part!

 

[MrsPete]

and has a REALLY good job lined up so that he can be sole supporter. I can't believe people foster that in their children nowadays, it makes me

Better hope he also stays in perfect health and chooses a job that'll never suffer any economic setbacks.

Why would any family want to raise their daugther to be 100% dependant upon her future husband? What if that wonderful husband becomes disabled? The family goes on public assistance because SHE just can't work? I can't imagine why anyone would raise a daughter to think that way -- it's dangerous!

He really took everything everyone said to heart especially after the day he had at work . . . And when he told her NO, I like my job we will just have to work around this becuase I'm not quitting she went into a tizzy. Let's just say it wasn't good . . . That he actually went to look at a house to rent today . . . Now for the fun part....he went home and talked to DGF and now she is totally flipping out. Just before he left to go to work, she was throwing things, screaming and crying . . . he just wants things to slow down-he feels he is on a whirl wind and after what he read here on DIS- it's time to make a stand.

Sounds like he's primed for a break-up. Be sure you're there to be supportive because even if he knows he's doing the right thing, it's going to hurt him. I suspect he'll look back at this one day and laugh about what you saved him from, but he won't be laughing right away!

 

[MrsPete]

I think the point is that she was 16 when he moved in with her in her parents house!!!

Maggie

That's really strange. They allowed it. They accepted money from him (can he prove that, or was it paid in cash?). They let it go on for more than a year. I really think they'd have a hard time pointing fingers at him NOW. But that doesn't mean it couldn't happen.

Just a thought: My daughter's 14, almost 15. I've noticed that a few of her friends' moms are actively pushing their daughters to get out there and find a boyfriend -- preferably an older boyfriend, to dress provocatively, and to go on "real dates" -- by that I mean not meeting a group of friends at the movies, but rather two people alone in a car. I'm confused by this behavior, but I think some of those moms are trying to prove that their daughters are beautiful and desirable . . . and I think they see it as an extension of themselves: Look at me, I'm young and sexy, and I've raised my daughter to be just like me. Look at all the boys who are interested in her.

I wonder if this girl's mom is on the next level of this strange game: Look at the wonderful daughter I've raised. She's marrying so young. She's so attractive, and that's allowed her to find her Prince Charming so early in life. She's the first in her age group to marry.

This is not a game I want my own daughters to play.

 

[Jostene]

I didn't get to read the pages of replies yet, but since when do the parents of the GROOM pay for the wedding OR the reception? The Bride's parents seem to have a lot of demands. They should be footing the bill. As far as i know, the groom's parents pay for the rehearsal dinner and maybe the booze for the reception. Of course, you can pay for more if you feel inclined, but in this case I sure wouldn't feel inclined. This girl is a nightmare.

Oh yeah, your other option is to say, "we can afford/were planning to spend X money on the wedding, you may have that much to put toward the wedding debacle of your dreams, but not a penny more." The kids can then figure out where their priorities are and where they can get the rest of the money that their over the top wedding will require.

I'm with you - I haven't read all the replies, but "Tradition" says the Bride's family pays and from the sounds of it, this is turning into THEIR (the bride & her parents) wedding.

To the OP, personally, I'd tell your son to run FAR FAR away. This isn't going to end up well.

 

[MELSMICE]

I'm with you - I haven't read all the replies, but "Tradition" says the Bride's family pays and from the sounds of it, this is turning into THEIR (the bride & her parents) wedding.

To the OP, personally, I'd tell your son to run FAR FAR away. This isn't going to end up well.

Well, "tradition" also says that men & woman don't live together until they are married, but that tradition has certainly gone by the wayside!

 

[lisadr]

Hey M,

Just want to send you a and a . hang in there girl!

 

[Chereya]

I really have to wonder about the GF's parents thought process about all of this... they make me think of Drew Peterson. Maybe they are setting the DD up to be a black widow? Don't newlyweds often get counseled to buy life insurance "just in case"?

"Oops, well, we forgot that he was working second shift and thought he was an intruder so we accidentally shot him"! Insurance money would allow Princess to live comfortably without having to lift a finger. And them being in law enforcement makes it easier for them to hide or destroy evidence.

Something to think about!

 

[tinkarooni]

Bless you and your family....
Be careful of one thing.... My DH was married before me (I like to refer to her as his starter wife ). Do want to know the only reason he got married to her? Because his family and her family said they were too immature to. His family told him that he wouldn't be able to have a wife and a family of his own because he wasn't ready... guess what? He wasn't! But that didn't stop him! He wanted to prove that he could do it, even tho she was much too young (19?) and so was he (23?) they went on with it anyway and guess what? Yep, a divorce. Luckily there were no children involved but it still hurt him (and I'm sure it hurt her as well). Yes, it was a lesson learned and I try to consider it a bit of a blessing because he was more mature for it when we got together, but just me wary on how much you try to persuade him on not marrying "the love of his life", it may just come back to bite you.

This is why I would make sure that OP DS knows that it's not him it's her. Maybe he is mature enough to marry, but she certainly doesn't seem like she is. Who is at 17 anyway!!!

 

[Sora777]

I'm getting married in 2010 as well. Tradition has changed quite a bit and most parents can't/don't contribute to paying for the wedding. If anything the parents give a $ amount and thats it.

My advice would be if you want and I certainly wouldn't feel obligated to give them what you were intending to pay for in the very beginning and tell them they are free to use it for whichever vendors they wish but if they want to go above and beyond that, it's up to them.

IMO, if they can't afford to pay for a wedding, they shouldnt be having one.

 

[OceanAnnie]

I'm getting married in 2010 as well. Tradition has changed quite a bit and most parents can't/don't contribute to paying for the wedding. If anything the parents give a $ amount and thats it.

My advice would be if you want and I certainly wouldn't feel obligated to give them what you were intending to pay for in the very beginning and tell them they are free to use it for whichever vendors they wish but if they want to go above and beyond that, it's up to them.

IMO, if they can't afford to pay for a wedding, they shouldnt be having one.

I agree, especially the scale the FDIL & family are planning! It's not practical to be living with her parents, have an over the top -- money flowing wedding, then return to her parents home. You know, the day after it's back to someone else's house, sitting on someone else's furniture, and eating at someone else's table.

Real love can wait! Have something of your own. Plan a future with as much gusto as the wedding. That's what really matters, the future not a show. OP, I hope your DS thinks long and hard about HIS future. She may never grow up with parents that delight in holding her back. He needs to see the situation for what it is, the good, bad, and the ugly.

I wish him and you well in this situation.

 

[trip]

I have read most of these posts and as the mother of 3 DD's (the youngest 24) I can't believe that anyone would want their 17 yr old high school senior to be planning a wedding. Makes me really shake my head. Why are they (the parents) in such a hurry?

 

[mom2minniemouse]

I have read most of these posts and as the mother of 3 DD's (the youngest 24) I can't believe that anyone would want their 17 yr old high school senior to be planning a wedding. Makes me really shake my head. Why are they (the parents) in such a hurry?

ITA!! My DD is almost 10. I cannot imagine thinking she would be ready for marriage in just 17 years! That's just nuts! (And considering that the OP's FDIL is walking around saying she's a "princes" and doesn't need to work just proves how immature she really is.)

OP, you need to get a handle on your son's future in-laws before they ruin your son's life!

 

[DVCBELLE]

I have read most of these posts and as the mother of 3 DD's (the youngest 24) I can't believe that anyone would want their 17 yr old high school senior to be planning a wedding. Makes me really shake my head. Why are they (the parents) in such a hurry?

It is baffling to me as well.

I think the OP should suggest she sign up for the prom and graduation committee so she can plan her big party there.

My dad was always perfectly clear with all 3 of his daughters. He would pay for school and he would pay for a wedding. But he quit paying for school if we got married and he wouldn't pay for a wedding if we had not graduated. It was a good plan!

 

[tinker&belle]

Wow...just wow. I read the whole thread. This girl seems to want to plan one of those Super Sweet 16 parties and mom and dad can't afford it so she decided to have a wedding to get help to fund her party!

We got married at 22. We were both very mature for our age, but looking back, 22 seems very young. At 16 I hadn't even had more than a three or four day boyfriend. I can't even imagine having thought of getting married!

The joke about the parents not being able to afford her may have some truth to it. Maybe, in a very real way, the parents are trying to pass along the responsiblity. The mother sounds very 'princessy' to me as well. Maybe dad has had enough?

My thoughts are with your family. If you want to help with this party, er, wedding I would write a check for what you feel appropriate and let them use it as they (she) chooses.

Sorry to be so negative. I usually give people the benefit of the doubt, but, well, WOW.