MAN DO I NEED YOUR HELP!-update post 273

[kaytieeldr]

A couple of sites that might help http://www.todays-weddings.com/articles/whopays.html and this one's clearer in differentiating even between the groom and the groom's family http://www.ourmarriage.com/html/who_pays_for_what.html

 

[OceanAnnie]

A lil background information:

My DS is getting married in July 2010 (he will be 21 this June). Since childhood we have known the young girl's family and have gotten along fantastic. We don't hang out or do things together but chat whenever we see each other for hours.

His DGF will be 18 this year, still in High School, a tab bit spoiled, (she will to this day tell you she is a princess and princess' get whatever she wants.), and basically an only child-she has a 1/2 sister.

My son works a full time job, she doesn't and says she will never work because (again) princesses don't work...UGGGGH. They dated for about 8 months, broke up for a year, and started dating again in July 2008. In Sept. she convinced her parents (she was 16 almost 17 and he was 20) to let him move in their home so the kids could save money to buy a house when they get married. Of course I had a HUGE problem with this because she was only 16 but her parents allowed it so I was out voted on this idea (BTW-Both of her parents work for the Sheriff's department, you would have thought they would have a bigger problem with it). So since September, the kids have lived together in the upstairs apartment of the DGF parent's home-which my son pays $200 a month for rent for them.

My son proposed and now the fun begins. I called the Future MIL to have a heart to heart talk. I guess I am the only one concerned with the age thing. The FMIL say "We know he (my DS) is from a good family, he's so much better than the other boys our DD has dated, I kept pushing my DD to start dating your DS again, we are tickled they are getting married." So at the end of our chat, that we are willing to pay for the Hall, the band, the rehearsal dinner, help with the wedding meal and just let me know what else she/they need help with pertaining to the wedding.

First off, My children all know that when they marry, where the hall is, who the band is, where the rehearsal dinner will be, etc. So I gave this information to my son's FMIL. I work for a place that has a hall, we have a wonderful band within our family, and a close family friend owns a wonderful restrauant.

I get a call from the FMIL. The Hall isn't good enough, they (not the kids) want a certain band, the restaurant doesn't offer the meal plan the DD wants. etc. Then the FMIL starts talking the wedding...OMG!!!! $185.00 for 12 vases and they need 4 dozen! Ostrich feathers in 3 different colors at $2.00 each and each vase needs 2 dozen. Colored CLOTH tablecloth at $15.00 each just to rent, Cloth skirts and napkins, diamond rhinestones down the center of all the tables....it goes on and on and on. So far they have spent over $10,000 just for decorations, photographer, videographer, invites, etc. and the wedding isn't for another 18 months! They still have the gown, wedding appearel, wedding flowers, etc to add to that bill.

Ok, here are the problems. First, now instead of the hall we have at our disposal-they want it at the country club-which I can't afford. The band we have was $300 for the night but the one they want is $1100 for the night-which I can't afford. The reheasal dinner not only includes the wedding party and their significant other but now includes aunts/uncles/close friends of the bride and instead of minimal $$ per plate, they we looking at $37 a plate. And now the best for last....

My son came home three nights ago and said "Mom, FMIL said since they are paying for everything for the wedding she feels it is fair that you and dad pay for the entire reception." I told him, I will see what I can do and asked him what he wanted food wise. The typical-Ham, beef, potatoes, veggies, etc.. So I set out figuring prices and make a mental note to call the FMIL and explain to her that if we are paying for this, that, and the other....then it will be here, the band will be this one, the rehearsal dinner here, etc.

My son comes over today with a note from the FMIL and I'm steaming. The meal is to be chicken cordon bleu and salmon, stuffed potatoes, etc, plus fancy hor douvers before the meal...all to be SERVED to all the guest by waiters. WTH? We live in a very rural community not Hollywood! I asked my son what he wants...how he feels about all this...his reply, "I would rather just elope but I'm letting DF and FMIL make the decisions-all of mine are wrong-and they are having so much fun with it. I just want DF to be happy."

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR I had already explained to my DD (8yo) that in 2010 we wouldn't be going to WDW because of the wedding...KWIM? But to pay for this, there won't be a vacation in 2009, 2010, 2011 or 2012 at this rate.

Since the "BIG SHOW" isn't want my DS wants, would I be wrong to say either....

Since I am paying for this and that....then this is what "I" am doing. Then go with what we can afford.

OR

Just write them a check for the amount we are willing to spend and say that is all we can do.

I don't want to go totally in debt paying for a reception especially knowing we can't afford it plus my son is saving for a house for them. I would much rather spend what is acceptable to have a nice reception and just give the kids the extra money to put towards a house.

I really do like the family...always have...but I don't feel the need to show up the Jones when it comes to a wedding, which is exactly what the FMIL and bride are doing. The comment has been made more than once about out doing so-and-so's wedding.

WWYD?

That was a huge, huge red flag. Pushing. It sounds like there has been a lot of pushing ever since. Pushing your DS and pushing you. I'd have a heart to heart with my DS, because he's being played. This is just a foreshadowing of what is to come. What is the rush?!

I'd dig in my heels. The pushing would have to stop. The only check they would get from me is a reality check! The impending marriage should be the primary focus. Not the ritual and the celebration. The ritual and celebration is one day. It can be done inexpensively and tastefully.

Planning a wedding is not an invitation to other people's bank accounts. They all need to get real.

 

[Promomx2]

I was taken aback by that post too. I sincerely hope that poster meant she tried to help enable the bride and groom to have the wedding THEY wanted in the face of interference, not that she and the bride had total control of the wedding. It is the wedding of the COUPLE, not of EITHER of their parents.

To the OP, take the money you were willing to pay for your suggested venues and offer it to the bride and groom as a gift to use as they please.

Don't worry I know it is my dd and her fiance's wedding. The only thing the groom wants is his marine uniform and a bottle of beer for the toast at the reception. He has said anything else is whatever my dd wants. His mother has wanted the reception to be held at a fire department, and her other suggestions were straight from "redneck weddings". While that may be for perfectly fine for others, not for us. Since I've had soo much time to plan, we've been getting things on sale and already have most of the flowers and her dress she got off ebay for well under what David's wanted.

 

[Deb & Bill]

A lil background information:

My DS is getting married in July 2010 (he will be 21 this June). Since childhood we have known the young girl's family and have gotten along fantastic. We don't hang out or do things together but chat whenever we see each other for hours.

His DGF will be 18 this year, still in High School, a tab bit spoiled, (she will to this day tell you she is a princess and princess' get whatever she wants.), and basically an only child-she has a 1/2 sister.

My son works a full time job, she doesn't and says she will never work because (again) princesses don't work...UGGGGH. They dated for about 8 months, broke up for a year, and started dating again in July 2008. In Sept. she convinced her parents (she was 16 almost 17 and he was 20) to let him move in their home so the kids could save money to buy a house when they get married. Of course I had a HUGE problem with this because she was only 16 but her parents allowed it so I was out voted on this idea (BTW-Both of her parents work for the Sheriff's department, you would have thought they would have a bigger problem with it). So since September, the kids have lived together in the upstairs apartment of the DGF parent's home-which my son pays $200 a month for rent for them....

So she was 14 almost 15 or just barely 15 when they first got together? And she's only 17 now? Your poor son was brainwashed last July and now he can't get away. Are you certain he actually proposed or did FMIL push him into this? And he's paying these "parents" $200 a month? These people can't afford to let them stay for free? You are going to be stuck paying for the entire thing if you aren't careful.

Do not under any circumstances give these people a check for any reason.

You need to find someone who can deprogram your son. You need to get him away from this family just as soon as possible. He sounds too immature to make up his own mind on this.

I'm so sorry for this.

 

[Loverly]

A lil background information:

My DS is getting married in July 2010 (he will be 21 this June).

His DGF will be 18 this year, still in High School, a tab bit spoiled,

My son works a full time job, she doesn't and says she will never work because (again) princesses don't work...UGGGGH.

They dated for about 8 months, broke up for a year, and started dating again in July 2008.

In Sept. she convinced her parents (she was 16 almost 17 and he was 20) to let him move in their home so the kids could save money to buy a house when they get married.

I really do like the family...always have...
WWYD?

OK so if I do the math correctly-when they first dated she was13- 14 and he was 18? My Gawd.

And what kid of job does your son do?.. to support "Her highness"???

You really like this family-really?

 

[wide awake]

You may want to tell DS that his future bride is not in fact a princess, but the child of blue collar workers. I have worked in law enforcement myself, so am not snobbish about it, but the girl isn't royalty. Her parents haven't done a very good job w/ her, and I pity your son. I'd figure out what I could contribute, w/o cancelling my vacation...the rest of your family shouldn't have to pay for DS's poor choice...give DS the check w/ no strings attached, and make it very plain that you were finished w/ any further discussion, that you would show up and support him, end of story.

 

[luvmy3]

If they want a particular hall for their wedding then they(the bride and groom) should darn well pay for it! My mother-in-law owned her own florist. Our wedding flowers were part of the wedding "gift" from my in-laws. Can you imagine if I would have told my mom that I didn't like the way my MIL arranged flowers so I want my mom to pick up the tab at a different local florist? I am sorry. Paying for a child's wedding is a GIFT. If you have a way you can more easily afford it (like Aunt Jane owns a catering company and we will go with her for all our family weddings because we get a great price) the bride and groom can opt out if they pay for it themselves like GROWN-UPS!

Let's just say that we, as the parents of six future grooms, decide to buy DVC. Let's just assume for a moment that we agree that we should not only provide a rehearsal dinner, but a honeymoon. If we are to provide the honeymoon we may see that we can afford to do so by giving the couple a week of our timeshare either at WDW or somewhere where our points would transfer. Assume then that the bride and groom decide that they don't WANT to honeymoon in any of the DVC exchange locales. THEY ARE ON THEIR OWN! It is supposed to be a gift--NOT an entitlement!!!

I'm not sure if this in response to my comment to the OP about her choice of a hall, music and stuff but if it is I'll explain what I meant.
If the OP is of the mindset that her children will use that hall, music and food for their weddings because she has an in and get them a great discount then to me its no different from those IL's who are of the mindset that "princess" is going to have the country club, etc. It doesn't make any difference that one option is less expensive. Anyway I meant no disrespect to the OP. I can understand wanting to offer a less expensive option to her ds and his bride, but I don't think that means they have to take her up on it. Just like they do not need to agree to the country club reception either.
If the OP chooses not to do anything for them if they say "no" to her offer then that is her right and her choice. If she decides to cut them a check for what she would have paid for that stuff, then thats her choice too. I just don't think that if a parent is going to pay that they should be able to make ALL the decisions themself. The OP asked if she should just write a check so it would seem she is not opposed to contributing even if it isn't at the place she wanted it to be.

I don't consider it bratty to not want YOUR wedding at a place that you wouldn't have chosen yourself. I understand this girl is a child and is spoiled but we are talking about her wedding. Maybe she has been dreaming about this since she was a little girl. Its certainly not uncommon to witness lavish weddings these days, what this girl wants is the norm. There were just some threads not too long ago about wedding costs where people paid $50,000+ for their wedding, and another one on how to do a "budget" wedding for $37000.
I don't blame the dd for not wanting her wedding at a place someone has already chosen for her, and I don't blame her parents for wanting to give her the wedding she wants, clearly they have been givingher what she wants her whole life, I don't think that would change now. BUT, if they choose to, then they have no business expecting ANYTHING from the OP.

Personally, I think the OP should sit down with her ds and tell him to run as far away as he can, but she wasn't asking for that kind of advice

 

[PrincessKsMom]

I'm with you. IF the family has a good wedding resource and it can be used for free (or low cost), then pouting and screaming that you want something else IS bratty! Your example of a MIL who arranges flowers is a perfect example: She'd likely GIVE the flowers as a wedding gift. What's the opposite of gracious? That's what it'd be to refuse her gift!

I don't necessarily agree. Just because something is available, doesn't mean you should have to settle. When you get married, you should get what you want, not what others are willing to give you for free/cheap. HOWEVER, if you're not willing to pay for anything and demand nothing but the best (like OP's situation), then I agree completely with this statement. If OP's FDIL and her mom want the reception in a special place, with a specific band that's fine -- but THEY should be willing to pay for it -- not expected OP to pick up the tab.

 

[parkers*momma]

Wow...Thanks for all the replies, support, and ideas!

I'm hoping that the $200 that your son is paying for rent would be returned to him later in the form of a downpayment for a house. Could you make that deal if they moved in with you ?

I'm hoping that the $200 that your son is paying for rent would be returned to him later in the form of a downpayment for a house. Could you make that deal if they moved in with you ?

The note from FMIL

: Basically it was just stating what they wanted for the meal. Like I said, DS and I had talked about it earlier-his preferences- which wasn't in their meal plan. I did have to laugh at him when I asked why it was written down. His reply was all he could remember was chicken and fish. Then asked me WTH is chicken cordon bleu. Funny thing...he hates fish and won't even get near Swiss Cheese...and this is the menu?

My son's attitude towards the wedding

: I actually asked him again today what he wants. To marry FDIL. Do you want this kind of wedding? Nope, not really I think it is stupid to go to this extreme. Why are you? Because it makes them happy mom and when they are happy everything is cool. UGGGGHHHH did we have a LOOOONNNNGGGG talk on that one! All he kept saying is I know mom, I know. I think love is not only blind it is deaf too sometimes.

Tell them no way will you pay for what sounds like the FMIL's dream wedding

: I really think this a lil of the problem. Dh and I paid for our wedding(20+ years ago) because his mom and my mom had totally different ideas and those ideas were 100% off from what we wanted. Finally, we just announced we would be paying for the wedding ourselves. In the In-Laws to be case, they eloped, stood in front of the justice of the peace and spent the night in a motel. Reason...unknown...but I do think just maybe the FMIL is trying to have a wedding of her dreams.

I'm hoping that the $200 that your son is paying for rent would be returned to him later in the form of a downpayment for a house. Could you make that deal if they moved in with you

: Ohh Heavens NO! We personally feel it is wrong for him to be living there with her when she is a minor. We understand why he is doing it-saving the difference he was spending by renting his place vs the $200 now..but we are still against it. Plus, as much as I like her...she wouldn't be treated as a princess here and that would just cause them problems. She has been here for family get togethers and we have butted heads then (she won't help in the kitchen before or after the meal-she DOESN'T cook or do dishes)-OHhh let's just say at times I am not the most tactful person.

Why don't you show me the same respect you are showing to your future wife and mother in law

: I really don't feel he is dis-respecting us. He is going between us and them-he hasn't demanded anything just share with us/me what is going on with the wedding. But you guys are soooo right, we need to have a wedding pow wow with everyone involved. No more going betweens. I'm just as guilt as FMIL is on this. I've tried talking to DS-like the reception dinner recently-instead of just picking up the phone and calling FMIL. It time we, as his parents, just set everyone down and put it all out on the table.

Do you mean that your children have no choice but to use this particular hall, band and food for their wedding?

I have 5 children-3 which are boys. We have always had an open relationship when it comes to talking(many times I would have liked to stick my fingers in my ears and yelled NANANANANANANA because I didn't want to hear some of the things they share with me....lol) and I have always told them that we would pay for the those things at these places since it has become a tradition within our families to do so. If circumstance warrented differently (wedding another town for example) I wouldn't have a problem. But in this case, the other hall is two blocks from this one-nothing fancier except this one has round tables and the one I have at my disposal has oblong tables. Yes, I have stated this hall, band, and restrauant's food...so I guess I'm almost as bad in the bullying department. But I'm also willing to pay up to the amount we had planned...not 5 times the amount. An example of the silliness-His great aunt has made wedding cakes forever-she used to do them professionally until she retired this past year. Her gift to everyone within our family was to make the cake as their wedding gift from her. When I showed his great aunt the picture of the cake, she said she could definitely make it but that we would have to purchase a couple of the what-nots needed for the cake and the cake topper. Not a problem-so I told DGF what Great Aunt said and asked her to pick out the topper and I would purchase it and the what-nots. A week later, DGF came home and said she would rather Company X makes the cake because her cousin used them and the cake was georgous. Of course the price tag for the company was $1100.00. So now great Aunt will have her feelings hurt, DS won't say anything because he doesn't like to rock the boat, and FMIL is paying for it so I am not suppose to say anything. Which of course I couldn't keep my mouth shut and asked DGF why she didn't want a cake from Great Aunt. Her reply..."because I have never seen any of her cakes so I don't know if she does a good job." UGGGHHH! She makes them professionally-has for years-has never had a complaint yet DGF doesn't know if she does a good job. Ohhh well, FMIL can pay for it and Great Aunt can make a the dessert for the rehearsal dinner.

I'm going to go with the calling everyone and having a nice brunch in February so we can discuss things. If the kids (this isn't meant as disrespect-my own parents still call DH and I "the kids") want to different foods, other venues or bands, etc., that decision is theirs but after talking to DH tonight, we will only be writing a check (when the date gets closer) for the set amount of the places we originally had at our disposal. As for the rehearsal Dinner-you are right, we are the hosts and will be sending out invitation to when and where it will be as the time approaches.

I also called my son tonight asking him to come home one night this week to have a heart to heart. I'm really concerned about all of this and his passiveness he has been displaying lately. He kepts telling us he loves her and want to make her happy...but he shouldn't lose focus on their future. Marriage is 50-50 and we need to remind him of that. It's give and take equally not one giver and one taker...lol

I'll update as soon as we get some ground covered. And I'm definitely going to let him read this thread! Alot of DIS'ers have shared many good aspects and stories which might help him.

 

[luvmy3]

OP, I do not want you to think you are being a bully, that is not what I meant. You have an idea for what you want your ds's wedding to be, so do the FutureIL's, that is all I meant by comparing you with them. You are certainly not acting like them
I hope everything works out for you, and for your ds.

 

[ekball]

Since when did the groom's parents pay for the wedding? Rehearsal dinner, yes; wedding, no.

No kidding!! I've only been married for 8 years, but this was how it was when we got married. I know every situation is different, but I never expected anything from DH's parents except some sort of a rehearsal dinner (and even then we asked, we didn't expect anything, and we discussed and decided on everything TOGETHER!). Because DH's parents are divorced, his father also was generous to give us some money that we used towards the honeymoon.

I'm sorry you are dealing with this already. I think I would call or sit down with the FIL's and talk about it, say that you would like to help as much as you can, and give them a check for what you can afford. How they decide to use it is their business.

yikes - the 'princess' needs to grow up before she becomes somebody's wife!!!

 

[horseshowmom]

An example of the silliness-His great aunt has made wedding cakes forever-she used to do them professionally until she retired this past year. Her gift to everyone within our family was to make the cake as their wedding gift from her. When I showed his great aunt the picture of the cake, she said she could definitely make it but that we would have to purchase a couple of the what-nots needed for the cake and the cake topper. Not a problem-so I told DGF what Great Aunt said and asked her to pick out the topper and I would purchase it and the what-nots. A week later, DGF came home and said she would rather Company X makes the cake because her cousin used them and the cake was georgous. Of course the price tag for the company was $1100.00. So now great Aunt will have her feelings hurt, DS won't say anything because he doesn't like to rock the boat, and FMIL is paying for it so I am not suppose to say anything. Which of course I couldn't keep my mouth shut and asked DGF why she didn't want a cake from Great Aunt. Her reply..."because I have never seen any of her cakes so I don't know if she does a good job." UGGGHHH! She makes them professionally-has for years-has never had a complaint yet DGF doesn't know if she does a good job. Ohhh well, FMIL can pay for it and Great Aunt can make a the dessert for the rehearsal dinner.

Do you do groom's cakes where you are? They're pretty common here. (I have no idea why, but they are). Who really needs two cakes (but we'll be having two anyway)? Maybe the aunt could make the groom's cake (assuming the princess allows it ).


Here's a cake story for you.
We have another relative who will be getting married soon. She's doing a destination wedding. They've already been to make all the selections (photographer, wedding planner, cake, etc.). In the meantime, she decided that she wasn't sure she wanted the person they picked to do the cake - no real reason why.

Sooo, they had to make a special trip back there again just to taste cake, so they could pick out another baker. I mean cake is fine and all, but that's a little ridiculous IMHO.

 

[MELSMICE]

She has been here for family get togethers and we have butted heads then (she won't help in the kitchen before or after the meal-she DOESN'T cook or do dishes)-OHhh let's just say at times I am not the most tactful person

I only quoted part of your last post because this definitely stood out to me. Is this girl really ready for marriage? It sounds like she has a lot of growing up to do.

She doesn't cook or do dishes? How are they going to eat? Is your DS expected to work full time & then cook & clean? (that doesn't sound right because people do it all the time, so I hope everyone get's my "jist")

If she's not going to work & doesn't cook or do dishes (I'm assuming she won't clean) what is she going to do all day? Will she be going to school?

There are sooooooo many red flags with this situation. I'm sorry, it almost sounds like an unbelievable tale (which I'm sure it's not, but wish it was).

 

[C.Ann]

I think you need to have a face to face meeting with all four of the parents as soon as possible. Sometimes when information gets passed through various people it can get very distorted. I think that it would be fair for you to reimburse them for the costs you agreed to paid for the hall, band, rehearsal dinner and part of the meal based on prices you had available at the place you work. If they insist on the fancier place, they should pay the difference. Maybe FDFIL doesn't want to pay all these extra cost and FDMIL is trying to push expenses to you so she can have her dream wedding. But you need to work together before this gets out of hand, because hopefully you will be family for many, many years. Good luck.

--------------------

I agree.. You need to meet with them personally - not go through other people or speak in the phone..

Explain that you can afford "X" amount and they will have to cover anything above and beyond that.. If they have certain "wants" that are not in line with what you want, then they should be the ones paying for those things..
Stand your ground (nicely) and do not allow them to guilt you or pressure you into going into debt for this wedding..

 

[horseshowmom]

I only quoted part of your last post because this definitely stood out to me. Is this girl really ready for marriage? It sounds like she has a lot of growing up to do.

She doesn't cook or do dishes? How are they going to eat? Is your DS expected to work full time & then cook & clean? (that doesn't sound right because people do it all the time, so I hope everyone get's my "jist")

If she's not going to work & doesn't cook or do dishes (I'm assuming she won't clean) what is she going to do all day? Will she be going to school?

There are sooooooo many red flags with this situation. I'm sorry, it almost sounds like an unbelievable tale (which I'm sure it's not, but wish it was).

That's a very good point. I feel so sorry for the son. There's no way this can last very long. I understand that he loves her and wants to be married, but when they're on their own, this is going to get difficult, I'm afraid. I suspect the inlaws are going to expect him to continue to pet her just like they have, and he can't do everything (and he certainly should NOT have to).

 

[NiftyJ88]

Ok, I've been married for almost 5 years, and got married when I was 21. I come from a wealthier family than DH, so when it came time for thing's like the rehearsal dinner...I chose a local family restaurant with a private room. I would bet the rehearsal dinner cost less than $200.
My parents paid for the ENTIRE wedding, and because THEY were paying for it, I felt compelled to spend as little money as possible. I felt horrible spending $1300 on my dress, but my entire wedding: reception, photographer, transportation, DJ, favors, dress...EVERYTHING was less than $6500 and it was better than many of the receptions I have been to at the local country clubs.
There is NO reason for you to pay this much. Your son will likely be quite unhappy after working his tail off for his "wife" to squander it while she sits at home and does nothing. I don't think so.

 

[PrincessKsMom]

Somehow I'm reading all this as they never will get their own home and will, instead, live with her parents for many years to come.

 

[parkers*momma]

OP, I do not want you to think you are being a bully, that is not what I meant. You have an idea for what you want your ds's wedding to be, so do the FutureIL's, that is all I meant by comparing you with them. You are certainly not acting like them
I hope everything works out for you, and for your ds.

awwww I didn't take heart to it. But after it was put in back and white, it did seem to me maybe I was being a pain about the entire hall thing.

 

[dismom24]

Just a few words of encoragement. I'm a little embarrased to say it, but since no one here knows me. I was a bit of a "princess" when I married my DH at 19. I had quite a "princess" attitude - child of divorce, never heard the word "no", etc. Nobody thought we would make it. I grew up real quick after I had my first baby. 19 years later, we are still going strong and have a deep, mutual love and respect for each other.

 

[parkers*momma]

I only quoted part of your last post because this definitely stood out to me. Is this girl really ready for marriage? It sounds like she has a lot of growing up to do.

She doesn't cook or do dishes? How are they going to eat? Is your DS expected to work full time & then cook & clean? (that doesn't sound right because people do it all the time, so I hope everyone get's my "jist")

If she's not going to work & doesn't cook or do dishes (I'm assuming she won't clean) what is she going to do all day? Will she be going to school?

There are sooooooo many red flags with this situation. I'm sorry, it almost sounds like an unbelievable tale (which I'm sure it's not, but wish it was).

ohhh how I wish it was a tale!

No she doesn't cook...nor does her mom....something they proudly announce...lol He has worked since he was 16 and was employed by this company the day after he turned 18. He works first shift, comes home and cook/does the dishes. She does everything else except laundry because she was never taught (she will tell you this) and to her washing laundry is just putting all of clothes in the washer and turning it on. No sorting, pre-treating, etc.

I've always had my kids (boys and girls) out in the kitchen helping me cook since they were old enough to stand on a chair safely and stir a cake mix. As for all household chores, everyone has to pitch in. We are a large family with two working parents so everyone has to help. I've offered to teach her but she doesn't want to come over to learn. Luckily, my son is a killer cook and makes awesome desserts. That's one thing I really miss...his pumpkin pies are out of this world!

From what they have shared. She is going to graduate high school this year, but not planning on going to college until 2012. She wants to take some time off before starting college. Don't ask me all I know is this is the plan.

She's a kid...someone was right earlier when they said she should be focusing on Prom and graduation not a wedding. My DH keeps teasing the reason the parents are wanting to marry her off so young is because they can't afford her anymore.