Mama Bear?

[leighe]

What does that term mean to you? I am honestly just wondering. I have almost decided that I am a negligent parent because most of the things on the Dis that send many moms into a complete frenzy don't even seem to register on my radar. I personally have a negative connotation of that term. I would be offended if anyone referred to me in that way. Certainly - there are times when children need their parents to be their advocates (and I'm not necessariy talking about truly special needs kids) but more often than not I think it is more beneficial to let kids find their own way. For example - most people seem to understand the importance of waiting to see a toddler's reaction to a fall before totally freaking out. And if they were really hurt, most parents would try to remain calm and not make the situation worse for the child. Children gage their own reactions to many things based on the reactions of the people around them. I guess it's just a difference in parenting - but I don't understand forstering our fears or inswcurities as parents onto our children - and I think that's what "Mama Bears" often do. Not every teacher or kid or employer is going to like my kid - no matter how wonderful and special they are to me - and I think my kids need to understand that. I think they need to know that their decisions have consequences, that sometimes they won't agree with the people in charge, that sometimes, God forbid - they might be bored! I can remember my parents going to school ONCE on my behalf. And they certainly didn't go marching into the principal's office threating to pull me out of school and go straight to the superintendent with a lawyer if they didn't get exactly what they wanted. I just seem to read so much parental outrage on this board that in reality seems rather petty and I wonder about the generation of kids we are raising.

 

[bumbershoot]

The example I think of when I think of the phrase, used in the way I think of it, was my mom in a particular situation.

When I was 4, I brightly decided to hang from my knees from our front year geodesic dome. It was a small one, but I was wearing a dress and tights, and I slipped. Landed smack dab on top of my head.

When she took me to the doctor's and it was recommended I stay overnight at the hospital, that was fine. However, in 1973/4, the staff thought that a 4 year old would be totally fine by his/herself, and REFUSED to let my mom stay. She knew me, and knew that I would NOT be OK alone. She went mama bear to the nurses and doctor, though I think she called herself a tigress actually, and got very special permission to stay with me.

That's mama bear, where you perceive a true threat to your kiddo, and will protect them.


She'd had to do basically the same thing in '72 at a different hospital, when her OB forgot to sign off on my baby brother rooming in with her...he'd done so when I was born, but forgot when brother was born, and she ended up forcing the nurses to call the doctor at his home, get him back to the hospital, and sign off so that the nurses would get brother out of the nursery and into my mom's arms.

 

[clgwli]

I used to have a positive connotation of mama bear but it is slowly changing.

It used to be used when parents were really defending their child in a situation they needed it. It was usually the gut reaction to someone doing major harm to their child.

Now it seems that if "little Jane" gets a C on her test because the teacher didn't explain something right "little Jane"'s mom goes all mama bear on the teacher for not explaining it perfectly

I hear a term "special snowflake" used to describe the children of parents and while it cracks me up it seems quite fitting at the same time.

I think a lot of parents who use this term aren't raising their children to leave their home. They make excuses for their child (a whole slew of LD that are now all covered by IEPs) and by the time they are 18 these children have hardly done anything on their own.

I think sometimes these parents set their children up for failure since they are always trying to defend them.

I do think mama bear has gotten out of hand in general and like you I don't see it very positively anymore.

 

[MrsJackSparrow]

Rampaging lunatic.

 

[Scurvy]

I'm with clgwli. I used to think of it as sort of a positive thing, but not any longer. I used to associate it with those stories of moms doing amazing things to defend their kids - you know, the ones who beat the lion to death with their purse or lift a car off their toddler, running totally on adrenaline and instinct.

These days, after reading so many posts of moms who "went mama bear on" someone, I think it's more an excuse for irrational and rude behavior or helicopter parenting.

A real mama bear gets between her cub and whatever is threatening it. A human "mama bear" also seems to want to get between her child and the rest of the world. And I think they can end up leaving their child unprepared to deal with the world on their own.

A car careening at your child? Of course you want to protect them. Someone trying to drag your child away in the store? Defend away. But running to the teacher because you think she insulted your child by giving her a bad grade is ridiculous. Give the child a chance to talk to the teacher if the grade is unwarranted, or teach the child to do better if the grade is deserved. A stranger looks at your kid funny? By all means trust your instincts and remove your child from the situation. But don't "go all mama bear" and threaten the guy or call the police - that's irrational.

 

[Dizzy4Disney90210]

I wanna see the Principal!!! NOW!

 

[scottishduffy]

Mama bears..

The primary reason I am glad to not be a nanny anymore! My years in child care led to encounters with quite a few nasty ones.

 

[doxdogy]

I agree with you.

 

[debster812]

I am honestly just wondering. I have almost decided that I am a negligent parent because most of the things on the Dis that send many moms into a complete frenzy don't even seem to register on my radar.

I'm right there with you. DS is 11, and if he has a problem with a teacher, or a coach, or a classmate, we encourage him to try to resolve it first. I think it's just helping him develop good life skills.

We will step in if he has tried and failed to resolve something, or if he asks for our help, but we're never the 'first ones in'

 

[Jen_in_NH]

I used to have a positive connotation of mama bear but it is slowly changing.

It used to be used when parents were really defending their child in a situation they needed it. It was usually the gut reaction to someone doing major harm to their child.

Now it seems that if "little Jane" gets a C on her test because the teacher didn't explain something right "little Jane"'s mom goes all mama bear on the teacher for not explaining it perfectly

I hear a term "special snowflake" used to describe the children of parents and while it cracks me up it seems quite fitting at the same time.

I think a lot of parents who use this term aren't raising their children to leave their home. They make excuses for their child (a whole slew of LD that are now all covered by IEPs) and by the time they are 18 these children have hardly done anything on their own.

I think sometimes these parents set their children up for failure since they are always trying to defend them.

I do think mama bear has gotten out of hand in general and like you I don't see it very positively anymore.

I agree. It seems to me as though there is quite a large number of kids being taught that the world revolves around them, and everything they do is perfect. I can't imagine how these kids will react as adults when they realize it doesn't and they aren't

 

[Magic Mom]

These days, after reading so many posts of moms who "went mama bear on" someone, I think it's more an excuse for irrational and rude behavior or helicopter parenting.

A real mama bear gets between her cub and whatever is threatening it. A human "mama bear" also seems to want to get between her child and the rest of the world. And I think they can end up leaving their child unprepared to deal with the world on their own.

 

[LisaMommy]

I thought it meant a female bear who procreated. I've encountered many women like those mentioned above, but never heard the term "mama bear" before. Huh, you learn something new everyday, I guess.

 

[Mom2Evie]

I agree completely with several of the assessments here. Mama Bear now has a negative connotation for me now. I'm often amazed at how these Mom's blaze a path up to the school, ripping into the teacher or principal without noticing that their child should bear the responsibility for whatever happened. Kid didn't do her homework? Mama Bear either insists their daughter should get to do it now, get excused or blames the teacher. How about daughter should get a zero? I think they're raising victims that are incapable of handling their own problems.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Psycho maniac mother.

Everytime I see that term I roll my eyes and gag.

 

[m&m's mom]

This is what I think about I hear "Mama Bear".
When my oldest DD was born at 16 weeks early at 1 pound I was an emotional wreck not knowing if she was going to live or die.
They put me in a semi-private room and if that was not bad enough, the lady next to me had her perfectly healthy full term baby with her. The lady's entire family was there celebrating (as they should have been) and eating extremely pungent food.
I was trying to keep my sadness to myself but just lost it. My Mom went into attack mode and demanded they find me a private room RIGHT THEN! Fortunately they realized the situation and moved me... to the Presidential Suite. It wa shuge, gorgeous and private.
My DH is not an "attack" kind of guy.
Every time I see Terms of Endearment and Debra Wenger's mom (Shirley McLaine) whne her daughters medicine is due and she demands (slightly in freak out mode) it reminds me of my Mom.
Ironically my Mom never would have been considered a "Mama Bear" growing up. She expected us to fight our own battles.

 

[teacups]

This whole thread is

 

[Nancy]

Psycho maniac mother.

Everytime I see that term I roll my eyes and gag.

A Mom can be protective and be a good Mom without going overboard.

 

[MM27]

I wanna see the Principal!!! NOW!

forget the principal, they go straight to the superintendent and the media

 

[mumom95]

When I think of the term Mama Bear, it take as when a mother feels her child is truly in danger and will do whatever it takes to protect him/her.

 

[Vijoge]

forget the principal, they go straight to the superintendent and the media

After they've called their lawyer.