Letter to the Editor; Reasonable mom or helicopter parent?

[DawnCt1]

If this were in a carpooling arrangement where a parent were negotiating terms of a carpool, I could possibly see raising cell phone use and texting. If I did, it would be in the context of "I want you to know that I will never text or talk on my cell phone while driving your children, just in case that is a concern you have". I can't imagine that I would extract a commitment from adult drivers that they not use their phones while my children are in the car. I would certainly hope that by first grade my child would tell me if "Mrs X talks on her phone or texts driving". If it were the case and a concern I had, I would drive my own child. Is the letter writer rude, a helicopter mom or
a reasonable, concerned mom.

Upon dropping my boys off for a play date when they were little, I would ask parents whether there were loaded guns in the house. Sometimes my question was met with surprise, but I always got an answer. When the boys got older, I stopped asking. I felt confident they would know what to do if a friend produced a gun.

The boys are in middle school now and I plan to start asking a new question of adults with whom they ride in cars. I plan to ask them not to talk on their cellphones or text while my kids are in their cars. If this is not something they can commit to, I do not want my sons in their car.

It is selfish and irresponsible to operate a vehicle while using a cellphone. The National Safety Council estimates at least 28 percent of all traffic crashes (at least 1.6 million crashes annually) are caused by drivers using cellphones and texting.

We depend on the judgment of other drivers. Let's take care of one another and keep both hands on the wheel and both eyes on the road.

Katy XXXXX, West Hartford

http://www.courant.com/news/opinion/editorials/hc-digbrflets0517.art3may17,0,1719186.story

 

[diznygirl]

Well, isn't it illegal to use a cell phone while driving on CT? Wouldn't this parent's request be redundant?

 

[NHdisneylover]

Mmmm--interesting idea. I think with middle schoolers I would trust them to tell me if so-and-so was texting while driving. Then again, that does not help you if your child dies in a crash the first time they ride with such an irresponsible driver. . .
I guess I tend to trust that the adults whom I am trusting my kids with are able to drive safely. I think hands off the wheel and eyes of the road to text or dial a phone is problematic. Hands free phones with voice activated dialing (such as the system built into my car) are no more distracting than having a conversation with a passenger and not a problem at all.
So, overall I would not ask about this. Just as I do not generally ask a million other safety things. If I had some reason to believe the parent would not be a safe driver I would not want my child riding with him or her but I would not tell them how to drive.

 

[allison443]

I guess she should take her concerns to their logical conclusion, and ask if the parents are properly licensed, is their vehicle registered and insured in compliance with state law, does their vehicle have a valid inspection sticker and is it properly maintained, is the driver on any medication or have any chronic health conditions which may affect their driving, has the driver had a recent eye exam, is the driver properly rested, is the driver under any stress/aggravation/problems which might cause distracted driving, is the driver planning to eat or drink anything while driving?
I'm sure there are more, but these are all things that commonly cause accidents (well, except the insurance part, but that would come into play later).

It's her right to ask, but I think people (who are parents as well, right?) might be offended by her implication that she doesn't trust them to drive her kids and their own kids safely. I guess she thinks she is the only one that is concerned and the only one that knows about how to drive safely?

Maybe she won't have to worry about other parents driving her kids, because the other parents won't want to.

 

[DVCLiz]

I never text while driving but I do chat on the phone all the time and sometimes I have a friend of DD's with us. If a parent made that request of me I'd just tell them they should find another way to transport their kids. I don't carpool so any time I have another child in my car it's because I am doing another parent a favor (picking up a friend to go to the movies, etc.)

It's a moot point for me now because my youngest is driving but I wouldn't agree to stay off my cell phone for another parent. It's not illegal to talk and drive in my state.

 

[JessicaR]

I agree with her concern. Her boys are in middle school, she can just ask them if a parent was doing that while they were in the car. I would not ask that question of parents. Truthfully, they could say no and do it anyway so it seems pointless.

My 17 year old and I attended a car safety seminar last week. The statistics of accidents caused by drivers operating any electronic (cells mostly and texting especially) while driving are very frightening.

I just wanted to add it is illegal in my state.

 

[DawnCt1]

Well, isn't it illegal to use a cell phone while driving on CT? Wouldn't this parent's request be redundant?

I think it would be redundant. They just raised the fines to accommodate our budget deficit as well. One mother asking another mother to "obey the law" seems a bit rude to me.

 

[RitaE]

I don't think I'd car pool with somebody like that obsessive over checking up on all the other parents. I think that if you feel the need to quiz and set rules, you're probably going to be happier driving your own kid around and not having to worry over it.

 

[DawnCt1]

I guess she should take her concerns to their logical conclusion, and ask if the parents are properly licensed, is their vehicle registered and insured in compliance with state law, does their vehicle have a valid inspection sticker and is it properly maintained, is the driver on any medication or have any chronic health conditions which may affect their driving, has the driver had a recent eye exam, is the driver properly rested, is the driver under any stress/aggravation/problems which might cause distracted driving, is the driver planning to eat or drink anything while driving?
I'm sure there are more, but these are all things that commonly cause accidents (well, except the insurance part, but that would come into play later).

It's her right to ask, but I think people (who are parents as well, right?) might be offended by her implication that she doesn't trust them to drive her kids and their own kids safely. I guess she thinks she is the only one that is concerned and the only one that knows about how to drive safely?

Maybe she won't have to worry about other parents driving her kids, because the other parents won't want to.

What a great reply. I am almost tempted to 'steal" it but I won't.

 

[DawnCt1]

I never text while driving but I do chat on the phone all the time and sometimes I have a friend of DD's with us. If a parent made that request of me I'd just tell them they should find another way to transport their kids. I don't carpool so any time I have another child in my car it's because I am doing another parent a favor (picking up a friend to go to the movies, etc.)

It's a moot point for me now because my youngest is driving but I wouldn't agree to stay off my cell phone for another parent. It's not illegal to talk and drive in my state.

I use my cellphone all of the time but I wouldn't consider texting while driving. I have bluetooth and I find a phone conversation far less distracting than a conversation with someone sitting next to me or a screaming baby in the back seat. I am well beyond car pooling too. If drivers are going to be distracted by a phone call, they better eliminate food from their cars, the stereo, the gps, etc.

 

[NHdisneylover]

Maybe she won't have to worry about other parents driving her kids, because the other parents won't want to.

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

IMO, we would all be better off if we were this honest with one another. I use my cell phone while driving (with a headset and voice activated calling). It bothers my BiL, so I do not do it when he or his son are in the car with me. Simple solution, but I would never have known if he had not told me.

IMO, if she is that worried about it, she should say something. Each of us has different fears concerning our children. They don't even have to be valid for them to be "real" in a parent's mind.

Also, her willingness to let go of other concerns (guns) shows that she is working through this whole "parenthood" thing. It is a journey.

 

[Rosie1954]

I guess she should take her concerns to their logical conclusion, and ask if the parents are properly licensed, is their vehicle registered and insured in compliance with state law, does their vehicle have a valid inspection sticker and is it properly maintained, is the driver on any medication or have any chronic health conditions which may affect their driving, has the driver had a recent eye exam, is the driver properly rested, is the driver under any stress/aggravation/problems which might cause distracted driving, is the driver planning to eat or drink anything while driving?
I'm sure there are more, but these are all things that commonly cause accidents (well, except the insurance part, but that would come into play later).

It's her right to ask, but I think people (who are parents as well, right?) might be offended by her implication that she doesn't trust them to drive her kids and their own kids safely. I guess she thinks she is the only one that is concerned and the only one that knows about how to drive safely?

Maybe she won't have to worry about other parents driving her kids, because the other parents won't want to.

Perfect response. What I really don't get is that letters to the editor are typically in response to current local news or controversy. She doesn't make any reference to such.

 

[DawnCt1]

IMO, we would all be better off if we were this honest with one another. I use my cell phone while driving (with a headset and voice activated calling). It bothers my BiL, so I do not do it when he or his son are in the car with me. Simple solution, but I would never have known if he had not told me.

IMO, if she is that worried about it, she should say something. Each of us has different fears concerning our children. They don't even have to be valid for them to be "real" in a parent's mind.

Also, her willingness to let go of other concerns (guns) shows that she is working through this whole "parenthood" thing. It is a journey.

She feels "confident" that her kids could handle a child with a gun but not so sure they could navigate the terror of a cellphone.

 

[luvsJack]

DD and her friends would barely notice if the mom driving was texting or on the phone. They are too busy chatting and singing and being giggling preteen girls to notice what the driver is doing.

I probably woudn't ask a parent these questions, but wouldn't expect dd to notice it either.

The gun thing would probably be different just in the fact that they would take notice more. #1 they wouldnt' be busily doing something else and #2 coming from a home without guns, they would notice a gun more.

 

[binny]

I don't think I'd car pool with somebody like that obsessive over checking up on all the other parents. I think that if you feel the need to quiz and set rules, you're probably going to be happier driving your own kid around and not having to worry over it.

I agree completely!

If its illegal in your state then by all means asking is redundant. If it isnt, well then, I think theyre overstepping their bounds by asking this question.

Ive done carpool a lot and frankly, the only "rules" we had were to be on time and no eating a bowl of cereal with milk in my car. No Im not kidding and yes that happened a lot so I made up the rule after they spilled milk all over my car grrrrrr. oh yeah and to be respectful of the driver. She who drives gets to choose the music especially at 6 AM!


I talk on my cell in the car, I would either pull over to dial though or wait till I hit a light. NO texting though.

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

She feels "confident" that her kids could handle a child with a gun but not so sure they could navigate the terror of a cellphone.

They do seem at odds, somehow. Are they a hunting family? Might explain the comfort with guns.

 

[DawnCt1]

They do seem at odds, somehow. Are they a hunting family? Might explain the comfort with guns.

Who knows. I am glad no one asked us those questions when the kids were growing up. Of course we had the guns locked securely in a locked, metal case, the clips and the ammo locked in a separate case in a hidden area. We wouldn't have been able to "save" ourselves if we tried. That said, I would hate being quizzed about the safety of our home or my driving habits. As RitaE said, if she is that obsessive, drive them yourself.

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

... if she is that obsessive, drive them yourself.

Agreed - if you don't know the driving behavior of the others in the carpool and you fear for your child's safety, why even consider it? Kids don't come with a handbook, so we all do this stuff by feel.

 

[Planogirl]

DS often gets a ride from a friend's mother and it's never even occurred to me to ask if she talks on a cell phone. I'm too grateful that she's nice enough to give him a ride. It's not illegal here though except while in the school zone.