Letter to the Editor; Reasonable mom or helicopter parent?

[bettymae1121]

Well...I think it's a bit borderline. Studies have shown that talking on a cell (even hands free) increases the odds of an accident 4x and texting increases it by 8x. So it's not an unfounded concern. That said, where does making sure your kids are safe with otherwise trusted adults end? I wouldn't mind if people asked me about my cell phone habits while driving their kids (I don't ever use a phone in any way while in a car, because I don't feel safe doing so), but I can see how others would resent it, as it implies that they're being unsafe with kids in the car. I think you'd have to take it on almost a case by case basis. Maybe if you observe the parent has their phone glued to their ear whenever you see them, it may pay to ask them (as politely as possible) about it. And definately tell your kids that if they are in a car with some one driving and using a cell, to tell you about it, from there you can decide what to do about it.

 

[MushyMushy]

I think she sounds like a lunatic! If she's that concerned about it, she should just drive them herself or get to know the parents who would be driving her children a little better so she'd get a better feel for who would use good judgment behind the wheel or not.

 

[DawnCt1]

I think she sounds like a lunatic! If she's that concerned about it, she should just drive them herself or get to know the parents who would be driving her children a little better so she'd get a better feel for who would use good judgment behind the wheel or not.

I think she does too, but I thought I would let someone else say it!

 

[Heidict]

So, apparently if the parent is not using a cell phone or texting then she is fine with them driving her snowflake, right? So, does that mean that she is fine with them driving 80 on the highway, blowing through stoplights or doing like that lovely scout leader did a week or so ago and drive a car full of kids to camp while she was 3x over the legal limit?

Why is she singling out cell phones? In order to make sure that precious is truly safe while in the care of others she should really have a questionnaire for the parents to fill out. I can just imagine how well that would go over.

 

[DawnCt1]

So, apparently if the parent is not using a cell phone or texting then she is fine with them driving her snowflake, right? So, does that mean that she is fine with them driving 80 on the highway, blowing through stoplights or doing like that lovely scout leader did a week or so ago and drive a car full of kids to camp while she was 3x over the legal limit?

Why is she singling out cell phones? In order to make sure that precious is truly safe while in the care of others she should really have a questionnaire for the parents to fill out. I can just imagine how well that would go over.

Wasn't that special? Did you see her mug shot? She had to hold on to the side of the car to balance herself when she got out but I didn't hear that she was on a cellphone!

 

[Heidict]

Wasn't that special? Did you see her mug shot? She had to hold on to the side of the car to balance herself when she got out but I didn't hear that she was on a cellphone!

Yeah, she looked like a real winner. I didn't hear that part about her having to hold on to the car. Thank God she didn't get into an accident and those girls where safe. I can imagine it must have been very scary for them.

Glad they are hitting her with attempted murder charges.

 

[disykat]

I guess I'll take the other side. Because we don't really carpool I guess I've never dealt with this issue and I've always trusted the people who have driven my kid not to drive while holding a cell phone. It never occured to me to worry about it, but I guess I was naive. I'm sort of horrified that so many people here think it's okay to do so.

To me, it was a no brainer, like if I trust someone's judgement I assume they won't be drunk when they drive my child. However, there are a lot of people I feel like I know enough to trust on this thread not thinking driving while holding a cell phone is a big deal. It's certainly food for thought.

I thought people were going to be offended that the writer thought they would talk on the cell phone while carpooling, not that people think it's none of her business whether they talk on their cell phone.

 

[NHdisneylover]

I think if someone asked me that I would have to turn it back on them:

Is your child likely to start in with an annoying argument with my kids?

Is your child prone to shrieking when excited?

Will your child yell at me to get my attention if I do not answer a question IMMEDIATELY in heavy traffic?

Does your child like to do things that are annoying to be funny (things like singing The Song That Never Ends)

Is your child someone who thinks it is okay to poke the driver unexpectedly or toss items into the driver's vision (paper airplanes, unwanted trash like empty juice boxes, etc)?

If so they will be a much bigger distraction than any phone call could be and as a safety hazard I will not be able to permit them in my car

 

[Minniemouse07]

FWIW, I feel there are two levels of "knowing" someone.

If the parent taking my child was from my mom's group, I've known her for years and she knows me...I'm not going to ask many questions.

HOWEVER

If the parent is the mom/dad of one of dd's classmates. Someone I don't know well I would probably ask a few questions...

In the car:
Since I'm a child passenger safety technician I would probably ask if they had a booster seat for dd to use (yes she's almost 9yo but she doesn't fit in a seat belt yet)...if they didn't have one, I would send dd w/ her low back booster.

I've never thought about asking about the cell phone thing (texting or talking). It isn't a law in PA but is a law in many local areas (not ours though). I'm not sure about this one.. it isn't one of my pet peeves but I do have a friend whose son had a playmate die in a crash caused by the other driver talking on their cell phone while driving...and running a red light. Her death was actually the impetus for the first local cell phone law in PA.

The gun thing:
This IS a pet peeve of mine and to be honest...if I don't know the parent well enough to KNOW if they have/don't have a gun in their house, I do ask before allowing dd to be at their house w/o me. Not that I wouldn't allow dd to go there but we would review our past discussions about guns as a reminder.

And in either case if the parent seemed insulted by my asking the question...then I would have to rethink allowing my child to be supervised by them. It isn't an insult to what they do/don't believe...it is me doing my job as a parent. Dd is in 3rd grade...truly NOT at an age to to make really major judgement calls just yet... As she gets older the questions will change (will there be a parent home, will there be alcohol at the party, etc) but for now we are doing okay!

 

[PatsGirl]

Helicopter parent and rude to boot

 

[Heidict]

Is your child someone who thinks it is okay to poke the driver unexpectedly or toss items into the driver's vision (paper airplanes, unwanted trash like empty juice boxes, etc)?

Oh my goodness, that just reminded me of something stupid my teenage cousin would do when I was driving. He thought it was just hysterical to put his hands over my eyes while I was driving.

He would be in the back see behind me and would do this, totally oblivious to the thought that I might crash and kill us all because of his stupidity. I put a stop to it real quick though.

I would just slam on my brakes and then his face would smash into the headrest. He didn't have his belt on, so there was nothing there to stop him. He got a bloody nose and never did it again!!

Oh, and before anyone yells at me for slamming on my brakes in traffic, he only did these things on back roads when there was no other traffic around.

 

[Disney Doll]

If I had children and the parent of one of my child's friends asked me this question, I would probably suggest that she drive her child and I drive my child to wherever we were going and then the boys could meet up when we both got to the destination.

Then she would know for sure that her son was being driven by someone who was not using a cell phone while driving.

 

[Arielle22]

Helicopter parent.

I talk on my phone when I drive (not using a bluetooth) and I drive my dds' friends. If someone started asking me the questions I would politely suggest that they drive their dd and I would drive mine since I would not make the committment.

Stand alone statistics don't mean that much. Is it more of a risk than driving while eating or drinking or smoking? How about more of a risk than trying to get the kids in the backseat to stop fighting or trying to find an address and not watching traffic? There is also the old standby of changing the radio station and taking your eyes off the road.

A parent asking me that type of question would alarm me because it would suggest that the parent would be looking for someone to blame if their snowflake was injured while in my care (not necessarily while in the car but while snowflake was with me)

 

[DawnCt1]

Helicopter parent.

I talk on my phone when I drive (not using a bluetooth) and I drive my dds' friends. If someone started asking me the questions I would politely suggest that they drive their dd and I would drive mine since I would not make the committment.

Stand alone statistics don't mean that much. Is it more of a risk than driving while eating or drinking or smoking? How about more of a risk than trying to get the kids in the backseat to stop fighting or trying to find an address and not watching traffic? There is also the old standby of changing the radio station and taking your eyes off the road.

A parent asking me that type of question would alarm me because it would suggest that the parent would be looking for someone to blame if their snowflake was injured while in my care (not necessarily while in the car but while snowflake was with me)

I agree with you. At 4 pm, my car cannot drive past a Dunkin Donuts without using the drive thru for a cup of coffee. Yes, I drink it while driving and one hand on the wheel. I don't see the difference between a cup of coffee or a cell phone. I happen to have bluetooth in my car so I can drink a cup of coffee, talk on my cellphone and drive! . Driving is a risk and it is impossible to "legislate all of the risks out of driving". I also don't want to be "someone elses deep pockets", so I would avoid driving her kids anywhere.

 

[luvmy3]

Well I have done that, to my SIL. She is always on her phone, talking and texting, if she could have the phone surgically attached to her she would. She wanted to drive my kids somewhere I asked her not to use her phone when she did. I wasn't asking her to take my kids for me, she wanted to so I didn't have any problems letting her know that if she was going to be talking and texting while driving then my kids would not be going with her.

If I was in the OP's situation I just wouldn't carpool.

 

[NHdisneylover]

Oh my goodness, that just reminded me of something stupid my teenage cousin would do when I was driving. He thought it was just hysterical to put his hands over my eyes while I was driving.

He would be in the back see behind me and would do this, totally oblivious to the thought that I might crash and kill us all because of his stupidity. I put a stop to it real quick though.

I would just slam on my brakes and then his face would smash into the headrest. He didn't have his belt on, so there was nothing there to stop him. He got a bloody nose and never did it again!!

Oh, and before anyone yells at me for slamming on my brakes in traffic, he only did these things on back roads when there was no other traffic around.

You were nice to ever drive him anywhere again.

I put that one in because of the drive to camporee two weeks ago. One of the girls kept throwing her empty wrappers from her Subway dinner at me. There was no safe place to pull over or I would have. The autobahn is not a good place to be driving with stuff flying into your line of vision
(The dinner was meant to be eaten at camp--it was a brown bag dinner night, but she decided to eat it in the car without bothering to ask, DH does not like food in the car as it is a company car and it was only a 30 minute drive and the girls had snacks before we left So it was an all around not so great experience).

 

[MushyMushy]

Well I have done that, to my SIL. She is always on her phone, talking and texting, if she could have the phone surgically attached to her she would. She wanted to drive my kids somewhere I asked her not to use her phone when she did. I wasn't asking her to take my kids for me, she wanted to so I didn't have any problems letting her know that if she was going to be talking and texting while driving then my kids would not be going with her.

If I was in the OP's situation I just wouldn't carpool.

I think your situation is a bit different. First of all, your SIL is known to you to do this and secondly there's the thing with her asking to take them somewhere. But my question is, how do you know she didn't take offense to this and just go ahead and behave however she wanted in the first place?

 

[MushyMushy]

Oh my goodness, that just reminded me of something stupid my teenage cousin would do when I was driving. He thought it was just hysterical to put his hands over my eyes while I was driving.

He would be in the back see behind me and would do this, totally oblivious to the thought that I might crash and kill us all because of his stupidity. I put a stop to it real quick though.

I would just slam on my brakes and then his face would smash into the headrest. He didn't have his belt on, so there was nothing there to stop him. He got a bloody nose and never did it again!!

I know that scenario shouldn't be funny to a responsible grown adult, but the image of it makes me laugh! It's like something you'd see in a comedy movie.

 

[Heidict]

You were nice to ever drive him anywhere again.

I put that one in because of the drive to camporee two weeks ago. One of the girls kept throwing her empty wrappers from her Subway dinner at me. There was no safe place to pull over or I would have. The autobahn is not a good place to be driving with stuff flying into your line of vision
(The dinner was meant to be eaten at camp--it was a brown bag dinner night, but she decided to eat it in the car without bothering to ask, DH does not like food in the car as it is a company car and it was only a 30 minute drive and the girls had snacks before we left So it was an all around not so great experience).

I think he was scared to drive with me after that.

OMG, your little camporee girl? WOW, that is someone I would not be driving any where again. I would kill my daughter if she did something like that to a friends mother in their car.

I know that scenario shouldn't be funny to a responsible grown adult, but the image of it makes me laugh! It's like something you'd see in a comedy movie.

Oh, that's okay. Laugh away. I still crack up when I think about it.

 

[luvmy3]

I think your situation is a bit different. First of all, your SIL is known to you to do this and secondly there's the thing with her asking to take them somewhere. But my question is, how do you know she didn't take offense to this and just go ahead and behave however she wanted in the first place?

She doesn't get offended easily and she often jokes about how much she is on her phone. And while I dont know for sure I trust her with my kids and I trust that since she knew that I was worried about it she wouldn't do it behind my back. I could have asked my kids but honestly didn't feel the need to because I wasn't worried that she would do it, I guess its just because I know her so well Thats why if I was the OP I wouldn't feel comfortable demanding that someone not do something with my kids in the car. I would hope that they have all passenger's safety in mind when they drive but if it was something I was so worried about I wouldn't carpool.