My brother married a younger girl 20 years ago (she was about 19 & he was about 27). My brother is very opinionated, old-fashioned, and stubborn. She was always very quiet and never went against anything he said. If he was mad & stopped talking to us, so did she.
Fast-forward to late 2012. They have 4 kids and they're financially stable. She undergoes weight-loss surgery & he plans to. She's still pretty quiet, but she's gotten a little more out-spoken. They're having behavior issues with the 2nd oldest child. And the worse it gets with him, the worse my brother's temper gets. Let me preface this by saying, he doesn't go out of his way to hurt his children, but when they're bad he still believes in a whoop on the butt. She wanted to go for counciling a few years ago & my brother refused.
She never had a normal 20-year-old's social life, she was married & trying to have children. I believe the weight loss surgery and a promotion at work have emboldened my sister-in-law. She's going out with friends more. She's getting her hair done every other week. She's taking weekend trips to the shore. She's no longer afraid to speak her mind and disagree. (this the part where I was proud of her, but that has since changed)
And now that she's not afraid to speak up, she filed for divorce a few weeks ago. At the time, I thought I can't blame her, my brother is a hard guy to get along with. And if she truly fears for her children's life, then I fully support her. But I don't think that's it. I think she's making it look like that to drive my brother out of the picture. It is quite clear that a few of her actions were done to intentionally push my brother's buttons. Before she filed, they were supposed to go thru counciling and now she refused.
The other night, my brother told me she deleted him off Facebook and one of their sons, stating they were spying on her. To me, that statement means there's something to be spied on. Is there someone else? I don't know. I certainly think someone is putting thoughts in her head, whether it's a friend or a romantic interest, I don't know. And today I noticed she deleted me & my husband, too. Guess we were undercover spies, too. Hmmm...
Now I feel like writing a letter to her. I want to say I would've supported her decision and that we could've still been civil. We could've remained neutral so that our kids could still have fun like cousins should. I went years not talking to my brother and it was the birth of their daughter (2 months premature) that brought our family back together (she's the same age as our daughter). So I went years not knowing their older 3 children. I don't want that to happen again now just because they're not together anymore. But now that she's being a "B" about everything, I just feel that someone needs to tell her to grow up. I feel like she's going thru her 20's now and she's not behaving like a respectful mother and aunt. I don't necessarily feel that a letter from me will change anything but I feel it's my only chance to express myself before she totally shuts the door. I know their marriage is none of my business and I don't plan to address any of that, but our friendship is my business, and so is the way her actions are affecting my daughter.
Any suggestions?
(sorry for the long post)
. Call her up and get the children together for a play date. Everything else aside, what happens in their house is their business. You have no right to say she's being this or that way when you have no clue what all has transpired. Be the friend you would want her to be
