Letter to my son's Asst. Principal re: paddling UPDATED Pg 14!

[allison443]

What I find ironic is that in order to punish your child for not keeping his hands to himself, and not respecting another's body, the principal was going to put his hands on your child and not respect his body, unbelievable.

Yeah, that makes no sense!

OP good luck! I hope you are allowed to opt out of corporal punishment for your son.

 

[Zandy595]

Wow, if that happened where I live the parents would be on the phone with the local news channels to bring attention to the matter asap.
For example: Last week a teacher made a little girl clean up after a little boy who peed on the bathroom floor and when the mom found out about it she had news crews outside the school taping for the 6 o'clock news. Everyone was outraged. I can't even imagine what they would do with this information. Probably a lynch mob after the asst. principal.


OP, I think you should shorten your letter a bit and take out the part with the statistics on corporal punishment. It's a nice letter, but if you want to get your point across, short and sweet is always better. Make sure you clearly state that no one is to paddle or hit your son in any way.

 

[Hollywoodhaha]

Wow. Here in high school we are only paddled if ..
well, you have a choice of being paddled like 6 times or something like that or a detention. Most choose the detention as they use the gym teachers for paddling

 

[Halloweenqueen]

No letter, no call...this incident requires a parental visit/appointment with the principal.

 

[Robindianne]

Thanks everyone for all the comments. They were very interesting and helpful.

Here's my question, though...if paddling is allowed by our school district and parental permission is not required (which is the case here), does it really matter if I expressly say, "I forbid you to paddle my child"? I mean, do they have to listen to that? Everything I've looked up seems to indicate that they don't have to pay any attention to that at all.

I'm just wondering because so many have said to say "my child is not to be paddled" or something similar, but I'm wondering if there's any reason they would have to follow my wishes in that regard. It doesn't seem like there is, which is very upsetting.

I've spent the last six years teaching my child that it is never ok for anyone to hurt someone....to hit or kick, etc...and here is a grown school official telling him just the opposite.

Even if it doesn't mean they have to listen to you, I would want it on record. If it does happen and you do need to sue (I'm a teacher), the best thing will have been document, document, document. BTW data shows the reason so many people (schools and parents) spank or hit is because it reinforces the adult (applied behavior analysis). Eg the adult has a quick release of anger, stress, feels like the "disciplined" the kid, and truthfully, the kid does stop temporarily, in your presence anyway.

In my ABA book they list specific pros and cons and the cons are way worse and longer lasting, no matter how many individuals say "i was spanked and I am OK, or my sister was paddled by the prince and she's OK"

I know I'm preaching to the choir but thought I'd post the info from my textbook Applied Behavior Analysis For Teachers.

Hugs to you and yours.

 

[mrodgers]

I don't think this boy needs any punishment at all; he needs to be told about respecting other people's boundaries (not having another student, boy or girl, lift up their shirt) and leave it at that.

There's enough about the paddling part, I agree with all.

I agree with CanBeGrumpy here in the sense of the parental punishment. No need for punishment from the parent, it seems that the understanding is there that he was just being a kid horsing around. I hope he can still go to the birthday party. Sure a discussion about respect should be made and the lesson be taught, but not punished.

That said, the physical punishment only lasts so far. I still remember the time my younger brother turned around and smiled at Mom and said, "Hmmph, now you need to buy a new wooden spoon," after Mom broke one over my brother's behind

 

[Cindy B]

I know that some states still allow paddling. If the OP looks at the policy, I think #6 stated that "refusal for paddling resulted in suspension". Are you ready for that? The administrators could use this in their "defense". The administration could use the "in loco parentis" argument and say it is their rules and too bad for the parents.

The letter is well written, however it could be shorter and more to the point.

 

[ProgressCity]

I agree with the others that have said no more discipline is needed on this matter at home. He clearly didn't think he was doing anything wrong, it seems to me his actions were done out of good natured fun and love.

Imagine if you were starting a new job and you made mistake and they told you that you had to take a few days off without pay. Seems a little overkill when simply pointing out the mistake and teaching you how to correct it would have sufficed. Seems to me you are disciplining him more for a truly honest mistake than you would punish an adult for a truly honest mistake.

This kid is in kindergarten, this is the age in which they are supposed to be LEARNING how to behave in social situations. He's not at the stage yet where he should inherently know these things and then be punished for doing wrong. He inappropriately showed affection at an age where his brain is just starting to develop enough to grasp the idea of it being ok to show love like that to family members, but not to friends that you love as well. This isn't a situation of it's always wrong to hit, or spit, or make fun of someone. How is he supposed to distinguish between "I like mom and daddy and tickle them and and give zerberts" and "I like my friend at school but it's wrong to tickle her and give her zerberts"?

I'm a very strict person and actually agree that paddling and spanking have a place in disciplining children, I don't put up with any disrespect or bad behavior. I guess what just blew me away about this the most is that I wouldn't even discipline this kid and I am the strictest person I know! I just don't know how you discipline someone for something they didn't know was wrong. Has he ever been told that this behavior is inappropriate with others? If not, how is his little kindergarten mind supposed to discern that it is?

Poor kid must be confused and I'd hate for him to think that showing affection is wrong. He just needs to be told how to appropriately show that affection.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

no letter, no call...this incident requires a parental visit/appointment with the principal.

mte

 

[BeachGirlFLA]

I would call, not send a letter- why? to assess who I was dealing with. Some people would respect that letter and some would make sure your son did get paddled just to show how powerful they were. Unless you already know this guy it could have an opposite reaction if he's power tripping.
If you call you can take it slowly and figure him out

I agree with this....or I'd go and see him in person and let him know in no uncertain terms that he would NOT be paddling my son.

 

[shortbun]

I think I would make my email a little shorter. An adult teacher who would use a weapon against a 6yo for inappropriate affection probably has a short attention span. I'm serious. Short and to the point.

DO not use physical violence to discipline my child, ever.

 

[NMAmy]

What I find ironic is that in order to punish your child for not keeping his hands to himself, and not respecting another's body, the principal was going to put his hands on your child and not respect his body, unbelievable.

I found this very ironic and bizarre, as well. So, they want to teach the OP's son not to inappropriately touch someone by hitting his behind? Fabulous logic there.

I'm also shocked that spanking in school is still legal in some places. I'm 46 years old and I remember when spanking was done away with in my elementary school--I was in third grade, I think.

 

[JodyLynC]

I would call, not send a letter- why? to assess who I was dealing with. Some people would respect that letter and some would make sure your son did get paddled just to show how powerful they were. Unless you already know this guy it could have an opposite reaction if he's power tripping.
If you call you can take it slowly and figure him out

I suggest first sending the letter as it is best to have something in writing. Then follow up with a face to face meeting.

 

[aprilgail2]

I am just in shock hearing there are places that allow teachers/principal/staff hit children and its legal!
OP I would not send that letter- I would personally be down at that "school" and let them know in person how I feel about them threatening my child with violence!

 

[DeluxePrincess]

What is a zerbert ?

I'm glad the principal did not go through with the paddling. I can't imagine how traumatized your son would have been. Make sure they know you don't apporve of corporal punishment!

 

[OceanAnnie]

If you have any further communication with the school administrators I would recommend working hard to edit your letters. Unfortunately, I doubt that the recipient of your email put the same care into reading your words that you used to choose them.

It's not that I disagree with anything you said, but a lot of it could be cut to make your letter more concise.

Stick to a couple of key talking points:

--I understand my son's behavior was wrong and I support your efforts to discipline him.
--However, I do not believe in corporal punishment and I do not want my son to be paddled. I forbid the use of any kind of physical discipline with my son.
--Please contact me if you wish to discuss this further.

That's it. No examples of how you discipline your son at home. No explanation of why you think corporal punishment is wrong or ineffective. No political statements.

Just state what you want and be done with it. You'll have a much better chance of getting results that way.

Good luck. I hope it all turns out OK.

I agree with this. Keep it short and to the point.

ETA- Keep a copy at home for documentation purposes. If you have any other children attending the school, make sure you mention you do not give permission for any of your children to be spanked. So there will be no confusion in the future. Ask them to keep this on file.

 

[ProgressCity]

If you have any further communication with the school administrators I would recommend working hard to edit your letters. Unfortunately, I doubt that the recipient of your email put the same care into reading your words that you used to choose them.

It's not that I disagree with anything you said, but a lot of it could be cut to make your letter more concise.

Stick to a couple of key talking points:

--I understand my son's behavior was wrong and I support your efforts to discipline him.
--However, I do not believe in corporal punishment and I do not want my son to be paddled. I forbid the use of any kind of physical discipline with my son.
--Please contact me if you wish to discuss this further.

That's it. No examples of how you discipline your son at home. No explanation of why you think corporal punishment is wrong or ineffective. No political statements.

Just state what you want and be done with it. You'll have a much better chance of getting results that way.

Good luck. I hope it all turns out OK.

I agree with this as well. Quite frankly anything beyond this is none of his business. It's also the sad truth that there is a good possibility that a long email will just get scanned over. It also weakens your point, like you feel like you need to explain yourself. It's your kid, you do not need to explain anything. You don't want him paddled or threatened with a paddling, end of story. Your kid=your decisions unless those decisions put your kid's well being in harms way. You don't need to rationalize or explain, doing so just makes it seem like you are trying to earn the principal's approval so he'll respect your viewpoint. You need to make it clear that he needs to respect your views because it's your child.

My mom spanked me plenty as a kid and I think it worked, but I can tell you that if anyone else even thought about spanking me without her permission, she would have ripped them a new one.

 

[mla2177]

In our school in Arkansas (Bryant) we had to give permission. Of course being originally from NJ I was shocked and said NO!

 

[happygirl]

I 1oo% believe in "spankings" but I think the punishment needs to fit the crime and in this case it doesn't

 

[pirateofthecarolinas]

In my state you can not take away PE/recess either! By state law, each child is to have exercise every day. Too many teachers use recess as a punishment as is your AP. What are they thinking? Kids need to get their energy out.