Letter to my son's Asst. Principal re: paddling UPDATED Pg 14!

[N.Bailey]

I think you stated your position very eloquently, and I have little doubt that the assistant principal will be very receptive to your concerns.

I know I won't change your mind and I really have no intention of even trying, but in reality, not every child out there has a family that is as loving as your family seems to be. Our entire education system is falling apart in this country, and IMO, it's because we are pulling disciplinary actions out of the school's hand. I really don't favor paddling kids at school (wasn't really a form of punishment I ever used either, though I did a few times when the kids were toddlers), but timeouts just don't work on some kids. Some kids will even mock the teachers/principals just because they know there isn't anything the school could do that would matter 1 iota to them

I guess for states that do have it as an option, it's probably best left in the parent's hands, but really, in the cases where paddling is probably the only thing that would work, those parents aren't likely to allow it anyway.

I just wish all parents were like you and your husband.

 

[GEM]

Here's what the handbook for the primary school (which is K and 1st grade only) says on the subject...


CORPORAL PUNISHMENT

Corporal Punishment is to be avoided if at all possible. However, should such punishment become necessary, it may be administered by any employee of the district to any pupil for disruptive or unmanageable conduct; insubordination; profane, violent, vulgar, or insulting language or any other conduct that would tend to disrupt the educational process.

The Board directs that corporal (physical) punishment, when deemed necessary, will be administered according to the following requirements:

1. Except for those acts of misconduct which are so antisocial or disruptive in nature as to shock the conscience, corporal punishment shall not be administered unless an attempt has been made to modify the pupil's behavior by some means other than corporal punishment and unless the pupil has been told that a continuation or repetition of his behavior may lead to corporal punishment.

2. It will be administered in the presence of at least one certified employee as a witness who shall be advised in the presence of the student the reason for the punishment.

3. It will not be administered in the presence of other students, nor in a spirit of malice or anger, nor will it be unusually excessive.

4. It will be administered to the lower posterior only.

5. Prior to the administration of corporal punishment, the student receiving the corporal punishment shall be given an explanation of the reasons for the punishment and be given an opportunity to refute the charges.

6. Refusal to take corporal punishment will result in suspension.

7. The principal will be notified when it is administered, and a written report signed by the employee administering the corporal punishment stating the reason for the punishment and the name of the witness.

8. The parent shall be informed in writing of the reasons for the punishment and the name of the witness.



Nothing at all about parental permission or notification until AFTER the punishment has taken place.

 

[pearlieq]

If you have any further communication with the school administrators I would recommend working hard to edit your letters. Unfortunately, I doubt that the recipient of your email put the same care into reading your words that you used to choose them.

It's not that I disagree with anything you said, but a lot of it could be cut to make your letter more concise.

Stick to a couple of key talking points:

--I understand my son's behavior was wrong and I support your efforts to discipline him.
--However, I do not believe in corporal punishment and I do not want my son to be paddled. I forbid the use of any kind of physical discipline with my son.
--Please contact me if you wish to discuss this further.

That's it. No examples of how you discipline your son at home. No explanation of why you think corporal punishment is wrong or ineffective. No political statements.

Just state what you want and be done with it. You'll have a much better chance of getting results that way.

Good luck. I hope it all turns out OK.

 

[turkeymama]

I would leave out the 3rd paragraph. I wouldn't mention studies or statistics. I would only do that if I was making a case against corporal punishment with the school board. For a personal situation, I recommend that you focus on the fact that you don't want your son to be paddled. Be very specific in that.

I agree with this.

Just to add to everyone else's comments, I'm really shocked that paddling would even be considered for such an offense. Wow! And for a 6 year old child. Just, wow!

 

[JoiseyMom]

wow...just WOW.. I had no idea this still happned. OP..kudos for you, that was one GREAT letter, such restraint and just a wonderful way of handling it.

I would be arrested if someone lifted a hand to my child.... I can't believe it is still legal!!

 

[N.Bailey]

Here's what the handbook for the primary school (which is K and 1st grade only) says on the subject...


CORPORAL PUNISHMENT

Corporal Punishment is to be avoided if at all possible. However, should such punishment become necessary, it may be administered by any employee of the district to any pupil for disruptive or unmanageable conduct; insubordination; profane, violent, vulgar, or insulting language or any other conduct that would tend to disrupt the educational process.

The Board directs that corporal (physical) punishment, when deemed necessary, will be administered according to the following requirements:

1. Except for those acts of misconduct which are so antisocial or disruptive in nature as to shock the conscience, corporal punishment shall not be administered unless an attempt has been made to modify the pupil's behavior by some means other than corporal punishment and unless the pupil has been told that a continuation or repetition of his behavior may lead to corporal punishment.

2. It will be administered in the presence of at least one certified employee as a witness who shall be advised in the presence of the student the reason for the punishment.

3. It will not be administered in the presence of other students, nor in a spirit of malice or anger, nor will it be unusually excessive.

4. It will be administered to the lower posterior only.

5. Prior to the administration of corporal punishment, the student receiving the corporal punishment shall be given an explanation of the reasons for the punishment and be given an opportunity to refute the charges.

6. Refusal to take corporal punishment will result in suspension.

7. The principal will be notified when it is administered, and a written report signed by the employee administering the corporal punishment stating the reason for the punishment and the name of the witness.

8. The parent shall be informed in writing of the reasons for the punishment and the name of the witness.



Nothing at all about parental permission or notification until AFTER the punishment has taken place.

But this clearly shows that the school didn't follow protocol when they decided to bring the paddle into the equation. They could have perhaps used #1 as their guide, but it clearly points out that the school should have taken measures to modify the behavior first. It also fails to hold up because a student is suppose to be informed that a continuation or repetition of his behavior may lead to corporal punishment. This principal went straight to jail and didn't pass go.

 

[luvmy3]

What I find ironic is that in order to punish your child for not keeping his hands to himself, and not respecting another's body, the principal was going to put his hands on your child and not respect his body, unbelievable.

OP, I honestly would just stick to the point, that nobody in that school has your permission to paddle or spank or hit your child for any reason and leave it at that. Not that your email isn't articulate and well thought out, I just don't think you need to explain anything to them about your beliefs and why you have them.

 

[CanBeGrumpy]

I think this poor 5 or 6 year old boy is being punished way too much! He did something that in his eyes is innocent fun, and now he is being threatened with paddling and also is missing a birthday party! I feel so bad for him!!

I don't think this boy needs any punishment at all; he needs to be told about respecting other people's boundaries (not having another student, boy or girl, lift up their shirt) and leave it at that. I wonder how he will react the next time mom or dad tries to "raspberry" his tummy! I hope all the adults in this scenario will reconsider the punishment. I'm all for keeping kids in line, but this little guy needs some guidance, not punishment. Did the little girl even mind that he did this? She is probably confused as to why the boy is being punished.

 

[GEM]

Thanks everyone for all the comments. They were very interesting and helpful.

Here's my question, though...if paddling is allowed by our school district and parental permission is not required (which is the case here), does it really matter if I expressly say, "I forbid you to paddle my child"? I mean, do they have to listen to that? Everything I've looked up seems to indicate that they don't have to pay any attention to that at all.

I'm just wondering because so many have said to say "my child is not to be paddled" or something similar, but I'm wondering if there's any reason they would have to follow my wishes in that regard. It doesn't seem like there is, which is very upsetting.

I've spent the last six years teaching my child that it is never ok for anyone to hurt someone....to hit or kick, etc...and here is a grown school official telling him just the opposite.

 

[snarlingcoyote]

You are very polite. I commend you for taking action to discipline your son. I do understand that he is at an age where they don't always realize you can clown around with your friends at home but at school it is not allowed. It can be hard for them. That being said, my letter would look a little something like this.

Dear Mr. Principal,

It has been brought to my attention that my child got in trouble today. I have also been told that you were going to paddle him. If you ever lay a hand on my child I will paddle you like a tennis ball at Wimbledon. Venus and Serena will be coming to me for lessons.

Thank you for your time. Can't wait to see you at Meet the Teacher night!

Sincerely,
MHM




Okay- I would never write a letter like that but you get the idea. There is no way I would ever in a million years tolerate anyone paddling or spanking my children. Especially at school.

I will think about this and chuckle for DAYS.

 

[N.Bailey]

If you have any further communication with the school administrators I would recommend working hard to edit your letters. Unfortunately, I doubt that the recipient of your email put the same care into reading your words that you used to choose them.

It's not that I disagree with anything you said, but a lot of it could be cut to make your letter more concise.

Stick to a couple of key talking points:

--I understand my son's behavior was wrong and I support your efforts to discipline him.
--However, I do not believe in corporal punishment and I do not want my son to be paddled. I forbid the use of any kind of physical discipline with my son.
--Please contact me if you wish to discuss this further.

That's it. No examples of how you discipline your son at home. No explanation of why you think corporal punishment is wrong or ineffective. No political statements.

Just state what you want and be done with it. You'll have a much better chance of getting results that way.

Good luck. I hope it all turns out OK.

I completely disagree with this. I don't think you should change your letter at all. While you may have stated more than is necessary, your letter reads that you do acknowledge that the school have a very difficult job, and that you will back them on other disciplinary actions as long as a spanking isn't a part of the equation. You came across very sincere and concerned to me.

 

[ilovejack02]

Okay, I am apparantly on the opposite side of the coin as most of you.

My dad was paddled by the nuns. And, he turned out just fine. Not only did he turn out just fine, he raised two of the most well-mannered, polite young women you will ever meet. Sure, we may have behaved out of fear half the time, but I guarantee you we never caused any trouble in school, and our parents were NEVER called because of disciplinary issues.

And, I feel we are better young women because of it. Sometimes a little healthy fear is the best thing you can give a child.

Now, I would not want my kids taken out back behind the school and whipped bare bottom. But, if my child did something so bad that it warranted discipline, I would have NO problem with the teacher smacking my kid's wrist with a ruler. I also would not have a problem with him or her being verbally admonished in front of the class. Whatever it takes...

I have a feeling you do not have children.


I also attended all girls Catholic school and never got in trouble, Thank God. I watched girls being smacked by a ruler on the wrist countless times. My mother scared the Nuns so bad that they knew not to touch me and scared me so bad lol that I knew not to test them.
My son attends Livingston Parish schools. They will spank our children if we send permission . The whole school knows not to EVER touch my child , I made it known the first day. He has great grades and loves his teacher and gets wonderful grades in conduct. I listened to a child get paddled in the office one day, I almost lost my mind.
If anyone ever touches my child they know that I will "touch" them .

 

[tar heel]

I can't imagine a school administrator choosing to paddle after you have expressly forbidden it. Parents can refuse to get the required vaccinations on religous grounds. Well, I'm sure paddling is against your religion.

Why don't you call your state attorney general's office and ask what you need to do to ensure your six-year-old is not paddled?

There has to be people in your school district who don't like this. Try to find them.

I would be seething if any of my boys had been threatened with paddling when they were in kindergartners.

mmackeymouse -- you're sweet, but you sound so naive. There is always more creative and effective discipline. Not as easy as grabbing the rod, though.

 

[luvmy3]

Thanks everyone for all the comments. They were very interesting and helpful.

Here's my question, though...if paddling is allowed by our school district and parental permission is not required (which is the case here), does it really matter if I expressly say, "I forbid you to paddle my child"? I mean, do they have to listen to that? Everything I've looked up seems to indicate that they don't have to pay any attention to that at all.

I'm just wondering because so many have said to say "my child is not to be paddled" or something similar, but I'm wondering if there's any reason they would have to follow my wishes in that regard. It doesn't seem like there is, which is very upsetting.

I've spent the last six years teaching my child that it is never ok for anyone to hurt someone....to hit or kick, etc...and here is a grown school official telling him just the opposite.

Do you know the laws of your state regarding parental permission? I would think that there would be a requirement for the school to follow the instructions of parents who do not allow it. There may be a form that you must fill out and have on record so an email may not be enough. I hope that at least parents have some rights in these types of situations.

 

[NeverlandClub23]

Honestly, OP, if they didn't honor your wishes I would be looking at private schools or homeschooling (or contacting people higher up if I wanted to put in the effort/fight instead of doing the other two things). I don't know how I feel yet about spanking (as I don't have kids yet and don't have to make that decision for awhile) but if I felt like it wasn't what I wanted for my kids and the school refused to honor that I would be moving, looking for another school that would, or homeschooling. It's not like your asking for something ridiculous, just don't put your hands on my kid. It's not like that's the only way to punish kids. I know plenty of people that grew up just fine and respected authority figures with and without spanking so there are other effective ways.

 

[FinallyBoughtDVC]

I just can't get over this every time I see it. All that college and education to learn to become an educator and the best these idiots can do is hit a child?

Anyone who hits a child is a coward. You are a fantastic parent and your letter is exceptionally well-written. I would make it very, very clear that under NO circumstances is your child to be hit.

Six years old for being a silly six year old he's going to get hit? Disgraceful.

 

[RitaZ.]

does it really matter if I expressly say, "I forbid you to paddle my child"? I mean, do they have to listen to that? Everything I've looked up seems to indicate that they don't have to pay any attention to that at all.

I'm just wondering because so many have said to say "my child is not to be paddled" or something similar, but I'm wondering if there's any reason they would have to follow my wishes in that regard. It doesn't seem like there is, which is very upsetting.

They may not have to listen to it, but since you are against it, you should make your position known in writing. Based on what you wrote, it appears that the principal is the one that determines if a child will be paddled. I predict that the principal will take your request seriously and never lay a hand on your son.

Now, if you want to make big changes in this policy, then you'll have to address the school board. I imagine that won't be an easy task.

 

[pearlieq]

I'm just wondering because so many have said to say "my child is not to be paddled" or something similar, but I'm wondering if there's any reason they would have to follow my wishes in that regard. It doesn't seem like there is, which is very upsetting.

To me it seems as though they account for this where they say that refusal to take corporal punishment will result in a suspension.

Fine. Let them suspend your 6 year old. I would make it clear to them that you refuse to accept corporal punishment and you will take the suspension if necessary. Teach your son to say the same, or send him to school with a little index card stating the same which he can keep in his backpack if you think he'd be too upset by being in trouble to communicate clearly.

It's so sad that 6 year olds in America need a bust card to get through school without getting hit.

Have you thought about trying to change the policy? You may be able to get a group of like-minded parents together and get the policy changed with the district. Even if you can't get it abolished, you might very well be able to get an "opt-in" added.

 

[Ephany]

Okay, I am apparantly on the opposite side of the coin as most of you.

My dad was paddled by the nuns. And, he turned out just fine. Not only did he turn out just fine, he raised two of the most well-mannered, polite young women you will ever meet. Sure, we may have behaved out of fear half the time, but I guarantee you we never caused any trouble in school, and our parents were NEVER called because of disciplinary issues.

And, I feel we are better young women because of it. Sometimes a little healthy fear is the best thing you can give a child.

Now, I would not want my kids taken out back behind the school and whipped bare bottom. But, if my child did something so bad that it warranted discipline, I would have NO problem with the teacher smacking my kid's wrist with a ruler. I also would not have a problem with him or her being verbally admonished in front of the class. Whatever it takes...

My mom and all 11 of her siblings went to Catholic school where they were frequently hit and humiliated. They used to come home with welts from some of the nuns; to this day my mom (50 years later) can still tell you which ones abused them and which sister(s) they hated the most. Just because it was the accepted way of doing things, does not make it right.

I would be livid if my child came home from school terrified that they would be getting hit from someone in authority who's supposed to be looking out for them. If she misbehaves at school, I will take care of it, that's my job.

 

[snarlingcoyote]

I know that in Louisiana, parents have the right to "opt-out" of paddling for their kids. Some rural school boards don't like to even admit the option exists, but it is state law.

However, I just did a fast google on Arkansas state law.

OP is absolutely correct, ya'll. The school doesn't need her permission to paddle, and there's no guaranteed option to opt out of it. They can paddle her child whether she's fer it or a-gin' it.

I'm sorry, but that seriously sucks.

I hate to say it, but I'd be seriously looking into private school or homeschooling - and writing my legislators!