Let the Prom Drama CONTINUE . . . . . . . .

[mamacatnv]

Well, the lacrosse update is not good. DS's team lost 12-2. The Fort Collins teams was VERY good - they have a single program that puts together the best players from 4 high schools, so it is very much an "All Star" team. We were back on our heels, playing defense most of the night. DS played pretty well and our goalie had another great game. DS was very tired last night, a little sad, but partially relieved to have "his" time back. No lacrosse today; they turn in uniforms tomorrow and we have the banquet/picnic for the team on Saturday afternoon.

I'm so sorry, I understand that let down, but I totally get the relief. Doesn't seem right that they can combine the best of the best to form a team to compete against other high schools who bring their stand alone teams, gotta love kids sports

DS has his interview with the Home Depot manager later today, so I hope he gets the job!!!

Fingers crossed

Good to see DD yesterday. She's coming home sometime today and I'm taking tomorrow off to go shopping with her. I'm looking forward to that!!!

Enjoy yourself - this is the beginning of the reward phase, where you raise them and don't get to be their friend per say to the young adult who can become your friend.

Well, back to work. I am dragging today. Got home around 11:15, sped through the American Idol results to see who got voted off (gotta love TiVo) and waited up for DS to come home so DH and I could talk with him briefly and give him hugs.

Get some rest. We were all snuggled into bed last night and had another earthquake at 10:55 we were still awake, so the adrenaline gets going and I was awake well past midnight. I've had enough of these dang things!

I agree about the TiVo. My husband doesn't do commercials well (honestly, he really carries on about them to the point that he's worse than the commercials ).

My issue is with the "male enhancement" ones like the guys singing "Viva Viagra." Poor Elvis would turn over in this grave if he knew what they were doing to his song!!!

I agree with Sandy, those stupid male enhancement commercials are the worst.
So, as TiVo owners (we have Dish DVR, same thing) do you find yourself hitting the fast forward button when watching live TV? I get all kinds of annoyed. I will actually pause live TV, go find something to do for a few minutes so that when I come back I can fast forward thru the junk.

Update on the horse:
Yesterday was very encouraging. The day before I was pretty sure he was doing better, but yesterday I was positive that he was showing improvement (enough so that I'm not still thinking about a trip to the equine specialist). The runny nose is gone too, so that's one less thing to worry about! He still has a ways to go, but at least I'm not worried about losing him anymore. I'm going to try to find some pictures of him to show ya'll. He's such a sweetie.

You must be so relieved, I am so glad to hear it.

Deck'ster got out of the house last night and came back this morning, she is probably knocked up We need to get her and the trap in the same room and leave her there until she goes into the trap for the food.

Update on the wedding:
Yesterday, DD looked at the three dresses online (remember our internet is spotty at home, so DD checked her email when she got to school) that RM emailed the girls to look at (bridesmaid dresses for RM's wedding). When DD got home yesterday, she told me about them, and she wasn't happy. Would you believe that RM has now changed her mind and is using the colors that DD had already picked out... (Melissa, it looks like you called it just right - dueling weddings ).

(imagine banjo's in place of the violins ) Does not RM realize how obvious this is????? How petty, really. I hope your DD wisens up soon and bows out gracefully. Her wedding should be the center of her universe and to have to deal with a competing cousin could add a lot of frustration.
What colors is your DD using? I can't remember if you told us.

I told DD that I honestly don't know why she cares. None of the same people will be at both weddings (except one girl who is in both weddings), and it's very doubtful that any of the same people will even see the wedding pictures. Shoot, I say let's pick the same dress, and the girl who is in both weddings will save me having to pay for one dress! (You probably won't be surprised to hear that DD took a very dim view of that suggestion. )

I understand your point and it makes sense but this is your DD's roommate and her RM just STOLE her colors - now I know, there are always the popular color schemes that everyone has, but still, that was such a "Typical Nasty Girl" move, shame on the RM!

It's Thursday, not a lot going on here - I have to finish up DS's announcements and get them into the mail - his graduation is 1 month away! Do you all know if mailing labels on the outside are tacky? Should they be hand written? I am not sure
I paid off his Sr. Yearbook and Sr. page yesterday (ouch) and I have a stack of scholarship applications to review tonight with the Booster Scholarship committee before they go to the Booster group for final decisions on Monday. Can you believe that several of the applications are incomplete. They require an school official signature to verify the listed gpa's etc. 7 out of 20 failed to obtain that signature. Stupid kids

I am ordering small flower arrangements for the office staff at the High School, they have helped me or DS out more than once in the past 4 years and I wanted to give them a small thank you. Now I am contemplaing whether or not to pick up and deliver personally or just have delivered. I'm leaning towards having them delivered, it's quicker

This weekend begins the push to get the house ready for the in-laws. We will be planting spring flowers and re-sodding the back yard.

That is my update - hope you all have a wonderful day!

 

[Sandy V.]

I'm so sorry, I understand that let down, but I totally get the relief. Doesn't seem right that they can combine the best of the best to form a team to compete against other high schools who bring their stand alone teams, gotta love kids sports

Thanks. DS is home from classes for the day, crashed on the couch. He is SO wiped out today and I don't blame him. I'm glad I'm taking tomorrow off - I need a slower day myself.

Fingers crossed

Thanks. You know, this has been a very rewarding experience for him. DH and I have been working with him on how to "sell" himself to an employer - something that DS never thought of before this!!!

Enjoy yourself - this is the beginning of the reward phase, where you raise them and don't get to be their friend per say to the young adult who can become your friend.

I will. Like I told Sheila yesterday, I'm already pretty good at keeping a "Poker Face" when she opens up with the stuff that I (at her age) would have told a friend, never one of my parents.

Get some rest. We were all snuggled into bed last night and had another earthquake at 10:55 we were still awake, so the adrenaline gets going and I was awake well past midnight. I've had enough of these dang things!

Oh, I will. You and those earthquakes!! They are starting to be a routine thing lately!!! Strap yourself in!!

I agree with Sandy, those stupid male enhancement commercials are the worst.

I want to get up and walk out of the room when they're on!!

Deck'ster got out of the house last night and came back this morning, she is probably knocked up We need to get her and the trap in the same room and leave her there until she goes into the trap for the food.

Trust Melissa to have the cat with the loose morals!!!

It's Thursday, not a lot going on here - I have to finish up DS's announcements and get them into the mail - his graduation is 1 month away! Do you all know if mailing labels on the outside are tacky? Should they be hand written? I am not sure
I paid off his Sr. Yearbook and Sr. page yesterday (ouch) and I have a stack of scholarship applications to review tonight with the Booster Scholarship committee before they go to the Booster group for final decisions on Monday. Can you believe that several of the applications are incomplete. They require an school official signature to verify the listed gpa's etc. 7 out of 20 failed to obtain that signature. Stupid kids

I am ordering small flower arrangements for the office staff at the High School, they have helped me or DS out more than once in the past 4 years and I wanted to give them a small thank you. Now I am contemplaing whether or not to pick up and deliver personally or just have delivered. I'm leaning towards having them delivered, it's quicker

This weekend begins the push to get the house ready for the in-laws. We will be planting spring flowers and re-sodding the back yard.

That is my update - hope you all have a wonderful day!

I would have the flower arrangements delivered. When in doubt, go for speed!!!!

I have to clean my house next weekend for my MIL and my SIL!!

I forgot to say anything before, but I sure hope your DD is able to work through her anxiety issues. Poor kiddo.

You have a good weekend too!!!

 

[Sandy V.]

One more thing . . .

DD is home now, and I'm working upstairs. It is VERY nice to hear your two young adults downstairs talking together like they are really friends!! Especially when they used to argue so much several years ago that I would scream at them "SOMEDAY YOUR FATHER AND I WILL BE DEAD AND YOU TWO WILL ONLY HAVE EACH OTHER!"

 

[mamacatnv]

One more thing . . .

DD is home now, and I'm working upstairs. It is VERY nice to hear your two young adults downstairs talking together like they are really friends!! Especially when they used to argue so much several years ago that I would scream at them "SOMEDAY YOUR FATHER AND I WILL BE DEAD AND YOU TWO WILL ONLY HAVE EACH OTHER!"

My brother and I are 8.5 months apart, it is a wonder we survived each other. Now, we are really close (except when arguing about Mother) and we have been close since our late teens. I'm sure your heart is singing listening to them - enjoy your day

 

[Sandy V.]

My brother and I are 8.5 months apart, it is a wonder we survived each other. Now, we are really close (except when arguing about Mother) and we have been close since our late teens. I'm sure your heart is singing listening to them - enjoy your day

Thanks. It is - and your words mean a lot to me.

8.5 months apart? Oh that's right; isn't your brother adoped?

 

[horseshowmom]

You're correct - it is a second interview. I'm hoping that it's a very good sign.

Be sure to let us know how it goes! (fingers are staying crossed ).

My issue is with the "male enhancement" ones like the guys singing "Viva Viagra." Poor Elvis would turn over in this grave if he knew what they were doing to his song!!!

And the bad things it that once it comes on, you can't get the stupid song out of your head...

I'm so sorry, I understand that let down, but I totally get the relief. Doesn't seem right that they can combine the best of the best to form a team to compete against other high schools who bring their stand alone teams, gotta love kids sports

You know, I thought the same thing. It really doesn't seem right, because nobody could deny that they have a definite advantage. I'm not sure how things are where you two live, but in our state there are separate divisions (based on student enrollment in the school) when it comes to play-offs (although the teams in different divisions may play each other during the year, it's not a division game).

Combining to form a better team would be like a division 1 school having to play a division 5 school. The combined team got to pick from a much larger talent base. Not very fair IMO either.

Enjoy yourself - this is the beginning of the reward phase, where you raise them and don't get to be their friend per say to the young adult who can become your friend.

You know, that is so true. It really is nice to have some of the responsibility lifted knowing that they are old enough to start taking care of themselves. Yes, they'll make mistakes, but I'm 48 and still make my share!

Several years ago, a local girl was killed in a car accident on her way home from her last high school senior exam before graduating. My SIL basically said the same thing you did, Melissa. She said that her mother was being cheated out of the opportunity to enjoy her daughter as an adult after spending all the years doing the hard stuff. It was really sad.

Get some rest. We were all snuggled into bed last night and had another earthquake at 10:55 we were still awake, so the adrenaline gets going and I was awake well past midnight. I've had enough of these dang things!

We actually had one in our area recently, but I didn't feel a thing (happily! ).

So, as TiVo owners (we have Dish DVR, same thing) do you find yourself hitting the fast forward button when watching live TV? I get all kinds of annoyed. I will actually pause live TV, go find something to do for a few minutes so that when I come back I can fast forward thru the junk.

We have the DirectTV DVR, and yes, we do that too, and yes, I do the same thing you do sometimes. In fact, we have several things that we record automatically on a regular basis, and we'll watch one of those (like a 30 minute one), and then go back to the other one.

I also love doing what Sandy did. Lots of times, I don't want to waste time watching all of something - just want part of it, and DVR is wonderful!
You must be so relieved, I am so glad to hear it.

Deck'ster got out of the house last night and came back this morning, she is probably knocked up. We need to get her and the trap in the same room and leave her there until she goes into the trap for the food.

Deck'ster, Deck'ster, Deck'ster...

(imagine banjo's in place of the violins ) Does not RM realize how obvious this is????? How petty, really. I hope your DD wisens up soon and bows out gracefully. Her wedding should be the center of her universe and to have to deal with a competing cousin could add a lot of frustration.

That's what's annoying DD. She said that RM is just doing it to be petty. I wonder how she's going to get when she finds out that DD is definitely not going to be in her wedding.

What colors is your DD using? I can't remember if you told us.

Well, I would like to say "green" and cream, but after having spent some time looking at dresses, I've learned there is no such thing as "green". It looks like the closest we've seen is called kiwi (sage isn't exactly the right color).

It's going to be very pretty (she's also using calla lillies and mini callas with some orchids, etc.). I'm so dumb that I thought when she decided to switch to callas from roses that it would save me some money. Nope, they cost more than roses.

I understand your point and it makes sense but this is your DD's roommate and her RM just STOLE her colors - now I know, there are always the popular color schemes that everyone has, but still, that was such a "Typical Nasty Girl" move, shame on the RM!

DD will be very happy to have you take her side, because that's exactly the way she sees it.

BTW, when I told her that I told ya'll about the RM having her BF return her Christmas gift 3 or 4 times a couple of years ago, she told me to be sure to tell ya'll that he was also having to pay to ship it back each of those times because it had been ordered from somewhere else (apparently, it was a NorthFace jacket, and he wasn't get the color just exactly right. ).

It's Thursday, not a lot going on here - I have to finish up DS's announcements and get them into the mail - his graduation is 1 month away! Do you all know if mailing labels on the outside are tacky? Should they be hand written? I am not sure

Well, I found this link for you. Hope it helps.
http://parentingteens.about.com/cs/graduation/a/gradannounce.htm

I understand your dilemma. We've been having the same discussion about wedding invitations. I told DD that they're going to have to be hand addressed, and she's not too happy about it - not because she doesn't want to do it, but because her handwriting is TERRIBLE . Unfortunately, mine is too. She had discussed feeding each envelope through the printer and addressing them with a cursive font (or something of that nature). I don't know what would be best - computer generated or illegible?

I have a stack of scholarship applications to review tonight with the Booster Scholarship committee before they go to the Booster group for final decisions on Monday. Can you believe that several of the applications are incomplete. They require an school official signature to verify the listed gpa's etc. 7 out of 20 failed to obtain that signature. Stupid kids

I don't know what the Booster club's procedure is, but if it were me, I would disqualify the ones that didn't follow the directions. The kids' who made the effort to do it correctly would have better chances.

I am ordering small flower arrangements for the office staff at the High School, they have helped me or DS out more than once in the past 4 years and I wanted to give them a small thank you. Now I am contemplaing whether or not to pick up and deliver personally or just have delivered. I'm leaning towards having them delivered, it's quicker

I'd have them delivered too. I think it's a very nice gesture either way though!

 

[Sandy V.]

Be sure to let us know how it goes! (fingers are staying crossed ).

I will. Just don't hurt yourself with those crossed fingers!!

And the bad things it that once it comes on, you can't get the stupid song out of your head...

Me too!!

You know, I thought the same thing. It really doesn't seem right, because nobody could deny that they have a definite advantage. I'm not sure how things are where you two live, but in our state there are separate divisions (based on student enrollment in the school) when it comes to play-offs (although the teams in different divisions may play each other during the year, it's not a division game).

Combining to form a better team would be like a division 1 school having to play a division 5 school. The combined team got to pick from a much larger talent base. Not very fair IMO either.

The problem is, lacrosse is still a growing sport here, and there aren't enough teams to place them in their respective divisions to play in league, playoffs, and for the state championship. I guess that one of our dads talked to one of the Ft. Collins dads and they said that they would have 4 very mediocre teams with barely enough players to even field a team if they couldn't combine them. I would venture to guess that someday in a couple of years the Colorado high school activities association will get more than an earful about these "all star" teams and MAKE them have individual ones for each school.

But right now, the smaller prep schools (2A) play against the largest class 5A teams. Only system we have for now . . .

You know, that is so true. It really is nice to have some of the responsibility lifted knowing that they are old enough to start taking care of themselves. Yes, they'll make mistakes, but I'm 48 and still make my share!

Not me.

That's what's annoying DD. She said that RM is just doing it to be petty. I wonder how she's going to get when she finds out that DD is definitely not going to be in her wedding.

So she's decided that, huh? Wise decision.

Well, I would like to say "green" and cream, but after having spent some time looking at dresses, I've learned there is no such thing as "green". It looks like the closest we've seen is called kiwi (sage isn't exactly the right color).

It's going to be very pretty (she's also using calla lillies and mini callas with some orchids, etc.). I'm so dumb that I thought when she decided to switch to callas from roses that it would save me some money. Nope, they cost more than roses.

That sounds very pretty!!

BTW, when I told her that I told ya'll about the RM having her BF return her Christmas gift 3 or 4 times a couple of years ago, she told me to be sure to tell ya'll that he was also having to pay to ship it back each of those times because it had been ordered from somewhere else (apparently, it was a NorthFace jacket, and he wasn't get the color just exactly right. ).

What a brat!!

 

[horseshowmom]

One more thing . . .

DD is home now, and I'm working upstairs. It is VERY nice to hear your two young adults downstairs talking together like they are really friends!! Especially when they used to argue so much several years ago that I would scream at them "SOMEDAY YOUR FATHER AND I WILL BE DEAD AND YOU TWO WILL ONLY HAVE EACH OTHER!"

That's something I'm sorry DD doesn't have.

She actually has two half-brothers. DH was married before, and his first wife left for another (also married) man. She's on her 7th or 8th husband now (DH was her first), and that's not counting live-in boyfriends (of which there were many). They had two boys. She also had a son with another husband.

She ruined all three of her sons lives. She literally let the boys do whatever they wanted, whenever they wanted, and with whomever they wanted. When we would try to encourage DH's sons to work harder in school, she would ask us what our problem was, they were passing (D's with 1 or 2 points to spare, and the oldest had tested as gifted).

The oldest has been in trouble with the law and has 5 or 6 kids with at least 3 women (that we know of) starting when he was 17 with a woman who was married to somebody else (mom let him drop out of school so he had lots of time on his hands ).

Once they were old enough, they quit having anything to do with us (we aren't nearly as much fun as mom is , and she's never been in favor of the word "no" for anything ). She would leave the older two (at 15 and 12) to babysit the younger one while she spent the night at BF's houses (sometimes while she was married to a man who worked the night shift and had them cover for her). (We tried going to court several times and never had any luck.)

DD was only about 10 at the worst of it and had to be hospitalized for severe headaches and vomiting due to the stress.

Sadly, while she was attached to them when she was very young, she has very hard feelings towards them now for the way they've treated her daddy.

One of the things I'm so grateful for is the fact that DFi's family loves her so much, and his brother adores her, so she'll at least have him to go along with DFi. It's a long and sad story which is why I seldom bring it up - other than that, DH and I have been blessed beyond belief, and we're grateful for those blessings (but it is sad for there to be grandchildren out there who don't even know who DH is - and it really is a loss to them. )

Well, enough of that, I've got to run. DD is bringing me some pizza for a late lunch. Talk to you tomorrow!

 

[Sandy V.]

I'm so sorry, Sheila. Your poor DH. It sounds like your family tried its best but you can't MAKE people take responsibility for themselves. Personally, I think his sons have missed out on a wonderful opportunity!!

I also feel bad that your poor DD got so stressed over this as well.

I am like your DD - I am an only child. I really don't like it, but it's just how life happened. Mine got complicated when my mom, who was severely bipolar, was hospitalized permanently when I was about 7, and my dad died in a car accident when I was 9. I moved in with my aunt and uncle at that time, but my aunt (my mom's sister) has harbored a lifelong resentment toward my mother, and took it out on me in some subtle and some not-so-subtle ways. It would have been nice to have a sibling to help live the experience with, but you take what life gives you.

I am fortunate in that DH has 2 sisters and a brother and I like them, along with my BIL and SIL (one of DH's sisters has never married) and his nieces and nephews and their families. That was one of the things I always knew for me; that I wanted to have more than one child and I wanted them to be close in age so that they would have something in common. I was fortunate enough to be able to do that (I appreciate the fact that you don't always get what you wish for in life), even though they nearly killed each other with their spiteful word fights when they were younger (we don't allow physical altercations!).

I'm glad that your DD gets along with her future BIL and the rest of the family. That's a very good thing!!

Take care, and enjoy your pizza. I probably won't be back until Monday!!!

 

[mamacatnv]

Thanks. It is - and your words mean a lot to me.

8.5 months apart? Oh that's right; isn't your brother adoped?

You're very welcome. Hey if we don't pat each others backs, who will? I have met few parents over the years who I think have the right idea and darnit they need all the cudos they can get (they usually have the best kids too)

And the bad things it that once it comes on, you can't get the stupid song out of your head...

You just had to mention that didn't you

You know, I thought the same thing. It really doesn't seem right, because nobody could deny that they have a definite advantage. I'm not sure how things are where you two live, but in our state there are separate divisions (based on student enrollment in the school) when it comes to play-offs (although the teams in different divisions may play each other during the year, it's not a division game).

Combining to form a better team would be like a division 1 school having to play a division 5 school. The combined team got to pick from a much larger talent base. Not very fair IMO either.

We are the same here in the State - we have 1A - 4A and it is based on school population. A couple of 3A schools have petitioned to play at the 4A level because they are private and can recruit, therefore they want the top of the competition level or they are border line and the coaches want the 4A prestige. My DS's school was 4A - this is a common rating system, I know some states go higher than 4A, we don't.

You know, that is so true. It really is nice to have some of the responsibility lifted knowing that they are old enough to start taking care of themselves. Yes, they'll make mistakes, but I'm 48 and still make my share!

and unlike me, you can't blame alcohol

Several years ago, a local girl was killed in a car accident on her way home from her last high school senior exam before graduating. My SIL basically said the same thing you did, Melissa. She said that her mother was being cheated out of the opportunity to enjoy her daughter as an adult after spending all the years doing the hard stuff. It was really sad.

We actually had one in our area recently, but I didn't feel a thing (happily! ).

I hate them - 15 years earthquake free and now all the California anxiety is coming back stupid stuff, like not wanting to sit under an overpass in traffic or at a red light. Walking into a bldg. and assessing the surrounding threats and knowing where the exits are. (Kind of like I always count the number of seats to the exit on an airplane) yeah I know, I'm a freak!

We have the DirectTV DVR, and yes, we do that too, and yes, I do the same thing you do sometimes. In fact, we have several things that we record automatically on a regular basis, and we'll watch one of those (like a 30 minute one), and then go back to the other one.

I always gave my DH a hard time about all his electronic toys - then the DVR died Talk about panic, he has such a good time giving me a really hard time about it. I don't say nothing anymore about all his electronics

Trust Melissa to have the cat with the loose morals!!!

Deck'ster, Deck'ster, Deck'ster...

That's what's annoying DD. She said that RM is just doing it to be petty. I wonder how she's going to get when she finds out that DD is definitely not going to be in her wedding.

I agree with your DD and am glad to hear the decision has been made

Well, I would like to say "green" and cream, but after having spent some time looking at dresses, I've learned there is no such thing as "green". It looks like the closest we've seen is called kiwi (sage isn't exactly the right color).

It's going to be very pretty (she's also using calla lillies and mini callas with some orchids, etc.). I'm so dumb that I thought when she decided to switch to callas from roses that it would save me some money. Nope, they cost more than roses.

Sounds really pretty and the flowers with that dress wow! Don't stress, maybe you can talk to the florist and get an upgrade from the roses to the callas

DD will be very happy to have you take her side, because that's exactly the way she sees it.

Great minds....

Well, I found this link for you. Hope it helps.
http://parentingteens.about.com/cs/graduation/a/gradannounce.htm

It did help thanks, it said handwritten in blue or black ink. I'm thinking you and your DD better practice your penmanship or start looking for a caligrapher

I don't know what the Booster club's procedure is, but if it were me, I would disqualify the ones that didn't follow the directions. The kids' who made the effort to do it correctly would have better chances.

That is exactly what we are doing - we redid the whole application this year to make sure that our process was steamlined and fair. The incomplete applications will not be considered at all.

 

[Sandy V.]

Just dropping in for a minute to let you know that DS got the summer job at Home Depot!!!! He's thrilled, and so are we. One less thing to think about.

Have a great day, and a great weekend!!!

 

[horseshowmom]

I'm so sorry, Sheila. Your poor DH. It sounds like your family tried its best but you can't MAKE people take responsibility for themselves. Personally, I think his sons have missed out on a wonderful opportunity!!

We really did try so hard for many years, but there comes a time when you have to accept just what you said. I can't begin to count the number of times I've been awakened in the middle of the night by DH sobbing uncontrollably. I honestly think God gave him DD to keep him from going over the edge. The horseshowing kept him really busy, and it helped a lot, but it's always in the back of his mind.

DH obviously made a bad choice when he married her, but they married much too young (with strong encouragement from their parents who thought that once you got out of high school you ought to get married (and she wasn't even out of high school ). DH's older sister really wanted to go to school to become a nurse, and her dad belittled her and told her that she couldn't make it, and of course, her mom thought she needed to get married (SIL did get married right out of high school to get out of the house). When DH was in his 30's, I encouraged him to go to college (which he had always wanted to do). He wound up graduating Summa Cum Laude. After that, DH and I encouraged his sister, and she did wind up going to nursing school as well (in her 40's at that point) and graduated as valedictorian of her class .

I also feel bad that your poor DD got so stressed over this as well.

That was really hard. She was only about 10 and had to have all kinds of tests and see several different specialists. She would wake up once or twice a week in the middle of the night with excruciating headaches and severe vomiting - would just lay on the floor and cry from the pain. Ultimately, it came down to stress. When the melodrama subsided, so did her symptoms. That's why I can really sympathize with Melissa and her DD. It's a difficult situation.

I am like your DD - I am an only child. I really don't like it, but it's just how life happened. Mine got complicated when my mom, who was severely bipolar, was hospitalized permanently when I was about 7, and my dad died in a car accident when I was 9. I moved in with my aunt and uncle at that time, but my aunt (my mom's sister) has harbored a lifelong resentment toward my mother, and took it out on me in some subtle and some not-so-subtle ways. It would have been nice to have a sibling to help live the experience with, but you take what life gives you.

I know that was a terrible blow losing both parents that way. Ultimately, it's a testament to your strength that you were able to make it through law school and accomplish what you have. You would like to think that adults (such as your aunt) would rise above past experiences, but so often that doesn't happen. I can't for the life of me understand why - particularly when it comes to the needs of a child who has lost both her parents. Again, it's impressive that you've done so well and have a wonderful family to show for it!

I am fortunate in that DH has 2 sisters and a brother and I like them, along with my BIL and SIL (one of DH's sisters has never married) and his nieces and nephews and their families. That was one of the things I always knew for me; that I wanted to have more than one child and I wanted them to be close in age so that they would have something in common. I was fortunate enough to be able to do that (I appreciate the fact that you don't always get what you wish for in life), even though they nearly killed each other with their spiteful word fights when they were younger (we don't allow physical altercations!).

DD is quite adamant that she's glad she's an only child, but I really think a lot of that has to do with having dealt with so much turmoil caused by siblings when she was young. At this point, she's equally adamant about not wanting any children of her own (again, I think probably for the same reason). I do hope that she changes her mind, but I will never be one of "those" mothers who put pressure on her (I won't have to, DFi's mother - who I love, BTW - will handle it for me! ).

Just dropping in for a minute to let you know that DS got the summer job at Home Depot!!!! He's thrilled, and so are we. One less thing to think about.

Excellent!!!

Considering how many applications there were, that's quite an accomplishment, and I'm positive he'll do a great job. Sounds like a great weekend all around!

 

[horseshowmom]

It did help thanks, it said handwritten in blue or black ink. I'm thinking you and your DD better practice your penmanship or start looking for a caligrapher

As much as I hate to, that will probably be the route we go. When I say her writing is bad, I'm not exaggerating. She says it looks like a third grader's cursive, and I have to agree unfortunately! Mine is better than that, but still severely lacking nonetheless...

That is exactly what we are doing - we redid the whole application this year to make sure that our process was steamlined and fair. The incomplete applications will not be considered at all.

I hate to sound like an old grouch, but I really am glad that's the way ya'll handle it. Applying for a scholarship is important, and my perspective is that if you can't be bothered with making sure you follow the directions, you probably won't be too bothered with doing school right either (and it needs to go to the most deserving students). Okay, I'm getting off my soapbox now...

 

[horseshowmom]

Here are some pictures of our boy who's been sick...

Warming up for a showmanship class:
http://i272.photobucket.com/albums/jj184/horseshowmom1/Horse pics/MVC-033S.jpg

He wants to know if it's his turn yet:
http://i272.photobucket.com/albums/jj184/horseshowmom1/Horse pics/MVC-034S.jpg

These pictures were part of an article in a neighboring state's Paint Horse Journal (while she was still showing). One of them was on the cover.
http://i272.photobucket.com/albums/jj184/horseshowmom1/Horse pics/Changerpic1-.jpg

http://i272.photobucket.com/albums/jj184/horseshowmom1/Horse pics/Changerpic4-.jpg

I tried to find my favorite picture of them, but wouldn't you know, it had gone bad on the diskette ("gone bad" is, of course, the technical term for it ).

 

[horseshowmom]

I hope everybody had a great Mother's Day. I really enjoyed my weekend. DD picked up a couple of dozen roses and some greenery at Kroger's and fixed a beautiful bouquet in a vase when she got home. She kept out a few of them to fix DFi's mother a small arrangement, and it looked very nice.

DH cleaned the house up and washed all of the clothes and put them away (much better than a present any day ). DD would have helped, but she had to work Saturday.

When DD came home last night (they ate at DFi's grandparents' house), she said that she felt like she had had Christmas. His grandmother had gotten her a full set of beautiful china with all of the accompanying pieces (had done some trading with someone she knew who had this china and never used it).

DD and DFi were planning on staying at the Peabody the first night of their honeymoon (which is beautiful but pretty expensive). DFi's mother told him that they were going to pay for that.

Then DFi's aunt and uncle (who are Wyndham Vacation Resorts owners) told them that they could pick any property they wanted (including Hawaii, but they hated to accept that many points - felt like they might be being greedy although I really think the aunt and uncle wouldn't have offered if they didn't want to do it), and they would make arrangements for them to have that week. Now, they're in the process of deciding where to go (although they are leaning towards Bonnet Creek in Orlando).

All in all, DD and DFi had a pretty good day!

 

[mamacatnv]

She actually has two half-brothers. DH was married before, and his first wife left for another (also married) man. She's on her 7th or 8th husband now (DH was her first), and that's not counting live-in boyfriends (of which there were many).

Sadly, while she was attached to them when she was very young, she has very hard feelings towards them now for the way they've treated her daddy.

Sad, just sad. Nobody wins and all because of the acts of one very selfish Mother. At some point, your DD stopped making excuses for her half brothers and came to a place where she expected them to step up and be adults. They have never done that and she has moved on, good for her.

I am like your DD - I am an only child. I really don't like it, but it's just how life happened. Mine got complicated when my mom, who was severely bipolar, was hospitalized permanently when I was about 7, and my dad died in a car accident when I was 9. I moved in with my aunt and uncle at that time, but my aunt (my mom's sister) has harbored a lifelong resentment toward my mother, and took it out on me in some subtle and some not-so-subtle ways. It would have been nice to have a sibling to help live the experience with, but you take what life gives you.

Okay, I have typed and erased 4 different sentences here. I don't know what to say except that You are the person you are because of the experiences you faced.

My mother was in our lives and made them a living heck. Would it have been easier or better if she was not? I can't say. My Dad was a part time physical presence but had no say or control over my Mother, so he chose to work swing shift rotating days (worked for an airline) he was never home when we were. We were stuck with her. No one could control her and it was easier for everyone to look the other way.

How sad is this? As a child of 8, I vividly remember hoping her plane would crash when she was on her way to visit her parents. This was a reoccuring wish for me. What is even scarier to me is that as as adult, I look back on those feelings and I still think they were justified and I still wish it had happened.

I have a really good friend who has great relationships with both of her parents, and I admit, I am so jealous!

As an adult, you took charge. You made your kids a priority, probably something you never were. I know I did the same thing. Living with a mentally ill person is difficult but then having to deal with the harm caused to other adults while only a child is not something anyone should have to do. My Mother caused a great deal of harm to others and we (bro and I) were the recipients of the come backs.

Out of curiosity, is your Mother still alive?

I am fortunate in that DH has 2 sisters and a brother and I like them, along with my BIL and SIL (one of DH's sisters has never married) and his nieces and nephews and their families. That was one of the things I always knew for me; that I wanted to have more than one child and I wanted them to be close in age so that they would have something in common. I was fortunate enough to be able to do that (I appreciate the fact that you don't always get what you wish for in life), even though they nearly killed each other with their spiteful word fights when they were younger (we don't allow physical altercations!).

My kids are almost 9 years apart and one of the reasons was because my Bro and I were so close in age I didn't want to have to deal with the sibling stuff
My DH has a large family and they all grew up on pretty much the same street or at least in the same small New England town. I was so excited to marry a guy with a large family, little did I know....... He is the oldest of 5 and does not stay in communication with any of them I don't understand, never have and he made it very clear a couple of years ago that it was his business and I was to stay out of it. I still haven't gotten over that, but I guess everyone is entitled to their ****** moments and that is one of his bigger ones. His Mother committed suicide when he was in his early 20's and the damage that she did to that family has continued for 30 years. His baby sister died from complications of juvenile diabetes when she was 19, he has never been the same. It's sad but I can't fix it and I have quit trying.

We really did try so hard for many years, but there comes a time when you have to accept just what you said. I can't begin to count the number of times I've been awakened in the middle of the night by DH sobbing uncontrollably. I honestly think God gave him DD to keep him from going over the edge. The horseshowing kept him really busy, and it helped a lot, but it's always in the back of his mind.

Maybe some day the boys will come around or your DH will find peace with the situation.

That was really hard. She was only about 10 and had to have all kinds of tests and see several different specialists. She would wake up once or twice a week in the middle of the night with excruciating headaches and severe vomiting - would just lay on the floor and cry from the pain. Ultimately, it came down to stress. When the melodrama subsided, so did her symptoms. That's why I can really sympathize with Melissa and her DD. It's a difficult situation.

I understand that this situation was way out of the ordinary. Did your DD learn how to handle stress better than some, do you think? She has chosen a tough field of study, does she cope pretty well, maybe better than most because she has learned how?

I know when I was a young teen and my Mother was at her peak, just before Dad had enough and divorced her (throwing us to the wolf).
I had issues with migraines. I moved out and got away from her when I was 15. Have never had a migraine since, had to be stress/trauma related.

The thing now is not much gets to me. I am very matter of fact, I tell it like it is and I am not very emotional. I am also a control freak - I don't try and control people, but I do control my environments and those around me. I have no tolerance for someone who annoys me and will avoid at all costs.
Example: Best friend wants to go on a weekend shopping trip with a couple of girls. One of the girls I can't stand. I won't go, and it is not a "snotty" "I'm not going if she goes". I just won't go, I won't put myself into situations (voluntarily) that I don't like or that are out of my control.
I know a lot of that has to do with the chaos I grew up with. I also cannot stand turmoil in my house. I will not live with that "walking on egg shells" feeling. We get it out in the open, no harboring of resentment and the virtual simmering pot. Nope, can't stand that.

I think sometimes when people have traumatic events in their lives whether it be abuse, abandonment, whatever. There are those that use it as an excuse or who continue the patterns. Some do it out of ignorance and others because it is easier to go with what you know than to fight back.
Then there are those that take those events in their lives and basically say, 'I'm not going there" and they change the pattern.

We all have different coping mechanisms. My Dad (yeah, loves to give advice ) has always said that I survived my Mother and that my Brother did not.

My Brother whom I love dearly is all kinds of messed up and I can't fix him. He is an alcoholic and a controlled substance abuser (the drugs come and go but have been around since his early teens). He is very high strung, has issues with committment and loves his cat way more than he loves his wife. Seriously, he has been married for 3 years and I don't know how my SIL puts up with him. "They" wanted children...Now he says "No". Don't get me wrong, he is not a bum, he is a high functioning addict as so many can be. He has a great job and a great wife, but he is an idiot. I was so glad when he got married, I felt this huge rush of relief. He was someone elses worry now...... My SIL is very submissive in a modern day way. She is smart, educated and independent, but she does not take a stand with him.

DD is quite adamant that she's glad she's an only child, but I really think a lot of that has to do with having dealt with so much turmoil caused by siblings when she was young. At this point, she's equally adamant about not wanting any children of her own (again, I think probably for the same reason). I do hope that she changes her mind, but I will never be one of "those" mothers who put pressure on her (I won't have to, DFi's mother - who I love, BTW - will handle it for me! ).

I didn't want my own kids when I was your DD's age either. Now look at me! What does DD's DFi think of her not wanting kids?
This does give us a whole new perspective on Chachi

As much as I hate to, that will probably be the route we go. When I say her writing is bad, I'm not exaggerating. She says it looks like a third grader's cursive, and I have to agree unfortunately! Mine is better than that, but still severely lacking nonetheless...

My DS's writing is horrible - he started school learning the Denelian writing style then about 3rd grade the District switched back to standard and his penmanship is horrible.
I have a cramp, I addressed 65 announcements between Saturday night and yesterday. In black ink!

I hate to sound like an old grouch, but I really am glad that's the way ya'll handle it. Applying for a scholarship is important, and my perspective is that if you can't be bothered with making sure you follow the directions, you probably won't be too bothered with doing school right either (and it needs to go to the most deserving students). Okay, I'm getting off my soapbox now...

I agree and so did my fellow committee member - we disregarded 7 of the 20 applications, how sad is that!

Just dropping in for a minute to let you know that DS got the summer job at Home Depot!!!! He's thrilled, and so are we. One less thing to think about.

A gainfully employed teen


Sheila:
Love the pictures of your DD and her horse. How is he doing?

Okay, this is long - I'm gonna start a new post to discuss the weekend

 

[horseshowmom]

Sad, just sad. Nobody wins and all because of the acts of one very selfish Mother. At some point, your DD stopped making excuses for her half brothers and came to a place where she expected them to step up and be adults. They have never done that and she has moved on, good for her.

Yes, I really am grateful for that. I can say beyond a shadow of a doubt that there is NO way either of them could come around and try to manipulate her in any way. She'd shoot them right out of the saddle (so to speak ).

My mother was in our lives and made them a living heck. Would it have been easier or better if she was not? I can't say. My Dad was a part time physical presence but had no say or control over my Mother, so he chose to work swing shift rotating days (worked for an airline) he was never home when we were. We were stuck with her. No one could control her and it was easier for everyone to look the other way.

See, this is very much the way I feel looking back. We took a lot of flack for many years, because everybody wanted to feel sorry for the boys (and the oldest one was a master at manipulation). Eventually, he took all of them in one way or another, and they came to understand what the situation really was. By that time, there was a lot of water under the bridge though.

How sad is this? As a child of 8, I vividly remember hoping her plane would crash when she was on her way to visit her parents. This was a reoccuring wish for me. What is even scarier to me is that as as adult, I look back on those feelings and I still think they were justified and I still wish it had happened.

I understand this too. There were many times that DH and I discussed that the boys would probably have been better off if their mother had died while they were young. They would have had the opportunity to thrive instead of having her there as the "easy" way. And, yes, I know that sounds awful.

His Mother committed suicide when he was in his early 20's and the damage that she did to that family has continued for 30 years. His baby sister died from complications of juvenile diabetes when she was 19, he has never been the same. It's sad but I can't fix it and I have quit trying.

DFi grandfather committed suicide when his dad was a child. They say he's never really gotten over it. I've read that suicide is one of the most selfish things an individual can do due to the devastation it leaves behind.

I understand that this situation was way out of the ordinary. Did your DD learn how to handle stress better than some, do you think? She has chosen a tough field of study, does she cope pretty well, maybe better than most because she has learned how?

I do think that she's learned to handle the stress better than average (due to that situation and also to then intensity of horseshowing). Now, she handles the stress much better than her friends who are also in pharmacy. She has one friend who has to take meds to help her control her nerves. They were recently told that during the 5th year approximatle 70% of the students wind up taking something. I can say with confidence that DD won't reach that point.

The thing now is not much gets to me. I am very matter of fact, I tell it like it is and I am not very emotional. I am also a control freak - I don't try and control people, but I do control my environments and those around me. I have no tolerance for someone who annoys me and will avoid at all costs.

One of the girls I can't stand. I won't go, and it is not a "snotty" "I'm not going if she goes". I just won't go, I won't put myself into situations (voluntarily) that I don't like or that are out of my control.
I know a lot of that has to do with the chaos I grew up with

I think sometimes when people have traumatic events in their lives whether it be abuse, abandonment, whatever. There are those that use it as an excuse or who continue the patterns. Some do it out of ignorance and others because it is easier to go with what you know than to fight back.
Then there are those that take those events in their lives and basically say, 'I'm not going there" and they change the pattern.

I would say that you and my DD deal with it very much the same. In fact, reading your description, it really strikes me how similar (and it tells you a lot about the human psyche - I think, like you, she decided that she would NOT succumb to the pressures and heartache).

I didn't want my own kids when I was your DD's age either. Now look at me! What does DD's DFi think of her not wanting kids?

They have discussed it thoroughly, and he agrees, but you and I both know that things will likely change (can't even dare say that to her though because of that whole in control of her situation thing! ).

I was like you though. I adamantly didn't want any either, but after we had an unplanned pregnancy that wound up in a miscarriage, I changed my mind. DD has commented before that she thinks DFi would make a great father, so I suspect that that will eventually change too (she used to be absolutely positive that she was NOT getting married until she was completely through with school too ).

I have a cramp, I addressed 65 announcements between Saturday night and yesterday. In black ink!

I agree and so did my fellow committee member - we disregarded 7 of the 20 applications, how sad is that!

Well, it's all in how you look at it. That other 13 would be very happy to hear about it!

Sheila:
Love the pictures of your DD and her horse. How is he doing?

He's getting better every day. The farrier comes again tomorrow to tell us what he thinks. He'll probably have to be kept in his stall for a month or so, but the limping is much less pronounced now.

Our farrier won't let us pay him even though he's been to our house several times (when he was injured and not able to work awhile back, we gave him a little money - nowhere near what he has done for us over the years - but he won't let us pay him now), so I ordered him a Corky's BBQ package which should be delivered tomorrow (I don't know if ya'll have ever heard of it, but it's famous in Memphis and is in some other places). He loves it and will be very surprised.

 

[Sandy V.]

Good morning, everyone!! Yesterday was a crazy day - gotta love Mondays (not!!).

Had a very nice long weekend. DD came home Thursday and cooked us dinner that night. Nice to relieve ME of that duty. Then on Friday, she and I went shopping for some things she needed for her new job as well as some household goods at Bed Bath & Beyond. I swear, I could easily drop $500 in a single visit to that store.

On Friday night, we went out to a local steakhouse and had a wonderful time, just the 4 of us.

On Saturday afternoon, we went to the lacrosse banquet/picnic. It was held at one of the player's homes - 40 acres with alpacas!! They were so cute. We had a great time. DS was recognized as the Co-Defensive Player of the Year, which, mama-bias kicking in, DH and I thought was well deserved.

DS is VERY interested in this girl who is also a senior. A couple of weeks ago, she invited him over to her house to watch movies with a small group of friends. They have slowly started seeing each other until this past weekend and them BAM! He went over to her house Friday night. She came over here on Saturday night (didn't get to see her, as we took DD out for dinner after DS's lacrosse banquet and they were down watching movies in the basement). Then she came over here yesterday. I DID get to meet her then, as did DH. She is pretty and a very nice girl. Fingers crossed that this one lasts a while. But with MY son, who can tell?

After DS got the job offer on Thursday, he had to go down to a lab to do the drug test. I'm assuming the results are in, but Home Depot hasn't called DS back to let him know when he starts. I would guess sometime next week after graduation (the 20th). But he may put in some hours this weekend.

Mother's Day was very nice. It was pretty quiet and relaxing, as DH was in the office most of the day, since he's in trial this week. DS and DD gave me a very nice gift, and DS grilled steaks (one of my favorite meals!)

We really did try so hard for many years, but there comes a time when you have to accept just what you said. I can't begin to count the number of times I've been awakened in the middle of the night by DH sobbing uncontrollably. I honestly think God gave him DD to keep him from going over the edge. The horseshowing kept him really busy, and it helped a lot, but it's always in the back of his mind.

Your poor DH. I think you're right; DD was a gift from above to help your DH cope with all of the pain. And she sounds like she's been a wonderful daughter. I don't think the pain ever completely goes away; you just learn to manage it.

DH obviously made a bad choice when he married her, but they married much too young (with strong encouragement from their parents who thought that once you got out of high school you ought to get married (and she wasn't even out of high school ). DH's older sister really wanted to go to school to become a nurse, and her dad belittled her and told her that she couldn't make it, and of course, her mom thought she needed to get married (SIL did get married right out of high school to get out of the house). When DH was in his 30's, I encouraged him to go to college (which he had always wanted to do). He wound up graduating Summa Cum Laude. After that, DH and I encouraged his sister, and she did wind up going to nursing school as well (in her 40's at that point) and graduated as valedictorian of her class .

Do you think sometimes there are parents out there who don't want their kids to succeed or "go further" in life then THEY have? That's what it sounds like to me in this instance.

Your DH and your SIL should be VERY proud of themselves for their accomplishments. And you should be proud of yourself for all of the encouragement that you gave both of them!!

That was really hard. She was only about 10 and had to have all kinds of tests and see several different specialists. She would wake up once or twice a week in the middle of the night with excruciating headaches and severe vomiting - would just lay on the floor and cry from the pain. Ultimately, it came down to stress. When the melodrama subsided, so did her symptoms. That's why I can really sympathize with Melissa and her DD. It's a difficult situation.

Some people manifest the stress in physical ways, and that's what happened to your poor DD. I'm glad that you're more removed from the situation now.

I know that was a terrible blow losing both parents that way. Ultimately, it's a testament to your strength that you were able to make it through law school and accomplish what you have. You would like to think that adults (such as your aunt) would rise above past experiences, but so often that doesn't happen. I can't for the life of me understand why - particularly when it comes to the needs of a child who has lost both her parents. Again, it's impressive that you've done so well and have a wonderful family to show for it!

Thanks. You just have to do what you have to do. My husband and children are my greatest gifts!

The ironic thing is that as I got older and had my own family, my aunt mellowed and really wanted to get to see my kids as if she were their grandmother. Uhh, if I wasn't good enough for you, why in the world would my kids be? So we have spent very little time with them, which annoys her. My kids know who she is, and they don't like her.

Another thing it does is embarass her, because local folks in the small Nebraska area where I grew up will ask about me, and she honestly can't tell them much. And I know that they wonder WHY she doesn't know very much and she either has to explain that she doesn't see us very often or she leaves them guessing. I can't even say that it gives me pleasure if she is embarassed - I just don't care because she doesn't matter to me.

DD is quite adamant that she's glad she's an only child, but I really think a lot of that has to do with having dealt with so much turmoil caused by siblings when she was young. At this point, she's equally adamant about not wanting any children of her own (again, I think probably for the same reason). I do hope that she changes her mind, but I will never be one of "those" mothers who put pressure on her (I won't have to, DFi's mother - who I love, BTW - will handle it for me! ).

She's got plenty of time to make any decisions regarding children. You're right for not putting pressure on her.

 

[Sandy V.]

Okay, I have typed and erased 4 different sentences here. I don't know what to say except that You are the person you are because of the experiences you faced.

My mother was in our lives and made them a living heck. Would it have been easier or better if she was not? I can't say. My Dad was a part time physical presence but had no say or control over my Mother, so he chose to work swing shift rotating days (worked for an airline) he was never home when we were. We were stuck with her. No one could control her and it was easier for everyone to look the other way.

How sad is this? As a child of 8, I vividly remember hoping her plane would crash when she was on her way to visit her parents. This was a reoccuring wish for me. What is even scarier to me is that as as adult, I look back on those feelings and I still think they were justified and I still wish it had happened.

I have a really good friend who has great relationships with both of her parents, and I admit, I am so jealous!

As an adult, you took charge. You made your kids a priority, probably something you never were. I know I did the same thing. Living with a mentally ill person is difficult but then having to deal with the harm caused to other adults while only a child is not something anyone should have to do. My Mother caused a great deal of harm to others and we (bro and I) were the recipients of the come backs.

Out of curiosity, is your Mother still alive?

No, my mom passed away in 1990 at the age of 62. She had heart disease and went into cardiac arrest at the foster home she was in. My mom was a kind soul, but the depression affected all aspects of her life.

I have lots of memories as a child where she spent a great deal of time sleeping on the couch. We ate a lot of hot dogs, soup, and peas, and for years, I could not eat any of these foods because I had them so much as a child.

Thanks for your kind words. You really do have to try and rise above what you're given. I just did the best I could, and I got my reward: DH, DD, and DS.

In many ways, your situation was MUCH worse than mine (not that we're in any sort of bizarre "contest" about it). You had much more turmoil and for that, I admire YOU for surviving all that your parents put you through.

I do understand your "plane crash" thoughts and I believe that it's a perfectly normal way for an 8-year old to react. I remember myself wanting a "normal" childhood and knowing that I wasn't going to get one, trying my hardest to give DD and DS one as they grew up. That was one of the reasons it was really important to me that they go K-12 in the same school district and have some continuity in their lives.

: My kids are almost 9 years apart and one of the reasons was because my Bro and I were so close in age I didn't want to have to deal with the sibling stuff
My DH has a large family and they all grew up on pretty much the same street or at least in the same small New England town. I was so excited to marry a guy with a large family, little did I know....... He is the oldest of 5 and does not stay in communication with any of them I don't understand, never have and he made it very clear a couple of years ago that it was his business and I was to stay out of it. I still haven't gotten over that, but I guess everyone is entitled to their ****** moments and that is one of his bigger ones. His Mother committed suicide when he was in his early 20's and the damage that she did to that family has continued for 30 years. His baby sister died from complications of juvenile diabetes when she was 19, he has never been the same. It's sad but I can't fix it and I have quit trying.

I am so sorry. It sounds like your DH has a lot of demons and for him, the best thing to do is keep them suppressed. It doesn't work for everyone, but for some, NOT TALKING about it is the only way they can handle the pain.

:The thing now is not much gets to me. I am very matter of fact, I tell it like it is and I am not very emotional. I am also a control freak - I don't try and control people, but I do control my environments and those around me. I have no tolerance for someone who annoys me and will avoid at all costs.
Example: Best friend wants to go on a weekend shopping trip with a couple of girls. One of the girls I can't stand. I won't go, and it is not a "snotty" "I'm not going if she goes". I just won't go, I won't put myself into situations (voluntarily) that I don't like or that are out of my control.
I know a lot of that has to do with the chaos I grew up with. I also cannot stand turmoil in my house. I will not live with that "walking on egg shells" feeling. We get it out in the open, no harboring of resentment and the virtual simmering pot. Nope, can't stand that.

I think sometimes when people have traumatic events in their lives whether it be abuse, abandonment, whatever. There are those that use it as an excuse or who continue the patterns. Some do it out of ignorance and others because it is easier to go with what you know than to fight back.
Then there are those that take those events in their lives and basically say, 'I'm not going there" and they change the pattern.

We all have different coping mechanisms. My Dad (yeah, loves to give advice ) has always said that I survived my Mother and that my Brother did not.

My Brother whom I love dearly is all kinds of messed up and I can't fix him. He is an alcoholic and a controlled substance abuser (the drugs come and go but have been around since his early teens). He is very high strung, has issues with committment and loves his cat way more than he loves his wife. Seriously, he has been married for 3 years and I don't know how my SIL puts up with him. "They" wanted children...Now he says "No". Don't get me wrong, he is not a bum, he is a high functioning addict as so many can be. He has a great job and a great wife, but he is an idiot. I was so glad when he got married, I felt this huge rush of relief. He was someone elses worry now...... My SIL is very submissive in a modern day way. She is smart, educated and independent, but she does not take a stand with him.

I think I am a combination of "firm" and "kind". I don't put up with much nonsense from others, but it's hard for me to hurt people's feelings. Basically, if I don't like you, I ignore you. It's as though you don't exist.

And like you, I don't cry often. It takes a lot to get to me to make me shed tears.

DH is much more open in showing his outward emotions. Since we've been married, I have improved in that area, but since DH sometimes shows a little TOO MUCH emotion, I'm not going as far as he does!!

This does give us a whole new perspective on Chachi

I have a cramp, I addressed 65 announcements between Saturday night and yesterday. In black ink!

Congratulations on getting them done. I elected not to send any - I'm too lazy!!

 

[Sandy V.]

I hope everybody had a great Mother's Day. I really enjoyed my weekend. DD picked up a couple of dozen roses and some greenery at Kroger's and fixed a beautiful bouquet in a vase when she got home. She kept out a few of them to fix DFi's mother a small arrangement, and it looked very nice.

DH cleaned the house up and washed all of the clothes and put them away (much better than a present any day ). DD would have helped, but she had to work Saturday.

When DD came home last night (they ate at DFi's grandparents' house), she said that she felt like she had had Christmas. His grandmother had gotten her a full set of beautiful china with all of the accompanying pieces (had done some trading with someone she knew who had this china and never used it).

DD and DFi were planning on staying at the Peabody the first night of their honeymoon (which is beautiful but pretty expensive). DFi's mother told him that they were going to pay for that.

Then DFi's aunt and uncle (who are Wyndham Vacation Resorts owners) told them that they could pick any property they wanted (including Hawaii, but they hated to accept that many points - felt like they might be being greedy although I really think the aunt and uncle wouldn't have offered if they didn't want to do it), and they would make arrangements for them to have that week. Now, they're in the process of deciding where to go (although they are leaning towards Bonnet Creek in Orlando).

All in all, DD and DFi had a pretty good day!

I'm glad that you had a great Mother's Day. It was a good day for me, too.

It sounds like your DD is marrying into a very warm and giving family. That's a VERY good thing!!!

Thanks for the pictures of your horse. He looks like a real sweetheart. So glad to hear he's getting better. And your DD is so very pretty!!!