Laid off DH is getting lazy AND crabby...Update he's going for a job interview

[KAMKIM]

If he wasn't 6'4 I'd punch him in the head. Alright well maybe not, I'd need a chair to do that.

Well I just need to vent so here goes - DH was laid off last Friday so it's only been a week but he is driving me CRAZY. He wasn't upset when he was laid off because he truly hated this job anyways and he's hoping to find something before/if they bring him back. So on Friday when he told me he was laid off we both kind of shrugged it off. Financially we'll be okay with my income and after this week unemployment will kick in.

BUT now he isn't working full time, and the kids are in school all day so he is sleeping ALL day. He has also been quite crabby the last couple of days which is not like him at all - he is generally very laid back and go with the flow kind of guy. I get that he is probably bored, so I left him a little list of things that needed to be done (bring in the outdoor furniture, close up the sandbox etc.) before winter comes. He did one thing on a list of about 10 in 1 week.

Seriously?!?!?!

He does help with normal housework (not as much as I do but I really dont mind since I "enjoy" most of these things as strange as that may sound) but with this time off now I figured he could do somethings around the house to keep him busy. Apparently that is asking too much.

So tonight when he is sleeping I'm contemplating painting his big toe or something.... ugh....alright I feel better now

 

[KAMKIM]

I was just thinking about my losing my patience with DH, maybe I'm jealous he gets the quite house to himself all day.... hmmmm hadn't considered that. Well he is still being a jerk but I think I may be a little jealous too.

 

[katlas&kids]

If he wasn't 6'4 I'd punch him in the head. Alright well maybe not, I'd need a chair to do that.

Well I just need to vent so here goes - DH was laid off last Friday so it's only been a week but he is driving me CRAZY. He wasn't upset when he was laid off because he truly hated this job anyways and he's hoping to find something before/if they bring him back. So on Friday when he told me he was laid off we both kind of shrugged it off. Financially we'll be okay with my income and after this week unemployment will kick in.

BUT now he isn't working full time, and the kids are in school all day so he is sleeping ALL day. He has also been quite crabby the last couple of days which is not like him at all - he is generally very laid back and go with the flow kind of guy. I get that he is probably bored, so I left him a little list of things that needed to be done (bring in the outdoor furniture, close up the sandbox etc.) before winter comes. He did one thing on a list of about 10 in 1 week.

Seriously?!?!?!

He does help with normal housework (not as much as I do but I really dont mind since I "enjoy" most of these things as strange as that may sound) but with this time off now I figured he could do somethings around the house to keep him busy. Apparently that is asking too much.

So tonight when he is sleeping I'm contemplating painting his big toe or something.... ugh....alright I feel better now

Got some of the same her. Hubby has been out of work since 9/11/07. We got pay & benifits until end of December, kinda and then nothing. He applied for social security due to his disability of Nov of that year. He got accepted in April. No he hasn't really move in all that time. couch, bed, kitchen bathroom. He goes grocery shopping ever so often. Not much else. And no real attempt to get better or help much.

So what color might you use? Nail polish or oil base paint? Maybe get a bit sloppy so it runs down his foot? hee hee. Hang in there!

 

[HannaBelle]

When you guys find a solution, please share it!

My DH went back to school 3 years ago to change careers. He graduated in May and has yet to find a job. In my personal opinion, he is not looking aggressively enough and he is being too picky. Everything pays to little, is too far to drive or is not what he wants to do.

He thinks everything is a-okay! We are making ends meet on my income, but not getting ahead. In my mind, we are way behind…he thinks I am being greedy/materialistic. A second living room, a bigger yard, a small DVC contract and a vacation every year is not unrealistic!

He does 3 or 4 loads of laundry a week, runs the dishwasher a couple of time and picks our daughter up from school every afternoon. Beyond that…it is a fight.

He is still angry at me for forcing him to get off the computer to pick her up after volleyball practice Monday night.

I work full-time, keep track of all of the “family” stuff (calendar, finances, meal planning, shopping, cleaning) and he is just skating…

 

[look1angel]

Both son & son-in-law are currently unemployed, son just recently. One is a dietician and the other use to be a police officer & was let go because he's just not mature enough & his communication skills are poor my heart breaks for him because since he was 2 that's all he ever wanted to be & after 3 years he blew it.

I think he'd do better in a warehouse, fast food or supermarket place.

The dietician...he has 1 year experience & most want more than that.

We all need prayers right now. I don't know of anyone who has not been affected by being fired or let go for whatever reason. God help us all

 

[TimeforMe]

Well, all I can say is you're a better person than I. No way would that fly here....DH stays home and does nothing while I work????!!!!

 

[lovetoscrap]

Unfortunately for most men, their entire being of who they are is tied with what they do for a living. When their ability to work is taken away they can become very depressed. It hasn't been long for your husband but he needs to keep up with his "work day" routine. I think it is Dr. Phil that says if you don't have a job then your job is to find a job. Get up at 7am, get showered and dressed professionally--maybe not suit and tie but at least dress pants and a polo. How you dress reflects on how you act. If you are sitting around in sweats and tshirt, you will have the attitude to go with.

His day should be spent looking in the paper for jobs, looking on line. Working on his resume and coverletter and sending them out. He should be networking and making calls to see what is out there. Applying in person if necessary.

Yep, it is easy for me to type and easy for someone else to agree with, but getting him to do it is the hard part. You can't do it for him but you can sit down with him and let him know that you love and care for him but that his current behavior is destructive to himself, your family and your future well being as financially stable family. He has now had a week off to slack off, sleep and feel sorry himself. It is time to get up and get back to work--finding work. Unemployment won't last forever and getting a job could take a long time, the sooner he starts the sooner he finds something.

And you might try just leaving a list of 2 or 3 things you would like to have done each day so he doesn't feel overwhelmed by a long list.

Good Luck! I hope he can find something to make him happy soon.

 

[sunnyday123]

He may be feeling a little inadequate about not being able to pitch in or bring anything home. Maybe it's a mini temper tantrum/despression thing he's got going on?

That, or he's a lazy bum.

 

[tink20]

My DH has been glued to the couch ever since football season started. Oh, well, I feel your pain.

 

[KAMKIM]

Well, all I can say is you're a better person than I. No way would that fly here....DH stays home and does nothing while I work????!!!!

Oh believe me, a week I can barely tolerate - a few more days and we will find out if PS3's can fly.

 

[KAMKIM]

Thanks for the support guys - it's nice to know I'm not the only one. I dont want to appear as being impatient but I agree, he's had a week to feel sorry for himself, hopefully after this week he gets off his butt and gets somethings done around here.

He has applied to 3 places this week - not exactly what I'd shoot for but at least it's something at this point.

 

[Janet Hill]

KAMKIM, my husband feels your pain, cause at our house this is me. I got laid off from a job I hated, but have only been perfunctorily looking for a job. Most of the time I'm watching daytime TV. Even if you hate the job, it still puts you in kind of a funk when you loose it. I'm just now (after 6 months) feeling motivated again.

 

[janets]

DH was laid off in April, the day after we returned from our wonderful spring vacation at Disney. So he hadn't worked since before we left. He immediately applied for unemployment and started looking for a job. But he is in sales, selling high end products that have taken a hit in this economy. So he's knocking on all the same doors in the same industry and everyone is in trouble, so no one is hiring.

Well, he sat home from April to August. End of June, older ds left for camp and younger ds started camp. Friend picked him up and brought him home every day. So DH was alone at home with nothing to do from 8:15 to almost 4 every stinkin' day. Now, this being the 3rd layoff in 7 years, he realized that he was not going to get away with doing nothing. So he started doing all the laundry instead of leaving it for me to do after a full day of work. He already does the cooking, but started doing the clean up. But that was about it.

So in August, after a couple of job possibilities failed to materialize, I told him in no uncertain terms that he needed to find something. He proposed a "consulting" arrangement with another business in his industry. Cover expenses, pay a commission but hold it for 90 days (due to unemployment since I realized that he wasn't going to earn enough to exceed what he was receiving).

Well, at least he's out of the house. But he acts like he's "working" again. I'm sorry but to me, working means bringing home a paycheck and helping to support your family. The only reason he did this was because I threatened him with severe bodily harm (and reminded him just how bad finances were and how much worse they were going to get). And of course, he's back to thinking that he does everything and has stopped doing anything extra that he was doing before.

Now, I know when you read this, it looks like he's helping out a lot more than most husbands. But after 4 months of him sitting home and doing nothing but spending money we didn't have on car detailing products (yes, he spent most of his time washing and waxing his car, which is new and has a full maintenance contract while I drove my 10 yo 211,000 mile car 70 miles round trip every day) and not realizing that this was a problem, I had it.

And now that he's not home (but again, not making any money) things are not getting done. I have had enough of the poor pitiful me stuff. I have no time to stroke his ego and make him feel good about himself. He has a family to help support and he needs to get his butt in gear and find money.

I'm so sorry that so many of us are dealing with this sort of thing. It's terribly hard on the family and the marriage, and I'm not sure mine will be able to survive much more.

 

[KAMKIM]

It has been ONE week...

How about you give your DH a little space and understanding???

Good old DIS boards.. The second men bashing can start, stand back and watch it come... How about some support for our men? Not every post has to turn into whatever the opposite of a witch hunt is!

I did give him space and understanding, for 7 days...I'm done now. He needs to get off his butt and stop expecting someone who is already working 40 hours a week to continue to take care of our 2 young girls, bills, housework, shopping, etc. He is essentially a stay at home dad now with no full time work so yes, excuse me if I expect a little more. If it was me that was laid off our house would be spotless when he walked through the door.

 

[KAMKIM]

It has been ONE week...

How about you give your DH a little space and understanding???

Good old DIS boards.. The second men bashing can start, stand back and watch it come... How about some support for our men? Not every post has to turn into whatever the opposite of a witch hunt is!

Besides had I been gay and he was a she, I'd still be mad.

He is an awesome dad and I'm not denying he is a good man - but right now he needs to get out of this funk.

 

[KAMKIM]

DH was laid off in April, the day after we returned from our wonderful spring vacation at Disney. So he hadn't worked since before we left. He immediately applied for unemployment and started looking for a job. But he is in sales, selling high end products that have taken a hit in this economy. So he's knocking on all the same doors in the same industry and everyone is in trouble, so no one is hiring.

Well, he sat home from April to August. End of June, older ds left for camp and younger ds started camp. Friend picked him up and brought him home every day. So DH was alone at home with nothing to do from 8:15 to almost 4 every stinkin' day. Now, this being the 3rd layoff in 7 years, he realized that he was not going to get away with doing nothing. So he started doing all the laundry instead of leaving it for me to do after a full day of work. He already does the cooking, but started doing the clean up. But that was about it.

So in August, after a couple of job possibilities failed to materialize, I told him in no uncertain terms that he needed to find something. He proposed a "consulting" arrangement with another business in his industry. Cover expenses, pay a commission but hold it for 90 days (due to unemployment since I realized that he wasn't going to earn enough to exceed what he was receiving).

Well, at least he's out of the house. But he acts like he's "working" again. I'm sorry but to me, working means bringing home a paycheck and helping to support your family. The only reason he did this was because I threatened him with severe bodily harm (and reminded him just how bad finances were and how much worse they were going to get). And of course, he's back to thinking that he does everything and has stopped doing anything extra that he was doing before.

Now, I know when you read this, it looks like he's helping out a lot more than most husbands. But after 4 months of him sitting home and doing nothing but spending money we didn't have on car detailing products (yes, he spent most of his time washing and waxing his car, which is new and has a full maintenance contract while I drove my 10 yo 211,000 mile car 70 miles round trip every day) and not realizing that this was a problem, I had it.

And now that he's not home (but again, not making any money) things are not getting done. I have had enough of the poor pitiful me stuff. I have no time to stroke his ego and make him feel good about himself. He has a family to help support and he needs to get his butt in gear and find money.

I'm so sorry that so many of us are dealing with this sort of thing. It's terribly hard on the family and the marriage, and I'm not sure mine will be able to survive much more.

 

[2Kds2K9]

DH has been home since June. He was laid off after 25 years with the same company. I will say that he had to go through a mourning process. It was very hard for him. In fact, he did not tell the kids for close to a month. He worked out of the house quite a bit, so his being home was not that unusual. He also became quite angry while he was writing his resume. He kept looking at all that he had accomplished in 25years and kept wondering for what reason. He had several bad days then.

He's had one interview and sent his resume off to one company so far. He got a very generous severance package, so we are fine financially and insurance wise. He spends most days working the "Honey Do" list. That's been a huge bonus!

In the meantime, he's driving me NUTS! I've been a SAHM since my oldest was born 15 years ago. I run this house! He keeps coming up and asking why I do things the way I do. He also insists on going on every errand with me. (Came with me when I got a pedicure. Wanted to go to the store that was next to the spa I was going to.) He's become quite the shopper and knows all the local sales. AND, he's also become the new chef in the family. He likes cooking and quite honestly, I'm tired of creating the menu every day.

I feel your pain, but at the same time, I'm kinda enjoying my DH being home. I may actually miss him when he gets a job. (Or I do!) And there is the added benny of him being home during the day and the kids at school.

He'll figure it out. Just give him time. It's amazing how hard this hits a man's ego. I know that my DH has always felt that he has to be the main breadwinner and the "Man of the House". While home, he's been doing a lot of talking about his feelings and life in general. This is much cheaper than a therapist!

Good luck!

 

[KAMKIM]

DH has been home since June. He was laid off after 25 years with the same company. I will say that he had to go through a mourning process. It was very hard for him. In fact, he did not tell the kids for close to a month. He worked out of the house quite a bit, so his being home was not that unusual. He also became quite angry while he was writing his resume. He kept looking at all that he had accomplished in 25years and kept wondering for what reason. He had several bad days then.

He's had one interview and sent his resume off to one company so far. He got a very generous severance package, so we are fine financially and insurance wise. He spends most days working the "Honey Do" list. That's been a huge bonus!

In the meantime, he's driving me NUTS! I've been a SAHM since my oldest was born 15 years ago. I run this house! He keeps coming up and asking why I do things the way I do. He also insists on going on every errand with me. (Came with me when I got a pedicure. Wanted to go to the store that was next to the spa I was going to.) He's become quite the shopper and knows all the local sales. AND, he's also become the new chef in the family. He likes cooking and quite honestly, I'm tired of creating the menu every day.

I feel your pain, but at the same time, I'm kinda enjoying my DH being home. I may actually miss him when he gets a job. (Or I do!) And there is the added benny of him being home during the day and the kids at school.

He'll figure it out. Just give him time. It's amazing how hard this hits a man's ego. I know that my DH has always felt that he has to be the main breadwinner and the "Man of the House". While home, he's been doing a lot of talking about his feelings and life in general. This is much cheaper than a therapist!

Good luck!

Thank you. I think I'm just overwhelmed because I do work full time and am used to taking most of the responsibilities on at home, but with him being home now and deciding to do damn near nothing around the house it's exhausting me. When I'm doing everything at night while he is sitting on the couch I feel myself resenting him because I'm thinking in my head...you've been sitting here all day and I'm now doing laundry at 10 at night. It is so frustrating. I was so happy that today was Friday because I'm truly just beat this week.

 

[Luv Bunnies]

It sounds like he's in a funk. My husband went through the same thing when he was laid off in May. I wanted him to hit the ground running to find a new job. He felt the need to take it easy and feel sorry for himself for a few weeks. He had been with his company for 22 years - it was his first job out of college. He felt like he suddenly lost contact with the outside world.

I did tell him he should get up early each day and get dressed which he did. He kept taking our youngest to school like he did before. He just came home afterward instead of driving to work. I pushed him a little to start looking for a job and he finally got moving. The kids and I were home all summer (since I work at a school) and I made sure he got enough computer time each day to search the job boards. Since we've been back at school, he's been good about doing dishes, errands, paying bills, laundry, etc. He's been sending out plenty of resumes. I feel like he's doing a good job looking, it's just hard right now. Just about an hour ago, he got a call for an interview! It's not until the week after next so we'll have to wait and see how it goes, but I'm going to stay confident!

It is hard to have a husband who is suddenly home all day. Sometimes it doesn't occur to them that they should do something they're not used to doing. I started making my husband lists of things that would help me out. This morning it was - take out the recycling, empty the dishwasher and fill the rabbits' water bottles. It was all done when I got home at 3:00 p.m.

Hang in there. Hopefully your husband will come around. And try telling him specifically what you'd like done while you're at work. He might surprise you!

 

[KAMKIM]

It sounds like he's in a funk. My husband went through the same thing when he was laid off in May. I wanted him to hit the ground running to find a new job. He felt the need to take it easy and feel sorry for himself for a few weeks. He had been with his company for 22 years - it was his first job out of college. He felt like he suddenly lost contact with the outside world.

I did tell him he should get up early each day and get dressed which he did. He kept taking our youngest to school like he did before. He just came home afterward instead of driving to work. I pushed him a little to start looking for a job and he finally got moving. The kids and I were home all summer (since I work at a school) and I made sure he got enough computer time each day to search the job boards. Since we've been back at school, he's been good about doing dishes, errands, paying bills, laundry, etc. He's been sending out plenty of resumes. I feel like he's doing a good job looking, it's just hard right now. Just about an hour ago, he got a call for an interview! It's not until the week after next so we'll have to wait and see how it goes, but I'm going to stay confident!

It is hard to have a husband who is suddenly home all day. Sometimes it doesn't occur to them that they should do something they're not used to doing. I started making my husband lists of things that would help me out. This morning it was - take out the recycling, empty the dishwasher and fill the rabbits' water bottles. It was all done when I got home at 3:00 p.m.

Hang in there. Hopefully your husband will come around. And try telling him specifically what you'd like done while you're at work. He might surprise you!

I will do that, thank you. Monday I'll give him a short list of things that could be done while I'm gone all day which would make my nights/life easier. I am hoping he feels better next week. I hate seeing him miserable and I know its hard on the girls - they are used to daddy being the fun silly one and right now he just doesn't have it in him.

I also think him sleeping all day is making him lazier, like even though he slept for so long he is exhausted from doing nothing - if that makes sense.