Laid off DH is getting lazy AND crabby...Update he's going for a job interview

[Mouse House Mama]

What if the shoe was on the other foot and the wife is the one that got laid off??????????????????

Should the hubby tell her that she better get herself together and stop moping around? Should he treat her like a child?

No he should be supportive of her especially a week after being laid off. Unless you are unemployed right now you have no clue how people feel about this. There is no light at the end of the tunnel and its very scarey. I WANT to work just like millions of others but there isn't anything out there.

If she is doing nothing and he is doing 99% of everything? Then yes. He should tell his wife to mope while helping out around the house.

 

[KirstenB]

What if the shoe was on the other foot and the wife is the one that got laid off??????????????????

Should the hubby tell her that she better get herself together and stop moping around? Should he treat her like a child?

No he should be supportive of her especially a week after being laid off. Unless you are unemployed right now you have no clue how people feel about this. There is no light at the end of the tunnel and its very scarey. I WANT to work just like millions of others but there isn't anything out there.

I'm going to sound cold-hearted but, regardless of if you're employed or not (generic "you", not specifically you), the house and kids don't take care of themselves. After a week, he needs to be contributing to the family, if not financially, then through house and yard work.

 

[Fintastic]

What if the shoe was on the other foot and the wife is the one that got laid off??????????????????

Should the hubby tell her that she better get herself together and stop moping around? Should he treat her like a child?

No he should be supportive of her especially a week after being laid off. Unless you are unemployed right now you have no clue how people feel about this. There is no light at the end of the tunnel and its very scarey. I WANT to work just like millions of others but there isn't anything out there.

I don't think either spouse should be allowed to sit around all day while the other does the work! Even if he can't find a job there's no reason why he can't lighten the load around the house for his spouse who's at work all day.

 

[Mickeyistheman]

OP,

That quote was to the person who wrote it and I was just asking a hypothetical question.

I feel that if the shoe was on the other foot, MANY people on here would be in an uproar that the husband was not being supportive of the wife A WEEK AFTER THE LAYOFF.

I am sorry but you seem to be quite upset about it when you first posted and then after you sat down with him and had a discussion, things were better right? GREAT! It is progress and while it may take baby steps I am very happy for you.

So instead of not saying anything to him hoping he will be able to read your mind of what you want him to do, you had communication and it worked!

I am happy for you, but for men and even women getting laid off after working a job that you loved for 15 years is hard to swallow and difficult when you can't find anything else after almost a year. I am speaking of myself. So while I do understand where you are coming from.....if he wasn't doing it while he was working, he wasn't going to do it just because he got laid off, that is why communication in ANY relationship is key.

 

[disykat]

OP,

So while I do understand where you are coming from.....if he wasn't doing it while he was working, he wasn't going to do it just because he got laid off, that is why communication in ANY relationship is key.

I think this is key to understanding this - if anyone is interested in doing that. The problem between the OP and her spouse started long before his layoff. He wasn't doing his share around the house - it's not likely to spontaneously change when he's dealing with an extreme upset.

I agree that communication is key to solving this and am glad the OP and her husband are talking and working through it.

 

[SNylund]

What if the shoe was on the other foot and the wife is the one that got laid off??????????????????

Should the hubby tell her that she better get herself together and stop moping around? Should he treat her like a child?

No he should be supportive of her especially a week after being laid off. Unless you are unemployed right now you have no clue how people feel about this. There is no light at the end of the tunnel and its very scarey. I WANT to work just like millions of others but there isn't anything out there.

I do think you are comparing apples to oranges for one reason (At least IMO) I work so hard is that my wife can be a SAHM full time, which is in and of itself a full time job. So it doesn't really apply IMO.

My posts were more about how he should be doing things on his own, not that she should take a whip and beat him into submission. I think he should already KNOW that he should be out hustling. If she has to beat him over the head with it, its not going to do any good anyway. I think the man has to take the initiative to do more, find other ways to make money, be ambitious. If he is content to just kick back and sleep and play playstation all day, they/she/he are in bigger trouble IMO because he will never get anywhere in life with this attitude, unless Sony hires him as a game tester.

 

[disneymarie]

WOW, no way would I deal with that but that's just me. Good luck on all that.

I left him know how rediculous it looks and is acting....
When he came in from the shift yesterday, I was sitting in the yard chair, dishes and pans in the sink, popped open a can of beer and asked for a ciggarete,
You should have seen the look on his face. Picture was worth a thousand words I could have said and effective. He admitted it was difficult after 40 years of getting up and going to work to the same job every day now losing it, has him anxious.

He now realizes:
1 it is wasting money, and
2 it is obnoxious to drink for depression.

I guess I should have said too, he did not drink the case of Beer in a night,

It was mainly the idea of spending money on a case of beer when we do not have,it.
Also, now is the time to quit smoking, he is getting older, and the cost is not in the budget. DIL said to him it was cheaper to buy the smokes by the carton, and he said, "It is too expensive to buy them like that!"
ERGH!!!!

 

[ticktock]

I do think you are comparing apples to oranges for one reason (At least IMO) I work so hard is that my wife can be a SAHM full time, which is in and of itself a full time job. So it doesn't really apply IMO.

My posts were more about how he should be doing things on his own, not that she should take a whip and beat him into submission. I think he should already KNOW that he should be out hustling. If she has to beat him over the head with it, its not going to do any good anyway. I think the man has to take the initiative to do more, find other ways to make money, be ambitious. If he is content to just kick back and sleep and play playstation all day, they/she/he are in bigger trouble IMO because he will never get anywhere in life with this attitude, unless Sony hires him as a game tester.

Spoken like a REAL man, where have they all gone? If I was married to a man like a lot of the posters on this board seem to be he would be out on the curb wondering what happened.

 

[kymom99]

As I posted earlier, my husband is also suddenly unemployed. He has been helpful and keeping busy so that part is okay, and now he is putting in some applications. I just want to blink and have him in a new, improved job, but it doesn't work like that. I know he is suffering, but I am too. Every afternoon when it is getting close to time to leave work, I feel my stomach tying up in knots. If I came home to him sitting on his duff, I wouldn't be able to take it. The financial stress is more than enough.

I will also say that he was out of work about 8 years ago, and took a job for a lot less money. He was happier there so that was okay. However, he ended up having a long, terrible affair and we almost split up. It was heartbreaking. He told me that he felt that he failed us and "she" made him feel better about himself. Needless to say, we had a talk about that this time. I never want to go down that road again, as it nearly killed me. It is very difficult knowing how to approach a situation like this with a man. We are just wired totally different.

Best of luck to you, and don't rule out the depression thing.

 

[KAMKIM]

Just wanted to give an update. DH has an interview today at 1, and another one Monday. The one on Monday is for a great job I'm keeping my fingers crossed for that one. Hoping either one will pan out for us though

He is still being lazy - but since DD8 is home with the flu this week she's been keeping him busy. Welcome to the real world Mr. Mom. I think I'll keep him anyways.