Kids and Christmas lists, ever NOT get the items?

[HelenePA]

lets see if I got everything off their list I would own a small zoo.. dd8 has asked for a real pygmy hedgehog (which are illegal to own in PA!), a capybara which are semi-aquatic rodents that live in south america that weigh about 100 pounds this is not a little mouse we are talking about!! http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Capybara they are cute and friendly we've seen them before at a local zoo and have peted and fed them before but we dont own a lake.. many many other animals.. last week they dropped the bomb on me when they asked for an xbox 360 with kinect.. everything they are getting for christmas has been bought.. they are done.. they are just lucky that my brother is willing to shell out the money for it.. that is not from santa but from their uncle.

 

[hipchickie]

We have never tied Christmas into being good or bad. That's right, no "Santa's watching" types of comments.

My kids, like most kids, are basically good most of the time. Sure, it gets a little crazy around Christmas time. So parents (and teachers and babysitters and everyone else) need a little more patience.

But I could never understand translating that excitement into a threat that you won't get the stuff you want.

That said, my kids have always understood that their lists were "suggestions" for Santa. Like any gifts, the giver gives you what he or she thinks you'll like. (That's part of the reason I hate bridal and baby registries, but that's a different topic.)

The stuff you WANT, you save up for. The gifts you get, you appreciate.

My daughter was saying the other day that some of the Christmas gifts she's loved the most have been the ones she didn't ask for.

Christmas is NOT about placing orders and having Santa fill them; he's not the UPS guy.

 

[rluey29]

I do try to get everything on their lists. I feel that Christmas is magical and I loved tons of presents on Christmas morning when I was a child. They are great kids and there won't be lists forever!!

The good thing is that DS10's lists are never long. There is usually one big thing on it and then a few other things so I make up the rest. This year he's asked for a laptop and internet game gift cards. Those will be there...he's also getting lots of big lego sets, board games, video games, craft sets, pajamas, mighty beanz, hex bugs, etc.

DS3 is different in that he wants literally every toy that he sees on TV. I've bought them only to have him change his mind and want something different, LOL, so there has been some returns. He's getting several big imaginext sets, games, video games, go go walking pup, teacup piggy, etc.

I've spent about $1200 so far and still not done and I'm completely fine with that. It's good memories and I hope they do the same for their kids.

 

[sk!mom]

I do try to get everything on their lists. The good thing is that DS10's lists are never long.

I've been following this thread and this comment seems to be the common denominator for those of us who usually buy everything that is specifically requested. My children never asked for too much or outrageous items.

From the time they were small, we taught them that Santa doesn't bring things that your parents won't allow. Therefore, though I know that DD14 really wanted a TV in her room at around 8, she never put it on a list since our family rules are clear.

This year, all she requested was red heels, a fancy dress to wear with the heels, cord TOMS, pearl earrings, and a camera. She will get one of those from grandparents and the rest from us plus several surprises.

So long story short, if my kids handed me a laundry list of items then, no, I wouldn't buy it all or if they requested items that were too costly but reasonable requests are honored.

I'm not worried about DD growing up to think that she can have whatever she wants, whenever she wants it. I think the short list of requests demonstrates her understanding of our families finances and the fact that you can't have everything that you might want.

 

[Kat77]

I've been following this thread and this comment seems to be the common denominator for those of us who usually buy everything that is specifically requested. My children never asked for too much or outrageous items.

From the time they were small, we taught them that Santa doesn't bring things that your parents won't allow. Therefore, though I know that DD14 really wanted a TV in her room at around 8, she never put it on a list since our family rules are clear.

This year, all she requested was red heels, a fancy dress to wear with the heels, cord TOMS, pearl earrings, and a camera. She will get one of those from grandparents and the rest from us plus several surprises.

So long story short, if my kids handed me a laundry list of items then, no, I wouldn't buy it all or if they requested items that were too costly but reasonable requests are honored.

I'm not worried about DD growing up to think that she can have whatever she wants, whenever she wants it. I think the short list of requests demonstrates her understanding of our families finances and the fact that you can't have everything that you might want.

I'm seeing this too. My kids usually get what they ask for but their lists are reasonable. If they have an one abnormally expensive item that they really want, the rest of the list is full of little things. They self regulate.

I have one child out of four who has tried to get around house rules on occasion but that is her personality. Her siblings have never challenged us on forbidden items like she has. She is a campaigner. And even then, her goals are not outrageous, just something our family does not do like personal tv's and laptops, but most of her friends have them.

 

[lori123]

the stuff you want, you save up for. The gifts you get, you appreciate.

love this!!!

 

[bdcp]

We never got them (2 sons) everything on their lists, but they usually got the one "big" gift each they asked for. Now, by 8 and 10 we were so far past the "Santa" list but they did give me ideas every year. They're now 24 and 27. That's all I'll say about that other than I've only ever met one or two 8 year olds that really still did that. I do think kids get way too much most of the time and learning that you don't always get what you want is an easier lesson to learn while you're growing up rather than when you're already an adult. There's no reason in the world to buy everything they want. I work with parents who do it because they feel guilty or want their kids to be the "cool kids". Neither is a good reason. But, you do have to set a budget and for most people getting everything their child wants would break the bank.

 

[disneymom3]

I do lists with my kids as I posted earlier, but we have a secret Santa where the kids draw each other's names, but they aren't allowed to tell who they got so that person doesn't tell them what they want for this same reason, I want them to really think about the person they're shopping for. It has worked out really well and the kids have gotten really good at it. I think it's been a good lesson in really paying attention to others. I've noticed that my children have gotten to be pretty good at picking out gifts for their friends as well.

My MIL defintely should have done that with her son.

The stuff you WANT, you save up for. The gifts you get, you appreciate.

Love that way of phrasing it. Having been a kid who got underwear and other similar items for her birthday many years, I would also add, "the things you NEED, I will provide for you." Of course, my understanding of need is a bit different than my 14 yo DDs.

 

[tomaszewski58]

We never get the whole list. We spend a lot of time telling them ahead of time that Santa does his best, but there are many children and he has to have gifts for each and every child. For that reason, you can ask Santa for lots of stuff, but please be prepared because you won't get it all. And you might get some great gifts that you didn't expect.

Sometimes we as parent's know what makes sense. My girls always asked for a TV of their own. For a number of reasons, we did not think it was a good idea and therefore, they never received that gift.

 

[MaumeeMom]

OP, at 8 and 10 your kids still believe in Santa?

That would make it harder to handle the lists I guess, but I think that is a little old to still believe.

We give our kids one big item from their list and then sometimes smaller things from the list or surprises that we think that they would like. The lists are "wish" lists not demands. The oldest knows about Santa so he understands that he isn't getting a pony or something outrageously expensive.

They are never disappointed because they don't get their whole list. They appreciate what is given to them and have never complained. We work with a budget and do what we can, luckily, the kids don't have really expensive requests. The oldest jokes about getting a big gaming system or something and he probably really wants one but he will be happy with the games that he gets for the system we own. I know that I am teaching him a lesson about living within your means by not overextending ourselves to get them things that they really do not need.

Good luck OP.

 

[MaumeeMom]

I do try to get everything on their lists. I feel that Christmas is magical and I loved tons of presents on Christmas morning when I was a child. They are great kids and there won't be lists forever!!

The good thing is that DS10's lists are never long. There is usually one big thing on it and then a few other things so I make up the rest. This year he's asked for a laptop and internet game gift cards. Those will be there...he's also getting lots of big lego sets, board games, video games, craft sets, pajamas, mighty beanz, hex bugs, etc.

DS3 is different in that he wants literally every toy that he sees on TV. I've bought them only to have him change his mind and want something different, LOL, so there has been some returns. He's getting several big imaginext sets, games, video games, go go walking pup, teacup piggy, etc.

I've spent about $1200 so far and still not done and I'm completely fine with that. It's good memories and I hope they do the same for their kids.

Please don't take this the wrong way but... I can understand wanting to have a magical Christmas with tons of stuff but what happens after Christmas? How long do they play with all the toys and gadgets? Do some or most get tossed aside quickly? That is what I observed growing up with friends who got everything. They ended up with piles of toys and after a few days or weeks, just played with their favorites.

For me, making sure to get the kids that one favorite item that they will play with over and over is what Christmas is about. The smile is there not only on Christmas morning but throughout the year.

Sorry, I really am just curious about the long term effect of this kind of Christmas.

 

[Suellen]

I despise lists. If I don't know my kid well enough to know what she wants then shame on me. We talk about things they like all the time and I am very well aware of the things they want without having them make me a shopping list.

Since they don't have any idea of making a list they will not be disappointed when they don't get every little thing they want.

I have to say to OP about the iTouch though... DD(5) has one and it is the best thing ever. She has a few shows on it to watch and tons of games that don't cost a thing. She always has all her games... no cartridges to drag along and risk getting lost. If she gets bored or outgrows a game ~ we delete it and get a new one.... no harm no foul. IMHO it is WAY more versatile and useful as well as educational than the handheld video games. She even has read along books on it.

 

[TheRatPack]

Our children list 3 of their 'top' items that they really want. We try to get those three things and then I bargain shop, find deals online, clearance, clothing, new shoes, PJs...etc to add to it. They all know they'll get some sort of PJ set or robe, and new shoes or slippers...etc if they don't need shoes at Christmas. We really try to get those 3 things and they are usually reasonable. With 5 children though, there are times when we've vetoed something that we felt was unneeded or just a huge overpriced fad. Many times we've sat down with them and helped them write the list again and explained to them why we feel that a certain gift is not worthy of being in their top 3 LOL. My oldest 3 are finally getting to the point where they like to research their top 3 items. My oldest is the worst..making sure that reviews are good...etc as he doesn't want to waste a top 3 spot for something that he'll regret.

It's funny though, my oldest 2 knew the 'drill' when we adopted our youngest 3 and they were a HUGE help with my younger 3 making their Christmas list. They would explain that mom and dad will get you your top 3 items and help them not list things like a hotwheel (thanks older kids LOL....we could have gotten off cheap LOL). One year I hid their final 'large gift' and when all unwrapping was over, everything was cleaned up and we were having breakfast I 'found' Santa's bag on the porch with those extra gifts in it. They were surprised, they'd thought for a moment that I'd not gotten the top 3. Amazingly they weren't let down though after opening everything and not seeing those top 3....which was nice. But the surprise was fun.

 

[Planogirl]

Lists are much easier when they get older IMO. I don't know every cd or dvd DS wants so it's better to have a reference. He doesn't get everything he asks for and I don't just follow the list but I do refer to it.

Funny thing is that he is asking me for a list this year.

 

[momof2gr8kids]

Nope. Our kids know that Santa brings one special present (along w/ stocking stuffers), and they are to give Santa a handful of things to choose from. Sometimes Santa brings something not on their list that Santa can afford and knows they will love!

I find kids get caught up in what everyone else is asking for - get caught up in the commercials and ask for things that aren't really something that is "them", kwim?

The rest of the gifts are from us, and we limit that as well. I don't want my kids thinking that Christmas is all about what you get. I don't even ask people what they "got" for Christmas. I don't like that. That's not what it's supposed to be about.

So, don't feel guilty about not getting everything on your kids' list. I think that's being a responsible parent.

 

[js]

I despise lists. If I don't know my kid well enough to know what she wants then shame on me. We talk about things they like all the time and I am very well aware of the things they want without having them make me a shopping list.

Great for you but can I ask how old your kids are? Do you have older than 5 years old?
If not, let's talk again when you have pre teens and teens. If you know every CD, video game and clothes item your 13 and 17 year old want, you may just be smothering them so I would say "shame on you" too

 

[Suellen]

Well I don't have one older than 5 but I was and am older than 5 and I never provided my parents with a list and they knew what I wanted/liked and needed. Still do as a matter of fact and not because they smother me... but because we talk to each other, spend time together and are observant of what is going on.

On the flip side of the coin ~ we have DH's parents who we see like twice a year and they only call when someone dies. Yeah... they STILL call husband for a list.

JMHO but I prefer my way..... to each their own.

 

[js]

but I prefer my way..... to each their own.

EXACTLY! To each his own...not "shame on you" or anyone for asking for a list from their children. Good for you for not giving your parents a list when you were young. I can't tell you one person I know that has older teens that know exactly what they want without coming out and asking or having them make a list.
I ask for a list because my kids make a list for SANTA, always have and still do, even at 17. So, to us, its much nicer to make a list for Santa instead of asking mom and dad for specific items or for each of us to beat around the bush to find out exactly what they want.
Hope your older teens do exactly what you did so you can keep the same tradition! Merry Christmas!

 

[Suellen]

Pretty sure I said shame on ME not shame on YOU. Please don't put words in my writing that weren't there.

I expect a certain relationship with my kids that others consider smothering.

You are the one saying rude things about me.

 

[TheRatPack]

LOL, well I have 5 children and all of them are over 5 so I need a list. Oh and I homeschool my children so outside influence, commercials (we don't have TV service), or asking for what every other child is asking for...well that doesn't happen here.

I know all of my children, and they are very open with me....BUT with so many things that I know they'd love, I like having a list of their top 3 to narrow things down. I don't think that deserves a 'shame' on anyone though.