Keeping maiden name when marrying

[powellrj]

It must be a regional thing because I have been married for 33 years and don't know anyone who still uses their maiden name after they are married. I know a few who took it back after divorce and a few that have been married several times and took their first DHs name back after other divorces.

 

[Mrs. Charming]

I just didn't like my maiden name, so I took DH's. Mine was an easy call. I think I'd probably have taken it anyway. However, I think if I were a well-known professional I'd have taken his name but used my maiden name professionally. But, due to my SAHM job, I'm just "A & B's Mom."

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

It is a personal choice, but have you considered what he will think? I would not have married my wife, as much as I love her, if she had been unwilling to take my name.

 

[disneychic2]

I think you should be asking your DF how he feels about this pretty soon. Most have stated they wouldn't marry a man who insisted they take their name. Do you feel that strongly? Will you give the ring back if he says he would like you to take his name? If so, you'd better find out sooner rather than later. Personally, I think way too much is made about the old fashioned practice of taking your husband's name. It doesn't make you more dependent if you do, and frankly I don't think it makes you more independent if you don't. You are who you are regardless of last name. 25 years ago I took DH's last name and for me it was the right decision. Talk with your DF and let him know you're on the fence about it and see what he thinks. Could be he couldn't care less. Could be he would be hurt. Find out and go from there. Good luck!

 

[LuvOrlando]

It was a really hard choice for me because it stirred a deep conflict between my generally extremely traditional nature and a really deep seeded Feminism. In generally I have a philosophical issue with he fact that women were traditionally property of their husbands and the term Mrs is quite literally Mr's so & so. In the end I changed my name because I KNOW my DH doesn't see it that way and society today doesn't mean it that way, now it's just a tradition. Still, when I stop and think about it it does get me up into a bit of a knot so I am mindful of it. Although I have his name I do go by Ms. and generally refuse to call other people Mrs. unless they explicitly reject Ms. and tell me they prefer Mrs...... its just how I roll. I never ever explain it though, its been my experience that most people never give any of this even a moments though so my angst is just silly to them... so be it. Ms. is my own little rebellion, blame it on me reading "Wonder Woman for President" and all the other Ms magazines when I was about 8 I don't think my mother was aware I could read that stuff much less understand it but I could and Ms. left an impression. It was one of a long list of things i was reading before she knew I could digest it, I think she thought I was looking at pictures and grabbed it away and told me to be quiet when I tried to discuss the article with her In the end I came to my own conclusions but that magazine had started me thinking about all sorts of things most of the under 10 set don't consider, and I kept going from there.

 

[2binak]

I hyphenated my last name & DH's last name and saw it as a joining of my two families. We talked about it for quite a while though because DH was concerned about what our children would go by. I assured him that our children would only have his last name and that's how we did it. DD has only DH's last name.

We are referred to as The _____ Family and address gifts, cards & mail as The _____ Family so my hyphenating has not had an impact on us as a family.

I know plenty of woman in the corporate world I work in who have kept their maiden name or hyphenated. We also know a couple who combined both of their last names and both go by the new, hyphenated last name.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

I kept my own name. It's about as non an issue as you could possibly get.

 

[MrsJackSparrow4Life]

Depends on future husbands last name (JK)

My mother kept her maiden name for the first 24 years of my parents marriage. After that someone convinced her it would be the right thing to do to take my dad's last name. After seeing all the trouble she has had to go through to get everything switched over (there are companies, 6 years later, that have still not changed the name even though mom keeps telling them to) I probably won't bother switching names if I ever get married.

 

[princessnoelly]

I'm a hyphenated last name and it is terrible. People don't know how to file your name, etc. I mainly go by my maiden. I hyphenated to keep the peace in my husbands family as this was an issue for his father (but he's a total bonehead so I shouldn't have done it!). I wanted to maintain my maiden for professional reasons since I already had my career. My husband said he was marrying me for me, not a last name.
We have kids now and it's a little hard some times but I just answer to both. They answer to both too or say that's my mom's last name when questioned. My husband also answers when he is called, Mr. Davis....we both giggle. Our kids have two middle names becasue it was important to me to give them my maiden name.

 

[Heidict]

I took my DH's last name when we married and never though twice about it. All the women in my family had done that and I can't recall one that keep their maiden name or hyphenated it with their new DH. Maybe if my family structure had been different I would have contemplated it, but it's wasn't.


There were a couple of women who really gave me a hard time about taking my DH's name. They would argue with me and get upset because I wasn't going to hyphen my name. Why they cared so much about it, I will never understand.

I don't think it's a big deal if you don't take your DH's name, you have to do whatever works best for you and your new family.

 

[CdnBuzzFan]

I changed my last name because I thought it showed my husband that I was committed to him and our family.

 

[robinb]

I am seriously considering keeping my maiden name when I get married. Have not yet had this discussion with my fiance.

Has anyone done this, what was you experience?

I had my name for over 30 years and I saw no reason to change it when I got married. My DD has my husband's last name so there is a small bit of confusion sometimes but nothing "Hi! I'm Robin, DD's mom." can't handle. FWIW, I gave my DD my last name as her middle name so she carries both our names.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

I would not have married my wife, as much as I love her, if she had been unwilling to take my name.

Funny. My husband would clearly have not been the right guy for me if he had been unwilling or unable to support my choice of keeping my own name. Different strokes for different folks.

 

[kwitcherkicken99]

For some, not taking the last name is completely a cultural thing and it isn't even considered.

Yeah, it could be a bit of a pain with introductions, but it's not in the marriage handbook that you will be a bad spouse if you don't.

My only drawback of changing my last name is that my kids had BETTER be on time... I was always at the end of the alphabet and could sometimes sneak into class a little late and still make roll call.

FWIW... I changed my last name, and even though I've been married for 5 years, all my friends and acquaintences pre-marriage still call me by my maiden name.

 

[Magpie]

I am seriously considering keeping my maiden name when I get married. Have not yet had this discussion with my fiance.

Has anyone done this, what was you experience?

I kept mine, but that's because they wanted to *charge* me for the privilege of changing my name to my husband's. Most of the women I know here have kept their own names (probably because of the registration fee), so it's never been an issue. My husband sure didn't care.

Sometimes my kids will end up getting called by my name instead of my husband's, but we just think it's funny.

 

[Spoodleink]

It is a personal choice, but have you considered what he will think? I would not have married my wife, as much as I love her, if she had been unwilling to take my name.

Why ?

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

Funny. My husband would clearly have not been the right guy for me if he had been unwilling or unable to support my choice of keeping my own name. Different strokes for different folks.

That's just it - Some things are very important to some people. You need to understand how the person that you are dating feels about these things before you go too far down that road. This may be inconsequential to some, but a deal breaker for others.

 

[Spoodleink]

I changed my last name because I thought it showed my husband that I was committed to him and our family.

I'm not sure if this was your intent but when you make statements like that it implies women who didn't change thier name are NOT committed to their husbands and families.

 

[disykat]

. It doesn't make you more dependent if you do, and frankly I don't think it makes you more independent if you don't. !

ITA. What makes you feel dependent or not is deeply personal. I took my husband's last name with absolutely no qualms. However, if my dh had asked my father for permission to marry me or tried the whole surprise proposal thing I would have been highly offended. Most women seem to be the opposite and like those traditions. Every looks at things differently.

I am still the same person with my married name. I consider myself part of the "maiden name" family when we are talking extended family, but part of the "married name" family if we are just talking about me, dh, and the kids. I like having the name in common. My maiden name is no where in my legal name anymore because I chose not to hypenate or use it instead of my middle name, but I still use it at times to describe myself.

I have a weird maiden name so always thought I'd be relieved to change it. Unfortunately, my husband's last nanme is weird too!

 

[Kitzka]

I think it's a personal choice between you and your fiance. DH and I got married 12 years ago. We both kept our last names. When DD came along we gave her both our last names as her last name so hers is Kayla V. Dot Jones (not our real last names). Now, the one thing i regret is that we did not hypehnate her last name. if we don't use her middle inital then people assume one last name is her middle name and the other is the last.

I often get called Mrs. Dot Jones and DH gets called Mr. Dot Jones but it's not usually a big deal to either of us. as long as each of our last names is in there somewhere.

part of the reason for me was that i am Vietnamese-American and I wanted DD to have a vietnamese name, either first or middle. The problem was that i didn't like any of them. So, we gave her my last name along with DH's.

Lara