Keeping maiden name when marrying

[Redone]

I am seriously considering keeping my maiden name when I get married. Have not yet had this discussion with my fiance.

Has anyone done this, what was you experience?

A little more info. I am marrying the father of my child who is 12. I got pregnant when in the military overseas and time/fate is working out now that he can join us in the US and we can get married. Everyone knows my daughter by my maiden name, everything I own is in my maiden name (obviously) etc..... We are not plan on having any more children. Just a little more info.

 

[golfgal]

I didn't and never really considered it more from a convenience factor then anything. Friends that have done this are constantly correcting people that they are really Ms. Smith, not Mrs. Jones. It gets confusing if you have kids, etc. I also think that there is the symbol of having one family name to show you are a family. I don't think that you have to automatically take the husband's name but that is more traditional. I know of one family that actually made up a last name-combination of their "maiden" names and that is the family last name now. It will give historians/genealogists fits in the future but it works for them . I just think it is easier not to have different last names.

 

[acejka]

I never even considered doing that-I mean yeah I ended up with a wacky last name but that is part of getting married sometimes.

I have a friend who didn't change her name and I can tell its a very hot topic between her and her husband. He is very hurt by it.

 

[abdmom]

I did not take my husband's name when I married. It's very common where I live not to. I will respond to "Mrs. Y" when people call me that. I've never had a problem.

The two primary reasons I didn't take my husband's name were that I had publications in my maiden name, and I would have had to change my birth certificate to my new married name.

 

[golfgal]

I did not take my husband's name when I married. It's very common where I live not to. I will respond to "Mrs. Y" when people call me that. I've never had a problem.

The two primary reasons I didn't take my husband's name were that I had publications in my maiden name, and I would have had to change my birth certificate to my new married name.

Why would you have to change your birth certificate? You change it on your marriage license, not your birth certificate. You just fill out the name you want after you are married on your marriage license and that it is. I know a lot of people that change their name when they are married but continue to use their "maiden" name professionally.

 

[Toad_Passenger]

DW took my last name. To her, it was never even a question.

My SIL, however, kept her maiden name. She was older when she married my brother, and, like a PP, had already had many papers published and a long list of clients for the job that she does. Changing her name could have had a negative affect on her livelihood, in terms of people not recognizing some of her previous research.

 

[BCDisneyFanatic]

Why would you have to change your birth certificate? You change it on your marriage license, not your birth certificate. You just fill out the name you want after you are married on your marriage license and that it is. I know a lot of people that change their name when they are married but continue to use their "maiden" name professionally.

Depends on your country/region - maybe the other poster isn't in the US?

In Chile (and most latin countries from my understanding), you don't change your name when you get married. The fact that DH and I have the same last name is actually seen as kind of 'incestuous'.

In Quebec, Canada, you also can't change your name legally just by getting married (although many women refer to themselves by their husband's name informally).

 

[RitaZ.]

I am seriously considering keeping my maiden name when I get married. Have not yet had this discussion with my fiance.

Has anyone done this, what was you experience?

There is nothing wrong with that. This is a common practice in other cultures.

It's a personal choice.

 

[walden]

I am seriously considering keeping my maiden name when I get married. Have not yet had this discussion with my fiance.

Has anyone done this, what was you experience?

I got married 31 years ago and did not change my name. Keeping a maiden name was possibly more common then, and many of my female peers also kept their original names when they married. I've never found it to be much of a problem. My friends who have divorced (a couple more than once) tell me that it is an advantage professionally to have one consistent name throughout their working lives.

So, on legal documents and professionally I have always been Walden P****. My husband is John K******. Socially, I don't make a big deal if someone calls me Mrs. K****** in conversation. If it is relevant, I just explain that my DH and I have different names but we are still very much married! Our kids have their Dad's last name, not mine, but some of my friends used a hyphen: Jane (mom's last name)-(dad's last name).

I have always had mail addressed to Mrs P****-K****** from my in-laws, no big deal. They also introduce me as Walden K******, but again, why make a fuss. Banks have also accepted checks written to Walden P****-K****** in our joint account, I haven't tried to pay them into my sole account.

It has worked for me.

 

[chicagodisneyfan]

I am seriously considering keeping my maiden name when I get married. Have not yet had this discussion with my fiance.

Has anyone done this, what was you experience?

I did it and there are no problems. In my circle, it is very common. About 50-50 with my group of friends.

My husband shrugged his shoulders and said he was lucky enough to get ME - he did not care about whether or not I changed my name. Then again I would never marry a man who wanted to force me to take his name - too neanderthal!

 

[etoiles]

I did not change my name when I got married. DH did not mind and still doesn't. Have not had any problems with it at all. When the water bill comes it comes in both of our last names and it misspells both of them so we always have a good laugh about it.

Sometimes like at the repair shop we have to have them look under both of our names to find the car but that's about it!

If you want to keep your last name I say go for it!

 

[punkin]

I kept my name 20 years ago and I am still happy with my decision. It makes things a little difficult at the children's schools, but I usually only have to correct people once or twice that I am not Mrs. X. I don't like being called that ever. DH doesn't care. His only request when we got married was that the children have his name. I agreed.

 

[lspst8]

I haven't changed my last name, and I haven't had any problems. I really like my last name and didn't want to change it. My husband does not have a problem with this --- we are going to give the baby (I'm 9 months pregnant now) his last name because we aren't fans of hyphenated last names. And the baby is going to be named after my mom or dad, so no problems there.

It's all personal preference to me.

 

[gillep]

My husband shrugged his shoulders and said he was lucky enough to get ME - he did not care about whether or not I changed my name. Then again I would never marry a man who wanted to force me to take his name - too neanderthal!

This is me and my husband, he did not care at all and I just felt more comfortable keeping my maiden name, plus I didn't want the hassle of changing everything.

I really don't care if people call my by my husband's last name but if I get a wedding invitation and the response card is addressed to Mr. and Mrs. B when I write in our attendance I just write in Mr. B and Ms. G on the little line, easy as it gets. No one is confused by us having different last names either it is very common, and I had a few friends growing up whose parents had different last names and it was not confusing for the child or his/her friends at all, I just don't buy that one. This is a very personal decision and you should do whatever feels right to you. It doesn't mean that you are any less committed to your family just because you choose to have a different last name. I know how committed DH and I are to one another and our family we don't need the same last name to prove it.

Actually DH and I stayed Club Level at AKL last month and as I made the reservation IPO just put my last name for DH and I and we both got a good laugh over his gold KTTW with Mr. G on it and asked if we could keep it along with getting a new one with Mr. B on it.

 

[Disney Doll]

I took DH's name. He is a traditionalist in that area and so am I, so it was an easy decision. I didn't have to change my birth certificate though.

That being said, it's fairly common these days to have 2 different last names in a family, so I don't think it would be a big issue.

The only problem I see is if your DFiance has a problem with it.

 

[jenm2878]

I've been married for 5 years and together with my DH for 13, and I kept my last name without any problems. I kept it for a couple of reasons; my last name is very Irish and my DH's last name is very non-descript. (think along the lines of O'Malley vs. Jones) DH didn't care and said that his name is part of his identity so he could understand that my name is part of mine.

Also, I got my CPA before we got married and I didn't want to change all of my certificates and license. Now I know I could have just used my maiden name professionally, but my biggest reason for not changing it was that my dad had passed away a couple years before we got married. He took great pride in the fact that he raised me to be very independant. I decided to keep my name to honor him.

Nobody in our circle seems to think it's strange that we have two last names, and we get mail addressed to us with all different combinations, which is not a big deal.

I'm pregnant with our first child, and he/she will have DH's last name, but we may throw my last name in as a middle name. I say do whatever you want - people won't care either way.

 

[jodifla]

I kept my last name when we married 23 years ago. I have a very unusual last name, and if you have that last name, you are related to me!

My husband was 100 percent supportive. He doesn't understand why women change their name at all.

My son has my last name for a middle name. If people call me Mrs. husbandslastname at school, no big deal. But ALL my paperwork says just my maiden name.

I've been VERY happy I kept my maiden name.

 

[mom2grace]

I am seriously considering keeping my maiden name when I get married. Have not yet had this discussion with my fiance.

Has anyone done this, what was you experience?

I was pressured to change it, and I did.....13 years later I just changed it back! (Still married, 2 kids later)

If you don't want to & you do, you will probably regret it!

 

[XYSRUS]

I kept my name 17 yrs. ago. It was not common at all. My husband and kids still kid me about having a different last name. And, I don't correct people if they call me by my husband's last name. I answer to anything really! I'm easy!

 

[MaryAnnDVC]

My husband shrugged his shoulders and said he was lucky enough to get ME - he did not care about whether or not I changed my name. Then again I would never marry a man who wanted to force me to take his name - too neanderthal!

I did take my DH's last name. I thought about not changing it, and kind of wish I hadn't, but I had a real PITA maiden name and on some level welcomed my DH's much simpler name. I went from an Italian name to a WASP name, and feel like I lost some of my identity. I've thought about changing it to my MOTHER'S Italian maiden name, which I love, but honestly, just don't feel like bothering at this point...too many documents to change.