Just need to vent about Grandma

[BMNABrinx]

When I was a kid I looked forward to Fridays...they were the days I went to Gma's after school. When she got home from work I knew the routine....bank, coke & french fries or burger for a snack, home. Many Friday nights I stayed over at Gma & Gpa's house and we would have fast food for dinner; sometimes Gma cooked but not usually on Friday. We watched tv until late at night, at snack stuff (JUNK) and made some great memories!
My girls (now 19 & 12) were fortunate to be able to go to Gma's house too. They enjoyed all of the "bad" foods that they ate or prepared together. Gma passed away in December 2007. I'd give anything for her to still be here sharing those "bad" foods with our family.
My dad gets my nephew from the bus every day and everyday dad fixes him a snack...hot dog/chips/twinkie/drink of some sort. My brother and his wife just eat later.
I understand the concern but I think I'd try to find a compromise if it's really a problem.

 

[Magic Mom]

COmpromise with her and ask her to only indulge them on Fridays. Then on Fridays have dinner later. That way she gets to spoil them like she wants, but it doesn't interfere with school night schedules.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Agree with finding a compromise. If you have to have grandma watch the kids, eat later than 4:30. Buy 5:30 the sugar buzz will have worn off.

 

[inaminute]

You can huff and puff and blow the house down but it comes down to Granny's house, Granny's rules.

I disagree. When it comes to house rules, sure. It's grannies house. When it comes to children's tummies--well, this is up to Mom and Dad.

I find that "Gee, honey, you know I'd love to. But Mommy's the boss and I have to follow her rules, too. She said no, so you'll have to wait." It works for just about everything. Grandma's teaching the child that Mom's rules are to be followed and the bonus is that the rule is squarely on Mom--not grandma. Grandma comes out looking pretty good!

I know it doesn't really help in this situation, but I do wish more grandparents would pay attention to the wishes of their children when it comes to grandchildren. I would never do anything with my grandson to which his parents would object. It's not worth the fight and I love my grandkids too much to risk not seeing them on a regular basis.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Also your children are old enough to say no. If you have an over indulgent mom that is going to be watching them, you are going to have to work on them.

You have asked your mom not to do it and she refuses so come at it with another angle.

Maybe tell the kids that they can come over for dessert after dinner? Maybe grandma will go for that?

As Tim Gunn says..."work it".

 

[teskak]

Simple - they stay over a grandma's for another few hours - just enough for her to deal with the suger high and then the lows as the kids come off the sugar.

A friend asked if she could give my then 4year old red fizzy soda - fine - but she then got to see what the effect was of that much sugar on somebody who did not get sugar, and deal with the whinging whining child when they crash off of the high.

never again - lesson learned

 

[pennst8r]

I wish my kids had a grandma who would spoil them like that!!

I realize it's frustrating to you, but in the big scheme of things, does she take good care of them? Do your kids enjoy being with her? Is that all she ever feeds them?

My mom died when my kids were 18months and 6 months after being diagnosed with cancer when the first was 1 month old. She never even met my youngest. I would give anything for them to have grandparents who love them unconditionally and are a big part of their life --even if they spoiled their dinner once in awhile.

 

[xoprincessmomxo]

I wish my kids had a grandma who would spoil them like that!!

I realize it's frustrating to you, but in the big scheme of things, does she take good care of them? Do your kids enjoy being with her? Is that all she ever feeds them?

My mom died when my kids were 18months and 6 months after being diagnosed with cancer when the first was 1 month old. She never even met my youngest. I would give anything for them to have grandparents who love them unconditionally and are a big part of their life --even if they spoiled their dinner once in awhile.

I was thinking the same thing. I'd do anything for my girls to have my mom here to baby sit them for free.

I agree with C.Ann. Find a compromise.

 

[NHdisneylover]

My (truly wonderful) DMiL refuses to regularly babysit the 3 grandkids who live here because of this type of situation. She wants her time with them ot be special and create really find memories but she knows it would not be good for them to be spolied by her every day. She doesn't want to be "the babysitter' she wants to be the "grandma."
It sounds like your mom wants to be the grandma too. Honestly, I would do as PPs have stated and find alternate childcare for that one hour (maybe a teen can get off the bus with them) but I would not present it in any way as a punishment to grandma for feeding the kids treats. I would tell her (and i would mean it) that I realized it is not fair to her or the kids to lose the specialness of their relationship to becommign a run of the mill childcare situation, so I had found a babysitter. It really does sound to me like she is wanting to be more of a fun grandma and less of a childcare provider--and there is nothing wrong with that. I would also tell her that I wanted her to still have plenty of fun grandma time with the kids. Ask her when and how she wants to do that. Maybe she would like to have them one afternoon a week afterschool (and then you live with the sugar high or whatever) or maybe she would like each child individually for an afternoon. Or perhaps she would like the fun of planning all day outings with them on school holidays.

 

[lillygator]

I wish my kids had a grandma who would spoil them like that!!

I realize it's frustrating to you, but in the big scheme of things, does she take good care of them? Do your kids enjoy being with her? Is that all she ever feeds them?

My mom died when my kids were 18months and 6 months after being diagnosed with cancer when the first was 1 month old. She never even met my youngest. I would give anything for them to have grandparents who love them unconditionally and are a big part of their life --even if they spoiled their dinner once in awhile.

I am very sorry for your loss and I too wish my Grandfather was around to meet my kids and my husband, but still, taking good care of them does not equal giving them sweets everyday. Especially if it is AGAINST the mother's wishes.

OP, I would tell her this is what is acceptable, if she can't follow it then you will find another sitter.

 

[Kickapoo Joie Juice]

You know what, the candy's not going to kill them.

It makes grandma happy, it makes the kids happy, it makes you happy because you don't have to pay for a baby sitter.

You make a big stink out of this you're going to:

1. Piss grandma off

2. Deny kids time with their grandma

3. Have to pay for a babysitter.

Let it go and feed them later and say thanks to grandma for the free babysitting.

 

[KAMKIM]

Thanks for all the suggestions, I think I will ask if she can limit the sweets to on Fridays only.

To answer a few questions - no my mother did NOT feed us sweets like this when we were little but she was never concerned with healthy diets either.

No I have not posted anything like this before - maybe it is a repeat thread, but not from me.

I start dinner at 4:30 when I get home we eat by 5/5:30 at the latest. I am glad they have their grandma and I am not ungrateful...my grandmother passed away last August and I'd give anything to have her back. My grandmother spoiled us to but it wasn't everyday sweets all the time. We'd see her on the weekends and she'd sneak us a hard candy or something.

My guess is when I bring it up again she'll say okay...and then just start sneaking the junk to them. I probably wont win this one. It frustrates me but not that big of a deal where'd I'd ask someone else to watch them for that hour - she may feed them junk but there is no place they'd rather be.

 

[KAMKIM]

You know what, the candy's not going to kill them.

It makes grandma happy, it makes the kids happy, it makes you happy because you don't have to pay for a baby sitter.

You make a big stink out of this you're going to:

1. Piss grandma off

2. Deny kids time with their grandma

3. Have to pay for a babysitter.

Let it go and feed them later and say thanks to grandma for the free babysitting.

Very true. I dont know that it's worth the fight.

 

[K and K's Mommy]

My (truly wonderful) DMiL refuses to regularly babysit the 3 grandkids who live here because of this type of situation. She wants her time with them ot be special and create really find memories but she knows it would not be good for them to be spolied by her every day. She doesn't want to be "the babysitter' she wants to be the "grandma."
It sounds like your mom wants to be the grandma too. Honestly, I would do as PPs have stated and find alternate childcare for that one hour (maybe a teen can get off the bus with them) but I would not present it in any way as a punishment to grandma for feeding the kids treats. I would tell her (and i would mean it) that I realized it is not fair to her or the kids to lose the specialness of their relationship to becommign a run of the mill childcare situation, so I had found a babysitter. It really does sound to me like she is wanting to be more of a fun grandma and less of a childcare provider--and there is nothing wrong with that. I would also tell her that I wanted her to still have plenty of fun grandma time with the kids. Ask her when and how she wants to do that. Maybe she would like to have them one afternoon a week afterschool (and then you live with the sugar high or whatever) or maybe she would like each child individually for an afternoon. Or perhaps she would like the fun of planning all day outings with them on school holidays.

This happened to a good friend of mine. She used her mom as a babysitter for about a year and then had to switch to daycare. She said, "My mom just needs to be grandma." Their relationship returned to normal and grandma was able to spoil the boys once or twice a week.

If we lived in the same town as my in-laws, I'd have this issue too!

 

[Disney Doll]

If this is really going to matter 5years from now, then take your stand.

If your mother does a lot of things to undermine your authority and it's driving you crazy, take your stand.

If this is the worst thing she really does, count your blessings.

 

[wvjules]

I just got home from work and found my kids eating a cupcake, a bowl of ice cream, and a handful of smarties. A half hour before dinner. My mother sees nothing wrong with this. She says "well it's grandma's house" I understand that but giving them junk when you know they are going home to eat dinner is NOT spoiling them in a good way, it's setting them up for poor eating habits later in life. Of course they dont want to eat now - they are full of junk.

During the summer when she watches them full time we pay her. Now she gets them off the bus at 3, I get home at 4 - so we do not pay her during the school year.

You eat dinner at 4:30?

 

[jiminyC_fan]

As a Grandma, I say get over it!!!!!! You are getting the daycare for FREE. If you want everything done your way then hire a babysitter. You are totally lucky to have a caring grandparent willing to help you out. With you living so close to her, how many times do you drop the kids off just to run an errand or have date night or whatever and not pay her? I say the sweets aren't going to kill the kids and you can do what you please in YOUR house. You could push dinner off another hour or so or you can make a stink to a caring grandparent. Your call, but remember how much she does for you for little or nothing in return. I'm tired of grandparents getting stepped on.

 

[KAMKIM]

As a Grandma, I say get over it!!!!!! You are getting the daycare for FREE. If you want everything done your way then hire a babysitter. You are totally lucky to have a caring grandparent willing to help you out. With you living so close to her, how many times do you drop the kids off just to run an errand or have date night or whatever and not pay her? I say the sweets aren't going to kill the kids and you can do what you please in YOUR house. You could push dinner off another hour or so or you can make a stink to a caring grandparent. Your call, but remember how much she does for you for little or nothing in return. I'm tired of grandparents getting stepped on.

Wow. Um actually never. I NEVER ask her to watch my kids unless I am at work. I dont feel like I was stepping on her. I believe I have already expressed my gratitude for her watching my kids. And I wouldn't say she does it for little to nothing in return because you dont know our situation or what I do for her - not because she watches my kids, but because she is my mother.

I'm not sure what kind of people you are around that kick grandma and grandpa around - but I can assure you I am not like that.

 

[KAMKIM]

You eat dinner at 4:30?

I start dinner at 4:30 when I get home we eat by 5/5:30 at the latest.

 

[FireDancer]

You know what, the candy's not going to kill them.

It makes grandma happy, it makes the kids happy, it makes you happy because you don't have to pay for a baby sitter.

I don't agree with this at all.

First, as I said before, if it is a one time or rare thing let it go. However, except for the rare treat the dietary wishes of the parents should always be honored.

I dated a girl who was a vegetarian and had a 2 year old daughter. When her parents or friends were watching her they honored her parent's dietary wishes. When I watched her I did the same. I would never in a million years take her out for burgers and then say "Well, I didn't charge you so don't worry about it."

My mom would never feed my nephew anything against my brother or sister-in-law's wishes just because he wanted it.

It isn't bashing grandparents and just because it is free doesn't mean that the grandma has carte blanche to do what she wants. Too many sweets are not healthy and anyone choosing to do what is easy or will make the kids happy over what is good for them is lazy. As the adult you do what is best for their long term health, and in many people's opinion including mine it is not feeding them sugar laden empty calories. If a parent doesn't care about the candy fine, if they don't want them to have the candy that is fine too. The responsibility for the choices is the parents and the parents alone.