Jewish Funeral - Help Needed

[mmbrad02]

I come to this post with the highest sincerity and just honestly don't know what I'm doing.

My husband and I are of the Christian faith, but he has extended family that are Jewish. He lost an uncle yesterday who's services are being held this Sunday. It's 9 hours from us and we are making the whirlwind overnight trip. Today I am working and trying to book a hotel and figure out appropriate attire for this service. He lost his aunt (said Uncle's wife) back in 2006 but we were on vacation and could not make it to her services. That said, the last Jewish service my husband attended was when he was 12; he is now 44. He is of no help when I ask what is appropriate attire.

So I come asking - I assume my husband will wear his suit. I feel men sort of have it easy in this situation. But now I'm trying to figure out my daughter (13) and myself. I've Googled but I feel like I get a mixed review. Here are some specific questions I have:

My daughter is petite and tiny and looks more like a 11-12 year old honestly. She has a sold black knee length dress that, in our own faith/location/views, would be perfectly acceptable and appropriate. However I keep seeing that dresses should be below the knee. Does that go for kids also? And shoes - my child is a typical middle schooler - her current shoes consist of crocs, tennis shoes, sandals, and dressy sandals. Are open toe sandals truly a no go? I keep seeing closed toe shoes are appropriate. While I certainly do not want to offend anyone, I'm also working against the clock and live in a small town so our options are extremely challenging right now.

For myself - do women wear pants? I'm assume sleeveless dresses are not an option. I'm trying to figure out what is in my closet that is appropriate - I have a lot of dresses that are knee length but I haven't worn a longer dress in years - but I do have dress pants.

I want to go visit the family and show our respect and slide under the radar If anyone can help I would appreciate it!

 

[Rogue1677x]

So I'm not Jewish, but I'm thinking back to my high school friends grandmother's funeral, who was Jewish. The women were either wearing dresses, but they weren't overly long, I think some came down to the knee or slightly above the knee. There were quite a few women wearing pants with blouses or sweaters. I, myself wore pants, a cardigan and for shoes I had dress boots.

Now, for a an orthodox family it may be different. That is not something I can speak of.

 

[Dan Murphy]

My condolences for your husband, you, his family.

I can't help with your questions about you and your daughter, but did want to add that your husband may be offered to wear a yarmulke. A number of our Jewish friends have passed over the years. There is usually a supply of simple yarmulkes for guests who do not have one of there own. I'm Christian also and always have worn one supplied to me at the service when/where expected.

https://www.funeralpartners.co.uk/help-advice/arranging-a-funeral/types-of-funerals/jewish-funeral-customs/#:~:text=Male guests are expected to,often wear a black ribbon.

 

[disneydreamer1980]

I’m half Jewish. Generally just modest dresses should be fine. If the uncle and most of the attendees were orthodox I’d dress very modestly, otherwise what you explained should be fine. And, as pp said, your husband should wear a yarmulke, they may be provided at the funeral though. And Jews generally don’t send flowers at funerals

 

[ffindis]

Unless this is an orthodox funeral, Jewish funeral attire and funeral attire are one and the same. Knee length dresses are fine. If this is orthodox then the dress code is more conservative and modest. However, all funeral attire should be relatively modest.

 

[mmbrad02]

Thank you for all kind comments and assistance. I did reach out to his former daughter in law (who has remained very close and in good standing with the family) and she was very helpful. I learned his synagogue is more liberal than others so think I feel much more at ease in packing our attire. I think I will just go with the word Modest (which I would for any funeral). Thanks again!

 

[mmbrad02]

I wanted to follow back up and thank everyone again for their responses. This was not an orthodox service. It went well, and the temple/service wasn’t as intimidating as I had feared. With the temps reaching over 80 that day, my daughter and I were both wearing dark knee length dresses and sandals - No one noticed or cared. Only two men wore a yarmulke , the Rabbi leading the service and one other attendee. The biggest difference for us was the burial, but it was interesting to see how the processes are different. Overall it was good to see family and be there for the cousins.

 

[Deb]

Only two men wore a yarmulke , the Rabbi leading the service and one other attendee.

that's surprising

 

[Dan Murphy]

I wanted to follow back up and thank everyone again for their responses. This was not an orthodox service. It went well, and the temple/service wasn’t as intimidating as I had feared. With the temps reaching over 80 that day, my daughter and I were both wearing dark knee length dresses and sandals - No one noticed or cared. Only two men wore a yarmulke , the Rabbi leading the service and one other attendee. The biggest difference for us was the burial, but it was interesting to see how the processes are different. Overall it was good to see family and be there for the cousins.

Thanks for the follow up.

 

[Sparrow'sLady]

It really depends on what type of Synagog they attend. That will affect the services as well as when they sit shiva. If they are orthodox, it will be strict. If they are liberal or secular, they do not hold to Jewish law as much.

EDIT: I see you replied back. I am glad everything was answered and worked out for you.