I've got the Cruise planning blues...

[kiford]

It's a dual edged sword for me. If someone else planned, I wouldn't be able to mostly have my own way and pick the excursions I want. I typically pick out a short list of those excursions I'm interested in and rank them (usually 2-4 options), put a summary together and give them to DH to look at and rank. Then compare the rankings. Never does he ask about what other options were available that I didn't put on the shortlist (well, he did once and I told him that he could look at them himself on the site but he declined to do the work). So I get to cherry pick what I want while letting him have some say (OK - maybe I sometimes skew the summary in a way that I know he'll pick what I want).

Now, I like to plan, but as the planner do you ever get sick of "anything you want to do is fine with me" and "I don't care, whatever you think" or no response.

On the other hand - what's really irritating is when I get no input or "whatever you think" until it's a couple of weeks prior to the trip and then all sorts of questions, desires, and complaints about the choices I've made come out along with requests to change things "Oh - I didn't know you'd booked that", "aren't those bookings too close together", "I didn't want to do all three of the Remy dining possibilities", "we're doing what?". ARRGH! Not that anything gets changed, he just grumbles under his breath sometimes. He still goes along with it because he doesn't want to do any of the work. We still end up doing what I want and I just say "blah, blah, blah, whine, whine, whine you big baby. Why don't you do the planning then?" to which the response is "No, I'm OK with whatever you've got planned" (after just grumbling about it). If he really didn't like it, he would do something about it so I have to assume that, in the end, he has a good time (I know he does because I hear him telling other people about what he did on his vacation) and does appreciate it even if he doesn't express it. After 30 years, he ain't gonna change.

 

[mya1k9]

I didn't read all the posts but plan to come back because I thought I was the only one!!! I love to plan but it sure would me nice if my DH showed some kind of excitement about our upcoming trip. He's a whatever kind of guy unless it involves sports. I read these boards so I have other people who are excited along with me!!! I feel your pain, OP.

 

[chik1987]

We'll be on the Dream this October...any chance you're doing the 10/9 - 10/13 cruise? If so, we'll take any leftover cake you might have

Nope sorry lol. We are the week before the 2nd through the 6th. And I doubt there will be any cake leftover. I'm getting my chocolate cake with vanilla butter cream (yum) and my fiance is getting his white cake with lemon filling

 

[chik1987]

lol - "Okay, I'll go, but I won't like it!" I bet your MIL will have a great time. Don't tell her the grandkids will probably be at the clubs while on board.

I sooo hope she has fun. I was kinda over it when we were explaining what a cabana was and asking her if she thought that would be something she would be interested in. I figured she would have a spot to sit in the shade and watch the grandkids with transportation there (she has some mobility issues) if we could snag one. She said she wasn't even going to get off the boat at Castaway Cay. Ok well whatever then you do you and I won't spend hundreds on a cabana you don't want to use sounds like a win win for me.

 

[Anchors Away 2016]

I LOVE this thread. So much of it sounds so familiar. I am the DH, and the planner in the family. I plan all of our vacations, and have planned vacations that included my mother, my in-laws, my sister's family, my wife's sister's family, my wife's brother's family, etc.

I do it because I love doing it. But also because, I know that if someone doesn't plan it, it won't happen, and if you don't plan in advance you miss a lot of things. My wife does plan other things (parties, trips) just not vacations.

On this most recent cruise with my family, my sister's family and my mother, I created a 15-page Word document, that I would e-mail to them periodically the latest update of it, and then try to talk to each one about various items on it as it became time to plan that part, and often they would say, "whatever" but then later they would ask questions about that item later, and I would say, "as I tried to tell you last month..."

Also, I felt bad if there was any question that my research didn't anticipate. They took it pretty well, though the definitely were used to me knowing all the answers, but I was hard on myself about it.

Another thing is that my kids are now teenagers, so when the idea of this trip came up with their cousins and their grandmother, I didn't just grab the reigns and plan it myself. I suggested, then encouraged, then OK forced, my sons to participate in the choice of where we should go. As a group, the nine of us brain-stormed (via e-mail) five destinations, and then I got each of my sons to scope out one of them. It took some cajoling at first to get them to start it, but by the end, the each did research for two of the places and my nieces did the fifth. They made PowerPoint presentations that looked at Hotels, Transportation, Activities and cost estimates for the 9 of us at each of the Destinations. Then at Christmastime when all nine of us were together, the kids presented the 5 choices to the families and we picked the Disney Cruise. It was fun for them, and a good experience in planning too.

One last thing, I too once wished someone else would plan a trip or occasion for me, and I kinda lamented out loud that it was a bummer than no one ever planned anything for me. My wife heard, and you know what she said? "Oh, I thought you'd hate if someone else did the planning!" So she planned a wonderful birthday celebration for me. Gathered all my old friends, including some I hadn't seen in years. That was years ago, now she knows that I enjoy "handing over the reigns" sometimes and so she does that periodically.

 

[MaleficentRN]

Ah, thank you for letting me know I'm not alone. I think the best was the Disney trip that I allowed everyone a day to do whatever they want at Magic Kingdom; the NO PLAN plan. I didn't plan a thing. That went over like a lead balloon.

Now, I do receive the adoration for planning the trips, thank yous and "i love you Dad" and I have to say, it's my personality to take the lead, but like @MaleficentRN said "how nice" would it be if someone would just do the simplest of gestures to show me "it's my vacation too"!

Well, thanks for sharing in my frustration. In the end, I love my family so much, I want every experience to be amazing and honestly I'm not sure if I could sit back and just let someone plan it (as I'm about 'plussing' the experience and know they wouldn't pore over the details to find some cool secret experience) but man, it would AWESOME to board the ship and find a box of cigars on the bed as we enter the stateroom (a stateroom which I hand picked, after researching the largest verandahs on the ship, lol). Just once!

Enjoy planning my friends...it's what we do!

Absolutely! My family is appreciative of my planning and I always get a "Great trip, honey!" from DH, but jeez! Can't a girl open her hotel room door and find champagne and strawberries just once without having to do it or ask for it herself?

 

[amberwc]

It's been eluded to, but ask yourself -- would you really be happy on a trip that someone else planned? I recognize that my need to plan comes from the control freak in me. Yes little surprises along the way (that bottle of champagne or someone buying a rain forest room pass) would be nice.
When it all starts to get to be too much, I turn over the wine list to the server and say "surprise me, don't go over $x". Check, one decision I didn't have to make.
Cheer up, your trips are better for your hard work and you know it -- deep down they know it too.

 

[lisaradz]

I totally relate to this. I really enjoy the planning and all of the little details. I think I do an awesome job too. The other day, my DS said, "Mom, you are always so uptight when we leave for vacation." It killed me. Of course I'm uptight. I have to keep track of all the documents; passports, birth certificates, cruise tickets, airline tickets, hotel ressies... DH gets to just be fun dad, but I have to make sure that everything runs smoothly. Ok my vent is over. I just hope that my kids remember the good memories too and not just the stress at the airport.

 

[kiford]

When it all starts to get to be too much, I turn over the wine list to the server and say "surprise me, don't go over $x".

Had to laugh at this a bit because I'm the same way. At dinner, I always just go with whatever the sommelier has paired with the entree. It usually only takes the server one or two nights to figure that out and, once they do, even if I forget to order, they know to bring that for me. My view is that: (a) someone who knows more about this than I has selected it; and (b) I don't want to make any more decisions or do any more planning cuz I'm finally on vacation.

 

[pontikes67]

Thanks for all the responses. As I was reading your replies, I had a funny memory pop up on a trip several years ago.

So, when we do MK, we try and catch wishes anytime we're in the park that day. The first night we were in MK we had an early morning and I didn't want the kids to be over tired so I planned for us to stand down by the flag pole at Main Street to avoid the crowds and get first boat back to WL. We use to stand on a little side path that was to the EAST of the hub and it was the perfect viewing spot, but not this time (for reasons noted), I had explained this to my wife, who when she saw where we were standing was like "this is where we are watching from?" At the time I think they might have had some scrims up on Main Street, which did change the aesthetics a bit, but we were coming back to MK and having our Grand Finale viewing in a few days from our spot. This was a BONUS view Anyway, there's a picture of the disappointed group.

In the end, I have an expectation of how our vacation or an event should go, my wife does not, sooo I guess you have to do what you do if you're trying to create the vacation/event you envision. Just once though, Just once...I'd love to be caught off guard by a random act of planning

Add me to the club!
I'm currently just finishing up all the planning for our March trip. I booked the fp's last weekend for our WDW stay and we are doing a 4 day cruise along with it. I do the all the planning - 100% of it. I'm one of those spreadsheet planners with different colors for reservations, fp's, all of it (I'm sure many of you are the same way). It's tiring!

You noted your 'color coded' park plans, you'll enjoy this...

 

[RedSox68]

Thanks for all the responses. As I was reading your replies, I had a funny memory pop up on a trip several years ago.

So, when we do MK, we try and catch wishes anytime we're in the park that day. The first night we were in MK we had an early morning and I didn't want the kids to be over tired so I planned for us to stand down by the flag pole at Main Street to avoid the crowds and get first boat back to WL. We use to stand on a little side path that was to the EAST of the hub and it was the perfect viewing spot, but not this time (for reasons noted), I had explained this to my wife, who when she saw where we were standing was like "this is where we are watching from?" At the time I think they might have had some scrims up on Main Street, which did change the aesthetics a bit, but we were coming back to MK and having our Grand Finale viewing in a few days from our spot. This was a BONUS view Anyway, there's a picture of the disappointed group.

In the end, I have an expectation of how our vacation or an event should go, my wife does not, sooo I guess you have to do what you do if you're trying to create the vacation/event you envision. Just once though, Just once...I'd love to be caught off guard by a random act of planning



You noted your 'color coded' park plans, you'll enjoy this...
View attachment 215988

Wow, that's a beautiful chart!

 

[Dr Gunnie]

Thanks for all the responses. As I was reading your replies, I had a funny memory pop up on a trip several years ago.

So, when we do MK, we try and catch wishes anytime we're in the park that day. The first night we were in MK we had an early morning and I didn't want the kids to be over tired so I planned for us to stand down by the flag pole at Main Street to avoid the crowds and get first boat back to WL. We use to stand on a little side path that was to the EAST of the hub and it was the perfect viewing spot, but not this time (for reasons noted), I had explained this to my wife, who when she saw where we were standing was like "this is where we are watching from?" At the time I think they might have had some scrims up on Main Street, which did change the aesthetics a bit, but we were coming back to MK and having our Grand Finale viewing in a few days from our spot. This was a BONUS view Anyway, there's a picture of the disappointed group.

In the end, I have an expectation of how our vacation or an event should go, my wife does not, sooo I guess you have to do what you do if you're trying to create the vacation/event you envision. Just once though, Just once...I'd love to be caught off guard by a random act of planning



You noted your 'color coded' park plans, you'll enjoy this...
View attachment 215988

Yep - that looks familiar! Pretty close to what I do as well! Love it.

 

[Alicatt]

I'm in this group as well. My husband doesn't really want to go anywhere so he has no interest in helping me plan or having any input or even saying thank you. When we went to wdw with our small DS and DD and my parents, everything was planned so well that we hardly waiting on a line, were never hungry, had surprises (well not for me..), rest times and ran races. This was over a year ago and he still hasn't forgiven me because I didn't expressly schedule time for him to run except for one day and also his race because he never mentioned it the 100 times I tried to talk to him about the trip. No acknowledgement that I got the hard to get ADRs, Anna and Elsa meet and greet, awesome fast passes etc. Now that I'm planning a cruise, I know it'll happen again. It's so frustrating!

It's nice to know I'm not alone.

 

[mrsjoannh13]

My two cents. I think many people (aside from not being planners) are overwhelmed by options. DH is one of them. I am the planner and if I ask him open ended "what do you want to to" I get the typical "whatever you want is fine" response. If I present him with 2 or 3 options he usually selects one and I can get some guidance on the vacation plans that way. Just a suggestion of something to try with the non-planners in your household.

On to the appreciation topic... that's a rough one. My first WDW trip was me, DH, DD3 and mom and dad. I was stressed beyond belief and agonized over every fast pass and ADR. I didn't want anyone to wait in line and everything had to be "perfect". Mom and Dad were still as grumpy as ever and complained about every possible thing you can imagine, and some that you can't possible imagine would be a "thing" for anyone. I hope it's not that drastic for you. Just keep in mind that your family might not be saying "Thank you" as they don't realize you would like some recognition. They might just think - hey, he REALLY enjoys doing this. Yay. And go about their business.

In closing I'll say I sometimes think my husband can read my mind. He can't. And your wife can't read yours. If you would like a little surprise tell her directly that it would be nice and make you happy. Drop some hints. She may have no idea and be happy you told her so she can do something to brighten your day.

Good luck and you are not alone!!!!

 

[LizGirl]

Oh man can I relate! I am the planner for DH, DD9 & DS7. I grew up going to WDW so getting around and knowing what we want to do isn't too bad. As a kid, we never went to the resorts so finding new resort activities and restaurants has been fun over the past few years and everyone has been happy. Our first cruise was tough on me, though. I stressed about the planning. I hope our next one will be easier.

My beef is normally with the finances. I do a preplan and get an idea of cost, talk it over with DH and then call my travel agent. She puts work into it and then, when it comes time to finalize, DH comes along and buzzkills the plans saying it's too expensive - even though we already discussed it. Every time, he relents and we book anyways. I told him if he does it again, I'll stop consulting him!! It takes all the fun and excitement out of it for me.

We are going to WDW in March and he actually sat down to talk about restaurants with me. I was floored!

As for the surprises, I've resigned myself that it's just not his personality. He doesn't pickup hints - he needs a neon sign! And then that's not a surprise at all.

 

[Jess_S]

I definitely relate to this thread too. My husbands main input on vacations is to veto specific destinations because he thinks they are "too dangerous." Other than that, it's "whatever you want, honey."

I confess that if we travel during my birthday, I book the trip in my husband's name to hide the fact that I'm requesting my own birthday "surprises."

 

[Michael2013]

I didn't read all these posts but the ones I did I can relate to. I am the DH and do all the planning. I do talk about it a lot with DW and we will discuss the top few things and decide together but like the OP said, not once has anything just showed up at our room. Every cruise so far I have had something extra in our room for DW (except probably this cruise). I am not at all complaining but it would be kinda nice.
My DW understands what goes into planning all this and I sometimes I make sure she knows the details of the decisions that had to be made but I am just a planner by nature. I kind of like doing the planning but sometimes I would like to split it out and delegate a few things.
Anyway, good thread for a little vent. It has never been an issue and I will continue planning and we will have great vacations. I don't think I would know what to do and probably have control freak out issues at this point if someone else did plan my vacation, lol.

 

[Ariel-Rocks]

Oh I fully understand how you feel. I am the one who always plans. I always get the I don't care what we do just plan it.

 

[GoofyNewfie]

Some entrepreneurial soul could turn this into a business. All us poor planners that want a surprise now and then could subscribe to a service that, for a small fee plus cost, would surprise us on our vacations.

 

[TiszBear]

I can also relate but I found a way around the problem a few years ago. After all the planning and making sure everything from flights, transfers, excursions, before & after hotel stays I got not one "thank you" from everyone except my parents. So the next time, I again as the planner, gave everyone the options and when I needed their decisions. When my deadline came and went I booked only my excursions or my parents. When no one got what they wanted (even thou they never told me) I smiled and and said "oh I'm sorry since I never heard back from you or got a response I figured you didn't want to do anything." let's say, that put an end to the never answering me again. Oh, and that has continued to work ever sense and we are going on about 15 years or so.