It's over *update on page 6

[Claudia1]

Oh, dear friend, you were on my mind all day yesterday and I kept praying and praying........

I can't believe he took the girls and her, too! I am assuming that they were not won over since she is mad and wants to talk to him.

As hard as it might be, try to remember everything that might prove his deception. The RV, etc... could be tools that the lawyer could use for your case. It shows his intent to not hold up his part of the marriage. Write things down and hide the list.

I don't know what to say except that I have always had a tremendous amout of admiration & respect for you. In all our DISmeets and conversations on the CB, your wisdom and maturity are quite visible.

I wish I could do more than just hugs and prayers. I am certainly sending you both right now!

 

[Serena]

Thanks Claudia, how's Mallory? That baby just doesn't want to come out does it.


I've thought of a few things that might fit on that list. The rv, refusing to do needed repairs to the house, and hiding his paystubs.

I just can't understand why he doesn't understand that he shouldn't be forcing his children to spend time with the mistress. He's shoving her down their throats as well as me.
She may very well have been a family friend once, but she isn't anymore and I'm not sure anymore that she ever was.

 

[Lucky4me]

Serena, it sounds as if he has been waiting for you to be the bad guy to actually say it's over, or he likes having his cake and eating it too. Either which way, you are getting the short end.

Remember, he is not doing any of this because of YOU, but because of HIM. He's an idiot, and a coward it seems as well. You are getting stronger by the day even on the days you don't feel it. It's an ongoing process. I fully believe that when he sees you gaining strength, sees that you will survive without him, and knows you're moving on, THAT'S when he'll want you back. You will suddenly look very attractive to him again. Of course, by then, you DEFINITELY won't want him back...lol.

I know it's SO hard but don't let the jerk know he's hurting you. Show him your tough side. As a matter of fact, when you sit down and talk to him, tell him it's the girls you are worried about, and that you are relieved it's over. Lie through the skin of your teeth if you have to, but shock him. He needs it.

Your thoughts and moods will change daily, don't worry about that. Just keep your priorities straight. Which at this point should be protecting your daughters, and then yourself. The Hell with him and his feelings. I wouldn't go anywhere or do anything with him again until he breaks it off with his honey. Why put yourself through that anguish? He is loving every minute of this no matter what he's telling you.

If you really want to yank his chain, go visit his girlfriend. Talk to her very calmly. Be very friendly. Play the "woman to woman" card. Tell her you know everything and see if you can get any more info out of her without her realizing what you are doing. He won't know what to make of it and when he realizes the jig is up, she may seem less attractive to him. The thrill of an affair is the secrecy and the threat of getting caught. Once it happens, the thrill fades very quickly.

Hang in there Serena, you are doing great whether you know it or not!

 

[faith]

Hugs and prayers to you and your girls Serena.
Sounds like your Dh is enjoying seeing you be a doormat for him. You sound like a caring and intelligent gal. Stand up for your rights, and show him you are stronger than he thinks. Sounds like it is time to move on, and let him know you are ready and ABLE! I'd take him up on his offer to move out for now and live in the RV.

 

[Serena]

In my better moments, I think he's doing me a favor by all this. He doesn't seem to care that I had feelings and things I needed too. He never really did seem to care.

And she knows I know. He talks with her about everything. I found out that sometimes when we've been talking on his 2 way radio, she's been there.
I want to tell her if she thinks he's such a prize, she can have him. But he hasn't been mine to give away, anyway. I truly think he's been gone emotionally for a long time. I just forced the issue when I told him he couldn't see her again, and then yesterday when I needed some answers.

It's all my fault of course. Or that's what he'd like me to think.

I feel like Jeckel and Hyde. One part of me says to hell with him, the other part hasn't known anything else but him for all my adult life and is scared to death.

I always thought that I was a good example for my girls. Now I'm realizing that I wasn't. I'm a good mom, but I let every other part of me go by the wayside. I didn't know how to strike the balance between everything. Now I'll have to learn.

 

[JasonLyons]

sorry

 

[tnkrbell]

{{{{hugs}}}}

 

[Dream]

Serena you hang in there!!!! Show him the way to the door and use a phrase my brother loves..."Don't let the door hit ya where the good Lord split ya!" I am sitting here FURIOUS with him for daring to treat anyone the way he has treated you!!! You don't need that! Be strong...for you and your daughters...and get this guy OUT. An rv is too good for him!!! ((((((HUGS))))))) and strenght!!!

 

[Leota]

Oh Laurie {{{{{{Hugs}}}}}} I'm so sorry you have to go thru this - I know how much it hurts & how scary it is. As I always say to you, I promise that it will get better...It always seems to me, that the changes that hurt the most & are the hardest to face, are the very changes that bring us to a place of peace & joy when we get to the other side of them....
You deserve so much more of a man - Be strong, Hang in there - it may be hard now, but in the long run, you & the girls will be better off once he leaves - then you can begin to heal & to move on to a new life - a better life.....

 

[Boots]

Laurie, I am so sorry you are having to go through with this. {{{{HUGS}}}} I am saying prayers for you to have strength in your decisions.

 

[Kitty 34]

{{{{{{HUGS}}}}} Serena!

 

[Poohbear123]

When he is over playing his "silly" game, TAKE HIM TO THE CLEANERS!! Write everything down if you have too, and see the lawyer IN person! He will be living in that RV for the rest of his life, if you play your cards right! YOU do NOT deserve this! You are Strong, and have many "friends" amongst us! {{{Hugs}}}.

 

[jldriscoll]

{{{{{{{{{{hugs, hugs, and more hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

 

[Pooh93]

I can't believe he pulled that taking the kids with her. You aren't even legally separated. This whole thing could get very ugly and obviously he isn't being smart about anything. I agree with the others. Write EVERYTHING down. Pull phone records from your house to see how many times he's called from yours to hers. Document...Document...Document. You have the computer, use it to your advantage. If you don't want him to find the files on the computer, set yourself up a free e-mail account somewhere, email the files to it and then delete off your hard drive. Get yourself a very good lawyer. Poohbear 123 is right....he may be living in that RV forever.
{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}

 

[Regina]

I can't believe he brought your DD's to the race with her and her kid. What a terrible position to put those poor girls in! He's clearly a very selfish man, only thinking of himself.

I know it's the last thing that you want to think about, but please make protecting your assets a priority. His hiding his paystubs is a very serious matter. You have your children to think of.

{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}} for you and prayers that you find the incredible strength that you need to get through this.

 

[Serena]

Is it possible for me to change the locks on the house even though his name is first on the mortgage?

Reg, I am really realizing how selfish he has always been. He had to have everything his way, when I didn't give it to him he made sure to be angry and literally sulk and make sure everyone knew he was angry.

I realized I put up with too much crap all these years. Stuff I've taught my daughters that they didn't have to do, and all the while I was doing it. How on earth was I so blind?

Right now my self esteem is about 0. It sure aint going to get better by continuing on with him in any way. He got what he wanted from me and now he's done. I need to send a thank you bouguet to her house. Wouldn't that just put her knickers in a bunch?

 

[Saffron]

{{{{Hugs}}}} Laurie. I understand your pain. I believe every single word that Leota said to you. Time and strength will heal the pain you feel and you will be able to live the life you want to live, make your dreams come true. {{{{Hugs}}}} again.

 

[shortbun]

So sorry this is all such a mess.
{{{{{Big Hug}}}}}
The lawyer thing is your top priority
now. You must find out about laws
in your state and get legal advice
about how to protect yourself right
away. This is the best thing for everyone
involved but the adulterers.
Also, your girls need to see you
take positive steps and see you
as the strong woman you are right now.
The truth is that you are hurt to the core
but you will survive and so will they, they
need to know that. Anger and sadness
are appropriate but they need to know
that everything will level out and that
you intend to see that it does. Right now
you are all playing his game by his rules.
I say, get out of the game. Refuse to
play. Move forward and leave him in your
dust wondering what just happened.
If you feel he loves the drama; detach.
What I'm saying here is that you are
obviously a strong and intelligent woman
with a good and loving heart. Why should
he suck the energy out of you anymore?
None of this is your fault so don't be tempted
to own it-move forward and be strong
my friend. We are all here for you.
mimi

 

[Serena]

BTW, for anyone that is interested. Someone told me to look this up on ivillage.com. It was a great suggestion, they have a ton of information and advice.

 

[Patrick IL.]

Laurie, I do not have any advice.....just a hug and support...I am sorry
Patrick