It's Father's Day and I am TRULY BLESSED!

[dmslush]

I hope for your children's sake that they never, ever find out those thoughts and feelings (or rather lack of feelings) that you had for them. You post is just sad, and I feel bad for you that you were unable to love or even like your children unconditionally from the day that they were born.


SO and I met when dd was 11 months old, and became a couple when she was 4 years old. He has always loved her like she was his own. He relished in the 'firsts' that he was a part of, first day of school, first lost tooth, etc.. It has been 10 years since we got together, and the adoption was final this past January. So, while he has always had father's day with her, today is his first official father's day, and he feels truely blessed. Now, as much as I love SO, I would have never stayed with him if he didn't love or like dd from the get go. I also would absolutely never, ever stay with a man that was relieved that I miscarried. I'm sorry, this post has made me see you in a whole new light and I just am saddened by it.

 

[Mike.Wazowski]

I feel so bad for you...
to think that you missed some of the most incredible periods of their life because you were so worried about how it all changed your life...
I am absolutley disgusted over your relief with having a miscarriage -
but happy fathers day - hope you are able to really enjoy it....

 

[Planogirl]

You know, people can look at things in a positive way or a negative way. It's their choice. Me choosing to see this as a positive doesn't make me stupid and I resent the inference that it does. What good does slamming someone do? Maybe he should have kept more of his thoughts to himself but what's done is done.

PD, enjoy your girls. I've learned from my own experiences that today is really all that you have control over.

 

[Sparx]

All I can say is I hope to god your children never find out the way you felt about them for three years and I hope your wife never finds out you were "incredibly relieved" that she had a miscariage.

At first I couldn't believe someone would write this.

Now I am sorry that I can believe it.


I know hundreds and hundreds of men and women would KILL to have children. and you were relieved that you didn't.

 

[Magickndm]

Sad, very sad.

 

[fabumouse]

Those of us who are parents all came to this point by different routes. For instance, my DH and I were married for 10 years before we were ready to welcome children into our lives - and I'm really not sure how we would have felt if I became pregnant very early on in our marriage. I am lucky that we never had to face those feelings.

Not everyone knows for sure they want children before they have them, and not everyone enjoys babies. It's unfair to expect that parenthood would bring the same emotions out in all of us.

Happy Fathers Day, PD, thanks for sharing your journey.

 

[Papa Deuce]

Wow, I knew "some" people would think of this negatively. But I think it is rather positive. A story of transformation with a happy ending.

Not everybody is ready for kids when they come around. I wasn't. But at least the end result is positive.

As far as sharing.... well, I always do here on DIS, some people like it, some people don't, but you get 100% the way I am.

BTW, my wife knows all about how I felt. And today, she will tell you that I am a TERRIFIC father.

To each their own.

 

[~queenie~]

This post made me very sad.

I married a wonderful man who has adopted my Ds(we met when Darren was 1 and a 1/2). He is the best thing that ever happened to me and Darren. We were so lucky to find him!

Unfortunately we cannot have children at all. Imagine my surprise to hear the doctors tell me my overies don't work! My dh will never get those chances to be with a baby and bond with them.

And here there you were blessed with two little babies to love and bond with and you were unhappy.


I am glad you have "come around to love and bonding with your children" I am just sad it took you so long. And I hope your children never know how you really felt while they were little


but with all that being said I do hope you havce a a great Fathers Day!

 

[hydster]

All I can say is WOW! I agree with the others that hope that your children NEVER have knowledge of your feelings.

It would break my heart if my dh didn't love our kids for so many years but it would break my heart more that he chose to voice it with *20,000* of his closest internet friends! Some things are not meant to be shared outside of your family or outside of your head and I think this is one of those.

I cannot wish you a happy fathers day but I will say have a great sunday with the children who provided you with unconditional love.

 

[Planogirl]

I did want to add that I feel for those who want kids but cannot have them. I can't begin to imagine the misery that causes.

Keep in mind though, that there are people who never really want kids. Should they tell anyone that they ever felt that way after they do have kids? That's another debate.

 

[Chilehead Too]

BTW, my wife knows all about how I felt. And today, she will tell you that I am a TERRIFIC father.

.

 

[tmt martins]

Heres to you PD

I had a father that growing up I thought was a god in my eyes .
As I grew older I relised that he was in fact a miserable man that tortured my MOM and was the most self centered man in the world and lead us Kids to a life of destuction.

I was also in the mindset that I didn't want Children and took great steps through my teens and early twenties to make sure that wasn't going to happen like it was for most of my friends.

Well when I and DW decided we were in it for the long run and She wanted childern like there was no tomorrow . I then decided that I would not walk in my fathers footsteps.We got married and had the joy of my life from the very first day ( I still after 12 years have her sonograms pics in my Comp.vech and wallet).I have worked very hard to make her my Daddies Little girl and we do everything together.
I'm so glad she shares my Disney passion and I can have memories that will last a lifetime of positive things when she is older.

I ended up with little or no contact with my father (even though he was only 5 blocks away) up until the day he passed a few years ago.I didn't want my DD to be around or exposed to things he was invovled with.


As for those who are trying to BASH PD then SHAME ON YOU .

You would be the first ones in line a female that was going through Post Pardmum Depression and this is no difference.

I think Fathers day is the perfect day to get off your chest WHY you THINK this is the BEST day for you to Be a TRUE FATHER and not just a youknow what DONER.

 

[Desnik]

As I was reading this post I couldn't believe what I was reading! I do appreciate your honesty and am glad for your children that you finally started seeing fatherhood in a different light.

But, how in the world can you feel relieved when your wife has a miscarrige!!!??? I can't imagine someone beeing so selfish and cold hearted!! I am lucky to have 2 beautiful children, but was unlucky when we lost a baby and I can't even begin to explain the pain I went through. DH was just as devestated and I am so glad I had him with me to help get through the pain. DH and I had always been on the same page about having children and we think of them as a huge blessing. I can't even imagine having a baby with a man who just didn't feel anything for them until they were 3 or 5 years old!! Please tell me that maybe you exaggerated alittle in your post? Did you not feel any love for them or you were just not too excited to be a dad? Why on earth did you have children if you felt the way you discribed? Just to make your wife happy? I'm sorry but what kind of a relationship is that??!!

I'm sorry but I have been on these boards forever and I often do not post to threads like this. I try to keep my opinions to a minimum and try not to judge others on a community like this. But I just can't keep quiet about this post. I really find it horrible and so sad for your kids.

And to those who think I might be looking at the negative. How can there really be a positive if for the first 5 years of a childs life they had an unloving, impatient, resentful father who didn't want them!!!

DH also had a terrible father, my father was a drug and alcahol addict! We both always wanted children and couldn't wait to be parents and show and give them a life we at times didn't have.

planogirl
You are not stupid and I didn't read that from anyone's post saying that you would be stupid to see the positive in this? You are a nice person trying to find some good out of an otherwise horid story of a man who was relieved he lost a baby! That doesn't make you stupid, just a good person! I too tried to see the good in this but after rereading it, I just think it is so sad.

So now that the "tough" times of early childhood are over, you love your kids and are happy to be a father? What happens when they are teenagers and the real "tough" period begins??!!!

 

[Papa Deuce]

I think it is simple. I wasn't ready. And I will be even a better Dad as they grow up..... I have matured, and I have confidence in this, and tremendous love in my heart today.

 

[C.Darwin]

Then she had a miscarriage, and I was incredibly relieved.

it's one thing to have doubts...but, damn. dude, that is the most pathetic statement i think i have ever read here. really pathetic.

 

[Papa Deuce]

it's one thing to have doubts...but, damn. dude, that is the most pathetic statement i think i have ever read here. really pathetic.

And millions of people have felt that..... I am sure many a woman has.

Oh, well. The negativity expressed here does not bother me one iota. I know where I was then, and I know where I am now.

 

[Cass]

Am I the only one that finds this post in poor taste? Gosh, what if his kids ever found this later on? C'mon sharing your private thougts with thousands of people, hmm makes me wonder

I couldn't believe what I was reading. His poor wife

OP is a terribly selfish person, everything is about him and his life/wants/needs

Now that he is getting something out of the kids - he's happy - coz it's all about him again. Center of attention.

 

[Beth76]

Not everybody is ready for kids when they come around. I wasn't. But at least the end result is positive.

That's very true PD, but you should at least "come around" before you miss out on some very precious times. My younger son is almost two and yes he's a pain sometimes. He's been screaming and squealing all morning and just generally driving me battty. Not to mention he's still not talking which makes communication difficult. He keeps throwing his shoes into the woods when he plays outside. He keeps getting absolutely filthy whenever he plays outside.

Still, I love this age. He's learning so many knew things and changing everyday. He and his brother have so much fun together and it's such a joy to watch them. Yes, my five-year-old is easier to deal with, but my two-year-old is still as wonderful.

I'm glad you finally figured out how wonderful your daughters are. I'm just sorry for all the other times you missed out on.

 

[Papa Deuce]

I couldn't believe what I was reading. His poor wife

OP is a terribly selfish person, everything is about him and his life/wants/needs

Now that he is getting something out of the kids - he's happy - coz it's all about him again. Center of attention.

So ABSOLUTELY far from the truth, and you could NOT be more wrong. And people who actually know me -- as opposed to someone from another country who has never met me ( that would be you ) -- would attest to. But feel free to demean me and my feelings of 5 - 6 years ago.

That was then and this is NOW.

 

[C.Darwin]

Now that he is getting something out of the kids - he's happy - coz it's all about him again. Center of attention.

how nicefor him. he's spending his father's day in front of the computer with his "dis fan club". i hope his kids are having a good day with their mom.