It's been three weeks and I'm still ticked!

[marybet]

My DH and I took his whole family on a 7 day cruise. His parents, his son and wife, and 2 grandkids. We paid for everything, including all the gratuities, the parking, the hotel the night before, all the excursions. I even bought the grandkids clothes for formal night. Son and DIL got some paint odor in their cabin, they complained and were given 4 free drink coupons. I think they should have offered to buy my DH a drink. I mean it wouldn't have cost them anything and would have been a nice gesture. I am not as upset as when it first happened but when I think about it I still get ticked.

My DH is just to easy going and would never say anything to them and I wouldn't either, I just needed to share it and get it off my chest. Thanks for such a great place to vent.

 

[DawnCt1]

Frankly, I think everyone that were your guests should have bought you drinks and wine with dinner every night, not just because they received four free drink coupons. First of all, drinks on cruise ships are fairly reasonable compared to land based bars, so it wouldn't have hurt them. It would have also been a nice gesture if they got together and paid for your on board charges. I do hope at least that you received a lovely thank you note.

 

[princess pooh]

If someone had given me a free cruise they would have gotten back a lot more than a drink voucher! I hope they at least thanked you a lot!

 

[Stitchfans]

Wow, talk about being generous. Sure do hope you got a lot of thanks. Hope in spite of it you still had a good time.

 

[mommaU4]

Take me and my family next time. We are alot of fun and even my kids know to write a thank-you letter!!

 

[Shugardrawers]

That's exactly what I was going to say. Screw the drinks, where's the thank you notes?

 

[MsDisney23]

I took a family my sister one time and paid her whole way, not even a thank you. One night shortly after I stopped over to her house to find her putting on a fancy dinner for someone! She told me that this person had did something to help her and she wanted to Thank this person.

The person had helped her and dh open up their pool. I was so hurt! I did not say anything, she did ask me as I was leaving if I wanted something to eat. I polietly said NO. My feelings where so hurt!

 

[marybet]

No thank you notes. His mom told me everyday how much they appreciated everything we had done for them. His dad bought drinks several nights at dinner and his mom got me an onxy turtle that I was going to buy. The grandkids said thanks at the start of the cruise but when we all got back to our cars to head home they had to get back out of the car to give us a hug! DIL gave me a hug but never really said thanks. And I forgot to mention that because the cruise got moved from New Orleans we all got a per person $50 credit and we let them keep it and still had all the gratuities moved to our account.

Funny thing, the night before we are to leave DIL calls and says there is a $70 per person gratuity, she was in a panic . I had told my stepson that we were going to pay that when we first booked the cruise.

 

[Chattyaholic]

DH and I are hoping to take our children, their spouses, and grandchildren on a cruise with us within the next couple of years or so. We will pay for everything except their on-ship charges. I would not expect anything in return, except "thank you." We want to do this to have a vacation with ALL of our family, to enjoy spending time with them.

If someone had a paint smell in their cabin and were given drink vouchers I would expect them to use the vouchers for themselves since THEY were the ones inconvenienced by the bad smell, not me. I guess I just don't understand why you would be upset about something like that.

 

[marybet]

DH and I are hoping to take our children, their spouses, and grandchildren on a cruise with us within the next couple of years or so. We will pay for everything except their on-ship charges. I would not expect anything in return, except "thank you." We want to do this to have a vacation with ALL of our family, to enjoy spending time with them.

If someone had a paint smell in their cabin and were given drink vouchers I would expect them to use the vouchers for themselves since THEY were the ones inconvenienced by the bad smell, not me. I guess I just don't understand why you would be upset about something like that.

When we were getting on the ship we got seperated going through security, we got in the next line and were watching for son and family and they came zooming past, DIL has this smirk on her face, they got picked to go to a shorter line. I was just dumbfounded as they were just going to leave us behind and go on their merry way. It was just the start of many weird things. Now my DH had a great time and we certainly didn't expect more than a thank you but when they got the free coupons I just thought what a nice thank you it would have been if they had offered to buy him a drink. I don't think the paint smell was all that bad as it was only mentioned once. I guess because they never once even offered to pay for anything, like the porters taking the bags or the taxi to or from the ship. And we wouldn't have let them pay, it just would have been nice if they had offered.

 

[simba928]

Hugs to you.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

Wow--sorry you felt slighted...but this is why I hate surprises and grand gifts. I feel like I am on display and being watched for my every move and one false move and..."she hated it"..."how awful of her to not appreciate it".

Giving a gift should be without strings--and yes, perhaps there were ways they could have been considerate....but where's the joy if you choose to dwell on it.

And if it is an issue--instead of letting it stew longer...let your son know how you feel. That you understand they probably did appreciate it...but a number of things left you feeling taken for granted. However--I wouldn't mention the drink vouchers. As another poster said...they were the inconvenienced ones. Focus on the things that made you feel bad.

BTW, did you tell them it was all expenses paid? If so--why would you be so upset?

 

[LindsayDunn228]

If someone had a paint smell in their cabin and were given drink vouchers I would expect them to use the vouchers for themselves since THEY were the ones inconvenienced by the bad smell, not me. I guess I just don't understand why you would be upset about something like that.

I was thinking the same thing. If my in-laws paid for a trip I would buy them dinner or SOMETHING to show my appreciation. But I think if your son and DIL had a problem w/ their cabin and were compensated for I don't think they were in the wrong for using them for themselves.

 

[marybet]

Wow--sorry you felt slighted...but this is why I hate surprises and grand gifts. I feel like I am on display and being watched for my every move and one false move and..."she hated it"..."how awful of her to not appreciate it".

Giving a gift should be without strings--and yes, perhaps there were ways they could have been considerate....but where's the joy if you choose to dwell on it.

And if it is an issue--instead of letting it stew longer...let your son know how you feel. That you understand they probably did appreciate it...but a number of things left you feeling taken for granted. However--I wouldn't mention the drink vouchers. As another poster said...they were the inconvenienced ones. Focus on the things that made you feel bad.

BTW, did you tell them it was all expenses paid? If so--why would you be so upset?

It is my stepson and I would never say anything to him, that is way I vented here. Yes I do feel unappreciated but if you have to tell someone to say thank you than it isn't really going to mean much is it. I am not dwelling on it just as I said a little ticked off. It is usually a small thing that upsets us, the last straw kinda thing. I think my stepson is henpecked but how in the world would I say that to him? I just deal with DIL the best I can, they live in Texas so don't see them all that often and tend to forget things by the next time we see them.

I must not be making myself clear about the free drinks. They were free, therefore they did not have to spend any of their spending money on them, it would have been a nice gesture and not cost them anything. That's all. Call me crazy but when someone does something nice for me I want to say thanks and yes, when I do a nice thing I also like to be thanked. But I am not losing sleep over it, I was just using this as a way to "let it go".

 

[Keli]

You know, I don't think the drink thing would be a biggie if they had done something to make you feel like they appreciated the trip and all you did for them. I don't necessarily think they should have bought your dh a drink (may not have occurred to them) but they definitely should have expressed deep gratitude to you and your dh. I've got a feeling if they had done that then you would feel a lot better about them right now.

 

[GJM]

If someone paid for a trip for me, I would have something for them in the cabin when they arrived. After the trip I would also send a thank you and maybe take them to dinner.

 

[RadioFanatic]

I understand how you feel - my sis and bil are like that. I remember when my dad's mom died, we had to go out of town for the funeral. my dad was kind enough to pay for our hotel rooms (we were there four nights). So one night we were going out to dinner. My dh and I met up with bil and said we should pay for it since mom and dad paid for our room - so we could thank them. BIL lets out a HUGE sigh and say "well, NOW I have to go back to the hotel room to get my wallet!" I couldn't believe it, he wasn't even taking any money, totally expecting my parents to pay for the meal! I told him never mind and then dh and I paid for mom and dad's meal and let them fend for themselves. On this same trip, dh and I got a buy one, get one free pizza from domino's - I asked if they wanted one of the pizzas and they said sure and told me the topping they wanted. So the pizza came, I paid and brought the other to their room - they opened the door and I handed him the pizza. As I was opening my mouth to tell them their share, he shut the door in my face without so much as a thank you! That is just two of MANY stories I could tell you!

 

[marybet]

I understand how you feel - my sis and bil are like that. I remember when my dad's mom died, we had to go out of town for the funeral. my dad was kind enough to pay for our hotel rooms (we were there four nights). So one night we were going out to dinner. My dh and I met up with bil and said we should pay for it since mom and dad paid for our room - so we could thank them. BIL lets out a HUGE sigh and say "well, NOW I have to go back to the hotel room to get my wallet!" I couldn't believe it, he wasn't even taking any money, totally expecting my parents to pay for the meal! I told him never mind and then dh and I paid for mom and dad's meal and let them fend for themselves. On this same trip, dh and I got a buy one, get one free pizza from domino's - I asked if they wanted one of the pizzas and they said sure and told me the topping they wanted. So the pizza came, I paid and brought the other to their room - they opened the door and I handed him the pizza. As I was opening my mouth to tell them their share, he shut the door in my face without so much as a thank you! That is just two of MANY stories I could tell you!

Isn't it amazing how some people never recpiprocrate other peoples generosity? After it has happened again and again you just want to shake them and say what is your problem. But since they are family it is sometimes difficult to say anything.

 

[Laurabearz]

You know, I don't think the drink thing would be a biggie if they had done something to make you feel like they appreciated the trip and all you did for them. I don't necessarily think they should have bought your dh a drink (may not have occurred to them) but they definitely should have expressed deep gratitude to you and your dh. I've got a feeling if they had done that then you would feel a lot better about them right now.

Well said Keli!

 

[marybet]

You know, I don't think the drink thing would be a biggie if they had done something to make you feel like they appreciated the trip and all you did for them. I don't necessarily think they should have bought your dh a drink (may not have occurred to them) but they definitely should have expressed deep gratitude to you and your dh. I've got a feeling if they had done that then you would feel a lot better about them right now.

You hit the nail on the head. I have never felt that DIL appreciates what all we do for them. I use to send them boxes for no reason, I'd get clothes on sale for the kids or see a toy I think they would like and everytime I would wait for them to call and say they got it and finally have to call and ask. So I stopped sending them. I almost wanted to ask her if saying thanks was just a northern tradition, (she is from Wyoming), of course I never did but it makes you wonder. I think you have to start when they are young teaching them to appreciate when someone does something nice. Maybe since we are family they just take it for granted. As MsDisney23 said about her sister, she was thanking a friend but had never thanked her. And yeah it does hurt.