Is your spouse ok with you being alone with the opposite sex?

[MagicallyDelicious]

I'm surprised it took this long for this thread to turn into one of those threads where men are basically weak with no self control.

I'm not sure where you're reading that. Every time a man or woman cheats, chances are they're cheating with someone of the opposite sex, who has equally as little self-control and/or morals.

It takes two to tango.

Your spouse could be the best man on the face of the planet, but that doesn't mean he's interacting with women who care about his marriage, and vice versa.

 

[OceanAnnie]

I would have to say no, my husband and I would not be ok with it. We are each other's best friend. We understand each other better than ANYONE else, even family. We don't need a friendship outside of our marriage that would be that close with anyone, much less someone from the opposite sex. Sure we have friendships of the opposite sex at work, mutual friends etc. but not that close. Co workers are friends at work to talk to and our mutual friends we hang out with together. I would never be close to someone else of the opposite sex because I wouldn't really feel the need to, my husband is that person. He goes to the grocery store with me, I go to Lowe's with him. To be honest we both work a lot during the week so the limited time we do get to see each other is pretty much only on the weekends. I don't really have time for anyone else.

Having said that, your business is your business. If you are both ok with it then I say who cares what other people think? I would just be careful to make sure you aren't "emotionally" cheating like someone suggested. That can be a very slippery slope.

IMO - I wouldn't do it, but your relationship with your spouse is YOUR business. Don't live your life based on other people's judgmental attitudes

I agree with everything you stated, except I think judgmental attitudes run both ways and exist from experiences both good and bad.

There is a line. It appears the line and when it is crossed is different for lots of people and that's the rub. Maybe some people don't give that line much of a thought (and are surprised when it crops up and bites everyone on the butt). Infidelity happens for a reason. When you are investing/getting something outside of the marriage roots take hold.

Even teens know about developing relationships. When they suspect something is not right with their girlfriend/boyfriend they'll ask, "Is he talking to you?". They don't mean small talk. That's the way they catch a stray. * Not the same as an adult relationship. * Not saying males and females shouldn't talk. Just drawing parallels that even teens know when something is amiss.

 

[TLSnell1981]

Why is more likely to happen, just because a man and a woman happen to spend all that time together? A man, or a woman can cheat anywhere, anytime if they are the type that would cheat. Some people aren't that type and are perfectly capable of spending time with the opposite sex without it being "a situation where its likely to happen". I know my dh is one of them, and I know I'm one of them. If you cant say the same about yourself or your spouse that is your personal issue, not everyone's.

We all have our own morals and values....set our boundaries accordingly. Some believe casual sex is okay, DH and I do not belong to that group. A cheater is either a member of that club, or already has serious issues in their relationship. A spouse can cheat anytime and anywhere, leash laws won't prevent it.

 

[Sorsha]

Have no problem with it at all.

My DH's best friend from years back is female. We have watched eachother's kids grow up, babysat for eachother, gone camping together (often he goes camping and fishing with her and her kids and our kids, and I don't go - not much of a camper ) - she's like part of the family. I know for a fact that they watch movies together most evenings when I am at work, etc. Doesn't bother me a bit. I am glad he has someone to keep the kids from driving him batty LOL.

I maintain a good relationship with a couple of my ex-boyfriends from high school. I don't see them very often because they don't live nearby, but when they come to town, I have gone to dinner with them and/or their spouses. One of them lives about 50 miles north of me, and if one of my friends and I feel like making the drive we will occasionally go up to his house to visit him. My DH doesn't care.

We have 20 years of marriage under our belts, and trust eachother without reservation.

 

[Bob NC]

If I'm trying to eat well I don't go hang around McDonalds just because they have free wi-fi.

I don't get this. I drive a lot and pass at least a dozen McDonalds every day but I haven't had a McDonalds hamburger since 1974.

Your spouse could be the best man on the face of the planet, but that doesn't mean he's interacting with women who care about his marriage, and vice versa.

If me and my spouse know what WE care about, what difference does it make what somebody ELSE cares about.

. A spouse can cheat anytime and anywhere, leash laws won't prevent it.

This is the best line in this whole thread.

If you think your spouse might cheat, I can see why you wouldn't want him/her hanging out with a member of the opposite sex.

If you trust your spouse, you probably don't care who he/she hangs out with.

I have to wonder though, if simply having a woman around makes your husband untrustworthy, do you also lock up the liquor and prescription medicines when you aren't around.

Heck, if the whiskey is in the cabinet ALL the time, it just has to be an incredible draw.

Can he not stop by the Porsche dealership because he is so weak he will probably buy one?

 

[Candleinthewind]

I'm surprised it took this long for this thread to turn into one of those threads where men are basically weak with no self control.

Of the dozen or so couples I know personally that have had affairs at least half of them have been with the same sex. Four men had affairs with another man and two women left their spouses for another woman.

 

[Candleinthewind]

And, two women friends is not the same thing at all.

But wait, upthread it was mentioned that there is an emotional affair any time someone is sharing something with someone else not their spouse. Could that be said for anyone on the DIS? Couldn't the same be said for two women who meet weekly for coffee or a lunch date?

Why does it have to be weekends away or anything alone together?

Where did I say anything about spending a weekend together. Quite a big leap from a weekly shopping or breakfast or lunch meeting.

You have to think your friend is attractive on some level to want to spend time with her and that's a slippery slope.

Again the same thing could be said about two women spending a great deal of time together.

Not every man is going to cheat or feel the same way some late writer put forth in a movie!

 

[Sorsha]

Of the dozen or so couples I know personally that have had affairs at least half of them have been with the same sex. Four men had affairs with another man and two women left their spouses for another woman.

THAT is a whole different thing.

IMHO that is about people who were born gay or lesbian, but because of the time/circumstances they were raised in, suppressed their feelings. But they still aren't happy or fulfilled.

Eventually, when it becomes more acceptable for them to be who they truly are, or they got tired of pretending, the next natural step is to seek out a relationship that they are happy in and comfortable in.

 

[Planogirl]

I would have to say no, my husband and I would not be ok with it. We are each other's best friend. We understand each other better than ANYONE else, even family. We don't need a friendship outside of our marriage that would be that close with anyone, much less someone from the opposite sex. Sure we have friendships of the opposite sex at work, mutual friends etc. but not that close. Co workers are friends at work to talk to and our mutual friends we hang out with together. I would never be close to someone else of the opposite sex because I wouldn't really feel the need to, my husband is that person. He goes to the grocery store with me, I go to Lowe's with him. To be honest we both work a lot during the week so the limited time we do get to see each other is pretty much only on the weekends. I don't really have time for anyone else.

Having said that, your business is your business. If you are both ok with it then I say who cares what other people think? I would just be careful to make sure you aren't "emotionally" cheating like someone suggested. That can be a very slippery slope.

IMO - I wouldn't do it, but your relationship with your spouse is YOUR business. Don't live your life based on other people's judgmental attitudes

Your comments are perfect IMO. I'm one who doesn't see anything wrong with having close friendships with members of the opposite sex however I respect your opinion. Plus I LOVE your comments at the end. I couldn't agree more.

 

[bdcp]

Where did I say anything about spending a weekend together. Quite a big leap from a weekly shopping or breakfast or lunch meeting.

Not every man is going to cheat or feel the same way some late writer put forth in a movie!

Someone else mentioned going away and staying the in the same hotel room.

You need to let go of the same sex issue. I have only heard of one couple in my life that I vaguely knew that that happened too. Where do you live that that seems to be such a common occurrence? Because it isn't that common.

 

[MagicallyDelicious]

If me and my spouse know what WE care about, what difference does it make what somebody ELSE cares about.

You quoted me out of context. I was explaining why I felt that it wasn't always men who had no control.

I do have to say though, I thought I knew what my ex-spouse valued too, and the two of them together made me realize otherwise. She didn't care that he was a father, and had been married for 1/4 of a century, and neither did he. It takes two - that's was what I was saying, that was missing from your quote.

I can't for the life of me imagine my current husband being unfaithful, but I know it can happen. For us, it does matter who we surround ourselves with, because not only did infidelity break up my former marriage, it also broke up his.

How everyone else chooses to lead their marriage is completely up to them.

 

[Candleinthewind]

Well we were all having dinner at our place on Saturday and me and my friend were talking about going to see Olympus Has Fallen while the kids are in school, her spouse is at work and mine is out of town. Neither of our spouses wants to see it and neither has a problem with us going together. So we are going on Tuesday. We cannot wait to we Die Hard in the White House.

I guess we are happy to have spouses that trust us and have no issues with us having a friendship!

 

[LSmith]

I'm surprised it took this long for this thread to turn into one of those threads where men are basically weak with no self control.

I don't think it's about men not having self control. Men are very different from women. Most women are monogamous by nature and most men are not. It is what it is no matter how we want to change them. Human nature is not man bashing. Have you ever watched male gorillas? Holy crap!

For people to claim that they trust their spouse outright because they married them? Hmmm. Blind faith or naivety? I've seen many, many marriages crumble because there was "another women".

Of course there are exceptions to the rule but there is no way I would allow my husband to spend that amount of time with the opposite sex outside of work. Crap, we barely have enough time together.

Even my husband has said that straight men have no desire to have a women best friend unless there is an ulterior motive.

 

[Kathryn Merteuil]

My DH absolutely won't have it. In fact he once "forbid" me to do like go anywhere (like work stuff when everybody goes to a restaurant) if there were any men going in the group. I just laughed at him and told him to get over it and that was silly.

On the other hand, I DO trust him and would NEVER say something like that to him.

 

[Gumbo4x4]

Well we were all having dinner at our place on Saturday and me and my friend were talking about going to see Olympus Has Fallen while the kids are in school, her spouse is at work and mine is out of town. Neither of our spouses wants to see it and neither has a problem with us going together. So we are going on Tuesday. We cannot wait to we Die Hard in the White House.

You sure seem to have a LOT of free time. Wish I could say the same. Today was my first day off work in 2 weeks

 

[nd5056]

Supprized to find this thread still going...

And would love to read a clarification to this statement:

...Men are very different from women. Most women are monogamous by nature and most men are not. ...

If this was true, who do the men cheat with, another men???

.

 

[LSmith]

Supprized to find this thread still going...

And would love to read a clarification to this statement:



If this was true, who do the men cheat with, another men???

.

Unmarried women?

 

[Buckalew11]

You sure seem to have a LOT of free time. Wish I could say the same. Today was my first day off work in 2 weeks

OP's wife can probably say the same thing.

 

[Gumbo4x4]

OP's wife can probably say the same thing.

 

[NoSoup4U]

If this was true, who do the men cheat with, another men???

How about with single women? Single women who are hoping he'd leave the wife for her.