Is there a tactful way to do this?

[IMGONNABE40!]

My family, me, DH and DS 11, are headed to FL in the end of the month. Our trip will include a 5 day stay in Orlando.

My dear cousin has three children, a DS 13, a DD 12 and a DS 7. I would like to invite the 12 year old daughter to join us for our trip to Orlando if my cousin and her DH feel comfortable with her flying on her own.

My concern is this. My DS and my cousin's DS 13 do not always get along, and I am not sure I could handle him. He can be quite cruel (mental, not physical) sometimes and my DS is no match for that. It gets ugly. That is the reason we wish to invite my cousin's DD. I do not wish to offend my cousin or cause bad feelings by not inviting her older son ( I know my cousin would understand us not inviting her DS 7). I am sure we would have a great time with the DD and my son is anxious to invite her to join us as well. It would give us time to spend with her since we see her only a couple of days each year.

I thought I would just phrase the invite "can Jill go to Orlando with us" and not mention Joe. I am not sure what I would say if my dear cousin said Jill will be at craft camp, but Joe could go.

So, I am considering skipping the whole idea. Then I feel badly that Jill would miss out on a trip just because I can't think of a tactful way to do this. DH, DS and I would really love to have Jill join us for the trip.


I don't know how I would feel in a similar circumstance because I only have one child. Any advice from parents out there would be appreciated.

 

[C.Ann]

I'm not sure there "is" a tactful way you can do that - condsidering the close ages of the 4 children involved (your two and their two)..

I understand your reasoning, but I think it would open up a big can of worms and possibly cause a lot of trouble..

Good luck with whatever you decide to do though!

 

[SeaShelley]

My vote is that you not invite Jill. You'll be setting up both families for some potentially HUGE problems. I can only imagine what hurt feelings both the 13yo, as well as the 7yo would have if Jill is allowed to go. I know your heart is in the right place, but I really think it would cause more problems than it's worth.

Just my .02.

BTW....have a wonderful trip!

 

[cheyita]

I believe it will be hard on the other kids, particularly since they are all fairly close in age. And it's not a gender thing - like if you only had a DD and you wanted to just bring the girl.

I don't know if you can work this out without hard feelings.

 

[Princess_Aurora]

I would first ask if the daughter could go and then if she asks or says anything about her son then you can just politely explain to her that you wouldn't want the two boys getting into a fight and having a misrable trip and that maybe once they learn to get along a little better you will be able to invite him on a future trip.

 

[JerseyJanice]

Can you tell her that there's room in your motel room for only one child more than your own?

The problem there might be that she'll ask why her daughter instead of her son. Can you think of a way around that?

If you can, make you sure you have an excuse ready if she tries to send the son instead of the daughter.

 

[MHopkins2]

What kind of relationship do you have with your cousin? My family is pretty blunt, and I could give it to my cousins straight (Kid A and B don't really get along, but A and C are good buds. Can we take C with us?). But if your family isn't the same, I wouldn't even go there.

 

[mom22belles]

you could always say you want an even number so no one has to sit by themselves on rides or on the plane.

Nancy

 

[rascalmom]

Boy that is a tough one! Especially since you have a son and the cousin you want to take is a girl, the one you would prefer not to invite is a boy. Personally, I wouldn't do it.

Our situation: we have to dd's, ages 16 and 12. They have 2 cousins (my dh's sister' kids: a boy, 15 and a girl, 14. My SIL and I don't get along very well (actually she doesn't get along with anyone very well. ) My SIL is divorced and probably won't ever be able to afford to take her kids to WDW herself. Although I would love to have her daughter go with us sometime, we know this would cause to much friction with my SIL and jealousy with the boy cousin. Sad, but that's just the way it is.

In your case, since taking both of the older cousins would make it a party of 5, maybe you can site Disney's room occupancy restrictions as a reason for not taking both kids. Just a thought, good luck! It is really sweet of you to try to include your neice.

 

[raidermatt]

I'd say either drop the idea, or be honest about why you are only inviting the daughter.

If you aren't comfortable explaining the truth, and don't think your cousin will understand, I'd drop it.

Any other excuse is likely to be transparent.

Not an easy decision. Good luck!

 

[Lorix2]

I think it will most likely cause problems between you and you're cousin as well as the siblings because they will feel left out. Of course it's a nice gesture and you're intentions are good, but I can't see how it can work out with everyone happy about it.

As the mother I would not want to single out one of my children since they are so close in age and putting them on a plane alone wouldn't fly with me either. (no pun intended )

(I have a friend I can only get together with when her older one isn't home for the same reasons you mentioned with her DS, I know it's hard, but you have to do what you need to do which is keep him away from those situations if you can)

I hope you'll have a great vacation

 

[WebmasterMaryJo]

<font color=navy>In my opinion, some kids tend to act out because of issues they may have. Not inviting the 13 yr old boy is just going to reinforce in his mind that he is not worthy in your eyes, and his sister is. This will just make things worse, as far as he's concerned.

I would advise against inviting one without the other.

 

[IMGONNABE40!]

Thank you everyone. I would like to say I could just be blunt as MHopkins2 suggests, and I think my cousin would be okay with that, but I would hate to be wrong. I would also hate to cause any problems with my relationship with either of the boys. We do love them--we just can't handle their issues the way their parents can.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Originally posted by raidermatt
I'd say either drop the idea, or be honest about why you are only inviting the daughter.

If you aren't comfortable explaining the truth, and don't think your cousin will understand, I'd drop it.

Any other excuse is likely to be transparent.

Not an easy decision. Good luck!

I 100% agree with this!

 

[liznboys]

I don't think there is any way to do it without potentially hurting the 13 yr old boy's feelings. I know I'd be hurt if I were him. Even if he didn't know why he wasn't invited, I'm sure he'll figure out that for SOME reason he wasn't wanted along, and that's a hard thing for a 13 yr old to swallow.

It's nice you wanted to take the girl along though. Too bad the whole family can't go along with you!

 

[Princess_Aurora]

Maybe you can try to set the two boys down together and have a talk with the two of them and try to work things out with them. Boys can be boys, and i know you said your son doesn't take it too well, but the other boy could possibly thing it's all a big joke and tons of fun and he could just assume that your son is having fun too. So maybe you and your cousin could sit the two boys down and talk to them and see if there's any chance of them getting along so then you could invite them both if it works out.

I can understand not taking the 7 year old. My sister and my cousin always got to go on vacation with one of my aunts every summer. I was always upset that I couldn't go but told that I would get to go when I was old enough to go. But my mom and I did have plenty of chances to do things with just the two of us...and I'm sure anyone that has more than one sibiling can tell you that sometimes that's an honor.

 

[Kallison]

There is no tactful way. The boy is 13, I think his feelings would be hurt.

 

[Disney Doll]

Nope. Either be brutally honest or don't invite the girl.

 

[calypso*a*go-go]

Do not invite your cousin's child when there are two others at home that would love to go. That is unfair to the ones "left behind". If you think the 13 yr. old treats your son bad now, wait until you see what he acts like knowing he was deliberately excluded from the trip of a lifetime. Just go with your family and have a good time. If you want another child to "even" things out, what about asking your two older kids if they have a good friend they would like to invite? The child that doesn't get to bring a friend on this trip can bring one next time. Good luck !

 

[Lanshark]

There is no way of handling the situation that would not hurt someone.