Is it Tacky for Someone to Have a Bridal Shower with No Wedding?

[CarolAnn856]

Well, it strikes me as a bit off when people want to do things in non-traditional ways, yet keep the traditional customs (coincidentally, the ones that get them gifts lol). In this case I'm not exactly sure of the whole picture, but if it rubs you the wrong way, don't go!

So, it has to be all one way or the other? No room for some traditional elements, some non-traditional? Sorry, not buying into that narrow view.

 

[monsterkitty]

I know a couple who are planning on getting married but aren't having a traditional wedding, just a large party to celebrate. A shower is still being planned. I'm triying to decide if I should decline the shower invite as it looks a little gift grabby to me. I'm wondering how this comes across to others?

I think you mean: "Is it tacky for me to complain that they're having a shower despite not having a traditional wedding, just a large party?"

Yes.

Seriously, how many people plan their own wedding showers? Someone is having the shower for them, they are not having it for themselves.

If you think it's tacky and a gift grab then just don't go.

 

[BadPinkTink]

Well, it strikes me as a bit off when people want to do things in non-traditional ways, yet keep the traditional customs (coincidentally, the ones that get them gifts lol). !

A couple want to do something non traditional, which means alot to them, but would not be comfortable / enjoyable/ affordable to the majority of their guests so to please everyone, they then have the traditional parts (ie the gift giving / traditional big party) so that everyone can be included in the celebration of their marriage. And you take issue with this, like wow, you really do have a narrow minded view.

let me be even more specific

A mixed religion couple, who live a secular life and dont practice either family religion, decide to go to Vegas by them selves and get married by Elvis in the middle of the night. Before going to Vegas a bridal shower is organised by the brides sister. After the Vegas trip, the grooms family host a reception in their church hall.

And you think this is a bit off, when in fact, it actually is VERY inclusive and considerate and trying to please both the religious family members and the secular couple.

 

[gotomu212]

I’m just over the whole “gift grab” angst anymore. It’s a celebration for someone’s upcoming marriage. If you get an invite it’s assumed you have some sort of relationship to the bride and groom that would make you happy for them and want to give them a gift. In exchange you’ll be given some food, a piece of cake, and hopefully a good time. No one is grabbing a gift from your unsuspecting hands.

If you don’t want to gift the couple and wish them well on their marriage don’t go, but don’t call them tacky because they thought you were the sort of friend/relative that would want to celebrate them and invited you to a party. Calling people tacky when they include you and extend an invitation just seems mean and ironic to me.

 

[Hikergirl]

I’m just over the whole “gift grab” angst anymore. It’s a celebration for someone’s upcoming marriage. If you get an invite it’s assumed you have some sort of relationship to the bride and groom that would make you happy for them and want to give them a gift. In exchange you’ll be given some food, a piece of cake, and hopefully a good time. No one is grabbing a gift from your unsuspecting hands.

If you don’t want to gift the couple and wish them well on their marriage don’t go, but don’t call them tacky because they thought you were the sort of friend/relative that would want to celebrate them and invited you to a party. Calling people tacky when they include you and extend an invitation just seems mean and ironic to me.

I think that really depends, the OP hasn't said if she was invited to the "big party". If she wasn't but was invited to the shower then IMO that is a gift grab and tacky.
However, if she was invited to the big party then she should look at it like she was invited to "the wedding" even if she isn't going to the actual ceremony. In that case being invited to the shower is appropriate.

 

[maxiesmom]

So, it has to be all one way or the other? No room for some traditional elements, some non-traditional? Sorry, not buying into that narrow view.

Well put.

 

[neverlandsky]

With weddings it’s hard to please the masses. So it’s just best for the couple to focus on what they want and not what everyone else wants.

It’s ultimately best for the invitee to respect the couple’s decisions whatever they may be. That includes them being tacky. If an invitee doesn’t agree then they can respectfully decline.

OP it sounds like you should respectfully decline because it’s not an I’ll absolutely go right off the bat and you’re questioning the motive of the bridal shower.

 

[usnuzuloose]

I am confused a little, title says no wedding, but plan on being married. Are they going to the justice of the peace? If so they may just want to not spend a lot of money on a full wedding, and for people to just enjoy the shower to celebrate it. But if not married at all, then no , no bridal shower. Not trying to be difficult, just trying to understand....

When I got married I did not even want gifts from people , it was small. The one lady , I enjoyed watching her. She never had crab and we had a buffet, and she went to town. That was happy face I won't forget......

 

[handinpocket]

I know a couple who are planning on getting married but aren't having a traditional wedding, just a large party to celebrate. A shower is still being planned. I'm triying to decide if I should decline the shower invite as it looks a little gift grabby to me. I'm wondering how this comes across to others?

I think you should let the couple know you are declining and why. They deserve to know what their circle of friends are like and who should and should not be in that circle.

 

[MrsJackSparrow4Life]

My cousin and his wife got married this way. Went to the court house with their parents and his brother to get married and then had a huge party later that day for all their friends and family. He still got a bachelor party and she still got a bachelorette party and shower. None of us had to sit through a ceremony but still got to have amazing food and drinks. Win win IMO.

 

[SaintsManiac]

Asking the question is tacky. Sorry, OP, but it's pretty cynical to think a bridal shower is a "gift grab."

 

[Hikergirl]

Well technically a shower is a gift grab being that its purpose is to "shower" the bride with gifts

 

[AppleDumpling]

IMO, it’s in poor taste to invite someone to a shower who is not invited to the wedding. In this case, I would consider the large party the couple is throwing to be equivalent to a wedding reception, so if you’re invited to that, then it’s appropriate to also attend the shower.

Of course it is your right to decline either invitation or both, and to gift or not gift according to your relationship with the couple.

 

[ReneeA]

The traditional wedding is becoming a bit of a passe trend in some circles because they're expensive, time consuming, and not necessary. I'd be thrilled to be invited to a shower for someone I like or am related to and not have to do the traditional wedding thing. I think it's smart on the part of most new couples if it saves them money and everyone else time.

 

[Cubbiecakes]

Quick life tip:

If your question is "Is it tacky?" and any other part of your question includes any of the following words "marriage," "ceremony," "shower," "reveal," "proposal," "wedding," or "reception" the answer is always yes.

 

[Floridaman999]

Is it tacky that I shower every day?

 

[tzolkin]

The title seems misleading to me. I thought this was going to be about a long-term couple with no intention to marry having a shower.

The couple is getting married. Not only that, but they’re also having “a big party to celebrate” (which I’m not really clear on how that’s any different than a wedding reception).

I can’t see any possible issue with this. If this is a “gift-grab” it’s not any more so than any other bridal shower. So, if you disagree with the practice of showers in general, that’s fine. But I just don’t see where it’s any different than any other shower.

 

[disneyfav4ever]

To answer some of the questions asked; I'm not sure how far in advance to the party they'll be getting married. I'm also not sure exactly what "big party" entails, I was just told there was going to be a party. No way to tell for certain if I'm invited yet as I haven't received an invitation yet. They're not having a destination wedding as far as I know, they're just going to the courthouse or justice of the peace or something.

 

[Allison]

To answer some of the questions asked; I'm not sure how far in advance to the party they'll be getting married. I'm also not sure exactly what "big party" entails, I was just told there was going to be a party. No way to tell for certain if I'm invited yet as I haven't received an invitation yet. They're not having a destination wedding as far as I know, they're just going to the courthouse or justice of the peace or something.

So, you don't think someone who marries at the courthouse should have a shower? What difference does that make?

 

[BadPinkTink]

They're not having a destination wedding as far as I know, they're just going to the courthouse or justice of the peace or something.

so basically having a non traditional small ceremony with just witnesses and then a big party afterwards, so in your mind this means that its not a real wedding??

so are only Church / religious weddings real weddings?