Is it rude to ask people to remove their.....

[Minnesota!]

Originally posted by Mskanga
I will be upset, I have had surgery on my feet due to deformations and I need the support on my feet. I make sure that I don't make a mess when I go to someone's home, but if you ask me to remove my shoes, you will see me walking out real quick and never going back.
I wonder how many of those people who make or would like their guests take the shoes off , have pets and wipe their paws everytime they go out ?

I can tell you when I lived at my parents, we had a dog, and the dog got her feet wiped down when she came in.

If you have a foot problem, that is one thing, but to walk into someone's house with the shoes on just b/c, I think is very bad manners..

 

[tkyes]

Yes, that is the original question and I answered "Yes" it is rude to ask people. I have never asked someone.

Do you know why I have never asked someone? Because I've never had to. People automatically do it here.


I've never had a minister in my house, but the cable guy, the furnace guy, etc. have all taken their shoes off. Not because I asked them too, not because they think my house is their house, but because it is considered polite here and normal.

 

[AirForceRocks]

If you have a foot problem, that is one thing, but to walk into someone's house with the shoes on just b/c, I think is very bad manners..

This is the kind of statement I don't understand. YOU may think it's bad manners, but I think it's pretty clear that in many parts of the country it isn't considered bad manners to keep your shoes on when entering someone else's home. So I guess if all of us from the parts of the country that actually don't see a problem with wearing shoes indoors were to enter your home and not strip to our socks, we would be considered ill-mannered, even though it would never occur to us to do so?

 

[gina2000]

Look guys....it's obvious that this is a regional and cultural issue. If you live in Minnesota, for example, it's normal to remove your shoes upon entry to a home as a guest, a worker or an aquaintance. Whether someone asks you or not. It prevails upon the guest to use their good sense/manners to remove their shoes as per the custom of the area.

In other areas of the country, it seems to be a personal preference, and in some cases, a cultural issue. If you were brought up to remove your shoes in your home, you think nothing of removing your shoes in someone else's home regardless of whether you are asked or not If you don't, you generally prefer to leave your shoes on. If you're offended, you leave. If you're not, you comply.

Is it normal? Apparently so in some homes and in some regions. In Japan, for example, no one enters the home with shoes on. I don't think anyone would call someone from Japan who does this rude. It's their culture.

So instead of focussing on the rudenss, the terribleness of it all, why not accept the fact that all people are different and their customs reflect that difference in upbringing. What is rude to you is merely a polite request in another family. No one means an offense by it. If they do, believe me, you'd know it. And that's another issue entirely.

 

[Minnesota!]

I second EVERYTHING Tamie has said. I can't remember anyone just walking in. And, to be honest, if someone ever did, I would have NO problem asking them to remove their shoes. If they tell me they have a foot/ankle, etc., problem, no problem. But, I expect everyone to remove them.

As far as not being properly dressed in pantyhose and no shoes, maybe I'm not, but I am the comfortable one, correct? At weddings, my shoes are the first thing chucked and left under a table. Etc.

We midwesterners do funky things

 

[suzannen]

Okay, I can understand why you take your shoes (boots) off in bad weather. But, for all of the folks in Minnesota and Canada, do you also do that in the summer when you go to a party?

Maybe it's because I'm in NYC, and it's a Carrie Bradshaw sort of thing, but I have GREAT shoes and they often make an outfit. My DH and DD love to have me try on several pairs to get the right one. I would no more want to take off my shoes than I would want to take off my earrings, bracelets, watch or other jewelry accessories.

Folks who take off shoes at my house are either family members or house guests.

 

[WDWAurora]

I have to share with all of you what this has been making me think of for the past few days...here goes

There are many psychological theories that basically say a behavior is "abnormal" due to cultural rules (duh, you knew that)

This abnormal behavior that goes against cultural rules is what we use to deem people mentally ill. So, technically, if I go to MN or WI and don't take off my shoes, I'm mentally ill, and they're the same if they come here.

I know that's not funny to anybody else, sorry I'm just a psych geek, I can't help it.

 

[Minnesota!]

If you didn't take them off when you got there, I would ask you to. If you refused, I would think you had bad manners. I know that will get me flamed, but it is the way I was brought up. You may think I have bad manners b/c I expect you to, or will ask you to if it is not done automatically. So be it. We were brought up different.

It's like someone mentioned earlier - calling elders and others by their first names. It's how we do things around here, but in other parts of the country, it is the ultimate in disrespectful. Different strokes for different folks.

 

[tkyes]

This is the kind of statement I don't understand. YOU may think it's bad manners, but I think it's pretty clear that in many parts of the country it isn't considered bad manners to keep your shoes on when entering someone else's home. So I guess if all of us from the parts of the country that actually don't see a problem with wearing shoes indoors were to enter your home and not strip to our socks, we would be considered ill-mannered, even though it would never occur to us to do so?

I wouldn't consider you ill-mannered.

I do think when you enter someone's house you should take your cue from the host/hostess and the other guests. If everyone has their shoes on, you should keep yours on. If everyone has their shoes off you should take that as a sign that you should remove yours. If you have a problem with either, ie. the foot problems mentioned before, I see no problem in talking to the hostess.

I have no problems respecting the wishes of my host/hostess. I like to consider myself a polite guest and respect the wishes or practices of my host/hostess.

 

[tkyes]

Okay, I can understand why you take your shoes (boots) off in bad weather. But, for all of the folks in Minnesota and Canada, do you also do that in the summer when you go to a party?

Maybe it's because I'm in NYC, and it's a Carrie Bradshaw sort of thing, but I have GREAT shoes and they often make an outfit. My DH and DD love to have me try on several pairs to get the right one. I would no more want to take off my shoes than I would want to take off my earrings, bracelets, watch or other jewelry accessories.

Well, our bad weather is 9 months out of the year.

If I go to a party in the summer in someone's house, I remove my shoes. Again, we ALWAYS remove our shoes in people's homes. We consider this normal.

I have cute shoes too, they look cute with my clothes. I think my clothes still look cute without my shoes. Yes, there are times when shoes make the outfit, I agree. It just doesn't bother me though to not have my shoes on as part of the outfit.

Because, it is normal here. It's what we expect to happen.

 

[Fishbone†]

Okay, I can understand why you take your shoes (boots) off in bad weather. But, for all of the folks in Minnesota and Canada, do you also do that in the summer when you go to a party?

I believe we've already established that, yes, we always take our shoes off when entering someone's house, summer, winter, spring, or fall, friend, relative, acquaintance, or stranger, casual visit, or fancy dinner party.

I think we've also established this to be a regional / cultural thing and no "requests" are needed if the person is from the same area as you.

So I guess if all of us from the parts of the country that actually don't see a problem with wearing shoes indoors were to enter your home and not strip to our socks, we would be considered ill-mannered, even though it would never occur to us to do so?

You most likely would, just as we would seem ill-mannered to you if we took them off. Although I would hope after this eye-opening thread, that everyone would realize it's just common practice for the other, and overlook the "rudeness".

If you came to MY house...depending on how well I know you...I would expect you to keep your shoes on. To me, taking your shoes off in MY house means, if you're anything but a close friend, you're feeling a little "too" comfortable and familiar in my house, and I'd half expect you to then patter across my kitchen floor in your socks to my fridge and help yourself to my food. That's just the image I have a the whole "making yourself at home" in my house, no matter who you are.

Would you ask me to keep my shoes on if I took them off, or would that be rude? Just asking.........

 

[MaryAnnDVC]

Originally posted by Minnesota!
If you have a foot problem, that is one thing

So, please tell me...what is the proper etiquette for announcing to you, the host, and to your other guests, that I DO have deformed feet or a foot odor problem, so I'll keep my shoes on, thank you, rather than just keep them on and appear rude and ill-mannered? Or are people with foot problems destined to appear rude and ill-mannered to those in your part of the country?

 

[tkyes]

If it were me, and I needed to keep my shoes on, I would speak to the hostess (not make an announcement to the other guests) and just say "would it be allright if I kept my shoes on?"

What if I for some reason needed to take my shoes off? I just had minor surgery on my foot and shoes aren't comfortable (any shoes). Would it be horrible of me to say "would it be ok if I removed me shoes?"

 

[Fishbone†]

So, please tell me...what is the proper etiquette for announcing to you, the host, and to your other guests, that I DO have deformed feet or a foot odor problem, so I'll keep my shoes on, thank you, rather than just keep them on and appear rude and ill-mannered? Or are people with foot problems destined to appear rude and ill-mannered to those in your part of the country?

Oh yes, we consider them like lepers, and start yelling "UNCLEAN, UNCLEAN!!"
Just kidding, I couldn't resist.

Actually, you would probably just say, "If it's okay, I'd prefer to keep them on." No one's going to ask for a valid reason, doctor's note or proof of problem. Although, I would never judge someone by their feet......... deformed or otherwise. People are more than what they look or "smell" like.... they're a heart and soul and worthy of my acceptance no matter what their feet are like (that is unless they don't take their shoes off.......... then they're heathens! ............ JUST KIDDING!!!!!!)

 

[MaryAnnDVC]

Originally posted by Fishbone†
Would you ask me to keep my shoes on if I took them off, or would that be rude?

I would never ask someone to keep them on...that would ALMOST be as rude as asking someone to take them off. Asking someone to take them off is putting someone in a PERSONAL position of feeling uncomfortable, whether for "foot problems"...deformed feet/foot odors...or being short and counting on some heel height, or whatever. (OFFERING to let them take them off if they wish is fine.) Keeping shoes on is a personal property issue to a host who doesn't want his/her stuff getting messy.

Fishbone, my question about announcing it was aimed toward Minnesota, which I quoted in my post, who expressed that there ARE acceptable reasons for leaving shoes on, but without those reasons, the person is rude and ill-mannered. It does not appear that Minnesota would find "If it's okay, I'd prefer to keep them on." an acceptable explanation, and therefore, would think the person was rude and ill-mannered. Delighted tho that that would be an appropriate response to you.

tkyes, no, it would not be "horrible"...don't think I ever said it was "horrible" in any situation to take your shoes off. Personally, if I had foot surgery, I would take a comfortable pair of slippers with me and put them on. I do that sometimes if I go to a wedding and wear heels that I'm not used to (since I'm a SAHM, and mostly used to athletic shoes of clogs...I keep them in the car, in case I feel so uncomfortable that I need to slip something more comfortable on; I wouldn't wear big fluffy "slipper-like" ones, but black, clog-look ones, so that I didn't appear to be puttering around people's events in my pajama-wear.).

As I responded to Fishbone, tkyes, I don't think those who think along the lines of Minnesota would accept "would it be allright if I kept my shoes on?" Sounds to me that he/she would answer "no", or say "yes" but then consider that person to be, AGAIN, rude and ill-mannered, as would the other guests from that part of the country as well.

 

[AirForceRocks]

To me, the whole thing boils down to maintaining a livable home. By that, I don't mean that I keep a dirty house or encourage everyone to make as big a mess as they possibly can, I just mean that I don't ever want people to concerned about spilling something or leaving a footprint. If they do, then I clean it up - no big deal. I would find it very odd if someone walked into my home and took their shoes off at the door. I wouldn't ask them to keep them on, but I would tell them that they didn't have to take them off. I would leave it up to them.

As to going to someone's home and having them ask me to take my shoes off at the door? Well, if it was a cultural thing, like a Japanese home for example, I wouldn't think twice about it. If it were just a matter of taking them off because the hostess doesn't want shoes on the floor or carpet, I would probably just leave. Speaking only for myself, I wouldn't be comfortable in a home where the hostess was more concerned about footprints on her carpet than her guests. That, TO ME, is not a livable home.

JMO.

 

[poohandwendy]

ITA, Brenda. As to the question of whether I would ask someone to keep their shoes on...I wouldn't (and I don't know anyone who would). My main concern is that my guests are comfortable, period. There is no requirement either way.

 

[tkyes]

As I responded to Fishbone, tkyes, I don't think those who think along the lines of Minnesota would accept "would it be allright if I kept my shoes on?" Sounds to me that he/she would answer "no", or say "yes" but then consider that person to be, AGAIN, rude and ill-mannered, as would the other guests from that part of the country as well.

I don't know MaryAnn, maybe Minnesota will respond to that. I don't think she is an unreasonable person though. And Fishbone and I could be the other guests from that part of the country, since we live in the same state as Minnesota does. If I was at a party that you were at and you had your shoes on (note, I'm not the hostess), sure I might think for a second that you were a bit ill-mannered, but I would also realize that you have your reasons and not give the issue another thought. As I would think you would if the tables were reversed.

As to going to someone's home and having them ask me to take my shoes off at the door? Well, if it was a cultural thing, like a Japanese home for example, I wouldn't think twice about it.

What would you do if you walked into a house where everyone had their shoes already off? In my house I wouldn't ask you, but out of respect to me I would hope that you would see that everyone in my home has their shoes already off. As I would in turn do if I arrived at your house and everyone had their shoes on.

If it were just a matter of taking them off because the hostess doesn't want shoes on the floor or carpet, I would probably just leave.

Really? That is unfortunate. I can't imagine leaving a party that I was invited to because I was asked to take my shoes off. Which I wouldn't be asked to take them off by the way, since I would automatically take them off because that is what we do here.

I consider my house very liveable. I don't consider shoes a necessity for living.


I never would have thought a discussion about shoes in the house would make it to 9 pages! LOL!

 

[Disney's Deluxe Princess]

I had to let the cable guy in yesterday. I'd be mortified if he took his shoes off in front of me. That just seems so strange.

For all those in Minnesota, what is the reasoning behind removing your shoes? I know it is a regional thing, but is it done because of dirt, or is it some holy ritual I'm not aware of? I've only heard of entire cultures (Japan) following this tradition. The only homes I know about here that require shoe removal are the ones concerned about thee white carpeting and new hardwood floors.

 

[AirForceRocks]

What would you do if you walked into a house where everyone had their shoes already off?

I still woudln't take them off, because with the exception of family and very close friends, I don't go barefoot in other people's homes. Especially in a social situtation where there are lots of people around, I just don't think it is appropriate, at least not for me.

Really? That is unfortunate. I can't imagine leaving a party that I was invited to because I was asked to take my shoes off.

That's you - I feel differently. I would not feel comfortable in a home where the hostess was more concerned about her carpet and floors than she was about the comfort of her guests. And if I walk in the door and don't take my shoes off, then that should be a cue to her that the custom isn't one I'm familiar with.

I consider my house very liveable. I don't consider shoes a necessity for living.

Of course shoes aren't a necessity for living - I don't believe I ever said such a silly thing. But when I say liveable, I mean a house that people are comfortable in, one where they don't have to be more concerned with leaving a footprint than they are about enjoying themselves and the company around them. Sorry, but that's how I see all of this "take your shoes off at the door" stuff. TO ME, it's a matter of the hostess being overly concerned with keeping the floors and carpets clean.

I don't worry about that kind of stuff. When people come to my home, I assume there are going to be spots, footprints, etc to clean up. If I'm not willing to do that, then I don't invite anyone over.

Again, JMO.